哈佛少女的快乐清单（2016）

神经病啊，拜托你，收回去
That is insane. Please, take him back.
但别让任何人吞了他
But don't let anyone eat him.
我说过了，不退费也不接受退货
I told you. No refunds or returns.
我不要退费
I don't want my money back.
好心点，今天是耶诞夜
Just have a heart, it's Christmas Eve.
噢…
Oh...
这是店里的规定
Store policy.
喂，你干什么？
Hey, hey, what are you doing?
自♥由♥吧！去交朋友！
Be free! Make friends!
要有自己人生
Have a life.
你不能这样，拿回去
You can't do that. Take him back.
我分不清是哪只了
I don't know which one is which.
我要打给店长
I'm calling my manager.
圣诞快乐，史宾塞
Merry Christmas, Spencer.
没事吧？
Is everything okay?
什么？
What?
我听见尖叫声
I heard screaming.
喔，没事啦，是电视
Oh, no! That was the television.
喔，好吧
Oh, okay.
你的室友又赶你出来了？
Has your roommate put you outside again?
是啊，但如果你不要我在这里
Yeah, but if you don't want me to,
我可以… - 喔，没关系
I could-- - Oh, no, that's fine.
你请便
You go ahead.
我会在这里…
I'll be here...
废话
obviously.
嘿
Hey, hey, hey.
你想不想去散步？
Do you want to go for a walk?
我是说，今晚是圣诞夜
I mean, it is Christmas Eve.
一般人不会想一个人过
Normal people don't like to spend it alone.
你怎么知道一般人做什么？
How would you know what normal people do?
别人告诉我的
That's just what I'm told.
你不必练习用一大块木头
Don't you have to practice blowing indeterminate sounds
吹出乱七八糟的声音吗？
out of a large piece of wood?
我可以稍做休息
I could do with a break.
所以，你一个人住？
So, do you live alone?
是啊
I do. - Lucky girl.
幸运的女孩
我的室友泰德是疯子
My roommate Ted is insane.
真的吗？ - 他几乎不吭声
Really? - He barely says a word.
一开口就总是谎言连篇
And when he does speak, it's invariably to lie.
其实也够神奇的
It's actually incredible.
我从没遇过像他那样的人
I've never met anyone like him.
你住那里多久了？
How long have you lived there?
有几个月了
A few months.
我在南泽西过着简陋的日子
I was roughing it, living in a basement
住在地下室好一阵子
down in South Jersey for a while,
等着找到工作就能搬到市区
just waiting till I got a job so I could move to the city.
我不想来这里和欠朋友钱
I didn't want to come here and be owing money to friends,
或是得和四个讨人厌的室友一起住
or having to live with four annoying roommates.
现在你只有一个讨人厌的室友？
You know? - Now you just have one annoying roommate?
以我的现况算是成功了
That's a victory from where I'm standing.
吹迪吉里杜管
And you actually have a job
真的是你的工作？
playing the didgeridoo?
不会有太多人玩这种乐器吧
There can't be too many of them going around.
嗯，我不只会吹奏迪吉里杜管
Well, I don't just play the didgeridoo.
喔，那你还会什么？
Oh, what else do you play?
就一些其它的乐器
Just some other instruments.
像是什么？
Like what?
你真的想知道？
You really want to know?
不然我就不会问了
Otherwise I wouldn't be asking.
好，这个嘛…
Okay, let's see...
竖笛、单簧管、小号♥、长号♥、低音号♥
Flute, clarinet, trumpet, trombone, tuba,
萨克斯风、吉他、钢琴、鼓、低音管
saxophone, guitar, piano, drums, bassoon,
木琴和三角铁
harmonica, and the triangle.
其实我的三角铁很强
I'm actually pretty killer on the triangle.
还有迪吉里杜管
And the didgeridoo.
那个我还在学就是了
I'm still learning that one, but yeah.
你在大学念音乐吗？
Did you study music in college?
是啊，柏克莱
Yeah, at Berklee.
你喜欢音乐吗？
Do you like music?
要是不喜欢，我就是个怪人了
I'd be a weird person if I didn't like music.
小时候我在外婆家
I used to listen to old records
爱听老唱片
at my grandmother's when I was a kid.
我年轻的时候其实很古怪
I was actually quite odd when I was younger, you know.
不可能吧
Impossible.
你最喜欢的音乐家是谁？
Who's your favorite musician?
现在是约翰柯川（爵士乐大♥师♥）
John Coltrane at the moment.
不错喔
Nice.
你听过他？
You heard of him?
他蛮有名的啊
He's kind of famous.
你会很惊讶有多少人没听过他
You'd be surprised by how many people have never said that.
知识算是我的强项
Knowledge is kind of my thing.
喔，是吗？
Oh, yeah?
所以，你在高中时期
So, were you one of those head-down
算是那种埋头苦读型的？
academic types in high school?
是啊，可以这么说
You could say that, yeah.
那我猜你参加了每个学校社团
And I'll bet you were in every after school society.
没有每一个
Not every one.
只有哈佛资优生代表会…
Just Harvard Model Congress,
优秀注释家、数学大赛…
Excellent Exegists, Mathletes, College Bowl.
大学益智赛…
哇，你真的有够宅的
Wow. You really were a nerd.
你自己玩音乐还敢说
Well, that's something coming from a band geek.
有道理
Touché.
你真正的工作是什么？
What's your actual job?
演奏啊…
I play, um...
我在纽约爱乐演奏单簧管
I play clarinet for the New York Philharmonic.
但我才刚开始 所以…没什么
But I mean, I just started, so it's-- it's nothing.
那太棒了
That's incredible.
你父母一定以你为荣
Your parents must be so proud of you.
你会以为他们是
You know, you'd have thought they would be,
但事实是，他们一点也不懂
but the truth is they really don't get it at all.
我爸要我做一些比较实际的事吧
my dad wanted me to do something more practical, I guess.
我每次试着对他解释
Ever since I tried to explain to him
音乐是我的人生
that music's my thing, he pretty much refuses
他都拒绝和我讨论
to engage in any discussion about it.
听来真惨
That's awful.
你怎么应付过来的？
How do you deal with that?
我不知道，好一段时间索性不管
I don't know. I didn't for a long time.
然后有一天，我想…
And then one day I just thought,
管他的
"Screw this," you know?
人生只有一次，我应该要快乐
I have one life and I'm allowed to be happy.
瞭吗？
You know?
而他总会回心转意的
He'll come around if he comes around.
是啊
Yeah.
我爸有了一个全新的家庭
My dad has a whole new family.
我讨厌让他失望的感觉
I just hate the feeling that I've disappointed him.
他让你失望了吗？
Has he disappointed you?
嗯
Mmm-hmm.
但那不表示你不爱他，对吧？
But that doesn't mean you don't love him, does it?
不，当然不
No, no, no, of course not.
所以，也许他也这样想？
So, maybe it's the same for him?
我是说，我相信他爱你
I mean, I'm sure he loves you.
有什么好不爱的？
What's not to love?
那么，嗯…
So, uh...
你呢？
what about you?
你做什么的？ - 喔，校对工作…
What do you do? - Oh, proofreader.
不过，是专业级的
Professional, though.
不是你听说的那种业余的
Not one of those amateurs you hear about.
喔，我相信，我相信
Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure.
我可不像你
I'm not like you.