哈佛少女的快乐清单（2016）

Hi.
哇…你实在，嗯…
You're just, uh...
你比我预期的漂亮多了
You're much more beautiful than I had expected.
是吗？
Am I?
是啊，我以为我只会找到…
Yeah, I thought I would only get
爱看八卦杂♥志♥的那种饥渴剩女
desperate ogresses applying to an ad in the "Village Rag,"
更别说喜欢文学的女人了
let alone a woman who's into literature.
你怎么知道我喜欢文学？
How did you know I'm into literature?
葛罗莉亚派屈…
Gloria Patch...
费兹杰罗（美作家）被低估的经典小说
from Fitzgerald's underrated masterpiece,
（美丽与毁灭）？
"The Beautiful and the Damned"?
好啦
Okay.
我超怪的，抱歉
I'm a massive geek, sorry.
喔，别抱歉，你怪不赢我的
Oh, don't be sorry. You won't beat me for geekdom.
那我可以接受挑战
I'll take that challenge.
尽管放马过来 - 好
You're on. - Okay.
我们点酒吧？
Should we order some drinks?
我喝水就好
I'll just stick to water. Not to be a spoilsport.
不是想破坏气氛
没关系，其实，我也不喝酒
No, actually, I don't drink either.
我从来不懂喝酒的意义何在
I never saw the point of it.
喔，对我来说，那是犯法的
Oh, well, in my case, it would be illegal.
真的吗？你几岁？
Really? How-- how old are you?
十九 哇
Nineteen. - Wow.
所以你还是学生？
So, you-- you're a student?
曾经是，我去年从哈佛毕业
Ex. I graduated Harvard last year.
不会吧，我念麻省理工学院
No way, I went to M.I.T.
真的吗？ - 数学系
Did you? - Mathematics.
等等，所以你毕业的时候
Hang on, so you must have been 18
应该只有18岁吧？
when you graduated?
真不愧是数学系，是吧？
That math degree came in handy, huh?
有门小学问叫做减法
Well, that was a little thing called subtraction.
你们决定好了吗？
Have you guys decided?
我要…墨西哥饼和水
I'll just-- a quesadilla with water.
我要健怡可乐和吉士烤卷饼
And I'll have a diet Coke and a cheese enchilada.
好极了，我收一下你们菜单
Great. I'll take your menus.
餐点马上来
Coming up.
健怡可乐？
A diet Coke?
对啊，我只是想保持体重，免得…
Yeah, I'm just trying to keep the weight off before the...
所以，我很惊讶
Yeah, so, I'm surprised
哈佛毕业的人会读征友广♥告♥
that someone from Harvard reads the personals.
不然我要怎么找男人？
How else should I find a man?
一边证明费马定理（几何光学定理）
Wait for our eyes to meet
一边等着我们四目相接？
while trying to solve Fermat's theorem?
费马定理在1994年已经被证明了
Well, Fermat's was already solved in 1994.
很好，1：0你领先
Well, one nil to you.
笨猪喔 - 屎脑
Asshat. - Shit for brains.
杜威，乔舒亚…
Woman: Dwayne, Joshua...
我曾经被称作呆子
I just used to get called dork.
我们还正好有个同学就姓呆
We actually had a kid whose last name was Dork.
但这倒伤不了他
But it didn't really hurt him, though.
他长得太帅了
He was way too good-looking.
幸好他的名不叫屌♥
Well, luckily, he didn't have a first name like Dick.
他的名就是屌♥
It was Dick, his first name.
你认识叫做呆屌♥的人？
Dick Dork was a person's name that you knew?
呆屌♥
Dick Dork. - Well, I'm gonna have to come to your apartment
那我得去你家看看你的毕业纪念册
and look at your yearbooks
确保你没骗我
to make sure you're not lying to me.
是吗？
Oh, yeah?
是啊
Yeah.
是只有我吗，还是你也觉得…
Was it just me or did you find
高中时代的人都很荒谬？
everyone in high school stultifying?
对，其实，如果你在他们面前
Yes, in fact if you used that word,
用「荒谬」这个词
"stultifying," in front of them,
他们会吼「SAT（英数检测）字汇！」
they would have shouted SAT word!
SAT字汇 - 对
SAT word! - Yes.
我还记得 - 是吗？
I remember that. - Yeah?
老师也很糟
And the teachers were lousy too.
其实…有两位老师会参加我的婚礼
Well, actually, two of them are coming to my wedding.
你在做什么？
What are you doing?
喔，没什么，我只是
Oh, nothing, I was just playing
在玩我的餐巾 - 不不不
with my napkin-- - No, no, no.
你来干嘛？我是说…
What are you doing here? I mean, what's with the ad?
那则广♥告♥是怎样？
喔，呃…
Oh, uh...
我和我的未婚妻
My fiancée and I got together
很年轻的时候就在一起了
when we were really young,
我爱她
and I love her.
真的，但是我…
I do, but I--
只是有时候我觉得少了什么
I just sometimes think something's missing,
而我不想做错决定
and I don't wanna do the wrong thing,
所以我…只是想弄清楚
so I'm just looking for clarity.
这样有道理吗？
Does that make any sense
还是我听起来很下流？
or do I just sound like a total dick?
这两点不见得需要单独存在
The two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive.
婚礼是何时？
When's the big day?
二月四日
February 4th.
噢，不好意思！
Oh, excuse me!
嘿！
Hey!
我呛到了！
I'm choking!
喔，我以为你不喝酒的
Oh, I thought you didn't drink.
而我以为你会是个变♥态♥
and I thought you'd be a creep.
那样有帮助吗？
Would that have helped?
说真的，有
Frankly, yes.
我本来是要来揭发你的
I came here with the intention of exposing you.
什么意思？
What do you mean?
我读了你的广♥告♥
I read your ad,
身为女性同胞
and as a member of the female gender
和世界各地正直人士的一份子
and people with integrity everywhere,
我很生气
it pissed me off.
所以，我想跟你约会
So, I thought I'd make a date with you,
问出你女友的事
find out about your girlfriend,
然后告诉她她将嫁给一个骗子
and then tell her she's about to marry a cheat.
我的天啊 - 你还想怎样？
Oh, my God. - What do you expect?
两个月后你要结婚了
You're getting married in two months,
你还透过分类广♥告♥和女生见面
you're trying to meet girls in classified ads.
我以为我会找到一个自恋的败类
That-- - I thought I'd find a narcissistic rat bag,
而不是帅气、迷人、聪明的…
not some handsome, charming, smart--
总之你必须对她坦诚
you need to be honest with her.
我知道，我知道，你说得对…
I know, I know. You're right and I--
只是在那之前
I just want to be clear about
我想弄清楚我的感觉
how I'm feeling before I do that.
你现在有比较清楚了吗？
Are you clearer now?
没有！
No.
那么，我很高兴能帮忙到
Well, I'm glad to have helped.
祝结婚典礼好运…
Good luck with the nuptials...
大概吧
I guess.
随你便
Or not.
其实你喜欢他，对不对？
You liked him, didn't you?
跟我喜不喜欢无关
Whether I did or not is irrelevant.
他订婚了，就这样
He's engaged. And that is that.
你一定要再约他
You should definitely see him again.
「订婚」这两个字，你是哪里不懂？
What is it about the word engaged that you don't get?
他又还没结婚 有什么问题？
He's not even married yet. What's the problem?
就算他结婚了，谁在乎啊？
Even if he were married, who cares?
我在乎啊！ 我很努力试着不从事
I care! I try very hard not to be engaged
会伤及自己或他人的活动
in activities that are harmful to myself or others.
好，你觉得不和你喜欢的人在一起
Okay, you don't think it's gonna hurt you
就不会伤害到自己吗？
to not get to hang out with someone you like?
你不觉得否定自己爱的机会
You don't think it hurts to deny yourself
会让你受伤吗？
the possibility of love?
这样吧，下次你见到麦特