哈佛少女的快乐清单（2016）

「哈佛少女的快乐清单」
我来给你一个惊喜
Here's a surprise.
猜猜谁不回来过感恩节？
Guess who's not coming to Thanksgiving?
你♥爸♥吗？
Your dad?
他超虚伪的，我最痛恨伪君子
He's such a hypocrite. I hate hypocrites.
很遗憾
I'm sorry.
这是给我的吗？
Is this for me?
我想或许这你比较用得上
I figured you'd have more use for it than I will.
也是…
Right. Thanks.
那就谢了
我跟你保证
I swear to God.
这人言而无信、不知其可
The man is incapable of keeping a promise.
他这次的理由是？
What was his reason?
你说呢？你们是麻吉啊
You tell me. He's your friend.
凯莉…他说他得待在伦敦
Carrie-- - He said he has to, um, stay in London.
怎么可能有人想待在那里？
Why would anyone choose to stay in London?
伦敦烂透了
London's awful.
你上次去伦敦是何时？
When's the last time you were in London?
我12岁的时候
When I was 12.
你妈生病的时候吗？
When your mom was sick?
少来这套
Don't do that.
哪套？
Do what?
你脑中在做联想
Make associations in your head.
我不喜欢伦敦，只是因为太冷
I don't like London because it is cold,
让人很压抑
it is repressed.
而且每个人看起来都像吸烟过度似的
And everyone looks like they've smoked too many cigarettes.
你这周有交新朋友吗？
Did you make any friends this week?
你我都很清楚
You and I both know
我之所以没什么朋友的原因
there's a perfectly good reason I don't have any friends.
那你这星期做了什么？
So, what did you do this week?
就一如往常
What I normally do.
阅读？大部分时间是
Reading? - Mostly.
那你读了几本书？
And how many books did you read?
17本
Seventeen.
你觉得一周读17本书
And does reading 17 books in one week
正常吗？
seem normal to you?
不，当然不正常
No, no, of course it's not normal.
我的意思是…
I mean, does skipping
念书三♥级♥跳算正常吗？
three grades of school seem normal?
14岁念哈佛大学算正常吗？
Does going to Harvard at the age of 14 seem normal?
我显然并不正常
I'm clearly not normal.
我想我们的问题共识就在这里…
I thought we'd established that was the problem.
凯莉，我要你帮我一个忙
Carrie, I want you to do something for me.
什么事？
What?
你和我要列一张清单
You and I are going to come up with
列出从现在到年底
a list of goals you're going to achieve
你要达成的目标
between now and the end of the year.
因此我要你为下次的咨♥询♥
So, for our next session, I want you to think about
想一些列在列表里的项目
some of the things you'd like to have on that list.
一些你这辈子做过且感到幸福的事
Things you've done in your life and enjoyed.
你希望我在清单上列哪些？
What kind of things do you expect me to put on this list?
例如，加入社团
For example, join a club.
我♥干♥嘛为了融入那些
Why should I force myself to go out and meet people
缺德、没伦理、低智商的人
who have lowered their moral, ethical, and intellectual standards
而逼自己出门认识那些
in order to fit in with other people
缺德、没伦理、低智商的人？
who have low moral, ethical, and intellectual standards?
你真的很难相处欸
You're such a contrarian.
我哪有
No, I'm not.
给你一些有用的忠告
A little helpful advice.
一、试着别那么武断
One, try to stop pontificating
别在他人面前秀你的极高智商
and rubbing your exceptionally high IQ in people's noses.
二、给人性一个机会
Two, give humanity a chance.
总有人会让你惊喜的
Someone might surprise you.
时间到了
Time's up.
凯莉，等等…
Carrie, wait.
你来得很晚…
You were quite late, so I don't mind
我不介意多谈几分钟
going a couple of minutes over.
我介意
I do.
其实我正在读傅柯的（知识考古学）
I'm actually in the middle of reading Foucault's "Archeology of Knowledge."
我超级推荐的
I highly recommend it, by the way.
还有，要是你跟我爸说到话…
And, if you speak to my dad,
麻烦转告他
please give him the message
我不接受他的理由或道歉
that I don't accept his excuses or his apologies
对一位负责任的家长来说
and that hiring me a therapist
找心理医师给我
is no more a satisfactory replacement
和把太年幼的我送去上大学相比
for an actual parent, than sending me off to college
都一样不妥当
at an inappropriately young age.
抱歉我有点…
Sorry for being, um--
我完全能理解
I completely understand.
感恩节快乐
Happy Thanksgiving.
你也快乐
You too.
嘿，凯莉，你好吗？
Hey, Carrie. What's up?
嗨，朗诺
Hi, Ronald.
需要菜单吗？
Do you need a menu? - Oh, sure.
喔，当然好
现在还有人买♥♥DVD啊
Someone still buys DVDs, huh?
是啊，而且你知道吗？
Someone still does, yeah. And you know what?
这样我永远不必边看电影
I have never had to wait
边等它下载完成了
for the movie to load halfway through the film.
我要点汤
I'll have the soup.
好的，没问题
Yeah, sure.
你好 - 嗨
Hi, there. - Hi.
听着，在你展开行动之前…
Look, before you launch into your moves or whatever,
我只是要你明白
I just want you to know
我不太正常…
that I'm not really in the right frame of mind
无法和完全陌生的人调情聊天
to make flirty chitchat with a total stranger.
即使，我承认，你蛮可爱的
Even though, admittedly, you're quite a cute one.
但我已被我爸弄得很失望
But I've just-- dealing with being let down
还不只一次
by my dad-- not for the first time.
而且我才跟心理医师谈得很不愉快
And I've just had a really tough session with my therapist.
嗯… - 不好意思
Um-- - I'm sorry.
我只是想借用这张椅子…
I just wanted to know if I can borrow this chair.
喔…当然...可以…
Oh, definitely.Yes.
拿去，尽管拿！
Take it. Knock yourself out!
随你便…椅子
Not with the... chair.
要我打包吗？
Do you want me to pack this to go?
对，麻烦了
Yes! Please, yes.
那什么鬼啊？
What the hell is that?
喂！输米恩！
Yo! World music guy!
你好！
Hey! - Can you go
你可以去别的地方…
and hold your one-man
举办你的原住民单人音乐祭吗？
aborigine festival thing somewhere else?
例如，澳洲之类的？
Like Australia?
好吧
Sure.
嗨，爸
Hi, Dad.
亲爱的，你好吗？
Dad: Hello, darling, how are you?
收到你的讯息了
Got your message.
你不来过感恩节了
You're not coming for Thanksgiving.
还真意外
Shocker.
真抱歉，亲爱的
Dad: So sorry, darling.
我真的以为能搞定
I really thought I could swing it,
但我就是走不开
but I just can't get away.
反正那是美国人在过的
It's such an American thing anyways.
但我保证会去过圣诞节
I promise I'll be there for Christmas.
要是你能提早通知就好了
Well, it would have been nice to have a bit more notice.
听我说，我有个好消息
But listen, I do have good news.
我在朋友的律师事务所
I've found you a job at the law firm
帮你安排了一份工作
of a friend of mine.
这算哪门子的好消息？
In what world is that good news?
超烂的消息好吗
If anything, that is very, very bad news.
但对你有好处的
But it'll be good for you.
我还是超前同辈四年