拯救地球（2025）

不过 到目前为止 没有证据
though, as of yet, there is no evidence
表明可能是这种情况
to suggest this might be the case.
当局唯一的线索
The only clue authorities...
嘿 老表 她吃了吗
Hey, cuz. Did she eat?
没有
No.
便盆呢
Bedpan?
没有
No.
也许她太害怕了不敢去
Maybe she's too scared to go?
不 她不是太害怕不敢去
No, she's not too scared to go.
她在试图博取我们的同情
It's trying to pity-trap our asses.
这是个策略
It's a ploy.
我们不会让她博取同情的 对吧
We're not gonna let it pity-trap us, are we?
不
No.
就待在那儿
Just stay over there.
好的 泰迪
Okay, Teddy.
米歇尔 呃 我是来自外太空的外星人
MICHELLE Um, I am an alien from outer space.
我住在地球上 但我不是人类
I live here on planet Earth, but I am not a human being.
我的母舰正在来地球的路上
My mother ship is coming to Earth,
我想带我的新朋友一起去
and I would like to bring my new friend with me.
谢谢
Thanks.
嗯哼
Uh-huh.
所以
So...
这是个玩笑吗
this is a joke, then?
你在试图模拟智慧生物的幽默 还是
You're trying to simulate sapient humor, or...
那是我能做到最好的了
That was the best I could do.
这是你能做到最好的
This is the best you could do?
你甚至没用你自己的语言说
You didn't even say it in your own language.
抱歉 那是我能做到最好的了
Sorry, that was the best I could do.
不 不是
No, it isn't.
那你想让我说什么
What would you like me to say, then?
呃 我已经说过了
Well, I already did that.
呃 我想让你请求觐见
Um, I would like you to request an audience
你们的皇帝 讨论你们物种
with your emperor to discuss the terms
从地球撤出的条款
of your species' withdrawal from Earth.
我做了啊
And I did that.
但要令人信服
But convincingly.
呃 那会很难
Well, that's gonna be difficult.
为什么
Why?
冒着重复自己的风险 我不是外星人
At the risk of repeating myself, I'm not an alien.
泰迪
Teddy?
什么
What?
我想了一整晚我们的处境
I thought all night about our situation here,
我想我知道是怎么回事了
and I think I know what's going on.
行啊 那你♥他♥妈♥倒是给我讲讲
Okay. Yeah, please, enlighten me.
所以 听着 我觉得我有资格这么说
So, look, I feel qualified here
因为我是学化学出身的 但我也有
because I am a chemist by training, but I also have
心理学学位 哦
a psych degree. Oh.
好的 哇 太棒了
Okay. Wow. Great.
大学学位吗
A degree from a university?
来自一个洗白特权的文凭主义骗局
From a credentialist scam for laundering privilege?
真了不起
Amazing.
嗯 是的 我确实有学位
Well, yeah, I do have a degree.
而且我也读了很多这方面的书
And I also have read a lot about this.
你不能再靠说话脱身了
You can't talk your way out of this again.
我不再是小孩子了
I'm not a kid anymore.
我认为你处于一种回音室效应中
I think you're in a kind of echo chamber.
回音室 就现在 嗯哼
Echo chamber? Right now? Mm-hmm.
回音
Echo?
是的 我也读了五千篇关于这个的同样文章
Yeah, I read the same 5,000 think pieces about that, too.
你在互联网上消费的内容
You're consuming content on the Internet
正在强化这种扭曲的
that is reinforcing this sort of warped,
主观的现实观
subjective idea of reality.
这就是你攻击我的最佳说法
This is your best shot at me?
一些你在纽♥约♥时♥报♥上读到的兔子洞 bullshit
Some "rabbit holes" bullshit you read in The Times?
得了吧 得了吧
Come on. Come on.
我们能对话一下吗 拜托
Can we have a dialogue, please?
别称之为对话
Don't call it a dialogue.
这不是推销员之死
This isn't Death of a Salesman.
好的 我们能谈谈吗 拜托
Okay, can we talk, please?
还是你 你还要继续这样
Or are-are you just gonna keep doing this?
我们不需要谈 是的 好的
We don't need to talk. Yes, okay.
你接下来那套说辞我都能背出来了
Because I know exactly what you're going to say.
你要说我处于某种
You're going to say that I'm in some kind of
互联网诱导的自我催眠反馈循环中
Internet-induced autohypnotic feedback loop,
还有 还有守门人 还有 还有规范
and-and gatekeepers, and-and norms,
以及所有那些软弱的霸权主义胡扯
and all that weak hegemonic horseshit.
就这种软蛋言论最他妈误事
But that is precisely the limp-dick rhetoric
你被指示用来
that you've been instructed
对抗人类起义的
to counter the human insurgency with.
那就是他妈的高度常态化的辩证法
That's the fucking hyper-normalized dialectic
通过它你说服了七十五亿人
by which you've convinced seven and a half billion people
他们不是你的俘虏
that they're not your captives.
让我们继续相信这些他妈虚假的制度化的
To keep us believing in these fucking false institutional,
他妈什么狗屁“行内黑话”
fucking "shy-boleths."
你是想说“行话暗语”吧
You mean shibboleths.
我就是这么说的
That's what I said.
你说 是的 随便吧
You said... Yeah, whatever.
抱歉
Sorry.
我猜语法也是仙女座人的虚假建构
I guess grammar is a false Andromedan construct as well.
嗯
Hmm?
他妈
Fucking...
对不起
I'm sorry.
你很愤怒
You're angry.
我看得出来
I see that.
我 我甚至认为你有权愤怒
I-I even think you have a right to be angry.
你有 是的
You do? Yes.
但我们需要进行一次诚实的谈话
But we need to have an honest talk
本着诚意讨论这里发生的事情
in good faith about what is going on here.
是的 你说得对 让我们 让我们 让我们谈清楚
Yes, you're right. Let's-let's-let's talk it out.
让我们创造一个安全空间
Let's create a safe space,
安全词 诚意 对话
safe words, good faith, dialogue.
我们需要谈这个 我们需要谈那个
We need to talk about this, we need to talk about that,
以及当我们谈论
and what we talk about when we talk about
他妈的说 说 说 说
fucking talk, talk, talk, talk,
说 说 说 说 永远说下去
talk, talk, talk, talk, talking forever
直到我们都他妈死掉
until we're all fucking dead.
是的 我同意
Yeah, I agree.
那么 你究竟想要什么
So, what is this exactly that you want?
就像 你到底想要什么
Like, what do you really want?
是钱吗
Is it money?
你们的资本对我们没有价值
Your capital has no value to us.
那么 那是什么 权力问题吗
So, what is it then, a power thing?
性方面的问题
A sex thing?
我们对你在性方面没有兴趣
We have no interest in you sexually.
不论你的生殖器官
Irrespective of the fact that your reproductive organs
可能与我们的不兼容
may not be compatible with ours,
我和我的表弟也已被化学阉♥割♥
my cousin and I have also been chemically castrated.
哦 老天爷 好的
Oh, Jesus Christ. Okay.
但我猜你可能会那样引诱我们
But I figured you might try to lure us in that way,
因此采取了预防措施 看到了吗 唐
hence the precaution. See, Don?
唐
Don.
泰迪
Teddy.
来吧
Come on.
我们这里有选择
We have options here.
不 我们有
No. We do.
没有选择
There are no options.
没有规则
There are no rules.
没有交易
There are no deals.
没有回报
There's no payoff.
没有钱
There's no money.