只想爱你（2023）

Y'all spend so much time trying to trick each other.
你们时间这么多，快讲答案
Y'all got so much time on your hands.
Just say the word.
《仲夏夜之梦》
It's on the extreme.
《见色忘友》
Grumpy old man.
Hi.
嗨
嗨
Hi.
Okay, okay, yeah, okay.
好，对
你？
渣男
Fuck boy.
老猫女
Old cat woman.
你的自尊
Your ego.
《无事生非》
《末代武士》
Okay.
这是什么？
不能用道具
What is this?
谁在乎啊？没人看到
作弊男
Wait, no props.
No one cares, no one can see us.
Cheaters are shocking.
背着未婚夫乱来的女人
Says the woman who cheated on her fiance.
我们当时分开了，混♥蛋♥
We were on a break, asshole.
要就彻底分手，不然就是劈腿
You're either broken up for good, or you're cheating.
总之有人在骗人
Either way, someone's lying to someone.
我一定是惹毛你了
I must have really gotten under your skin.
罗杰，这是什么？
斗嘴、吵架
Roger, what is this?
Fat, five.
我手里拿着什么？
What is the thing I'm holding in my hand?
烟火
凯蒂佩芮的《烟火》
Fireworks.
Fireworks by Katy Perry.
Hey.
这样不公平
妳才不公平
That is not fair.
Hey, what, you're not fair.
拿来
妳是怎样？住手
What's wrong with you?
Just stop.
你在干嘛？够了
What are you doing?
What is wrong with you?
天啊
Stop.
Oh God.
天啊
靠，搞什么…
Oh God.
Sam, what the?
Oh my God.
荷莉
Ali.
让开
Get back.
爸
罗杰
Sam.
Roger.
我来处理
I've got this.
这么做真的太杀了
That's some gangster shit right there.
抱歉
抱歉
Sorry.
Sorry.
他们会毁掉婚礼
They're going to ruin our wedding.
最重要的是我们都在一起
All that matters is that we're together.
说得好
It's true.
宝贝，我爱死妳了
Look baby, I love you to the moon and back,
但那两个蠢蛋会毁了我们的周末
but those two fuckwads are going to destroy our weekend,
我们会永生难忘的珍贵回忆
and our memories, which we are going to have
for a very long time, are headed straight over a cliff.
已经逼近悬崖了
不会啦，我们只要
在祭坛上宣誓爱意就好
It's going to be fine baby, we just have to.
to stand there and profess our love.
他们好像是在共度一晚后
就成了仇人
It seems to me, their animus only surfaced
after they spent a night together.
是这样吗？
通常都是，老公
Am I accurate?
That's usually how it goes, honey.
我们总是把感受塞到内心深处
We crumple our feelings into a ball
and shove 'em deep down so we can enjoy a bit of frisk.
才能享受一点欢愉
那就好解决了
The solution appears to be simple then.
让他们回到那个亲密的夜晚
We return them to the night they were spent.
你是说骗他们，让他们爱上对方？
Like we trick them into falling in love with each other?
我们可没有说“爱”，女儿
He didn't say anything about love, honey.
只要让他们激♥情♥一回就好
We just need to get them to jump each other's bones.
“精心饵诱，鱼儿上钩”
爽啦，过来
Yeah, come on!
这一球厉害吧？我打得真好
That was good, right?
That was good.
不要，你去，你去啦
你去
你去
You go, you go, you go, you go, you go.
她显然看上班了
She clearly has eyes for men.
谁啊，爸？
Who does, father?
荷莉那个丰满、眼神悲哀的待嫁老妹
Hallie Spence, the sister.
The plump-chested one with the sad eyes.
你不能说这种话，靠
You can't say that.
对，刚才那样很失礼
What the hell?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, that was rude.
我向任何听到的人道歉
I apologize to anyone that was listening,
那也只有你，彼特，因为只有你在听
which can only be you, Pete,
'cause you're the only person that was listening.
很抱歉
我接受，我们聊别的吧
I apologize.
I accept your apology and will now move on.
你知道小碧从认识班那晚
就爱上他了吗？
Do you know Bea's been in love with Ben
since the first night they met?
她怎么不告诉他？
Well, why didn't she tell him?
我年轻时遇到喜欢的女孩
You know, when I was a young bloke and I liked a girl,
都会溜到她身后，剪下她一小撮头发
I would sneak up behind her and I'd cut a lock of her hair
然后拍她的屁♥股♥
and then I'd smack her on the bum!
搞屁啊？
我不擅长这种事，抱歉
What the hell?
I don't know, I'm not good at this, sorry.
小碧只是太怕告诉他了
Bea was just too scared to tell him,
但我跟她谈过
她很后悔那天早上不告而别
but I've talked to her and she says she regrets
walking out that morning.
多说一点
干嘛叫我说？
Tell me more, son.
因为你很擅长嘛，你行的
Why me?
Because you're really good at it, right?
干嘛把帽子戴在我头上？
这是广播剧，混♥蛋♥
You can do it.
Why me, why?
Why you put this hat on me?
No one can see me, it's a radio play, motherfucker.
小碧要我们转达她的心意
Bea wants us to tell him how much she likes him,
让他卸下心防去找她
so he lets his guard down and goes to her.
爱神有时用箭，有时需要陷阱
Some Cupid's killed with arrows and some with traps.
说得好，我喜欢
我乱编的
That was good, I like that, that's good.
他必须去找她
脱掉裤子说：“来找爸爸”
I just made it up.
So, he needs to go to her, drop his drawers,
and say, "Come to Papa."
你在干嘛？
What are you doing?
我是不同时代的人
I'm from a different generation.
你的时代超烂，毁了我们的世界
And your generation sucks.
You fucked up the whole world for us.
我惭愧死了
And I'm full of shame.
但总而言之，小碧喜欢班
But the bottom line, Bea likes Ben.
但班很懊悔他说她是瞎妹
But Ben feels awful that he called her a disaster.
他说都怪他脆弱的男性自尊
I mean, he said it was his fragile male ego.
那他干嘛跟她吵架？
Then why is he fighting with her?
因为他喜欢她
Well, because he likes her.
我知道小碧喜欢班
And I know that Bea likes Ben.
她只是在骗自己
因为她觉得自己不会再爱人了
She's just denying herself because she's got in her head
somehow that she'll never love again.
等等，我可没说爱，我说的是屌♥
Whoa, I'm not talking about love, baby.
I'm talking about dick.
是班
Oh, it's Ben.
Oh.
嘿…
Hey.
妳
You.
天啊，他们也找上你了
Oh God, they got to you too?
什么？
What?
你“不小心”听到
荷莉和克劳蒂亚说我喜欢你吗？
Did you just overhear Holly and Claudia
say how much I like you?
没有
真的吗？
No.
是彼特和罗杰
Really?
It was Pete and Roger.
好棒棒，团队合作耶
Fantastic, it's a team effort.
他们想撮合我们