37岁（2019）

我是佩恩先生
I am Mr. Payne.
欢迎来到…
Welcome to...
性教育
Sex Ed!
安静
Quiet!
今天我们要讨论的是生殖腺
Today we're discussing the reproductive gland.
有谁想上来辨认一下
Anyone want to come up and identify
女性的身体结构吗?
parts of the female anatomy?
杰克逊先生吗？ 谢谢你
Mr. Jackson? Thank you.
好啊 我能“起来”
Sure. I can come up there.
你觉得你很有趣 杰克逊先生
You think you're very funny, Mr. Jackson.
你能辨认出阴♥唇♥的内部吗?
Can you please identify the interior labia commissures?
不用了 佩恩先生
No need, Mr., Payne.
我会告诉你你需要知道的一切
I'm gonna show you everything you need to know.
这是星期一到星期五做的
This is for Mondays through Fridays.
这是周末 假期还有
This is for weekends, holidays,
特别的场合做的 耶
and special occasions, yeah.
说得就像一个从未真正满足过爱人的人
Spoken like someone who never truly satisfied a lover.
- 噢 - 确实是
- Ooh. - That's true.
派先生？
Mr. Pi?
哦 这很好
Oh, this'll be good.
哦
Ooh.
你差得更远了
You're not even close.
你从后面是找不到
You can't locate the interior labial commissure
阴♥唇♥内部的
from the backside.
实际上 这是找到阴♥唇♥内部
Actually, it's the best way to identify
最好的办法了
the interior labial commissure.
事实上 你可以通过这个姿势舒适而有效地
In fact, you can identify most of the female anatomy
体验女性的大部分构造
comfortably and effectively from this position.
从我的经验来看 最好是
It's been my experience the best place to start
从大阴♥唇♥开始
is with the labia majora,
然后转向小阴♥唇♥
drifting attention towards the labia minora.
不好意思 我们当中有些人想要真得
Excuse me, some of us are actually trying
能学到一些东西
to learn something here.
闭嘴 小公主 我们正学着呢
Shut it, princess. We are learning.
没错 亚当 不要停 好吗？
Yeah, Adam, don't stop, okay?
讲下去 讲 讲 讲
Just keep going, going, going, going.
派先生 那…
Mr. Pi, but...
你能给我们讲讲男性解剖学知识吗？
what can you tell us about the male anatomy?
哎呦 没有人比他自己碰他香肠的次数多了
Tons. Nobody's touched his wiener more than he has.
噢
Oh.
只要知识到位 快乐可以两头进行 佩恩先生
Pleasure is a two-way street and knowledge is key, Mr. Payne.
我可以给你演示如何经直肠
I can show you how to access the seminal vesicles
而不扰乱输精管地进入精囊
via the rectum without upsetting the vas deferens.
哦 你这个厚脸皮的猴子
Oh, you cheeky monkey.
我不得不说 我印象太深刻了
I have to say, I am impressed.
嗯 我说 我可以哪天私下里给你授课
Well, I mean, I could give you some private lessons sometime.
也许我会接受你的邀请
Maybe I'll take you up on that.
可以啊 完全可以
Yeah, totally.
好 回头见?
Okay, well, I'll see you later?
你在干什么？ 这是机会啊
Uh, what are you doing? It's your chance.
不 现在不是时候
No, it's not the right time.
- 还不是时候 - 噢 娘炮
- It's not the right time. - Oh. Pussy.
嘿 达茜 等等
Hey, Darcie, wait up!
- 嘿 怎么了？ - 嘿
- Hey, what's up? - Hey.
我想知道你是否想找个时间一起出去？
I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go out sometime?
就像朋友那样？
Like, just as friends?
好啊 好 我很乐意
Yeah. Yeah, I would like that.
一会儿见
I'll see you later.
“就像朋友那样”？ 真是够了
"Just as friends"? Come on.
让我们记住这个关键点
Let's remember the important part of the conversation.
我和达茜·威廉姆斯有个约会
I have a date with Darcie Williams.
噢 我的天
Oh, my God.
你知道我刚刚在想什么吗？
Do you know what I've been thinking about?
我高中毕业后要做什么
What I'm gonna do after high school.
我要去上大学吗？ 我不知道
Am I gonna go to college? I don't know.
我要去欧洲待两年并
Am I gonna go to Europe for two years
最终找到自我吗？
and finally find myself?
你也知道我们只有一个月的时间 对吧？
You know we're only doing this for a month, right?
说真的 你不觉得这是我们思考有关“你长大后想成什么样的人?”
Seriously, don't you feel like this is our second shot
这个问题的第二次机会吗
at, "What do you want to be when you grow up"?
你想成为什么样的人?
What do you want to be?
我很确定 和杰西卡一起上高中
I'm pretty sure that having Jessica in high school
一早就决定了我的人生道路
dictated my path, like, a long time ago.
不 并不是 好吗？
No, it didn't, okay?
这是第二次机会
This is a second chance.
你今晚要不要跟派出去?
Are you or are you not going out with Pi tonight?
天啊 我都好久没约会了
Oh, my God, I haven't been on a date in ages.
我甚至不知道这是什么
I'm not even sure what this is.
噢 天啊 闭嘴
Oh, my God, shut up.
给我闭嘴
Shut the hell up.
你还有你那怀孕后的松弛阴♥道♥需要这个 好吗？
You and your post-pregancy huge vagina need this, okay?
把握机会
Take this opportunity.
好吧 我完全是在瞎说
Okay, I was full lying.
你知道吗？ 如果你做足够的凯格尔健肌法
Do you know if you do enough kegels,
你的阴♥道♥完全可以自己玩自己 手都不用
your vagina can literally play with itself, hands-free,
就像阴♥道♥里有个蓝牙
like a Bluetooth for your vagina?
自打我到这儿之后我真的就一直在
I've literally been touching myself
不用手自摸
hands free since I got here.
不 我现在要高♥潮♥了
Oh, no, I'm gonna orgasm right now,
两秒后 哦 我的天
in like two seconds. Oh, my God.
这对你来说很尴尬 但对我来说感觉很好
This is so awkward for you but it's so good for me.
噢 我的天 看看我
Oh, my God, watch me.
天啊 小心我的裤子 他们会湿透的
Oh, my God, watch my pants. They're gonna get so wet.
- 噢 不 - 白天也喝酒
- Oh, no. - Day drinking.
-不 不 - 真棒
- No. No. - Perfect.
所以可以肯定你喝多了所以
So it's safe to assume you're too drunk
没办法带我去足球选拔赛了?
to take me to soccer tryouts?
我已经喝了半杯酒了
I've had half a glass of wine.
- 你真可悲 - 天啊 我要晕过去了
- You are so pathetic. - My God, I'm gonna pass out.
噢 我的天 我在想你和亚当
Oh, my God, I'm thinking about you and Adam.
噢不 噢不 派
Oh, no. Oh, no. Pi!
噢天呐
Oh, my God.
不管怎样 特伦特会带我去
Whatever. Trent's taking me anyways.
我不知道她说的什么
I don't know what she said.
但我需要再买♥♥一条运动裤了
But I'm gonna need an extra pair of sweatpants.
不 它会做所有这些 但是 我的意思是 基本上
No, it'll do all of that, but, I mean, basically,
它和你所知的一切都相近 但是它也…
it's similar to what you know, but it's also--
嘿 呆子
Hey nerds!
- 你在做什么？ - -亚当有了一个能给
- What are you doing? - Adam has a new prototype
智能手♥机♥带来革命的新的原型机
that will revolutionize the smartphone.
我们要测试一些游戏应用
We're gonna test out a few of the game apps.
我们可以看看吗？
Can we see it?
不 不 这只是个原型
No, no, it's a prototype.
我是说 这些人必须在
I mean, these guys had to sign
保密协议上签字才能看
non-disclosure agreements to see it.
我可以看看吗？
Can I see it?
别误会 我喜欢格雷格
Don't get me wrong, I love Greg,
从我四岁起他就是我最好的朋友
and he's been my best friend since I was four years old,
但是那个家伙的大屁♥股♥太显眼了
but that giant stick up his ass is so obvious,
导致他经常被误认为是一个软蛋
he's often mistaken for a fudge-icle.
嘿 白♥痴♥ 把手♥机♥给我
Hey, dickhead. Give me the phone.
你不能 如果有人看到了呢
Y-you can't. What if somebody sees it?
别那么娘娘腔 屙裤货
Don't be such a pussy, Shits-his-pantsky.
好的 屙裤货 呵
Yeah, Shits-his-pantsky, heh.
说真的 如果这个被泄露了…
Seriously, if this gets leaked--
说真的 别担心 伙计们 试试吧
Seriously, don't worry about it. Guys, give it a try.
哇哦 哦 蕾丝边
Whoo-hoo. Lesbians.
好吧 我懂什么 我只是个屙裤货
All right, what do I know? I'm just Shits-his-pantsky.
玩三劈
Play threesomes.
噢
Oh.