衰女翻身（2017）

The Mick S01E16

Part 1 July 22, 2020, 12:47 p.m.

《衰女翻身》第一季第十六集
怎么了没事吧
What is happening? Is everything okay?
当然有事了
No, it's not okay!
一只吓人的狼蛛差点把本少爷的胳膊咬掉啊
A frickin' tarantula almost bit my frickin' arm off!
米琪小姨快处理下我怕怕
Aunt Mickey, do something! I'm scared!
在哪儿啊
Where?!
-在那里 -就在那里啊
- Right there! - Right frickin' there!
你是不是瞎啊
Are you blind?!
你说这个小东西吗
Are you talking about that?
一只超小的小蜘蛛
The itsy bitsy spider?
俩怂货
Ladies.
行我捏死就完了
All right, fine, I'll squish it.
不行不能杀生
No! Don't hurt it!
无语了
My God.
你们不至于吧
Are you serious?
你这是有轻生的念头啊
You're frickin' suicidal, man.
作为家长见到刚才这一幕我很心痛
Guys, that was tough for me to watch as a parent.
-你不是我们的家长 -幸亏不是
- You're not our parent. - Good.
不然我这老脸都没地方搁了
'Cause if I was, I'd be incredibly ashamed.
你俩弱爆了
You are so soft.
来杯咖啡
Coffee.
自己去弄咖啡
Get your own coffee.
-杯 -没有杯了
- Mug. - There are no mugs.
杯子都堆在水槽里我看着心烦
They piled up in the sink. I found it irritating.
就都扔了
Tossed 'em.
早
Morning.
早
Morning.
你今天有什么事啊吉米
What are you doing today, Jimmy?
忙着呢我打算去机场
Boy. I was gonna go down to the airport
看飞机降落
and watch the planes land.
真是要事啊
Sounds pressing.
不如别去了
Instead of that though,
你带这俩孩子当一天「纯爷们」吧
why don't you take these two out for a guys' day?
啥为什么啊
What? Why?
因为很显然我不适合当「爹」啊
'Cause, clearly, I'm failing you as a father.
你俩都学着当「纯爷们」
You two need to learn to act like men.
你家「纯爷们」这幅德行啊
This is your idea of a man?
这货就是个「乡野村夫」
The guy's an animal.
帅哥都死了这个凑合用吧
Well, he's the closest thing we've got.
也许你们能相互弥补一下
Maybe you'll all neutralize each other
回来以后都能有个人样
and come back decent human beings.
放心吧
No problem.
我会把他们打造成「纯爷们」
I'll make men out of 'em.
不用你打造他们
Well, you don't need to make men out of 'em.
就带他们去看场球赛什么吧
Just take 'em to a ball game or something...
做些男人做的事
you know, guy stuff.
好
Okay.
交给我吧
I'll do it.
我好无聊
I'm bored.
我们找点乐子吧
Let's do something.
我从来没试过「迷幻蘑菇」
Well, I've never tried mushrooms.
一大早上就嗑药有点过吧
Seems kind of extreme for-for mid-morning.
那还能干啥啊
Well, what else?
没想好就过一天「姐妹」狂欢日呗
I don't know. Let's do, like, a girls' day or something.
男人们都出去玩儿了
You know, the guys are out doing their thing.
继续说
I am listening.
不如我们就按套路出一次牌吧
Why don't we just be predictable for once?
去市中心吃个早午餐
Let's head into the city, grab some brunch,
做个淑女美美甲
like ladies do, get some mani-pedis.
我们该去城里的亚美尼亚人区
We should go to the Armenian part of town
去水烟吧爽一爽
and hit up the hookah bars.
感觉有点跑偏
Seems a little off theme,
-但行去就去呗 -好说定了
- but, sure, yeah, why not? - Yeah. Oaky.
「小美女」你今天有事吗
Girl! What do you got going on today?
别回答我有好主意
Don't answer that. Listen to this.
市里早午餐美甲水烟去不去
City, brunch, manis, pedis, hookah. In or out?
-不去 -啥是因为水烟吗
- Out. - What? Was it the hookah?
都不喜欢但原因是我要去看医生
It was everything. But I have a doctor's appointment.
你不舒服吗
You're not feeling well?
只是去咨♥询♥啦
It's more of a consultation.
我要隆胸了
I'm getting breast implants.
啥为啥啊
What?! Why?!
确实很平但为什么要隆啊
I mean, I know why. But why?
因为我想呗
Because I want to.
你不是女权主义者吗
I thought you were a feminist.
女权主义者也可以很性感啊
You can be a feminist and also be sexy.
你真行好吧
My God. Okay.
我能理解你年幼无知真的
I can appreciate that you're young and stupid. I really can.
但让我来给你上上课
But let me take you to school for a second.
「性感」是找到你最嫌弃自己的部分
Sexy is finding the thing that you hate most about yourself
然后大胆展示给别人看
and then shoving it into somebody else's face
-直到别人认为你能接纳自己的不足 -就是
- until they think that you're okay with it. - Yeah.
-比如阿德里安·布劳迪的鼻子 -对
- Like Adrien Brody's nose. - Yeah.
奥斯卡影帝
我不要阿德里安·布劳迪的鼻子换胸啊
I don't want Adrien Brody's nose for boobs.
好吧
Yeah, okay.
我还嫌弃我的膝盖呢但生活哪能事事如人意
Well, I don't want my knees, but that's life.
-你膝盖怎么了 -我膝盖丑爆了
- What's wrong with your knees? - My knees are disgusting.
你玻璃心的地方有点偏啊
That's a weird insecurity.
不准再提我膝盖了
Stop talking about my knees! Okay?
重点不是我的膝盖
It's not about my knees, okay?
不准你隆胸
You're not getting a boob job.
你妈不在家我不会签字手术的
Your mom's not here, and I'm not signing off on it.
这是我妈为我预订的
My mom bought them for me.
「隆胸」是我十八岁的生日礼物
They're my 18th birthday present.
但你才十七啊
Well, you're 17.
我马上就要十八了
I'm gonna hit the ground running.
好吧那我跟你一起去
Fine. Then I'm coming with you.
至少我到时候还能劝劝你
There's gonna be at least one voice of reason in that room.
等下早午餐不去了吗
Wait, what about brunch?
抱歉艾尔巴
I'm sorry, Alba,
因为塞布丽娜很傻很天真的决定早午餐去不成了
brunch is canceled on account of Sabrina's stupidity.
不是吧
Come...
他没事吧
Is he okay?
他「幸福到爆点」了你看不出来吗
Yeah, he's on top of the world. Can't you tell?
我对「粉丝群体」真是无力吐槽
I don't get this whole fandom thing.
一群中年懒鬼大叔
A bunch of middle-aged slobs
穿着小年轻的衣服装嫩
dressed up like some kid half their age,
摆出还没被后浪拍在沙滩上的样子太逊了
like they're a part of something. It's pathetic.
棒小子们
Yeah, boys.
我就知道今天会染上病菌
I'm gonna get sick today. I know it.
好了我成功搞到两张靠近得分区的票
All right, I was able to scalp two tickets together near the end zone.
我带着小本跟骨灰级粉丝们待在一起
Ben and I will be there with the diehards.
而你坐在339区 QQ号♥位置
And you are in section 339, row double-Q.
你最好涂点防晒霜
Might want to wear some sunblock.
那个位置烤死人呢
You're gonna get scorched.
我为什么要自己坐啊
Why am I sitting alone?
因为我买♥♥的票啊
'Cause I bought the tickets.
本少爷出的钱啊
I gave you the money.
我们不要纠结这种细节了
Okay, let's not get bogged down in the details right now.
我根本都不想来
I don't even want to be here.
我喜欢在家看超清版球赛
I like my sports in high definition.
别叽歪了「小娘们」
Buck up, Mary.
独自闯荡是成为爷们的条件之一
Part of being a man's going it alone.
看完比赛二十分钟后在这个灯柱下见吧
Let's meet at this light post 20 minutes after the game.
这里有无数个灯柱啊
There's a million light posts.
是吗有那么多吗
Really, are there a million light posts?
好像是哎
All right, fine.
那就红色轿车旁边这个灯柱吧「机灵鬼」
Then the light post next to the red car, smart guy.
咱们进场吧
Let's get in there.
赛前热身时我喜欢唱衰对方球员
I like to berate the opposing team during warm-ups.