衰女翻身（2017）

The Mick S01E03

Part 2 July 22, 2020, 12:44 p.m.

小伙伴们
Hey, guys.
凯我能单独跟她聊聊吗
Kai, can you give us a little privacy, please?
-当然可以了 -谢谢
- Oh, yeah, absolutely. - Thanks.
-宝贝还有需要吗 -没啦[很美]
- Babe, do you need anything? - I'm fine.
你确实美啊
Oh, yeah, you are.
好了坐过去
Okay. Scooch over.
我坐过来了不好意思
Here we go. Whoopsie daisy.
听着
So, listen,
我想了一下昨天我们的谈话
I was thinking about our conversation yesterday
我感觉自己有些老妈子上身了
and I feel like I came across kind of naggy.
我很抱歉
And I'm really sorry about that.
因为我懂带套感觉不爽
Because I get it, condoms suck.
记得我上次谈这事时的反应吗
Remember how I felt about this conversation before?
我还是那个反应
Nothing's changed.
好吧你先听我说完好吗
All right, well, just hear me out, okay?
我去了免费诊所
I went down to the free clinic
因为免费我替你好好「大捞了一把」
and I took full advantage of the "Free" Part for you.
发现现在的年轻人选择太多了
Turns out, you kids have all sorts of options these days.
-什么 -天呐简直了瞧瞧
- What? - I mean, are you kidding me?Look at this.
比如这个瞧瞧这小玩意
For instance, what's this little guy?
银色小袋子
Cute little silver package.
一个环
A ring!
就像个鱿鱼圈啊不错
It's like a little piece of calamari. That's cool.
我不知道怎么用...
I don't know what you're supposed--
这要进...
does this go around the...
不不要先挤压
Oh, no, no. Nope, you squish it,
然后捅进你的...
and you actually stick it up your...
然后...
and you are, uh--
就能覆雨翻云了
you're open for business.
是吗很不错啊
Oh, yeah? Okay, cool, well,
跟避孕药中的雌激素成分一样
uh, it has the exact same hormones as the pill
还会造成血栓
and it causes blood clots.
别这么矫情行不行
Okay, try not to be a pain in the ass,
还有很多呢
we have a lot more here.
这个小玩意是什么
Now, what is this gizmo?
宫内避孕器
That's an IUD.
-听着就让人反胃好长啊 -嗯
- Boy, it's off-putting. Very long. - Yeah.
但你知道上面写了什么吗
Oh, but you know what I see here?
无化学成分无激素添加
No chemicals, no hormones.
-看来就是它啦 -不要
- Looks like we've got a winner! - Nope.
-张开腿 -别...
- Open wide. - Don't even...
「小飞机」要来啦
Yeah, here comes the airplane.
-别闹了 -我要捅进...
- Come on. - I'm gonna shove it all--
-我逗你呢 -我不要
- I'm just kidding. - I don't want it!
-我不会啦你穿着裤子呢 -天呐
- I won't, you got pants on. - Oh, my God.
这东西的材质是铜
That thing is filled with copper.
来吧你还想把什么「毒物」
Come on, do you have any other toxins
放进我身体呢
you want to fill me up with?
天呐我这辈子没见过
Oh, my God, you are the dumbest smart person
你这么蠢的聪明人
I have ever met in my life.
好吧你不想用避孕套
Fine, you don't want to use condoms,
我就只能当「避孕套」了
I guess I'll have to be the condom.
恶心死了你什么意思
Gross, what does that even mean?
只要有我在
It means I will see to it
你和凯就别想无套做♥爱♥了
that you and Kai never have unprotected sex.
-怎么做 -我一没工作二没爱好
- How? - I don't have a job or any hobbies;
我会想个招的
I'll figure something out.
米琪
Hey, Mickey.
你得签个字
I need your signature.
一向不爱签字
Yeah, I'm not big on paper trails.
这是干什么用的
What's it for?
我想了一下吉米的话
Well, I thought about what Jimmy said
我要去做结扎手术
and I'm gonna get a vasectomy.
结扎吗你说什么呢
A vasectomy? What the hell are you talking about?
吉米说得对我是被推到的主要目标
Jimmy's right, I got a big-ass target on my back.
吉米
Jimmy!
想想吧
Think about it:
我帅气多金又有才
I'm rich, i'm smart,
我就是「国民老公」啊
I look like a freakin' movie star,
性格又好
I'm kind,
还是个当爹的料
and I'd make a great dad.
外面那些网红锥子脸那么有心机
It's only a matter of time until some gold-digging whore
我迟早会着了她们的道
lures me into her honey trap.
怎么了
What's up?
奇普要去做结扎手术
Chip here is thinking about getting a vasectomy.
好极了你想让我送他过去吗
Oh, right on. You want me to drive him or something?
不想因为不能让他结扎
No, I don't, because he's not getting one.
我的身体
Hey, this is my body.
我的身体我做主
I should be able to do whatever the hell I want with it!
-说得有道理 -行了你就别多嘴了
- He's got a point. - Nah, don't you-- don't start.
不能让他去切蛋蛋吉米
He's not getting his balls chopped off, Jimmy, okay?
不是切蛋蛋
Okay, that's not how it works.
其实只是个小手术
It's actually a pretty simple procedure.
夹住剪开封住
They clamp it, snip it, seal it.
我做过好几次了结扎解结扎...
I've had it done a couple times and reversed, so...
可他还没亲过女生呢
Okay, he hasn't even kissed a girl yet.
我亲过女生亲过老多女生了
I've kissed girls, okay? I kiss-- I kiss mad girls!
行证明一下吧
All right, prove it.
用你的手做示范演示你怎么亲女生
Kiss your hand, show me how you kiss all these girls.
好
Okay...
别笑了这不好笑
Stop laughing, it's not funny!
-抱歉 -怎么了啊
- I'm sorry. - What's going on?
没什么
Oh, nothing,
我就是拿奇普开涮
we're just, um, making fun of Chip
因为他没亲过女生
'cause he's never kissed a girl.
别着急小家伙
don't sweat it, little man.
我三年级才亲上女生呢
I didn't have my first kiss till the third grade.
我13岁了
Well, I'm 13.
其实也没什么大不了
Well, there's nothing to it.
你只要闭上眼晴
All you got to do is just close your eyes,
让一切水到渠成
just let the wave wash over you.
不行够了好了
No, no, okay, all right, all right,
等下停下慢着
hold on. H-Hey. Hang on a second. Wait!
别亲了别亲了
Just stop. Stop! Stop it!
给我打住
I mean... Stop!
出去很好很好
Get out. Good, good.
很好真好啊
Good, really good.
身材不错马一样健壮
Healthy. Healthy as a horse.
吉米谈一下
Jimmy, a word.
什么
What?
天呐
Oh, my God.
你干什么啊
What are you doing?
不是吧
Oh, come on.
这样才对嘛
Yeah! There we go.
这里臭气熏天啊
Stinks in here.
该流通一下空气了
Get a little air flow going.
你脑子有病啊
What are you, insane?
除了盯着我你就没事干了吗
You have nothing better to do than to stalk me?
避孕套
你们出个声同意就行了
You guys just say the word.
给我吧我们会试的你个蛇精病
Just give 'em to me, we'll try 'em, you maniac.
这才像话嘛
Now we're talking.
你们爽翻吧
You kids go nuts.
怎么了啊小少爷
What is the problem, slugger?
我们学校的女生都是可怕的女汉子
All the girls at my school are stupid trolls!
你来找我就对了
Oh, well, you were smart to come to me.
我没找你你跑到我屋里来了
I didn't, you walked into my room.
不要在意细节
Yeah, either way.
说说这些女汉子吧小子
Tell me about these trolls, pal.
她们...
They're--
她们不可怕就是...