职介破事儿（2013）

What are you doing? I'm going undercover as a decorator, Paul.
这是在干嘛? 我要去卧底 扮个油漆工 Paul
I've been trailing this target for a month.
这个目标我已经跟了一个月了
Haven't you noticed I've been missing? No.
你知不知道我一直不在? 不知道
Well, I'm going in.
好吧 我要打进去
Now is what we boys in benefit fraud call 'zero hour'.
这就是我们福利诈骗小组里的小伙子所说的"零点时刻"
Having a party? No,
开派对? 不是
I'm going straight to my mate's after work for the football.
下班后直接去我哥们家看足球
You know it's an early kick-off?
今天开赛很早你知不知道?
Careful, you almost got my beard!
小心点 差点洒我胡子上!
Going to the match, Janette? No, love.
你要去看比赛么? 不去
She can't go, she's banned. We'll watch it in The Swan.
她不能去 被禁了 我们准备去天鹅酒吧看
Guys, concentrate! I need to blend in long enough
集中精神好吗!我要混进去不少时间
so I can get some hard evidence on camera.
起码要用照相机拍到些铁证才行
Oi! You can spare one, can't you?
喂! 少一罐有什么?
It's ten to nine. It's five o'clock somewhere.
九点都没到呢 世界上有块地方现在是下午五点
Turn around! Get his bum, Janette!
转过去! Janette 给他屁♥股♥上来点!
Morning, everyone.
大家早上好啊
OK, you may have noticed I'm a bit stressed at the moment,
好了 你们应该看得出来我今天有点焦虑
because it's that time of the month again.
每个月总有那么几天的
Our monthly report's due
我们的月结报告又该写了
and once again we're a little shy of where our spotlights suggest we should be.
我们又一次地带着一点小尴尬面对聚光灯
You mean you're not meeting your targets?
你是说你没打中靶子?
They're not targets, they're spotlights.
他们不是靶子 他们是聚光灯
They're there to show us where we should be aiming.
他们存在是为了让我们知道该朝哪开火
Like targets.
不就是靶子么
OK, so I've taken a few steps to give us a helping hand,
好了 我想办法给我们找来了帮手
nothing too drastic but I've called in the army.
不算太生猛 我只是找了军队来
Everyone, I'd like you to give a big Brownall Job Centre welcome...
好了 我希望大家以Brownall职介所式的热情来欢迎...
to Sergeant Steve Fox.
Steve Fox警官
Little clap?
来点掌声?
Morning, everyone.
早上好 各位
Attention!
立正!
Steve, do you want to say something inspiring to my troops?
Steve 要不要给我的部队说点鼓舞的话?
Yeah, I'd like to thank you all very much for having me in.
嗯 我很感谢你们邀请我来
Hopefully I can encourage some of your jobseekers to sign up.
希望我能鼓励一些待业人员群去参军
Take as many as you like, we don't want them!
你要的话全拿去吧 我们一个都不要!
But seriously, you know, we're delighted that you're here.
呃 当然了 我们很高兴你能来
And Karl's around to help for as long as you need.
需要帮忙的话可以随时找Karl
Oh, actually Trish, I've got loads to do and I need to be away by five.
呃 Trish 其实我自己也有好多事情做 五点还要准时走
Well, you'll have to work on the double then, won't you?
那只能请你做事麻利点了 行吧?
Honestly! Sorry about that, Steve.
真是的! 不好意思啊 Steve
And when you're in the desert, do you ever get time off to sunbathe?
你们在沙漠的时候 有没有时间去做日光浴啊?
We're too busy building sandcastles!
我们都忙着堆沙堡呢!
Do you mind if I just... Oh Janette, feel that, it's rock hard!
我能不能... 天哪Janette 你摸摸看 好硬呢!
Eh, Paul, feel this! I can barely get my hands round it!
Paul 快来摸摸! 我两只手都环不过来
Cos you've got small hands! Here, help me with this.
因为你手小! 快 帮我一下
No love, not with my bladder.
不行 我膀胱不好
Can I help? You don't want to tweak the old back.
我来帮你? 闪了老腰就不好了
Nah, it's alright mate, I can manage.
不用了 兄弟 我没事
Really, it's no problem. There we go.
没事的 让我来吧
My back's not old! I didn't need bloody action man to come and help!
我的腰才不老呢! 我也不要什么暴♥力♥男来帮我!
No. Look at them in their uniforms, don't they look lovely?
看看这些穿制♥服♥的 多可爱啊?
So I've had four interviews, all unsuccessful.
我去面过四次试了 都不成
I think they're put off by the grey hair.
我估计是看到我的白头发了
Have you thought about joining the army?
想没想过去参军?
Not really, no. I've been an estate agent for 20 years.
真没有 我做地♥产♥经纪人做20年了
It says here you've worked in a pub. Yes. In 1983.
这里写着你以前在酒吧做过 没错 1983年
Could you go back there and see if your old position is still available?
要不要回去看看你原来那份工作还能不能做?
I doubt it! It's a Chinese restaurant now.
估计不行! 那里现在变成中餐厅了
Well, have they got a bar?
呃 他们有没有酒吧?
I don't really want to work in a bar, I'm an estate agent.
我不想在酒吧做 我是地♥产♥经纪人啊
You need to improve your prospects of finding employment.
你要把找工作的视野放宽些
I'm going to increase the distance you're willing to travel
我要把你理想的工作范围扩大
and lower your expected salary.
再把理想薪酬降低
Here we are. A pub?
好了 酒吧?
It's in your skill set. It's in Sunderland.
你有这方面的技能 在桑德兰啊
That's a three-hour drive.
开车过去3个小时
You're not showing a willingness to work.
我看你就是不想工作
Yeah, but
我知道 但是
Here's the list of vacancies, use the phones over there.
这里职位都有空缺 过去用那边的电♥话♥打
You need to get yourself a job.
你真的得找个工作了
Or move to Sunderland.
不然就搬去桑德兰
As it turned out, they didn't sell water or stones.
搞了半天 他们不卖♥♥石头不卖♥♥水
Just books. Hm.
只卖♥♥书 嗯
Karl, are you encouraging customers toward Steve's army stand? Yes.
Karl 你有没有跟客人们说说参军的事? 有啊
Well, it's not working. Go and help him,
不管用嘛 快过去帮他
get people interested, hand out some leaflets.
吸引点注意力啊 发发小传♥单♥啊
Oh, have you ever thought of joining the army?
啊 想没想过去参军啊?
It's funny you should say that.
你真是问对了
It was terrible, like.
真是糟透了
We were in the jungle and there were lots of men with muscles
我们在丛林里 身边好多肌肉男
and they was all effing and jeffing
都在谩骂和诅咒
and then everyone started getting killed by this alien with dreads.
然后出现了一个辫子外星人 杀了好多人
Oh, dear.
天哪
But then I thought to myself,
然后我就想
'Hang on a minute, Graham, you've never been to South America.'
'等等 Graham 你根本没去过南美'
And that's when I realised it wasn't a flashback, it was a film.
这时我才知道这不是我的回忆 这是电影里的
Bye.
再会
Hi.
嗨
Ooh! Whoops, butterfingers!
哦哟 手一滑!
You want to show that Steve your sample book,
要不要给Steve看看你的样品册啊
he might want you to carpet his barracks. Nah, you're alright.
说不定他会叫你去帮他的营房♥铺点地毯 不 没事
Is this because you needed his help with the desk?
就因为你要他帮忙搬桌子?
I didn't need his help. Cobblers!
我才不需要他帮忙 胡说
You were struggling, that vein on your forehead popped out!
你都在挣扎了 额头青筋都爆了!
That's a laughter line. What's the matter with you?
那叫笑纹 你怎么回事?
I got back last night and my missus had bought me two sets of pyjamas.
昨晚回家 发现我老婆给我买♥♥了两套睡衣
So? I don't wear pyjamas, Janette.
所以呢? 我不♥穿♥睡衣的 Janette
Sleep in my... birthday suit. Always have, even in the caravan.
我... 一直裸睡的 我在拖车里都这么睡
What's she trying to say? She'll be buying me a zimmer frame next.
她什么意思? 下次都该给我买♥♥拐杖了吧
I might be in a bit of trouble. Just been rumbled gathering evidence.
我有麻烦了 被人发现我在收集证据
Painting is a lot harder than it looks.
油漆工不是那么好做的
Give me the camera! Don't know what you're talking about.
快把相机给我! 不知道你在说什么
The camera in your hand! What's all this about?
你手上那个相机! 什么情况?
It's alright, I've got this. What's all this about?
没事 我来 什么情况?
I busted him. He's working and signing on.
被我抓包了 工作还想继续领失业津贴
No, I ain't! What's this then, fancy dress?
我没有! 这算什么?去参加化妆舞会?
Give me that camera or I'm chucking this everywhere!
快把相机给我 不然我把油漆到处泼!
I should call the police. And let them take my collar? No chance!
我要报♥警♥了 让我被解职?不行!
You get one drop of that on this carpet,
只要你滴一滴到地毯上
your feet won't touch the ground! Please Janette, I've got this.
我让你吃不了兜着走! 别这样 Janette 我来处理
Come on, fella, you've had your fun, time to go home.
好了 兄弟 闹够了 回去吧
What are you going to do about it then, grandad? Grandad?!
你准备怎么样啊 老爷爷? 爷爷?
I'll call the police. No one's calling them over this strip of wind.
我要叫警♥察♥了 不要叫警♥察♥ 小菜一碟而已
Yeah, we can take him! Well, come on then!
没错 我们搞的定! 你们来啊!
Leave it, Paul. It's not worth it. It's gloss.
别这样 Paul 不值得 这可是光面漆
I'll take that, shall I, sir?
让我来拿吧 先生?
Now, I suggest that you go home and you calm yourself.
好了 现在回家去 清醒清醒
Fine, I was leaving anyway!
算了 反正我也打算走了!
That's my entire operation blown. Nice one!
我的整个行动都被毁了 真行!
I was in perfect control of that situation.
刚刚那场面我明明罩得住
He's trying to make me look like a prize prat.
他存心想让我出丑
Can you teach me how to do that?
能不能教教我?
Yes, I've used a broom before, yeah.
我以前用过扫把啊 没错
Not professionally, no, but I'd imagine the principles are pretty much the same.
不算太专业 不过我想这也没什么专业性吧
Alright, bye.
好吧 再见
Come on, keep going. We want you into work and out of here, don't we?
快点 继续啊 得赶紧找个工作离开这里 对吧?
I'm doing my best. Here we are, I'll call the next one for you.
我尽力了 好了 下个电♥话♥我帮你打
Ooh, catalogue distribution, fingers crossed!
噢 名录分配 加油啦!
Super.
太好了