职介破事儿（2013）

Mm...
呒...
Mm-hm. Whoops!
嗯哼...哦嚯！
- Karl, seriously, not again. - Sorry. I can't help it. I saw some bra strap.
- Karl，不是吧，又来？ -抱歉，妳太性感了。妳胸罩露出来了。
Well, make it go down. We're at work.
去你的，赶紧消停。上班嘞。
It's an erection, Natalie.It doesn't listen to reason.
Natalie，木已成舟了，我也没办法了。
- Morning. - Morning. - Morning.
-早上好。 - 好。 - 好
- It won't go away. - Er, tap it on the end.
- 只能这样了 - 把它摁下去
What?
你说什么？
People stir their tea with that.
大家都是用这个搅拌茶的
Er, no jacket, Trish?
咦，Trish，没穿夹克么？
Oh, no. Just some new shoulder pads.
哦，是滴呀，就穿了件带垫肩的
Oh, Karl, can you help me with this?
哦，Karl，能帮我开下这个么？
Yeah.
没问题
You all right there, Karl?
Karl，你那还好吧？
- No. Very stiff. - Oh, ridiculously stiff.
- 没事，依然坚挺 - 哦，讲什么鬼呀
I mean, what do you do if you've got arthritis?
我是说，要是你们有关节炎怎么破？
Don't yank it too hard, Karl. You'll make a big milky mess.
Karl，轻点，不然你会吧牛奶弄得满地都是
Right. Come on, you two. Choppity-chop! People to sign on.
好吧，你俩别在这墨迹了！快去忙去。
- Er... - Now please.
- 呃... - 赶快！
Er, Trish, do you remember when you had that ear infection?
对了，Trish，你还记上次你耳朵感染的事么？
I think I might be coming down with one. What are the symptoms again?
我觉得我有可能也感染了，感染症状是什么来着的？
Oh, weeping pus everywhere.
哦，到处出脓
It was like a kind of a waxy fondue just dribbling from my ear.
就像脸上的痘痘一颗一颗从耳朵里流出来一样
I woke up every morning with crusty pillows. Mm.
每天早上起来，枕头都脏兮兮的，呃...
- And we're done. - Mm.
- 好了 - 嗯
Another day, you're gonna make it work
Another day, you're gonna make it work
Some day, you're gonna make this work
- 小强_one 诚译-
Where's the evidence that you've been actively seeking employment？
你在积极找工作的证明在哪？
It's there. You've just dropped tuna all over it.
在那里。你把上面弄得全是金枪鱼
They're not going to accept it. It's covered in brine.
他们不会接收这个的，脏兮兮的
(MEOWS)
It's only me.
是我啦
Here you are. Brunch.
Brunch，这个是给你的
- (MEOWS) - Pardon?
- (喵嗷) - 你说什么？
(MEOWS AGAIN)
Oh, I love you, too.
哦，我也爱你
Trish, can you...
Trish，你能...
- Oh. More milk? - Mm.
- 哦，弄得全是奶哦 - 嗯
Oh. I'm trying to combat osteoporosis.
哦，我正在补钙嘞
I've got unusually small bones. I'm mean, I'm built like a blue tit.
我有点骨质疏松，我是说，我要像蓝冠雀一漂亮
Sorry. I'm lost.
抱歉，我没跟上
Oh. I'm entering the menopause, Natalie.
Natalie ，我到更年期了
There are no more eggs in my basket.
我那个紊乱了
Mother Nature is just giving up on me. The bitch is leaving me high
我正要散失女性本能。这让我很不稳定
and quite literally dry.
还很缺水
Oh, here. I brought these in for you.
对了，我带了些东西给你
There's tampons, towels,
有护舒宝、毛巾、
panty liners.
月经垫
Even a moon cup.
甚至还有月事杯
- OK. - Don't worry. It's been through the dishwasher.
- 好吧 - 别担心，这个洗的很干净的
I've got no need for it now.
我再也用不着这个了
Unless it's not the menopause.
除非更年期还没到
- What? - Well, you couldn't be pregnant, could you?
- 说啥？ -额，妳不会是怀孕么，是的么？
No. No.
不可能
No, no, no, no.
不，不，不，不
Actually, yes.
好吧，可能吧
- Yes. Shit. Yes. I could be. - Oh, my God. Who have you had sex with?
- 有可能，擦，是的，应该是的 - 哦，天呐，你和谁呀？
- A chap I met online. - A dating website?
- 一个网上认识的家伙 - 网上交友？
eBay. I went round to pick up a Welsh dresser and he answered the door in a robe.
在eBay上啦，我随便在找找威尔士风格的裙子，他就穿着长袍出现在我家门口了
- At two in the afternoon. You know what that means. - Depression?
- 下午两点，你知道这意味着什么吗？ - 忧愁？
No. Sex.
才不是，是性♥爱♥
Although he did cry afterwards.
尽管他后来确实哭了
- Did you give him a bad rating? - Well, yes.
- 难道你没给他好评？ - 确实如此
The listing said 'as new', but when I got it home, one of the doors fell off.
清单上写着“崭新”，但是当我到家后，其中一个门掉下来了
Oh, God, Natalie.
天呐，Natalie
I could be pregnant by a rogue trader.
我可能因这个破事怀孕了
I'm sending you on unpaid work experience.
我给你个无薪工作经验的工作机会
I'm 56.
我都56岁了
This is the company that has just made me redundant.
就是这家公♥司♥把我解雇的
- The placement matches your skillset. - Of course it does. It's my old job.
- 配置是和你职业技能相匹配的 - 废话，我之前就是干这个的
You'll know what you're doing, then.
好吧，你会知道你要做什么的
- (MEOWS) - I thought he'd never go.
- (喵嗷) - 我还以为他不会走开的
- (MEOWS) - Yes, he was.
- (喵嗷) - 是呀
But there's no need for language like that.
我们没必要再浪费口水在那件事上了
Had enough already, Nat? It's only half nine.
准备好了么？这才九点半
I'm just popping out for five minutes.
我就出去5分钟而已
- Where are you going? - Wouldn't you like to know?
- 你要去哪呀？ - 一定要知道么？
- Yeah. So where are you going? - I'm not telling you. - Got another fella?
- 嗯，你到底要去哪？ - 我才不要告诉你 - 去找小情人？
- Are you getting me a present? - Maybe. - Is that maybe you've got another fella?
- 是给我买♥♥礼物么？ - 或许吧 -你哈是去找小情人呀？
- Or maybe getting Karl a present? - What is it?
- 还是给Karl买♥♥礼物？ - 到底哪个？
- I'm not getting you a present. - Is it a cordless power drill?
- 我才不要给你买♥♥礼物 - 是去买♥♥无线电钻？
Why would I buy Karl a cordless power drill?
为毛要给Karl买♥♥无线电钻？
Get him one of them funny oven gloves that looks like a claw.
给他买♥♥个看起来像爪子的有趣的烤箱手套
No. No man wants one of them.
才不要，没有男滴会要那玩意
- Eh! I bought you one of them last Christmas. - You were my Secret Santa?
- 喂！去年圣诞节我就给你买♥♥了个 - 你是我的神秘圣诞老人么？
- Honestly, Janette, next year, I'll just have the fiver. - It's not socks, is it?
- Janette，说真滴，明年，我就只要5块钱就好了 - 是袜子么？
I'm not getting you a present, Karl.
Karl，我是不会给你带礼物的
She is so getting me a present.
她肯定会给我带礼物的
- Oh, how much do I owe you? - Eight pounds.
- 哦，我要付你多少钱？ - 8块
- Eight pounds? They always get you when you're vulnerable. - I know.
- 8块？总是在你脆弱的时候发生这些事 - 我都懂的
- Thrush cream is a tenner. - Well, take it from the petty cash.
- 画眉膏还得10元嘞 - 好吧，从零花钱里拿吧
OK. Er... It's one line if you're not pregnant.
好吧，额... 如果你没怀孕了，试剂就显示一道杠
And if you are?
如果你..
Skull and crossbones!
好恐怖的说！
No. It's two lines if you are.
如果你怀孕了就会出现两道杠
I can't be a mother, Natalie. I haven't got a maternal bone in my body.
Natalie，我当不了妈妈，我不是那块料
I make children cry.
我会让小孩一直哭的
- No, you don't. - It's my hair. Children and the elderly find it disconcerting.
- 不，你不会的 - 你看我头发，小孩和老人看到后心烦意燥的
It's the static.
这玩意有静电的
Well, your own child would see beyond that.
好吧，你自己小孩不会在意那个的
You can't underestimate the bond between mother and baby.
别低估了孩子和母亲之间的血亲
I can. I can't bear the thought of something growing inside me like a...
我可以这么做，我一点都不能忍♥受 在我体内长大的念头，就像...
like a tapeworm, feeding off me for nine months and then I'm expected to love it.
就像绦虫一样，在我体内呆了九个月然后还得希望能喜欢他
- You can't love a tapeworm, Natalie. - But it would be your tapeworm. - No.
- Natalie，你不会喜欢绦虫吧 - 但这就是你的绦虫 - 瞎扯
- You need to know. - I don't want to. - You have to. - You do it.
- 你必须知道 - 我不要 - 你必须 - 你去弄
- That doesn't make sense. - I know! I'm hysterical!
-那样没用 -我知道！我要疯了！
OK. Erm... OK.
好吧，呃...好吧
I'll just hang onto it for now. Shall I?
那我暂时会保管的，好吧？
Yeah.
好的
- What are you doing? - Oh. Finding my present.
- 你干么？ - 找礼物呀
Oh. Nice.
好东西
- You've changed. - Want some?
- 你变了 - 哪有？
Smells like Cherry Bakewells.
闻起来真像Cherry Bakewells
No, I do not.
才不会嘞
- Natalie says your hands show the first signs of ageing. - Go on then.
- Natalie说手是最先衰老的 - 弄点呗
Oh, now that is very hydrating.
哦，很保湿么
Just one of the perks of having a girlfriend.
这就是有女朋友好处之一啦
Is that the result of another?
那是另一个结果么？
Is that what I think it is?
那玩意是我想的玩意吗？
- Congratulations. I'll get the cigars. - No, no, no, no.
- 恭喜！你有一盒烟了 - 不对劲，不对，不，不
- This isn't planned. - Either way, you've got her locked in for the next 18 years.
- 没有预想到这个 - 另一说，她得和一起好好养大小孩了
A smart move for a lad with your face.
小伙子，干得漂亮
We've only been going out three months.
我们才在一起三个月
I don't know anything about it. I don't even know her bra size.
我对她一无所知，我甚至都不知道她胸罩的大小
32C.
32杯的
It's a gift.
与生俱来的
Pss-pss! Come on.
嗞...嗞...快出来
Where are you?
你在哪嘞？
Oh, don't be like this.
天呐，别这样
Pss-pss-pss!
嗞...嗞...嗞
What?
看你妹呀！