拉米

好了 妈 谢谢你开车送我过来
All right, Mom. Thanks for dropping me off.
要我等你吗
Shall I wait for you?
不用
No, um,
穆♥罕♥默♥德♥要在礼拜后举♥行♥结婚仪式
Mohammed's gonna do his katb‐ketab right after prayer, so...
我搞不懂 他为什么会在你之前结婚
I don't understand. Why is he getting married before you?
好了 我得走了
Okay. I gotta go.
或许你能在那里找个女孩
Maybe you can find a girl in there.
我才不会在清♥真♥寺勾搭女孩
I'm not gonna flirt with girls at the mosque.
有何不可 那里的女孩都很不错
Why not? The girls in there are high quality.
清♥真♥寺是做礼拜的地方 不是用来搭讪的
The mosque is for praying, it's not for picking people up.
都是一家人一起去的
It's, like, a bunch of families too,
你不能就那么走到穆♥斯♥林♥女孩面前
and you can't just walk up to a Muslim girl and, like,
然后开始搭讪
start spitting game or something.
我该说什么
W‐What am I supposed to say?
"能告诉我你父亲的电♥话♥号♥码吗"
Like, "Hey, can I get your father's number?"
对 有何不可
Yes. Why not?
不跟你说了 我要迟到了
I‐I gotta go. I'm gonna be late.
拉米 你想单身一辈子吗
Ramy, do you want to stay alone forever?
不 妈 我不想
No, Mom, I‐I don't.
我现在单身不代表就要
Just 'cause I'm not with someone doesn't mean
单身一辈子 好吗
I'm gonna be alone forever, okay?
我还在摸索 好吗
I‐I'm... I'm just figuring it out, okay?
北泽西伊♥斯♥兰♥文化中心
你想要有罪的人生还是清♥真♥的人生
清♥真♥的
Halal?
那你就不该这么做
伙计 我不知道你在说什么 我只是
Listen, man, I don't know what you're talking about. I just...
规矩是需要我们去遵守的
我觉得我们应该赶紧去做礼拜 因为
Actually, I think we should just go catch prayers, 'cause...
做礼拜之前你必须按规矩净身
你与真♥主♥对话时 必须要洁净
哈吉 我知道 我刚净身了
孩子 你脚上满是污秽
你连袜子都没脱
听着 我今天早上洗澡了
水流到脚上 脚也就洗过了
你没洗脚趾缝啊
脚趾肮脏心灵就肮脏
先知绝不会落下一根脚趾
我觉得真♥主♥明白我内心的想法 我觉得不用
I think God knows what's in my heart. I don't think I have to...
要这样洗
很有可能你以前的礼拜从未作数
搞什么...
What the‐‐
脚趾缝不过水 就会过魔鬼
拉米
第一季 第一集
亲爱的各位 欢迎你们
Welcome, beloved...
亲朋好友们 今天你们聚集在此
Today you are here as family and as intimate companions
见证穆♥罕♥默♥德♥和亚丝明喜结连理
to witness the joining of Mohammed and Yasmeen.
-你会孤独终老的 兄弟 -你说什么
‐ You're gonna die alone, bro. ‐ What?
-没错 -他说得对 拉米
‐ Yeah. ‐ He's right, Ramy.
-好女孩越来越少 -老兄
- You're running out of options. ‐ Dude...
城里漂亮的穆♥斯♥林♥女孩现在只剩两个了
There's only two hot Muslim girls left in town,
到不了明年 她们就都名花有主了
and they'll be gone by the end of the year.
-你是说法蒂玛和海迪亚吗 兄弟 -对
- Are you talking about Fatima and Hadiya, bro? - Yeah.
她们根本不漂亮
They are not hot.
-我觉得她们漂亮 -你该去看眼科了
‐ To me they are. ‐ You need to get your eyes checked.
做个激光矫正吧 她们才不漂亮
Go and get some LASIK. They're not hot.
如果想要质量好的 就不能在这个圈子里找
You need to go outside of the network if you want to find quality.
老兄 不用了 不要紧的
Dude, I'm fine. It's not a big deal.
我表哥不得不去圈外找 找了不知多久
My cousin had to do that. It took forever, man.
最后我姑妈在俄亥俄州给他找了个女孩
Finally, my aunt found him a girl in Ohio.
-听着 -对 但他现在住在俄亥俄州
‐ Look... - Yeah, but now he lives in Ohio.
俄亥俄州太破了
Ohio sucks.
行了 没事的 抱歉 我觉得...
Okay, it is not a big... sorry... I think...
你得尽快找个女孩 好吗
Look, you need to find a girl ASAP, okay?
越快越好 你一天比一天老
ASAP. You're getting old, bro,
-而你的发际线越来越高 -还好吧
- and your hairline is not looking good. ‐ It's fine...
你就只能去穆♥斯♥林♥佳缘上
You're gonna be on Muslim Match,
划来划去 挑离过婚的妞
swiping through divorced chicks.
你还得给别人的孩子当爹
You're gonna be raising other people's babies.
我们就此打住 好吗 我不用...
All right, can we just stop, man? All right? I... there's nothing...
-你的发际线比我想的还要高 -听着
- Bro, it's way worse than I thought. - Listen!
-住手 住手 没关系的 -有关系
- Stop, stop. It's fine. - It's not fine.
-情况很严重 -听着
- You got a situation. - Listen...
-你的卷发遮不住发际线 -行了
- Your curls are not gonna save you. - Okay, listen...
能遮住的地方是有限的
There's only so much they can cover.
我又不是非得找穆♥斯♥林♥女孩 是吧
I don't have to find a Muslim girl, all right?
其实我和一个叫克洛伊的女孩交往了一段时间
I've actually been seeing this girl Chloe for a little bit,
-目前还不错 -不是吧
- and it's going well. ‐ No!
-你疯了吗 -他肯定疯了
- Are you out of your mind? ‐ He must be!
白人女孩烂透了 兄弟 你该收手了
White girls suck, bro. You can't keep dating 'em.
首先 她们总是光着脚到处走
One, they're always walking around barefoot.
-不可理喻 -她们毫无道德
‐ That's crazy. ‐ They have no morals.
-毫无道德 -而且她们总是指手画脚
‐ No morals. ‐ And they're always jumping in stuff.
-总是这样 -什么叫"指手画脚"
‐ Always. ‐ What do you mean, "jumping in stuff"?
就是插手与她们无关的事情
They're just jumping in stuff that's none of their business, man.
她们还裸泳
They skinny‐dip.
你不想要裸泳的老婆
You don't want a wife that skinny‐dips.
你想要在正常时间游泳的老婆
You want a wife that swims at normal times,
并且穿着恰当
with proper attire.
而不是赤身裸体 你要找一个
Not this nakedness. You need to find someone
了解你的出身和信仰的人
who knows where you came from and what you believe in.
而且要长得漂亮
And someone who's hot.
让你父母帮你物色 他们对谁都关注密切
Just have your parents hook it up. They keep tabs on everyone.
我就是这样 这是我有史以来最棒的决定
That's what I did. It's the best decision I made.
抱歉 宝贝
I'm sorry, baby.
看她多漂亮
She's so hot.
我妈给我选的
My mom did that.
虽然这两个家伙很蠢
These guys are idiots.
但是他们说的都没错
But everything they said is true.
白人女孩烂透了
White girls suck.
不是你想要的 你不会想那条路走到黑的
You don't want to do that. You don't want to go down that road.
BGM: Every Day's The Weekend by Alex Lahey
♪ You're sleeping in my bed ♪
♪ Even when I'm not at home ♪
♪ I have to make some money ♪
♪ While you're in sheets all alone ♪
拉米
Ramy?
-你在做什么 -我只是...
‐ What are you doing? ‐ I was just...
你...这是我们刚用过的安全套吗
Are you... Is that the condom that we just used?
是啊 我只是 你懂的
Yeah, I was just, you know...
清洗它 还是...
Cleaning it? Or...
我只是在检查上面有没有洞
I was just checking if there was any holes in it. You know...
上面为什么会有洞
Why would there be a hole?
你见过这些东西是怎么运输的吗
You ever see the way they ship these things?
堆在货车上
It's, like, on a truck.
一群男人运货 他们是怎样的人
There's, like, a bunch of dudes. And, like, who are those dudes?
你我都不认识他们 是吧
Like, I don't know them, you don't know... You know?
所以我只是 想确保没用到破的
So this just... just to make sure that there isn't a faulty one.
那每次我们完事了 你都要检查吗
And you do this, like, every time we have sex?
是啊 也就花几秒钟的时间
Yeah, I mean, it just... it just takes a sec.
不知道为什么 但我觉得有点生气
I don't know why, but I feel, like, kind of offended.
克洛伊 这事没必要搞得很奇怪
Chloe, this doesn't have to get weird, okay?
那是我少见多怪了
Oh, I'm making it weird?
不是 不是 别放在心上就好
No, no. There's... There's nothing to worry about.
这个 总之我们没必要放在心上
It's just... It's just so that we don't have to worry.
就算出了什么意外
Even if, like, something crazy happened,
你知道我在吃避孕药 对吧
you know I'm on the pill, right?
万一避孕失败 我们也会负起责任
And if the pill didn't work, we'd do the responsible thing
把它处理掉
and, like, take care of it.
嗯 但我们不能就那么处理掉 对吗
Yeah, but we can't just take care of it, right?
我们连那是怎样的生命都不知道
I mean, we don't even really know what it is.
我是说 我完全支持
I mean, look, I'm‐I'm totally pro
女性有对自己的身体做决定的权利
women getting to choose what to do with their bodies.
我支持 但我是穆♥斯♥林♥ 所以我只是
I am. But I'm Muslim, so I'm just
支持我们避免做这种决定
pro us not having to make that choice.
我以为你是穆♥斯♥林♥ 就像我是犹太人
No, like, you're Muslim, I thought, in the way that I'm Jewish.
只是文化上的身份
Like, it's a cultural thing.
我不知道你是信教的穆♥斯♥林♥
I didn't know that you were Muslim‐Muslim.
-我是 -但是你喝酒
‐ Yeah. - You drink.
虔诚的穆♥斯♥林♥不喝酒
Religious Muslims don't drink.