英版同志亦凡人（1999）

我就录一个看一个。 - 你也看“大街”？
l taped one and watched the other. - You watch the Street?
那当然。 - 连我妈都不看它了。
Course l do, yeah. - Only me Mum's given up on it.
她说里面净是些小屁孩。
She says it's full of kids.
其实根本不是这样， 比如这个星期三就都是Fred Elliott，
But it's not true. l mean, Wednesday it was all Fred Elliott
而且最近两个礼拜全部是关于Rita的内容。
and this past fortnight it was nonstop Rita.
所以说老年人在里面也很重要的。
lt's just not true - the old ones are just as important.
天哪，你真是个超级大剧迷。 - 是啊，我的最爱。
God, you really watch it, don't you? - Yeah, l love it.
我怎么会不付钱呢，他是我儿子。 - 这是些有关保险的文件。
Why would l stop paying? He's my kid. - And there's some stuff about insurance.
保什么险？ - 天有不测风云。
lnsurance for what? - Anything could happen.
明天就可能被车撞了。 - 要特别提防福特蒙迪欧。
Could get run over tomorrow. - Watch out for a Ford Mondeo.
你会生病。
And you could get ill.
我虽然还不至于穷困潦倒，
l mean, l'm not starving or penniless
可是万一你不能工作了， 我总得拿到点什么吧。
but, if you were out of work, l'd need something.
这是为了Alfred，不是为我。
lt's for Alfred, not me.
我怎么会生病呢？ - 这能保各种病。
Why would l get ill? - lt covers anything.
什么病？ - 各种病。
Like what? - Anything.
我们说的不是腮腺炎，Stuart。
We're not talking mumps, Stuart.
你上一次测试是10个月前。
You were tested, but ten months ago.
40个礼拜，280次一♥夜♥情♥… - 别说了！
40 weeks ago, 280 one-night stands... - All right!
这是为了Alfred，真的。
lt's for Alfred, really it is.
我们得慎重些。
We've got to be sensible.
好吧，随你便。
Fine, whatever you want.
我必须通过律师去办。 - 我已经找了。
Course l'll have to run it past a solicitor. - l've done that already.
他够好吗？ - 那还用问，我绝对够格，多谢。
And is he any good? - Yeah, l'm fully qualified, thanks.
你不介意吧？
You don't mind then?
好吧。
lt's...fine.
好。
Fine.
这帮不要脸的贱♥人♥！
The fucking bastard cunts!
先是要我的钱，现在又要我的命。
First they want my money, then they want me dead.
你得站出来说句话，怎么也是我的朋友。
You've got to come out, you're my friend.
我正忙着呢。
l'm sort of busy.
她蛮不错的。
She's really nice.
去你♥妈♥的♥，告诉她你爱用屁♥股♥干，赶快走人！
For fuck's sake, tell her you take it up the arse and get out of there!
那是我朋友，他妈住院了。
lt's my friend, his mother's in hospital.
这跟生孩子截然相反。
lt's the exact opposite of childbirth.
你先有了孩子，然后才被蹂躏。
First you have the baby, then you get fucked.
在某个平行的时空，我刚认识了我的妻子。
ln some parallel universe, l just met my wife.
看看学校里那伙人，那些成双成对的——
See that lot in school, all those couples -
Robert Coles，Cathy Broderick，多了去了—— 他们中有一半都没做过。
Robert Coles, Cathy Broderick, that lot - half of them's never done it.
Robert Coles说他都绝望了。
Robert Coles was saying, he's desperate.
他们最多也就搂搂抱抱。
They have a snog and a bit of a thing and that's it.
他只好回家自己手♥淫♥。 进城。
He goes home and has a wank. Town, please.
他们只是小毛孩，光说不做，我做了。
They're just kids, they're just talking. l'm doing it.
我真刀真枪地做了！
l'm really doing it!
我做了。
l'm doing it.
♪ Full Frontal: You Think You're A Man
♪ Turn around
♪ Stand up like a man and look me in the eye
♪ Turn around
♪ Take one final look at what you've left behind
♪ Then walk away
♪ From the greatest lover you have ever known
♪ Yes, walk away
♪ You're telling me that you can make it on your own
♪ By yourself, all alone, without my help
♪ Mister, you just made a big mistake
♪ You think you're a man but you're only a boy
♪ You think you're a man, you are only a toy...
我打赌那帮子拉拉都排着队等着吸她的奶呢。
l bet all those lesbians queue up at her breast to drink milk.
他们为什么挑中我？ 因为我又帅又有钱。
Of course, you know why they chose me. Cos l'm rich and handsome as fuck.
那个烂货Lisa就是这么说的。
She said so, that fucking Lisa.
我只是她们的基因库，她们的火种。
l'm just a gene pool to them, l'm just spunk.
看那个戴项圈的，他跟Jason Black好过。
Now, him with the collar. He went out with Jason Black.
一把鼻涕一把眼泪地说他妈死在 “Herald Of Free Enterprise”上了 （注：1987年失事的渡船）
Burst into tears, said his mother had died on the Herald Of Free Enterprise.
两天后她“复活”了，在匹克区招摇过市。
Two days later, she turns up. She's been walking the Peak District.
可精神了。 - 单亲妈妈有没有福利？
Mad as a moose. - Do single mothers get benefits?
还是已经取消了？ 我打赌他们已经取消了。
Or have they stopped that? l bet you they've stopped that.
嗬嗬！陪床的来了！
Ho-ho! Stand by your beds!
看到了没有，看到了没有… 你的背面。
Have you seen, have you seen... 12 o'clock.
该死！ - 克制一点，Stuart。
Shit! - Behave, Stuart, behave.
怎么啦？ - 小公鸡着陆了。
What? - The chicken has landed.
他名叫Nathan，记住了。
His name's Nathan, all right?
你好。 - 嗨。
Hiya. - Hi.
小宝宝怎么样了？ - 问我的律师去。
How's the baby? - Ask my solicitor.
Nathan，你想喝什么？ - 可乐吧。
Nathan, do you want a drink? - Coke, please.
♪ Where are the men?
♪ Oh, yeah
♪ Get on outta here!
♪ You think you're a man but you're only a boy
♪ You think you're a man, you are only a toy
♪ You think you're a man but you just couldn't see...
你别这样。
Oh, no, you don't.
♪ All together now, the ladies...
我们第一次来的时候是16岁，比他还大点儿。
First time we came here we were 16. Older than him.
你还记得过了多久才有人跟我们搭话？ 好几百年呢。
How long before anyone talked to us? Ages.
去吧，对他友好点。 我可没让你去干♥他♥哦。
Go on, be nice to him. But l don't mean shag him.
喂，给我点信任好不好。
Oh, give me some credit.
话说回来，他长得还蛮甜的，是不是？
On the other hand, he is quite sweet, isn't he?
我怎么会知道，又没舔过他。
l don't know, l haven't licked him.
♪ ..of the Court of King Caractacus were just passing by
♪ The noses on the faces of the ladies of the harem
♪ Of the court of King Caractacus
♪ Were just passing by
快看，那个戴帽子的白♥痴♥。
Just in time, look at the twat in the hat.
- ♪ Now, the noses...
得把她锁起来。
She needs locking up.
- ♪ ..were just passing by...
某些人的脸皮就是厚。 - 她看着就象个弱智。
Some people have no shame. - She's like a mong.
那是Vince他妈。 - 想象一下，如果他妈真的长成这副尊容。
That's Vince's mother. - lmagine if it was. A mong like that.
Vinnie！Vinnie！ - 妈！
Vinnie! Vinnie! - Mum!
Vince！
Vinnie!
下回说话注意点。 - 没关系，她老糊涂了。
Just be careful next time. - l don't mind. She's off her head.
怎么你妈不来这儿，Stuart？
We don't see much of your mother down here, Stu.
她还在等着小金童结婚吧？
ls she still waiting for Golden Boy to get married?
我妈要是知道我在这儿非杀了我不可。
My mother would kill me if she knew l was here.
比如那次电视里播“Emmerdale”， 演到一对拉拉的婚礼时，我妈一下就把电视给关了。
When they had that lesbian wedding in Emmerdale, my mum just turned it off.
那不是恐同，那叫有品位。
That's not homophobia, that's good taste.
你干了他，就得对他负责， 别跑出来瞎逛。
You fucked him, so he's your responsibility. Don't go swanning off.
人人都想来惹我。
Everyone's having a go at me.
我怎么就这么背。 我知道我招人爱，我是万人迷。
l have to live with me every day so l know l'm lovely, l'm completely lovely.
嗨，Danny，Peter得好吗？ - 还没活过来呢。
Danny, how's Peter? - Still dead.
噢该死，对不起我忘了。喔！
Oh, shit. Sorry, forgot. Whoops!
♪ Oh, aha, make it magnificent
♪ Tonight
♪ Right...
我应该去伦敦——这里的人我都上过了。
l should try London - l've had everyone here.
我也正在为此烦恼。 - 你还没上过我。
l'm haunted by that problem. - You haven't had me.
呃，明明有过一次的。
Er, there was the once.
不会吧，什么时候？ - 我们有次在他家，
No, when? - We were in his room,
当时我刚搬来不久，大概14、5岁吧。
it's not long after l came over here, so we're about 14 or 15
Vince拿到一♥期♥《Radio Times》… - 不许讲这个故事！
and Vince has got the Radio Times... - Don't tell this story!
我们翻到一张照片，都看呆了。
We come to a photo where we both go ''Phwoar!''
那是Barry Sheene骑着摩托。
And it was Barry Sheene on his bike.
穿着皮衣。 天哪，羞死人了。
ln his leathers. God, l'm shamed.
还不是黑色的皮衣，而是红色和奶油色。
lt wasn't even black leather, it was red and cream.
我们一边叫着“哇，帅呆了”，一边自摸着。
We're going, ''Cor, look at him,'' and groping ourselves.
Vince把鸡鸡掏了出来，还不赖。 - 去死。
Vince gets it out. Not bad, either. - Oh, fuck off.
于是我就一边温柔体贴地给他打手♥枪♥， 一边看着Barry Sheene。
So l'm giving him a wank, nice and slow, looking down at Barry Sheene.
天哪，你们做过了！ - 没有。
Oh, God, you've had each other! - No.
我正要拉开拉链，他妈进来了，
l'm unzipping when his mother comes back in
他吓得跳到一边，把鸡鸡塞回裤子里去了。
and he jumps up and puts it back in his trousers.
就这些。 - 如果你没射♥精♥就不算做过。
That was it! - lt's not sex if you don't come.
后来Barry Sheene摔断腿时，
When Sheene broke his legs,
Vince还去WH Smith买♥♥了张卡 寄给“伦敦的Barry Sheene”。
Vince buys a card from WH Smith and sends it to ''Barry Sheene, London.''
全世界就数他最伤心。 - Barry Sheene？暴露你的年纪了哦。
He was the saddest man on earth. - Barry Sheene? Showing your age.
你几岁了？ - 你猜我几岁？
How old are you? - How old do you think l am?
33？
33?
去你♥妈♥的♥！ - 怎么啦？
Fuck off! - What?
我29岁。 - 没几天了哦。
l'm 29. - Not for much longer.
再过6个月你就要去泌尿科医院检查了。
You'll be in the bladder control clinic in six months.
那我最好去撒泡尿，趁我还有这能力。
Better go for a piss while l still can.
我只剩下3个月了。 - 是啊，不过你不算的。
l've only got three months left. - Yeah, but you don't count.
操♥你♥妈♥的，白♥痴♥！
Fuck off, you twat!
我们老是被Nathan这样的缠上。
We always get stuck with the Nathans.
这是Stuart的老♥毛♥病了。 我可不给他擦屁♥股♥。