老娘还没死（2023）

没有规则 没有指示 没人管我
No rules, no instructions. It's very poorly run.
好吧 我看过电影
Okay, I've seen the movies.
肯定有什么魔法词汇能让你赶紧投胎
There's gotta be some magic words that I can say to get you to move on.
比如 “我赦免你糟糕的人生”
Ooh, like, um-- "I absolve you of your messed up life."
“朝着光走 卡洛·安”
"Go to the light, Carol Anne!"
我糟糕的人生
- My messed up life?
对 你糟糕的人生
- Yes. Your messed up life.
我在写你的讣告 你是一个离过两次婚
I don't know if you remember, but I've been writing about you, and you're a dead, twice-divorced,
想成为音乐家而不得的死老头 你写的那首广♥告♥歌♥让我恨死了泡泡糖
wannabe musician who wrote one jingle that made me hate bubble gum.
是吗 那你呢
Uh-huh. And what about you?
我跟了你24小时 我看得出来 你也不怎么样
I've been around you for about 24 hours, and I can tell, you're no prize.
你酗酒
You drink too much,
你嫉妒其他人的幸福
you're jealous of other people's happiness,
而且一遇到困难就逃跑
and you literally just run away from any difficulty in your life.
我不干了
I'm not doing this.
我不要被死人做心理分♥析♥
I'm not getting psychoanalyzed by some dead person.
看到了吗 你又逃跑了
See? You're running away.
我没有...不
I am n-- No. No.
好极了 谢谢你 我错过了萨姆的电♥话♥
Great. Thank you. I just missed Sam's call.
嘿 我收到你的信息了
Hey, I got your text.
昨晚的情况有点失控
Last night got a little out of hand.
我知道我们以前吐槽莱克西 这事很有趣
I mean, I know it was funny how we used to not like Lexi,
但你不在的这段时间 她是个很好的朋友
but she's been a great friend to me while you've been gone.
她也是公♥司♥老板 所以如果我是你 我会考虑道个歉
She is also the boss, so if I were you, I would think about apologizing.
总之 我们晚点再聊
Anyway, I guess we'll talk later.
你现在打算怎么办
So, what are you gonna do now?
天啊
What...?
这间办公室真气派 莱克西
Well, this is, um, quite the office, Lexi.
对 就是那匹马把我甩下来的 它叫托德
Ah. Yes, that's the horse that bucked me-- Todd.
-我留着这幅画 来提醒自己的失败 -哇
I keep it as a reminder of my failures. - Wow.
有什么事吗
- So, what can I do for you?
我买♥♥了些甜甜圈 以表歉意
I wanted to drop off some apology donuts.
昨晚是我过分了 我想跟你道歉
Last night, I wasn't at my best, and I wanted to say I'm sorry
我保证从今以后 我会更加专业
and I promise to be more professional from now on.
-你是从茶水间偷来的吗 -不是 为什么这么问
Did you steal these from the break room? No. Why?
其中有几个被啃过 而且盒子上写着茶水间
Several have bites taken out of them, and it says "break room" on the box.
好吧 是我偷的
Then, yes, I did.
抱歉 再见
Okay. Uh, sorry. Bye.
这道歉太不诚恳了
That was a pretty half-assed apology.
我是说 显然你有话要跟我说 那就别憋着了
I mean, obviously, you have something you'd like to say to me. So, be a reporter.
一股脑都说出来吧
Give me the full story.
我不认为这是个好主意
I don't think that's a good idea.
我有个主意
I have an idea.
我们花30秒时间
Let's take 30 seconds
告诉对方我们的真实看法
and tell the other person exactly what we think
但说无妨 怎么样
of them with no repercussions.
我先来
Huh? I'll go first.
我认为你是个不可救药的酒鬼
I think you are a sloppy drunk.
哇 你真直白
Oh, wow. You're just gonna go right in there.
我认为你跟你的马之间的关系很不合适
Well, I think your relationship with your horse is inappropriate.
我认为你这件衬衫是从Wet Seal买♥♥的
I think that shirt looks like it was bought from Wet Seal.
-那些甜甜圈是我啃的 -你还在报社工作
I took the bites out of those donuts. You still work in newspapers.
你在报社工作
You work in newspapers.
我知道你没邀请我去你的生日派对
I knew you didn't want me at your birthday party,
但我还是去了
but I invited myself anyway.
我觉得你不配做萨姆的朋友
I don't think you're good enough to be friends with Sam.
丹尼斯让我雇你的时候 我拒绝了
When Dennis asked me to hire you, I said no.
你为了个男人放弃了大好前途
You gave up a promising career to chase after some guy,
结果并不如意 却要我来收拾残局
and when it doesn't work out, I'm supposed to pick up the pieces?
我之所以改变主意 是因为萨姆告诉我 你情绪不太好
I only changed my mind when Sam told me you were in a sad spot
需要这根救命稻草
and really needed to catch a break.
我是为了她才雇你的
I hired you for her.
但我是你老板 如果你表现不佳
But I am your boss, and if you don't perform,
第一个被炒的就是你
you will be the first to go,
你跟谁做朋友都救不了你
and it won't matter who you're friends with.
好的 感谢告知
Okay, good to know.
顺便一说 我觉得这个游戏不好玩
I really don't think that's a fun game, by the way.
如果跟家人一起玩就好玩多了
Oh, it's a lot better if you're playing with your family.
-你在吗 -在
- Are you here? - Yep.
我一直闭着眼睛 希望再次睁开时 我会在马德里
-I keep closing my eyes and hoping when I open them, I'll be in Madrid.
你怎么这副表情
Oh, no. What's with the face?
出于某种愚蠢的原因 我以为我能回来
For some dumb reason, I thought that I would just come back home
从断开的地方重新开始
and pick back up where I left off,
但一切都变了
but... everything's changed
我觉得跟所有人都脱节了
and I feel really disconnected from everyone.
那我们怎么办
So, what do we do then?
就坐在这里为你感到难过 永远这样下去吗
Just sit here and feel sorry for you for the rest of eternity?
我是到了地狱吗
Am I in Hell?
-如果你跟我一起 可能吧 -天啊
- If you're with me, probably. - Oh, my God.
我真是受不了你的抱怨了
You know, I can't listen to any more of your whining.
要么我用那个枕头闷死你 要么我们得出去
I'm either gonna smother you with that pillow or we're going out.
闷死我吧
Smother me.
这太蠢了
This is so dumb.
我们来这儿做什么 我们要分吃一个烤面包吗
What are we doing here? I mean, are we gonna split a bruschetta?
你不需要那些东西
You know, you don't need those things.
我觉得所有人都在盯着我 在心里嘀咕我是不是脑子有病
I feel like everyone is staring at me, wondering what's wrong with me
我为什么一个人坐在高档餐厅里
and why I'm all alone in such a beautiful place.
让我告诉你一件事
Let me tell you something.
我是个钢琴神童
I was prodigy on the piano.
我是在“夏日之恋”那个时期搬到加州的
I moved to California in the Summer of Love,
我打算创作出令世人惊叹的音乐
and I was gonna make incredible music.
结果我就写了一首《美味泡泡糖》
And I ended up writing... - Yummy Yum-- ?
-别唱 -我知道 很丢人
- Oh, no singing. I know. It's embarrassing.
因为我不甘心
Because I wanted so much more.
所以我变得愤怒
So, I got angry,
我把别人推开 结果当我从自己的世界走出来时
and I pushed people away. And eventually, I climbed out of my own ass
发现我周围的人
and realized that there were people all around me
都在过着自己的生活
living their lives...
没有追悔没实现的人生
...not caring about what life should be,
而是专注于当下的人生
but about what it is.
等我明白过来的时候 一切都变了
And when I got that, everything changed.
看到那位女士了吗
I mean, look at that woman over there.
她没有觉得难为情
She's not self-conscious.
只是享受着当下的生活
Just enjoying life as it's happening right now.
你不必这么做
- You don't have to do this.
-做什么 -像《圣诞颂歌♥》里的鬼魂那样
- Do what? Ghost-of-Christmas-Future me into thinking
教育我 如果我不改变自己
that if I don't change my ways,
我会孤独终老 盛装打扮 戴着老土的绿松石项链
I'm gonna end up alone and all dressed up, wearing some ugly turquoise necklace.
或者你戴项链
Or maybe you wear it because your husband
是因为那是你丈夫在西班牙 买♥♥的周年纪念礼物
bought it for you in Spain for your anniversary.
-那是你妻子吗 -是的
Is that your wife? Yes, it is.
天啊
Oh, my God.
我很抱歉
I'm so sorry.
我好像没办法控制自己
I ju-- I-I just can't seem to get out of my own way.
-我一团糟 -确实是
I'm a mess. - Yeah, you are.
-谢谢 -但你知道吗 这没关系
- Thanks. - But, you know, it's okay.
因为我以前也是
'Cause so was
在我遇到克里基特之前
I before I met Cricket.
天啊 真希望我能再告诉她一次 她有多美
God, I wish I could tell her once more how beautiful she is.
好的
Okay.
不好意思 希望我这么做不会显得太奇怪
Excuse me. I hope this isn't too weird,
但我觉得应该有人告诉你 你今晚有多美
but I just thought someone should tell you how beautiful you look tonight.
太意外了
Well, isn't that a kick?
谢谢你
Thank you.
我真的很喜欢你的项链
And I really love your necklace.
是我丈夫给我的
My husband gave it to me.
虽然有点浮夸 但戴上它就能让我想起他
It's a little gaudy, but it makes me think of him.
你知道 这其实不符合我的性格
You know, this is-- this is really out of character for me,
但我能坐下来
but would it be the strangest thing
跟你喝一杯酒吗
if I asked to join you for a glass of wine?