老娘还没死（2023）

Uh, so maybe, um, I don't know-- bagpipes!
能找人演奏风笛吗 你当然办得到 你这么厉害
Can you get bagpipes? Of course you can. You're magic.
我没时间打理你 说到时间
Oh, I don't have that kind of time. Ooh, speaking of time,
我要你把所有时程提前两小时 好配合他的日程表
I need you to move up everything by two hours to accommodate his schedule.
-谢谢你 谢谢 你最棒了 -好
Thank you, thank you, thank you! You're the best. Hey.
-你们死定了 再见 -她是认真的吗
You guys are screwed. Byeee. Is she for real?
她就这样冲进来丢了一堆工作给你 还把你的浏海弄乱
She just comes in here and dumps work on you and messes with your bangs,
再说 你的浏海一开始就很美了
which were perfect to begin with, by the way?
没关系 她爸对她很严苛
- No, it's fine. Her dad just throws a lot at her.
你真是大好人 你就像蒂妲史云顿
You're a very nice person. You're like Tilda Swinton in some movie
她在某部电影里 为了某个不知感激的人做牛做马
where she does too much for someone who doesn't appreciate her.
我...我甚至不确定她是谁
Oh, I'm-- I'm not even sure who she is.
重点是 感觉都是你在付出
The point is, this doesn't feel like a two-way street.
你的朋友交了新朋友 不代表你们不能都做朋友
Just because a friend has another friend doesn't mean you can't all be friends.
闭嘴 小猪
Quit it, pig!
听我说 奈儿 我和莱克希是朋友 如果你们两个
Look, Nell, Lexi and I are friends, okay? So it would be really helpful if the two of you
能想办法好好相处就太好了
could just figure out a way to get along.
当然
Of course.
你的朋友交了新朋友 不代表你们不能都做朋友
Just 'cause my friend has another friend doesn't mean we can't all be friends.
好喔
Okay.
我想听到你这么说 但希望你是真心的
That's what I like to hear. But I hope it was sincere.
(《索科尔独♥立♥报》) (珍馔美酒节)
天啊 匆忙筹备这一切真的好难
Oh, my God. This was so hard to pull together last-minute.
我甚至分不清现实了
I can't even tell what's real anymore.
感觉你办得很成功耶 看看这里
It seems like you pulled it off. Look at this.
-嗨 -嗨
Hey. - Hey. - Hey.
我们也许要调动摊位位置 大家才能先吃饱了再喝酒
So, we might want to switch around the booths so people eat before they drink,
因为我不确定是排毒的关系 还是因为我空腹
because I don't know if it's the detox, or maybe it's the empty stomach,
但这个葡萄酒让我飘飘然
but this wine has your boy festive.
对 我很抱歉 原本不是这样的
Yeah, I'm so sorry. It was not supposed to be like that.
为了莱克希的爸爸调整时程 害整个活动变得一团混乱
It was just changing the time for Lexi's dad screwed everything up.
我真的很需要吃点东西 缓解醉意
Well, I desperately need some food to soak up this wine,
我要去义式炖饭小屋 五分钟后见
so Risotto Hut, five minutes.
珊姆宝贝 苏格兰炫舞团几点会上台表演
Sam, babe, what time is Kilts Akimbo hitting the stage?
你说谁
The who what now?
苏格兰炫舞团 就是我预订的苏格兰高地舞团
Kilts Akimbo. The Scottish Highland dancing group I booked.
我以为你♥爸♥讨厌跳舞
I thought your dad hated dancing.
-正是 -是没错 但他爱看踢腿
- Correct. - He does, but he loves kicking.
它到了
Ah! It's arrived.
什么...什么到了
What's-- What's arrived?
为什么我的活动上会有怪兽卡车
Why is there a monster truck at my festival?
我把它捐出来当抽奖奖品
I had it donated so we could raffle it off.
但我会让爸爸抽中 不要告诉别人喔
But I'm gonna make sure Daddy wins it. Our little secret.
-不行 这是诈骗 -你真幽默
- No, that's fraud. - You're hilarious.
小莱 你之前请我帮忙筹备活动时
So, Lex, this is a little bit more than what I was expecting
我可没料想到会发生这些事
when you asked me to help you out with this festival.
什么都难不倒我的好闺密 我的好闺密会处理好
Oh, it's nothing my BFF can't handle. My Best Friend, Figuring it out.
-好 -不
Well, no,
这样就是「密处」 根本没这种说法
that would be BFFIO, and that's not even a real thing.
如果我要挪出空位摆卡车 就得撤掉一些摊位
If I have to make room for that truck, I'm gonna lose tables,
我不如直接崩溃算了 这样比较有效率
so I might as well just lost my mind because that seems more efficient.
-你还有在呼吸吗 -我不知道
- Okay, are you breathing? - I don't know.
我的胸口起起伏伏 但没有空气进出
My chest is going up and down, but nothing's going in or out.
只是个美酒节 能有多糟
It's just a wine festival, okay? What's the worst that can happen?
有人可能空腹喝酒 然后脱水致死
Someone could drink without eating and they'd get dehydrated and then they could die,
也许还有其他人死掉 我们就得逃亡
then possibly other people die, and then we'd have to go on the lam
把头发染成金色 逃到葡萄牙
and dye our hair blond and move to Portugal.
葡萄牙 好 不会有人死
Portugal? Okay, nobody's going to die.
但如果真是如此 你染金发会超好看
But if they did, you would look really hot as a blonde.
好 好 谢谢你
Okay. Okay, thank you.
你可以的 加油
You got this. Come on.
好吧 好 我要来整治这个活动
All right. Okay. I am gonna go and make this festival my bitch.
-就是这样 -好
- Yes, you are. - Okay.
因为我是你真正的好闺密 对吧
'Cause I'm your real BFF, you know?
不是某个明显无感的好闺密
Not like a BFF that's utterly and truly insensitive.
对 这样就叫「密感」 谁都不想要这样
Yeah, 'cause that would be a BFF-UTI, and nobody wants that.
说别人朋友的坏话不好喔
It's not nice to be mean about someone's friend.
没错 猪脚
That's right, Ham Hock.
而且不该拿泌尿道感染开玩笑
And UTIs are no joking matter.
这样不会有好下场
This isn't going to end well.
你知道我现在想吃点什么吗
You know what I'm in the mood for?
帕尔玛火腿
Some prosciutto.
就像《阿♥拉♥丁》
And so, much like Aladdin,
我们要来尝尝希哈 在崭新的世界结束旅程
we end our journey in a whole new world with our Syrah.
感觉得出来 他们尽可能萃取出当地风土的风味
You can tell they've tried to extract as much terroir as possible.
快喝
Drink.
为什么
Why?
我和蒙提常常玩这种自以为懂酒的游戏
Monty and I used to play this wine-snob game.
有人说「风土 挂杯 果酱味」 我们就会喝酒
If anyone said "terroir" or "legs" or "jammy," we'd drink.
不过他对风土的评论没错啊
He was right about the terroir, though.
我渐渐觉得我喜欢的并不是活动
I'm starting to think that it's not the festivals that I enjoy so much.
而是蒙提
It's Monty.
我们到哪都玩得很开心
We could have fun anywhere.
抱歉
I'm sorry.
我想是因为太热 太阳又太大 我才会心情不好
I guess the heat and the sun beating down doesn't have me in a fun mood.
不好意思
Excuse me.
你愿意借我朋友你的雨伞吗
Would you mind loaning my friend your umbrella?
应该不行
I don't think so.
她刚丧夫
She just lost her husband.
我深感遗憾
I'm sorry for your loss.
对 希望这有帮助
Yeah. I hope this helps.
-谢谢你 -不客气
- Thank you. Aww. - You're welcome.
她没喝到柠檬水也很伤心
You know, she's also sad because she doesn't have a lemonade.
你没喝到柠檬水吗
- You didn't get a lemonade?
-来 -谢谢
- Here you go. - Aww. Thank you.
不客气
- You're welcome.
味道比我的眼泪好喝多了
This is much tastier than my tears.
好 就这样吧
Okay.
-上帝保佑你 -谢谢
- All right now. - Bless you. Thank you.
我们刚想出了寡妇游戏吗
Did we just invent the Widow Game?
-应该是喔 -好 我喜欢
- I think we did. - Okay! I like it.
好 虽然不完美 但情况可能更糟 对吧
Okay, it's not perfect, but it could be so much worse, right?
可能会超级糟糕的
It could be so much worse.
如果没有你 我一定没办法完成
I don't know how I would have done any of this without you.
珊姆 这是什么
Sam? - What is this?
有洞的餐盘
A plate with a hole in it.
这个洞是用来放酒杯的
It is a hole for your wine glass.
我跟一个女人拿的 她从家里带来的
Yeah, I took this from a woman. She brought it from home.
-把东西还我 -别吵
- I'd like it back. - You stay out of this.
这很创新
Now, this is innovation.
这很独特 有创意 让我们所有餐盘看起来很蠢
This is unique, creative. It's making all of our plates look stupid!
好 你现在是认真的吗
Okay, are you being serious right now?
因为我拚死拚活要办好活动
Because I moved heaven and earth to make this festival great,
现在只因为餐盘没有洞 你就不开心吗
and now you're upset because the plates don't have holes in them?
不 我不开心是因为我雇用你办活动 你...你失职了
No, I'm upset because I hired you to do a job and you-- you dropped the ball.
你雇用我
Oh, you hired me?
我现在就是你雇用的人吗
I'm someone you hire now?
因为你之前压力很大 希望有人彻夜陪着你的时候
Because when you were stressed and needed someone to stay up all night,
我就是你的朋友
then I was your friend.
珊姆 不要误会了 我是你的老板
Sam, make no mistake, I am your boss,
你的工作就是做好我交代的所有事
and it is your job to do exactly what I tell you to do.
现在我觉得你无法胜任
And right now, it doesn't feel like you're up for that job.
给你
Here.
我真为你感到遗憾 就算以莱克希的标准来看 都太过分了
I am so sorry. That was harsh even for Lexi standards.
-没关系 -不 有关系
- It's fine. - No! It is not.
她口口声声说她是你朋友 然后整天虐待你
She claims to be your friend, and then she treats you like crap all day.
她是个养尊处优的娇娇女 她没资格有你这个朋友 朋友
She's spoiled and entitled, and she doesn't deserve you, dude.
老实说 如果她觉得我很不会办活动
You know what? Actually, if she thinks that I am so terrible at running this event,
那她接下来就自己看着办吧
then she can run the rest of it herself,
我们可以像以前那样去大玩特玩
and you and I can go off and have fun like we used to.
开始 好 加油
Go! Okay, come on.