爱情零距离（2013）

-白头翁是什么 -白头翁是什么
- What's grackle? - What's grackle?
我不知道
I don't know.
好消息
Hey. Good news.
你不用让曼斯菲尔德去你家了
Instead of having Mansfield over to your place,
我在索拉斯餐厅订了位置
I made us a reservation at Solasse.
我可没钱去索拉斯餐厅
I can't afford Solasse.
我懂你 了解你 我会付钱的
Look, I get you. I understand you. I'll pay.
不不 这是我对曼斯菲尔德先生的
No, no, this is my thank-you present
感谢礼物 不是你的
to mr. Mansfield, not yours.
亲爱的 我听到了 我现在在听你说话
Babe, I am hearing you. I am listening to you right now.
好了 首先 不要看我的《时尚》杂♥志♥了
Okay, okay, first, stop reading my cosmo.
知道吗 我想在我家请客
And you know what? I want to do it at my place.
这就是重点
That's the whole point.
你不了解曼斯菲尔德
You don't understand Mansfield.
当他坐下吃晚餐时 他期待看到四把叉子
When he sits down to dinner, he expects to see four forks.
我有五把叉子
Well, I've got five forks.
每个人四把
Per person.
詹妮 如果在你家做饭
Jenny, if we do it at your place,
我们就得去租叉子了
we're gonna have to rent forks.
真尴尬 他们在吵架
Uh-oh. Awkward. They're fighting.
我们没在吵架
We're not fighting.
你们需要隐私吗
Oh, you need privacy?
不 他需要咨♥询♥一下爱情博士
No. He needs a consultation with Dr. Love.
布洛迪 作为另一个身处性关系中的男人
Brody, as another man in a sexual relationship --
是的 我的恋爱已经发展到了性♥爱♥
Yes, my relationship has become sexual,
但我不想聊这个
but I do not want to talk about it.
我真的不想聊这个
I really don't want to talk about it.
很好 因为这是隐私
Good. Because it's private.
我说的隐私是指
And by private, I mean...
超棒
spectacular.
我终于带哈佛生去购物了 因为
So, I finally took Harvard shopping because --
他穿得像是个同性恋图书管♥理♥员♥
He dresses like a lesbian librarian.
不 因为他拒绝为自己花钱
No, because he refuses to spend money on himself.
等着看我给他买♥♥了什么吧
Wait till you see what I bought him.
他有一种粗犷的性感
He has such a rugged sensuality.
我是说 我没必要告诉你啦
I mean, I don't have to tell you.
没必要 永远都没有
No, you don't. Ever again.
作为一个一直体内♥射♥精的人
And as someone who is having coitus non-interruptus --
哈佛生
Harvard.
你叫我过来
Did you just bring me over here
是为了告诉我你跟琳赛做♥爱♥了吗
so you could tell me you're having sex with Lindsay?
不 因为那是隐私
No. Because that's private.
但是我要告诉你的是
What I will tell you, though,
琳赛和我不吵架
is that Lindsay and I do not fight,
所以如果你需要帮助 我都在这里
So if you need any help, I am here for you...
作为朋友
...as a friend...
和性存在
and a sexual being.
我先失陪一会
E-excuse me for a second.
詹妮 我知道你真的很想邀请曼斯菲尔德去你家吃晚餐
Hey, uh, Jenny, I know you really want to have Mansfield over for dinner.
你不觉得
Don't you think that a dinner party
三个人的晚宴会有些尴尬吗
with three people is gonna be a little awkward?
实际上 你说得对
Yeah, actually, you're right.
琳赛 你和哈佛生
Hey, Lindsay, do you and Harvard
明晚愿意跟我们一起吃晚餐吗
want to join us for dinner tomorrow night?
我们很愿意
We'd love to!
太棒了
Great.
这真是会让一切没那么尴尬啊
This will make it so much less awkward.
道琼斯平均指数收盘上涨6分
And the Dow closed up six points,
本周结束时上涨了1.5%
ending the week up 1 1/2%.
迈克·三连冠·温
This has been Mike "Threepeat" Wen
在雷明顿信托公♥司♥报道完毕
signing off from Remington Trust.
你怎么觉得
What do you think?
说实话 不要糖衣炮弹
Be honest. Do not sugarcoat it.
这是我见过的最烂的报道
That was the worst thing I've ever seen.
你可以稍微美化一点的
You could have put a little sugar on it.
我已经美化了
I did.
我完蛋了
Dude, I'm so screwed.
我觉得我要生病了
I think I'm gonna be sick.
现在是干呕时期
It's dry-heave time.
哥们 冷静点
Dude, come on. Calm down.
如果你需要表演技巧 我可以教你
If you need some acting tips, I can give you some.
你对表演有什么了解
Oh, what do you know about acting?
我不喜欢聊这些 但我以前上过电视的
I don't like to talk about this, but I used to be on tv.
你可能在八十年代后期看过我的作品
You might have seen my work in the last '80s.
我们有九种烤宽面条和无数意面
With nine kinds of lasagna and our endless pasta bar,
维托老少咸宜
Vito's has something for everyone in the family.
我爱大意利面
I love the pasghetti!
你是大意利面小子吗 你当时好红
You were pasghetti kid? You were huge!
他们播那条广♥告♥播了八年
They played that commercial for eight years straight.
我高中所有的大♥麻♥都靠这笔收入
I bought all my weed at high school off of that.
我一直都想那么出名
Man, I-I've always wanted to be that famous.
你得帮我来
You got to do it for me.
我出局了
Oh, I'm out the game.
拜托 我现在身处黑暗之中
Come on, man. Please. I'm in a dark place.
告诉我你喜欢什么
Just...tell me what you love.
我不...
I don't -- ohh.
我爱大意利面 我爱大意利面
I love the pasghetti! I love the pasghetti!
我爱大意利面 我爱大意利面
I love the pasghetti! I love the pasghetti!
太棒了
Yes!
这地方看起来真不错 宝贝
Oh, wow! The place looks so nice, babe.
谢谢
Oh, thank you.
秘诀是圣诞灯饰 还有别往床底下看
The secret is Christmas lights and don't look under the bed.
瞧 我跟你说过没什么好担心的
See? I told you didn't have anything to worry about.
我想是吧
I guess not.
这是你妈妈著名的烤肉饼吗
So, is this your mom's famous meatloaf?
实际上她称之为"肉堆"
Actually, she calls it a "Meatload."
因为一堆堆的都是肉
Because it's -- it's loaded with meat.
你就在里面放根热狗吗
You just gonna put a hot dog in there?
不止是一根热狗
Oh, not just a hot dog,
是一层热狗
A layer of hot dogs.
你要倒多少波旁威士忌
And how much bourbon are you gonna pour right on that?
不知道 我目测吧
I don't know. I'm just eyeballing it.
你看都没看
You're not even looking.
系好"肉肉"安全带 对吧
Oh, buckle your meat belts, right?
-某人提前到了 我来开门 -真好
- Oh, uh, someone's here early. I'll get it. - Great.
-怎么了 -怎么啦
- What's that? - What's up?
你叫了外卖♥♥吗
Did you order food?
没有 有
No. Yes.
但只是因为我不知道你要做肉堆
But only because I didn't know you were making meatload,
现在我们有了我推测的
and now we have what I can only assume
美味的五人份三道菜的烤羊排晚餐
is a delicious three-course rack-of-lamb dinner for five.
我们可以跟肉堆一起吃
So we could have it with the meatload,
吃肉堆之前吃 或者不吃肉堆吃这个
before it, you know, instead of it.
你觉得我们该怎么做
What do you think we should do?
我觉得我们该怎么处置它
Oh, what do I think we should do with this?
这边肯定有个地方能放它
There must be a nice spot for it right over here.
搞什么
What the hell?
布洛迪 我不需要你来帮忙来举办派对
Brody, I don't need your help with this party,
就跟我不需要你帮我做测试题一样 好吗
just like I didn't need your help with my test, okay?
-这个嘛 -你这是什么意思
- Well... - What do you mean by "Well"?
没什么
Nothing, nothing.
你得了A 好厉害
You got an "A." Raise the roof.
我要在肉堆上再加一只热狗吗
Should I throw another dog on the load?
等等 让我看看试♥卷♥
Wait. Let me see this test.
不要急于下结论
Don't jump to any conclusions.
天啊 你改了我的答案
Oh, my god. You changed my answers.
只改了错误的答案
Only the wrong ones.
布洛迪·莫耶 你好大胆 这真是难以置信...
Brody Moyer, how dare you? That is so unbelievably...
客人到了
Our guests are here.
不不不 我们要谈谈这事
No, no, no, no, no. We are gonna talk about this.