爱情零距离（2013）

布洛迪
Hey, Brody.
我知道我是被雇来取代你的
I know I was hired to replace you
现在你又回到了楼上
and now you're back upstairs.
我只是想确认
I just wanted to make sure
咱俩之间不会尴尬
that there's no awkwardness between us.
不 没事 我们都是成年人
No. It's all good. We're both adults.
你为什么坐在巨怪托皮亚旁边
Why are you sitting at Trolltopia?
你把这办公桌叫做巨怪托皮亚吗
You named the desk Trolltopia?
太逊色了 抱歉 精益求精
That's so lame. Sorry, Excelsior.
我的东西呢
Where is my stuff?
在你的新桌子上
It's on your new desk.
不 不行 那是放屁办公桌
No. No way. That's the fart desk.
我完全不知道你在说什么
I have no idea what you're talking about.
你知道的
Yes, you do.
人们在那张办公桌旁停下
People stop at that desk,
假装看着亨德森的文件
pretend to look at the Henderson file,
然后放气
and then just let it rip.
亨德森的数据啊
Oh, the Henderson numbers.
看起来真是非常...
Oh, they are looking very...
非常...
...very...
...有说服力
...strong.
至少能把我的椅子还给我吗
Can I at least have my chair back?
我花了三周时间才找到
It took my three weeks to find one
最适合我腰部的椅子
that was perfect for my lumbar.
这些椅子都是一样的
These chairs are all the same.
我的背不舒服
I've had back problems,
所以我需要额外支撑
so I need a lot of extra support.
好了 各位
All right, people.
我知道我们大家都热烈欢迎莫耶先生回归
I know we're all very excited to welcome back Mr. Moyer.
这和凯♥旋♥一样
And like any triumphant return,
需要一段很棒的演讲
it deserves a-a great speech.
孩子 你有三十秒时间
Son, you have 30 seconds.
我想我能编出点什么
Uh...I suppose I could come up with something.
隆冬之际 我发觉我内心深处
In the depth of winter, I found there was, within me,
有永不凋零的夏季[阿尔贝·加缪说的]
an invincible summer.
-我觉得 -说得好 说得好
- I think -- - Well said. Well said.
为了鼓舞这里的士气
Now, in order to boost morale around here,
我想来一场友谊竞赛
I like to have a little friendly competition,
所以我希望你们准备好
so I want you to all prepare to get your asses kicked
在我的年度3V3篮球锦标赛中被狠狠虐哭吧
in my annual three-on-three basketball tournament.
-来打篮球吧 -我回来得正是时候
- Let's play some round ball! - Oh! I'm back just in time!
有一些人会足够走运 加入我的篮球队
Some of you will be lucky enough to play on my team.
莫耶先生 你是我的组织后卫
Mr. Moyer, you'll be my point guard.
温先生 跟往常一样 你是我的替补人
Mr. Wen, as usual, you'll be my fourth man.
我好开心
I'm so happy.
他称我为"人"
He called me a man.
为了保持公平
Just to keep things fair,
我想把最后一个位置留给随机的临时雇员
I like to give my final spot away to some random temp.
瞧瞧中介派来了谁
Let's see who the agency sent over.
干嘛 好啊
Oh. What? Hey.
瞧瞧你
Look at you.
孩子 告诉我
Son, tell me this --
你打过篮球吗
Have you -- have you ever played basketball?
我又一次走运了
I lucked out once again.
很高兴来到这里 先生
Happy to be here, sir.
顺便说一句 我觉得你在发展中市场露面不足
By the way, I think you might be underexposed in developing markets.
你来不是为了说这个
Not what you're here for.
好了 我们继续工作吧
All right. Let's get back to work.
但首先 让我看看亨德森文件
But first, let me take a look at this Henderson file.
爱情零距离 第二季第六集
哈佛生
Hey, Harvard.
我不知道你处不处理发新椅子的事
Uh, I don't know if you deal with getting people new chairs...
不处理
No.
我的背真的很酸痛
It's just that my back is really sore.
疯狂的想法
Um, crazy thought.
可能有所帮助的是按♥摩♥
You know what might help is a massage.
好吧 我活动活动这些黄金手指
Yeah, why don't I go ahead and warm up these magic fingers
好谷歌♥一下"理疗"
so I can google "Physical therapy."
不用了 谢谢 我觉得我会没事的
No, thanks. I-I think I'll be okay.
你得约那姑娘出去 哥们
You need to ask that girl out, man.
我受够了看到你如此孤独
I'm tired of seeing you so lonely,
而且也受够了你每个节日
and I'm tired of you coming over to my family's house
都去我家
for every single holiday.
这提醒了我
Which reminds me --
植树节马上就到了
Arbor Day is right around the corner.
我搞到了一根松树香味的大♥麻♥
And I got to get a pine-scented joint
可以跟你祖母一起抽
to smoke with your grandma.
少跟我祖母一起抽大♥麻♥
Stop smoking weed with my grandma!
约她出去吧
Ask her out, man.
我不可能约琳赛出去的 好吗
There's no way I'm asking Lindsay out, okay?
是啊 她很可爱 而且显然很擅长足球
Yes, she's cute and clearly very good at soccer,
但是她是楼上的人
but she's upstairs people.
他们非常... 我该怎么说
And they're just so -- how can I put this?
*我回到楼上了 各位*
*I'm back on top, you guys*
那样
That.
宝贝
Hi, baby.
在楼上的第一天感觉如何 都是男人谈论的东西吗
How's your first day up there? Was it all guy talk?
金钱 数据
Money. Numbers.
蛋蛋 我不知道
Testicles. I don't know.
不不不
No, no, no.
我们谈论了三连冠的内衣情况
We discussed Threepeat's underwear situation
然后是曼斯菲尔德的篮球锦标赛
and then Mansfield's basketball tournament,
所以是啊 有点吧
So, yeah, a little.
我超爱篮球
I love basketball.
我差点获得了在大学打球的奖学金
You know, I almost got a scholarship to play in college.
什么 你没告诉我你差点上大学
What? You never told me you almost went to college.
出什么事了
What happened?
我们赢得了冠军 但我摔坏了膝盖
We won the championship game, but I blew out my knee.
你打球的时候摔着了吗
Well, you came down on it wrong?
不算是
No, not exactly.
在余兴派对中 我对着一桶酒做抽♥插♥动作
I did it air-humping a pony keg at the after party.
这会困扰你吗
Well, does it bother you?
下雨的时候会有点
A little when it rains, you know,
或者我以古怪的姿势走路时
or if I move kind of weird.
我说的是不去上大学
I meant about not going to college.
没啥事 我想都没想过
Not really. I-I barely even think about it.
我要怎么报名参加锦标赛啊
So, um...how do I sign up for, uh, the tournament?
你想参加曼斯菲尔德的篮球锦标赛吗
Uh, you want to play in Mansfield's basketball tournament?
是啊
Yeah.
那不是个问题 对吧
That's... not a problem, is it?
这是个巨大的问题
It's a huge problem.
如果我打篮球赢了我女友 那我就是个混♥蛋♥
If I beat my girlfriend at basketball, I'm a dick.
如果我放她一马 让她胜利
And if I go easy on her and let her win,
曼斯菲尔德会很生气
Mansfield will be pissed
这会毁了我重返楼上的第一周
and it'll ruin my first week back upstairs.
这是双输的局面
It's a lose/lose situation.
你没女朋友真是太幸运了
You're so lucky you don't have a girlfriend.
是啊 我觉得很幸运
Yeah. I feel lucky.
总之 你到底怎么和詹妮说的
Anyway, uh, how exactly did you leave it with Jenny?
我答应她我会跟曼斯菲尔德谈谈她来打篮球的事
I promised I'd talk to Mansfield about her playing basketball.
那你就要这样做
Then that's exactly what you do.
你跟曼斯菲尔德谈谈詹妮来打篮球的事
You talk to Mansfield about Jenny playing basketball,
但你实际上并不问他
but you technically don't ask him
她能不能来参加锦标赛
about her playing in the tournament.
合理的推诿 太机智了
Plausible deniability. Brilliant.
我这辈子都是这样度过的
I live my entire life that way.
比如说 当我说我上过耶鲁大学
For example, it is a true statement
并且在2002年毕业时 这是个真命题
when I say that I went to Yale and graduated in 2002.
等等 你这是说你没上过耶鲁大学吗
Wait. Are you saying you didn't go to yale?
我去过耶鲁大学
I went to Yale...