爱情零距离（2013）

亲爱的 我到家了
Hey, babe. I'm home.
我在办公室
I'm in the office.
现在我到了厨房♥
Now I'm in the kitchen.
我听不见 我在卧室里
I can't hear you. I'm in the bedroom.
我很喜欢我们可以
You know, I love that we can have sex
同时在每间房♥间里做♥爱♥
in every room of the house at the same time.
-你在干什么 -我在第一次在家考试
- What you doing? - I got my first take-home test.
这是我多年来第一次
It's the first test I've taken in years
不要求尿样的测试
that doesn't require a urine sample.
经济学入门啊
Econ 101.
如果你需要我帮你看看答案 我可以...
If you need me to look over your answers, I could do --
不 我感觉挺好的
No, I feel pretty good about it.
挺好吗
Pretty good?
选择题啊
Multiple choice, huh?
你觉得第四题答案选对了吗
Do you feel like you chose the right answer for number four?
因为我看到[C]了我会选的选项
Because I "C" what I would have done.
你
Do you...
看到[C]了我看到[C]的吗
"C" what I "C"?
我看出了你现在想干什么
I see what you're trying to do right now.
你说得对 这是你的考试
Yeah, you're right. It's totally your test.
但是第九题 你能[B]确定吗
But number nine, though, can you "B" sure?
我有点[B]疑惑呢
I would... "B" wondering.
布洛迪 布洛迪
Brody, Brody.
我要去洗个[A]澡
I'm gonna go take a shower.
如果你想和我在一起[B]
If you would like to be with me
看见[C]我的裸体
and see me naked,
不要做个混♥蛋♥[D]
stop being such a d...ick.
好吧
All right.
别这样
Don't do it.
我必须得做 天啊 我真是个混♥蛋♥
And I have to do it. God, I am such a d-ick.
爱情零距离 第二季第八集
亲爱的
Hey, babe.
亲爱的
Hey, babe!
-真是个惊喜 -真是个惊喜
- Aww, this is a nice surprise. - Aww, this is a nice surprise.
太有爱了
That's so sweet.
对不起
Oh, I'm sorry.
你和詹妮不再是
Does it bother you that you and Jenny
这里唯一一对快乐的情侣了 这困扰你吗
aren't the only happy couple around here anymore?
你压到我的子♥宫♥了
You're crushing my uterus!
调皮
Naughty.
总之我最好回楼下了
Well, anyways, better get back downstairs.
可不想让老板知道我不在
I don't want the boss to know I'm gone.
我有重大新闻
So, I have some big news.
猜猜谁第一次测试得A了
Guess who got an "A" on her first test.
正确答案 我
Correct answer -- me.
-我们做到了 -我们
- Ah! We did it! - "We"?
不 像是 好棒 你做到了
No, like, whee! You did it!
曼斯菲尔德在吗
Oh, hey, um, is Mansfield around?
我想再次感谢他付我的学费
I want to thank him again for paying for my tuition,
所以我要邀请他吃晚餐
so I'm gonna invite him over to dinner.
我要邀请教皇去看《丑闻》
And I'm gonna invite the pope over to watch "Scandal."
那是什么意思
Okay, what's that supposed to mean?
曼斯菲尔德从未接受过邀请
Look, Mansfield has never accepted an invitation
跟我们一起社交
to do anything social with any of us.
他总是说 今天是他妻子的生日
He always says it's his wife's birthday.
她去年过了19个生日
She had like 19 birthdays last year.
我邀请他看世界职业棒球大赛时
When I invited him over to watch the world series,
她两周里就过了七次生日
she had seven of them in two weeks.
我有两样东西你们没有
Uh, well, I've got two things that you guys don't have.
我有帽子和运动衫
I have a hat and a sweatshirt
是我在学校商店买♥♥的 好吗
from the campus store that I bought, okay?
-你们好恶心 -什么
- You're gross. - What?
-我们什么都没说啊 -我想着呢
- We didn't say anything. - I was thinking it.
话说
So, so, so,
理查德·布兰森 波诺和乔·蒙塔纳走进了一家酒吧
Richard Branson, Bono, and Joe Montana walk into a bar.
理查德·布兰森 亿万富翁
波诺 U2乐队歌♥手 乔·蒙塔纳 橄榄球巨星
我喜欢这些笑话 接下来怎么了 先生
Ah, I love these jokes. What happened next, sir?
这不是个笑话
It's not a joke.
他们邀请我加入他们 我们过了很愉快的一晚
They invited me to join them, and we had a lovely evening.
你又一次耍到了我们 先生
You got us again, sir.
你告诉我们你和波兰总理换电灯泡时
You think we would've learned our lesson when you told us
就以为我们会吃一堑长一智
how you and the prime minister of Poland changed a light bulb.
是啊 只用我俩来换
Yeah, it, uh -- it only took two of us.
他扶着梯子 我扭了灯泡
He held the ladder, and I turned it.
先生
Uh, sir,
我想再次感谢你付我的学费
I wanted to thank you again for paying for my classes,
我给你准备了一些礼物
so I got you a couple of presents,
我明天晚上想邀请你来吃晚餐
and I-I wanted to invite you over for dinner tomorrow night.
真好
Oh, that's very nice.
但明天是我妻子的生日
As it turns out, it's my wife's birthday.
-生日快乐 -一年真快啊
- Happy birthday. - That was a fast year.
转瞬即逝
Yeah, I don't know.
她会跟她妹妹一起庆祝
Which she'll be celebrating with her sister,
所以我可以去你家
so I'm free to come over to your place.
你会怎么 啥时候 为啥
You'll be what, when, why?
太棒了 时间是八点半
Great! Okay. Um, so it's at 8:30.
-这是我的地址 -瞧瞧
- There's my address. - Oh, look at that.
知道吗 我小时候
Do you realize when I was a little boy,
流浪汉都去这块地区等死
this was the neighborhood where hobos went to die.
现在还是
It still is.
-在你家见 -好
- I'll see you there. - Okay.
他真的要去
He's actually coming.
先生 我有两张旧金山49人的票
Sir, I have two tickets to the niners --
我妻子要过生日
It's my wife's birthday.
难以相信曼斯菲尔德真的要去吃晚餐
I can't believe Mansfield's actually coming over for dinner.
这是我们关系的接下来的合理进展
This is the next logical progression in our relationship.
我从员工到得力助手
I went from employee to right-hand man
现在成了朋友
and now...friend.
我想知道 他有多少"朋友"
You know, I wonder how many of his "Friends"
住在没有卧室 只有洗漱间的公♥寓♥里
live in a zero-bedroom, half-bath apartment
之前《警♥察♥》这部剧里就有这种公♥寓♥
that was once featured in the show "Cops."
听着 曼斯菲尔德知道詹妮住在哪里
Look, man, Mansfield knows where Jenny lives.
那只是和朋友的一顿便饭
It's just gonna be a casual dinner with friends.
莫耶先生 明晚的事...
Mr. Moyer, about tomorrow night --
詹妮邀请我八点半
Now, Jenny invited me to "Dinner"
去吃"正餐" 所以这就是晚餐了
at 8:30, which makes it supper,
我是要穿晚礼服还是正式的服装
so are we talking evening wear or formal wear?
显然不是便装
It's obviously not casual.
我去问问詹妮
Uh, I-I'll check with Jenny.
好 我们说正事吧
Great. Now let's get down to business.
金融新闻频道打来了电♥话♥
The financial news channel called.
他们想让我们负责明天实况转播的市场简讯
They want us to do the on-air market wrap-up tomorrow,
他们要我的最优秀的人
and they asked me for my best man.
-我吗 -不 是我
- Me? - No, me.
-我就是最优秀的人 -好吧
- I'm my best man. - Right.
但我已经答应去参加你非同寻常的
But I have already committed to your very unusual
晚餐正餐混合
supper-dinner hybrid.
我
Ooh, me.
-是谁 是谁 是谁 -我 我 我
- Who? Who? Who? - Me. Me. Me.
-谁一直再说"我" -我一直在说"我" 我 我
- Who keeps saying "Me"? - I'm saying "Me." Me, me, me, me.
-我 我 我 我 -你来做
- Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me! - You do it!
-太棒了 -温先生 别搞砸了
- Yeah! - All right, Mr. Wen! Just don't screw it up!
太棒了
Yeah!
明天见 在"待定的一顿饭"上
Well, I'll see you tomorrow at, uh, "Meal TBD."
好
Okay.
你肯定已经准备了菜单
Oh, and -- and I'm sure you already have your menu prepared,
但请写下来
but please write this down.
我对野鸡过敏
I am allergic to pheasant...
-野鸡 -还有白头翁
- Pheasant. - ...and grackle.
我们昨晚吃了白头翁 所以...
Well, we had grackle last night, so...