爱情零距离（2013）

每周工作35小时 六周带薪假期
35-hour weeks, 6 weeks paid vacation.
如果你有兴趣
And if you're interested,
足球队还缺一个人
we got a spot on our kickball team --
球尔街之狼
The wolves of ball street.
-总之 你会很适应这里的 -是啊
- Anyway, you are gonna fit in here perfectly. - Yeah.
-我只希望我早点开始 -很高兴你没有
- I only wish I'd started sooner. - I'm glad you didn't.
如果你没在雷明顿信托公♥司♥工作
I mean, if you hadn't put your time in at Remington Trust,
你就不会是我的秘密武器了
you wouldn't be my secret weapon.
你要帮我把你的老板曼斯菲尔德杀个落花流水
You're gonna help me strip your boy Mansfield for parts.
我要怎么做
I'm gonna what, now?
凭借我的外貌 你的外貌和你的情报
With my looks and your looks and your intel,
那家公♥司♥最多还能维持六个月
that company's got six months, tops.
顺便说一句 喜欢你这身打扮
By the way, side note, love the outfit.
让你显得很幽默
It makes you seem fun.
不不 你不明白
No, no, no, no. You don't understand.
我不能扳倒曼斯菲尔德
I-I can't take down Mansfield.
他是我的... 泰穆 现在不行
He's my -- Teemu, not now.
再见 奶奶
Goodbye, nana.
质量很高 哈里斯女士 你是一颗明星
Quality work, Ms. Harris. You are a star.
天啊 如果他们给了我红头发 刘海 眼镜
Hell, if they gave me red hair, bangs, glasses,
截掉了我的脚 让我成为了女人
took a foot off my height, and made me a woman,
我现在就是在照镜子
it'd be just like I was looking in a mirror.
谢谢 先生
Thank you, sir.
我晋升得太快了
My ears are popping from climbing up
耳朵旁边呼呼直响
the corporate ladder too fast.
你怎么能这么好地迎合他
How do you handle him so well?
每次我想跟他交流 都会发生意外
Every time I try to connect with him, it just backfires.
有次 我想在小便池跟他搭话
Once, I tried to talk to him at a urinal,
但他在用力尿尿 我尿不出来
but he was peeing so hard, I couldn't go.
他的手是这样的
He had his hands like this.
简直像是超人扑火
It was like superman putting out a fire.
曼斯菲尔德像是食肉动物
Look, Mansfield is like a predator,
所以我使用了马戏团训练狮子的技巧
so I use a technique the circus uses to train lions.
他们拿出三条腿的凳子
They hold out a stool with three legs
因为食肉动物
because a predator gets confused
会被三种不同的焦距搞晕
by three different points of focus.
好吧 那不可能管用
Okay, there's no way that works.
温先生 我还没拿到新加坡的数据
Mr. Wen, I still don't have those numbers from Singapore.
你知不知道 如果我高一英寸 有黑发
Do you realize, if I was an inch taller, had black hair,
而且超级无能
and was a complete incompetent,
我现在他妈就是在照镜子
It'd be just like I was looking in the goddamn mirror?
曼斯菲尔德先生 这里是昨天的数据
Mr. Mansfield, uh, here are yesterday's numbers,
《华尔街日报》和星爆糖果
The Wall Street Journal, and Starburst candy.
数据 日报 糖果
Numbers, journal, candy.
干得好 哈里斯女士
Uh...oh, quality work, Ms. Harris.
干得好
Quality work.
好了 那是24个
All right, that's 24.
难以置信旧金山居然有这么多
I can't believe how many uncircumcised penises
未受割礼的丁丁
there are in San Francisco.
男人真恶心
Guys are so gross.
我们根本不想看照片...
It's, like, we don't want to see a picture of your --
这个看起来像是在微笑呢
Oh, that one looks like it's smiling.
谢谢你 詹妮
Thank you, Jenny.
你不仅伤了我的心
Not only have you broken my heart,
还让我惭愧
you've made me ashamed
我没法让我的隐私部位微笑
that I can't get my private part to smile.
哈佛生 拜托 你还是能做到
Harvard, come on. You can still do this.
我试过了
I've tried.
我的极限就是让它看起来很惊讶
The most I can do is get it to look surprised.
不 我们需要给你弄一份
No, we need to make you a profile
吸引女人的资料
that's gonna attract a woman.
-给我 -好吧
- Give me this. - Okay.
德里克给你拍的这张照片
This picture that -- that Derrick took of you --
有点像嫌疑犯
It's a little person-of-interest-y.
是啊 是好的方式
Yeah, like in a good way.
不 不是好的方式
No. Not in a good way.
我们拍一张新照片 好吗
Um, so let's just take a new one. Okay?
-好吧 -更加热情的
- Okay. Yeah. - Something more welcoming.
-微笑好吗 -好
- You know, try just smiling, all right? - Yes.
真正的微笑
Okay. Like a real smile.
真人的微笑
Yeah. Like a real-person smile.
-好吧 -好吗 好
- Yeah, that's right. - Okay? Okay.
你不是个吓人的小丑 对吧
You're not a scary clown, right?
不是魔鬼
Not a -- not a demon.
不是像魔鬼 试着笑
Not like a demon. Try laughing.
停下 哈佛生
Stop. Harvard!
好吧 我不知道该怎么做
Okay! I don't know what to do.
好吧
Okay.
没事 没关系
That's okay. That's all right.
你记得布洛迪被炒的时候吗
Hey, do you remember when Brody got fired?
-是啊 -拍好了
- Yeah. - There it is.
亲爱的 新工作怎么样
Hey, babe. How's the new job?
跟我习惯的气氛不大一样
It's a slightly different vibe than I'm used to.
谢谢 天使
Hey. Thanks, angel.
是啊 但不用
Yeah, but how great is it
经常因为曼斯菲尔德而感到压力 那有多棒啊
not to constantly have to stress about Mansfield?
感觉太棒了 关于曼斯菲尔德
Oh, so great. Look, about Mansfield...
布洛迪 你现在真的要谈论他吗
Brody, are you seriously talking about him right now?
他们想利用我扳倒他
They want to use me to take him down.
那又如何 你什么都不欠他
So what? You don't owe him anything.
他是你的前老板 听听你自己说的话
He's your ex-boss. Listen to yourself.
我好担心我的前老板
I'm so worried about my ex-boss.
你模仿我的时候
You always make me sound super nasally
总是把我的声音模仿得鼻音很重
when you do your Brody impression.
哈佛生很会模仿你 你想让我叫他接电♥话♥吗
Harvard does a really good one. You want me to put him on?
不 我只是不知道该怎么做
No, I-I just don't know what to do.
亲爱的 做你的工作就好
Honey, just do your job.
但我是个大混♥蛋♥
But I'm such a big douche.
哈佛生 挂电♥话♥
Harvard, get off the line.
-他给了我好多东西 -哈佛生
- He's given me so much. - Harvard!
那是我
That was me.
曼斯菲尔德先生 你忙吗
Mr. Mansfield, are you busy?
如果我在上班 我就很忙
If I'm at work, I'm busy.
否则我会在家陪着我美丽的妻子
Otherwise, I'd be at home with my beautiful wife,
在我家阳台上做一些
doing things on our veranda
跟你没有半毛钱关系的事情
that are none of your goddamn business.
我给你拿来了这些...
Well, I, uh, brought you these --
马略卡岛的报告 霍尔科姆的数据 还有
the, uh, Majorca report, the Holcomb numbers, and --
天啊 我忘了第三样东西
Oh, my god, I forgot the third thing.
你为什么给我看两样东西
Why are you showing me two things?
当人们一次给我看两样东西时
When people show me two things at once,
这让我超级愤怒
it just makes me mad as hell.
我不是故意的 先生
I'm not trying to, sir.
我发誓 我 你愤怒的时候
I swear. I -- When you get angry,
让我想起了我爸爸生气的时候
it reminds me of when my dad would get angry.
我是说 有次我数学考试没及格
And, I mean, one time I failed a math test,
他让我周末去跟我祖父祖母过
and he sent me to stay with my grandparents for the weekend,
对一个九岁小孩来说 墓园很冷清
and the cemetery's a lonely place for a 9-year-old.
该死
Ah, shoot.
我父亲也是个大混♥蛋♥
My father was a real son of a bitch, too.
温先生 你过来这边
Mr. Wen, won't you -- won't you please come on over here and --
卸掉重担 坐吧
and -- and take a load off. Have -- have -- have a seat.
我发现
You know, I-I realize that
我对你一无所知
I don't really know anything about you,
只知道你被我的"溪流"吓到了
other than the fact that you are intimidated by my stream.
温先生 我从来没跟你说过
You know, Mr. Wen, I've never told you this,
但是每次我看到你的时候 我都想着 那...
but whenever I look at you, I think to myself, "That's --"
曼斯菲尔德先生
Mr. Mansfield!
莫耶先生
Mr. Moyer!
快点 我觉得你本来打算表扬我
Real quick, I think you were gonna give me a compliment.