爱情零距离（2013）

我当然记得你 你是
Of course I remember you. You're...
-琳赛 -琳赛
- Lindsay. ...- Lindsay.
是啊 我认识你是在
Right. And I know you from...
-高中 -高中
- High school. - ...High school.
等等 你上了莫德尔中学吗
Wait. You went to modrell?
是啊 你比我高一年级
Yeah, you were a-a year ahead of me.
你是很酷的学生
You were one of the cool kids.
七年级时你就有假身份证了
You had a fake I.D. in seventh grade
而且你没有宵禁 是个美女
And you didn't have a curfew and you looked like that.
大家都想做你的朋友
Everyone wanted to be your friend.
听起来真贴心
That sounds sweet.
你还给我取了外号♥脆弱的琳赛
You also gave me the nickname flimsy Lindsay.
就在我上体育课打羽毛球被打昏之后
It was right after I got knocked out in P.E. playing badminton.
你打羽毛球是怎么被打昏的
Oh, wow. How'd you get knocked out playing badminton?
我的脸被羽毛球击中了
Oh, I took a shuttlecock to the face.
姑娘 你的脸被羽毛球打中了
Girl, you took a shuttlecock to the face,
我居然给你取外号♥叫脆弱 我觉得你接受得挺好的
and I nicknamed you flimsy? I think you got off okay there.
我很走运
Lucky me.
总之 我最后挺过来了
Anyway, I got over it eventually --
上大学和接受心理治疗之后
After college and some therapy.
一周两次 算在保险内
Twice a week. Insurance covered it.
没啥大事
No biggie.
真好 回来了
Oh, good. That's back.
我的电梯到了
Well, that's my ride.
你在这里上班吗
Oh, you -- you work here?
我刚被雷明顿信托公♥司♥雇佣
I just got hired at Remington Trust.
真酷 我在楼下工作
Hey, cool. I work downstairs.
那我们要每天见了
So, we'll see each other every day.
太棒了
Oh. Great.
我要打电♥话♥给罗斯坦医生 告诉他这个好消息
I'm gonna go call Dr. Rothstein and tell him... the good news.
先生 我不想打扰你
Sir, I don't mean to bother you,
但我想给你送来这个
but I just wanted to drop this off.
你可能想知道这是什么
You're probably wondering what it is.
并不想
I'm good.
这是一个扫描仪
It's a scanner.
你拍下任何东西
You just point and shoot at any object,
接着
and -- boop! --
你刚给自己订了一些钢笔
You just ordered yourself some pens.
我在改革楼下的所有系统
I'm revolutionizing all the systems downstairs.
实际上 如果你打电♥话♥给楼下 结果是等待
In fact, if you were to call downstairs and get put on hold,
你可能会听到这种东西
you'd probably hear something like this --
*你不知道事情改变了吗*
*Don't you know things have changed *
*事情会如你的意*
*Things'll go your way*
*如果你等待*
*If you ho-hold on*
*你会等待吗*
*Would you hold on*
*你会等待吗*
*Would you ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hold on*
*再等一天*
*For one more day*
*再等一天*
*For one more day*
*再等一天*
*For one more day*
先生 莫耶先生 莫耶先生
M-m-m-mister -- Mr. Moyer, Mr. Moyer.
怎么了
What's up?
我只是想告诉你 我阻止你
I-I just want you to know that I didn't stop you
并不是因为我不喜欢威尔逊·菲利普斯
because I don't love Wilson Phillips.
天啊 我很喜欢他
God almighty, I do.
但我也想告诉你
But I-I also want you to know
我看到你工作得有多努力了
that I do see how hard you're working around here,
你唱的歌♥还有那把噗噗枪
what with the singing and -- and -- and the boop gun.
谢谢你 先生
Oh, thank you, sir.
只不过 我不在乎
It's just that... well, I don't care.
但是 曼斯菲尔德先生
But, Mr. Mansfield.
不不不
No, no, no, no, no.
四个字
Three little words --
我不在乎
I...don't...care.
你对储藏室做了什么
What the hell did you do to the supply closet?
你毁了我的整个系统
You ruined my whole system.
那是什么系统 一堆堆无关垃圾吗
What system is that? Piles of unrelated crap?
是的
Yes.
重点是别人都不能理解
The whole point was that nobody else could understand it.
那是我的工作保障
That was my job security.
你慢一点吧
Yeah, why don't you slow down?
曼斯菲尔德都看不见下面的你
Mansfield can't even see you down here.
如果他能看见 他就知道2010年大部分时间
If he could, he would know that I lived here
我都住在这里
for most of 2010.
你们难道没听说
Look, haven't you guys ever heard
要为自己的工作感到骄傲吗
of taking pride in your work?
-没有 -我不明白这个问题
- No. - I don't understand the question.
他会让我们被炒掉的
Well, he's gonna make us obsolete.
如果我没有医生开的
I'd be losing my mind if I didn't have
减压特别药物 我会发疯的
the special stress remedies my doctor prescribed.
你知道 甘贾[大♥麻♥]医生不是真正的医生
You know, Dr. Ganja's not a real doctor.
他的学历是由堪纳比斯[大♥麻♥]大学颁发的
He got his degree from the university of cannabis.
去找我的医生吧 他是合法的
Go to my guy. He's legit.
大♥麻♥小医生[音似《天才小医生》]
Dr. Doobie Howser.
哥们 我不确定你是否知道明天是什么日子
Hey, buddy. Uh, I don't know if you know what tomorrow is.
曼斯菲尔德的生日
Oh, Mansfield's birthday.
他凌晨12:04出生 经历了36小时生产
He was born at 12:04 A.M. after a 36-hour labor.
他的母亲多洛莉丝拒绝了所有麻♥醉♥药♥
His mother, Dolores, declined all anesthesia.
据说是他自己剪短了脐带
Rumor has it, he cut his own cord.
是啊 明天也是周三
Yeah, it's also Wednesday.
总之 我想亲自告诉你
Anyway, um, I don't want you to hear from anyone else.
今年由我来致辞
I'm giving the toast this year.
天啊
Oh, my god.
这是曼斯菲尔德一年的亮点
That's, like, the highlight of Mansfield's year.
你惊慌失措了吗
Are you freaked out?
我之前是
Uh, I was
后来灵感女士在我的耳朵旁说了这句话
Until lady inspiration whispered this bad boy in my ear --
歌♥曲恶搞
"Song parody."
别那样看着我
D-don't look at me like that.
你会很喜欢的 你知道那首歌♥《朝九晚五》吗
You're gonna love it. You know that song "9 to 5"? Mm-hmm.
我改成了朝五晚九 因为工时就是这样
I made it "5 to 9" because of the hours.
因为太长了
Because they're so long.
这是现实女士带来的一条信息
Well, here's a little message from lady reality.
你会被炒的
"You're gonna get fired."
曼斯菲尔德致辞是有艺术的 好吗
Look, there's an art to the Mansfield toast, okay?
我每年都做
I do it every year.
你得带他登上情感过山车
You have to take him on an emotional roller coaster.
你首先说一个粗俗笑话
You start with an off-color joke
然后对他进行一番恭维
and then you hit him with some flattery,
然后说些侮辱人的话来挑战极限
then you push the envelope with something insulting,
就在快要太过火的时刻
and just when it's about to go too far,
你突然变得贴心
you suddenly turn sweet
找到完美的暗喻来综合一切
and find the perfect metaphor to pull it all together.
拜托 没有演讲能做到那一切
Hey, come on. No speech can do all that.
真的吗
Oh, really?
这是我在被炒之前为今年
Well, here's the one I was working on for this year
准备的演讲词
right before I got fired.
让我看看
Let me see this.
能这样说吗
Whoa! Can you say that?
真贴心
Oh, that's sweet.
你不能那样说
You cannot go there!
这是我听到的最贴心的话
That is the sweetest thing I ever heard.
原来他是风儿
Oh, so he was the wind,
你是叶子
you were the leaf.
天啊 这演讲真棒
Oh, my god. This is a good-ass speech, man.
太棒了 我完蛋了
Great. I'm completely screwed.
不一定
Not necessarily.
曼斯菲尔德总是把惊喜安排在五点
Look, Mansfield always schedules his surprises for 5:00.
所以在五点过两分
So, at 5:02,
我从电梯冲进去 然后进行演讲
I burst in from the elevator and give him my speech.
你让开
You step aside.