爱情零距离（2013）

我不确定我准备好了
I'm not sure I'm ready for this.
自信点 好吗
Hey, be confident, okay?
你很聪明 可爱 你的刘海很衬你
You are smart, you are cute, you are rocking those bangs.
你说得对 我能做到
You're right. I can do this.
我做不到
I cannot do this.
好吧 好吧
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
你没必要做你还没准备好做的事情
You do not have to do anything you are not ready to do.
-哈佛生 -不
- Harvard! - No!
你好啊 我们又见面了
Hey, you. So, we meet again.
我这辈子从来没见过你
I've never seen you before in my entire life.
好吧
Okay.
你能看看我的键盘吗
Uh, can you look at my keyboard?
-不灵了 -好吧
- It's not working. - All right.
我们来看看
Let's just see what -- oh.
看来某人洒了一杯苏打水
It looks like someone spilled a soda in it.
实际上是两杯 一杯没用
Two, actually. One didn't do anything.
这会需要很多功夫
This is gonna take a lot of work.
现在它坏了
And now it's broken.
所以我无能为力了
So it's literally out of my hands.
这就是我的笑点
That's my exact sense of humor.
-我喜欢你的胡子 -谢谢
- I like your beard. - Thank you.
这让我的脸很温暖
It keeps my face warm.
-我能问你一个问题吗 -嗯
- Uh, can I ask you a question? - Mm-hmm.
你接吻时会痒痒吗
Does it tickle when you kiss?
我想只用一种方式来搞明白 对吧
I guess there's only one way to find out, isn't there?
是啊 实际上是有点痒
Yeah. Yeah. You know what? It actually does a little bit, yeah.
好吧 我想我就让你去忙吧
Okay. Well, I guess I'll leave you to it.
除非你想让我留下来
Unless you want me to hang around.
并不想
No.
好吧
Okay, good.
你什么毛病啊 哥们
What the hell is wrong with you, man?
她在勾搭你
She was hitting on you.
我完全没有那个感觉
Well, I did not get that impression at all.
而且她不是我喜欢的类型
Besides, she's not my type.
哥们 她绝对是你的类型
Dude, she's totally your type.
她是个女人 而且她不是个男人
She's a woman, and she's not a dude.
我名草有主了
Well, I'm spoken for.
天啊
Oh, my god!
哥们 你没和詹妮谈恋爱
Dude, you're not in a relationship with Jenny.
好吧 也许这一刻不是
Well, maybe not this moment.
也许今天不是 也许明天不是
Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow.
但你知道吗 也许明天会是
But you know what? Probably tomorrow.
等她最后回心转意时
And when she finally comes around,
告诉你吧
I'll tell you what.
她会被我亲几口
She's gonna be getting a little bit of this.
的确有点痒 是的
It really does tickle. It does.
告诉你吧 詹妮 哈佛生不想翻篇
I'm telling you, Jenny, Harvard is not gonna move on.
你得跟他分手
You got to break up with him.
很有道理 不过有点问题
Yeah, that makes sense. Um, except for one thing.
我没跟他约会
I'm not dating him!
我知道 你知道 他不知道
I know that. You know that. He does not know that.
你该看看他在里面是怎么和自己的手亲热的
You should have seen how he was making out with his hand in there.
天啊 德里克 我做不到
Oh, my god. Derrick, I can't.
我做不到 我从没跟别人分手过
I can't. I've never broken up with anybody.
-拜托 -不 我说真的
- Come on. - No, I'm serious.
我讨厌当坏人
I hate being the bad guy.
我不会跟他们分手
You know, instead of breaking up with them
而是不再打电♥话♥ 希望他们走开
I just stop calling and, like, hope they go away.
该死
Damn.
哈佛生可不会走开 好吗
Well, Harvard is not going away, okay?
如果你想让他幸福 就必须甩了他
If you want him to be happy, you got to dump his ass.
好吧
Okay. Fine.
我要怎么说
So, what do I say?
男人都是笨蛋
Guys are idiots, okay?
你不能旁敲侧击
You can't be subtle.
如果你想让他明白
If you want him to get the message,
就必须用石头砸他的头
you got to hit him in the head with a rock.
来 感受一下这里的凹痕
Here. Feel this dent right here.
天啊
Oh, my god.
2012年 坦雅
Tanya, 2012.
她用了两块石头
And it took two rocks.
但我们还是朋友
We still friends, though.
-怎么了 -我得去见曼斯菲尔德
- What's up? - I got to go see Mansfield.
我终于有筹码了
I finally have leverage.
麦凯布刚邀请我为他工作
I just got a job offer from McCabe.
那真是太棒了
That's great for you.
有个问题
Uh...one question.
他提出时 你是不是戴着手套
Were you wearing the gloves and holding the plunger
-拿着搋子 -实际上是的
- when you got the offer? - Actually, I was.
-很搞笑 对吧 -是啊 笑死人了
- Funny, right? - Yeah, that's hilarious.
我看上去是在哭 但我其实是在笑
It looks like I'm crying, but I'm laughing.
先生
Sir?
你想干什么 我很忙
Yes? What do you want? I am very busy.
我只是想告诉你
I just wanted to let you know
贾斯珀·麦凯布邀请我为他工作
I got a job offer from Jasper McCabe.
干得漂亮 恭喜
Oh, well done. Congratulations.
但我也想告诉你 我拒绝了他
But I also wanted you to know that I turned it down.
真蠢
That was stupid.
不不 你不明白
No. No, you don't understand.
我刚拒绝了一份你的对手提出的高薪工作
I just turned down a high-paying job with your competitor
这样我就能留在这里 为你工作
so I could stay up here and work for you.
作为我的私人水管工吗
As my personal plumber?
不是 我真不该带着搋子
No. I should not have brought the plunger.
终于
Finally!
我都等了两小时了
I've been on hold for two hours.
这可是急诊
This is a medical emergency!
哈佛生 你有空时我想跟你谈谈
Hey, Harvard. When you get a sec, I'd love to talk to you.
有空 怎么了
Oh, yeah, what's up?
是这么回事
Um, so, the thing is --
天啊 我真不擅长
Oh, god, I'm not good at this.
好吧
Um, okay.
哈佛生 我们不能再这样继续下去了
Harvard, you and I cannot continue like this.
我就知道这一天会来临
I knew this day would come.
我们得跟布洛迪说我们的事
We have to tell Brody about us.
我需要一块石头[钻石]
I'm gonna need a rock.
订婚戒指吗
An engagement ring?
不 哈佛生 你没听我说
No, Harvard, you're not listening to me.
我听着呢
I am listening.
我只是不明白
I just don't understand.
我想留在这里 而你需要我
I want to be here, and you need me.
你一半的经理都跳船了
Half your managers have jumped ship,
但我依然对你忠诚
but I stayed loyal to you.
等等
Oh, wait a minute.
你想跟我谈谈忠诚吗
You want to talk to me about loyalty?
不想了
Not anymore.
我挑选了你 你 来开设新办事处
I picked you -- you to open our new office.
你该跟我飞去香港的
You were supposed to fly with me to Hong Kong.
我们要...
And we were gonna --
我们要一起打造事业
We were gonna build this whole thing together.
而你跟你女朋友飞去了巴黎
Instead, you flew to Paris with your girlfriend
让我自己一个人孤独地坐上了那架飞机
and you left me on that goddamn airplane all by myself, alone.
你骗了我
You lied to me.
你让我失望了
You let me down.
孩子 你伤了我的心
And, son, you broke my heart.
先生 我知道我搞砸了
Sir... I know I messed up.
但我只搞砸了一次
But I only did it one time.
你辜负了我的信任一次 就一次
When you violate my trust one time, just once,
就永远回不到过去了
you can never get back to zero.
永远
Never.
你不可能是说"永远"吧
You can't mean never.