爱情零距离（2013）

不如你没毛的小嘴上说说
Why don't you put your lack of money
你没钱的事吧
where your tiny, hairless mouth is?
不如我没毛的小嘴上...
How about I put my tiny, hairless mo--
这可没好处
This is not going anywhere good.
你俩不如打个赌吧
All right, why don't you two make a bet?
到周五 谁的薪水剩得多
Whoever has the most money left over
谁就获胜了
from their paychecks on Friday wins.
-我加入 -我也是
- I'm in. - Yeah, me too.
亲爱的 你确定吗
Babe, are you sure?
你的打蜡需要进行严重调整
You're gonna have to make, like, some serious waxing adjustments.
相信我 我能想出办法的 好吗
Well, trust me. I can figure out a way, okay?
每周发一笔 我也能撑过去
I can live on this every week.
每两周才发一笔
It's every two weeks.
搞什么 怎么可能
What the f-- how?
好吧 为了让打赌公平点 我提现了你们的薪水
All right, to make the bet fair, I cashed both your paychecks.
你俩都获得了同一笔钱 扣了"ADM"费用
You each get the same amount of money minus the "ADM" fee.
你是说ATM[自动取款机]费用吧
Oh, you mean ATM fee.
不 是ADM "自动成为德里克的钱"
No, ADM -- "Automatic Derrick money."
好了 比赛开始
Okay. It's on.
我怎么知道布洛迪不会
How do I know Brody's not gonna cheat
用富人的伎俩耍赖
with his rich-people tricks?
你懂得 用...
You know, with...
银行账户和信用评分
Bank accounts and credit scores.
-简单 把你们所有的卡都给我 -好
- Simple -- just give me all your cards. - Okay.
好 布洛迪有一张金卡 一张白金卡
All right, Brody's got a gold card, platinum card,
和一张黑卡
and a black card.
哈佛生有一张三明治俱乐部卡
Harvard's got a sandwich-club card,
一张瑜伽俱乐部卡
a yoga-club card,
还有一张好像是方块6
and a card that appears to be the six of diamonds.
你之前想的是方块6吗
Were you thinking of the six of diamonds?
现在是了
I am now.
我怎么做到的
How did I do it?
詹妮
Hey, Jenny.
-我能和你聊一会儿吗 -当然啦
- Can I talk to you for a second? - Sure.
那个...
Um...so...
-我很久都没近女色了 -好吧
- I'm having a bit of a dry spell with the ladies. - Okay.
我想问问你是不是有什么朋友
And I was wondering if you had a friend
能介绍给我 她能让我
you could maybe set me up with who could...
重沾雨露
make it rain.
好吧 你想用我的朋友
Okay, so, you would like to use one of my friends
来泄欲啊
as a slump-buster.
是这样吗
Is that it?
那是个侮辱人的词汇 我绝不会用
That is a degrading term, and I would never use it.
怎么 你有特定的人选吗
Why? Were you thinking of somebody specific, or...?
真厉害
Oh, that's impressive.
你完美地重新拼好了我妻子发给我的邮件
You have perfectly re-assembled an e-mail from my wife
她问我晚餐想吃什么
asking me what I want for dinner.
剧透警告
Spoiler alert --
有肉的都行 因为该死的 我是个男人
It's anything with meat because, damn it, I'm a man.
我从没见过
I've never met anyone
打印出所有邮件 然后粉碎了的人
who printed out and shredded all of their e-mails.
如果值得一读 那就值得打印
Well, if it's worth reading, it's worth printing.
如果值得打印
And if it's worth printing,
那就不关别人的事
then it's no one else's goddamn business.
我得跟你坦白
You know, I got to confess to you --
你让我想到了一个人
You remind me of someone --
一个新同事加夜班拼凑纸片
A new associate working late on a night not unlike this
跟一个很像我的男人一起
with a man a hell of a lot like me.
我只想告诉你 如果你需要什么建议
And I just want you to know that if you ever need any advice
我都在
I'm here.
我有一套系统
Well, I have a system.
我猜也是
I bet you do.
给我看看你的本事 孩子
Show me what you got there, kiddo.
首先 我找到一个字母
First, I find a letter.
然后我根据那个字母编一首歌♥
Then, I make up a song about that letter.
*他的名字叫L先生*
*This one's name is Mr. L*
晚安
Good night!
你在干什么
Whatcha doing?
做预算
My budget.
小裤裤你别掉了
Ooh, oh, panties, you stay on there.
这让我很激动 好吗
Hey, this is exciting for me, okay?
我减少了预算中的这些支出
I cut all this stuff from my budget,
结果每个月还有一点余钱
and I still have a little savings left over
存进银行
to put in the bank every month.
我把积蓄放在冰箱上的那个罐子里
I put my savings in that jar over the fridge.
那个罐子是空的
That jar is empty.
不 我用我的积蓄买♥♥了那个罐子
No, I used my savings to buy that jar.
如果你周五在这里过夜
Hey, if you stay over on Friday,
我们可以去看看那家农贸市场
we can go check out that farmer's market.
好啊 我周五绝对会在这里
Oh, yeah, I'll definitely be here Friday.
我刚退了我的公♥寓♥
I just gave up my apartment.
你做了什么
You did what? Y-you --
是啊 那样节约下了最大一笔钱
Yeah, well, that was the biggest savings of all.
我是说 那地方可贵了
I mean, that place cost a fortune.
那我们这是同居咯
So, we're living together.
不 我们凑合一起住
No. We're crashing.
等我要回工作就好
Just until I get my job back.
会很好玩的 对吧
It's gonna be fun, right?
是的
Yeah!
是啊 好玩
Yes. Fun. Yes.
凑合住很好玩 太好玩了
Crashing's fun. Crashing's so fun.
我很喜欢凑合住
I l-love me some crashing.
你想要山坡还是山谷
So, do you want the hill or the valley?
你想要什么都行 你现在住在这里了
Oh, whatever you want. You live here now.
早安
Morning.
你睡得怎么样
How'd you sleep?
超级棒
Fan-freaking-tastic.
花了所有的钱买♥♥午餐啊
Oh, spending all your money on lunch.
瞧瞧谁已经输了
Look who's already lost the bet.
这是个热狗
It's a hot dog.
还有小圆面包
And a bun.
享受你的小维也纳香肠吧
Enjoy your tiny wiener.
还有你的热狗
And your hot dog.
告诉你一下
For your information,
我的小维也纳香肠只花了79美分
my tiny wiener only cost 79 cents.
该死 那真便宜
Damn, that's cheap.
但是不如街对面的自助餐便宜
It's not cheaper than the buffet across the street, though.
你是说杂货店吗
You mean the grocery store?
我们的甜点吃了十包代糖
And then for dessert, we had 10 packets of splenda.
我得说实话 我实际上感觉挺好的
I got to be honest. I actually feel pretty good.
我的牙齿有点疼 但是...
My teeth do hurt a little bit, but...
大家好
Hey, guys.
好啊 宝贝
Hey, babe.
我在想着今天的晚餐
Oh, I was thinking about for dinner tonight,
在我们家里吃拉面怎么样
maybe ramen at our place.
你刚说了"我们"家
I think you just said "Our" place.
-是吗 抱歉 我是说你家 -我听到了
- Ooh, did I? I'm sorry. I meant your place. - I mean, I heard that.
-不不 没什么大不了的 -好吧
- Oh, no, no, no. It's not a big deal. - Okay.
不 我家 你家 我们家
No, my place, your place, our place --
那只是个家
It's just a place.
总之 见到你真好
Anyway, um, it's great seeing you.
我是说 我不知道我为什么惊慌失措 琳赛
I mean, I don't know why I'm freaking out, Lindsay.
我爱他 但是感觉...
I-I love him, but it's like --
我们才交往了六个月
We've only been dating for six months.
天啊 我们都交往六个月了
Oh, my god, we've been dating for six months.
这比我上一场恋爱长了六个月
That beats my last record by six months.
你没必要告诉我
You don't have to tell me
恋爱进展太快的事
about relationships moving too fast.
我是说 你遇到了一个男人 你们打得火热
I mean, you meet a guy, things are hot and heavy,
接下来你就发现
and then, boom, next thing you know,