爱情零距离（2013）

在春假期间
...on spring break...
就在2002年我从康涅狄格州立大学毕业之前
...right before I graduated from UConn in 2002.
太天才了 我能做到
That is genius. I could do this.
先生
Sir?
莫耶先生
Ah, Mr. Moyer.
进来吧 我只是在练习立定投篮
Come on in. I'm just practicing my set shot.
脑筋转得快点
Think fast.
你要冲我扔球吗
Are you gonna throw the ball at me?
不 我只是在告诉你人生建议
Well, no. No. I'm just giving you life advice.
我要你脑筋转得快点
I'm telling you to think fast.
好吧
Right.
好多人都打篮球
You know, so many people play basketball.
我打篮球 你打篮球 詹妮打篮球
I play basketball, you play, Jenny plays.
这是一项很流行的运动
It's a very popular sport.
这就行了
That should cover it.
詹妮打篮球吗
Jenny plays?
咋了
What's up?
詹妮应该来参加锦标赛
Jenny should play in the tournament.
实际上 整个底楼都该来参加锦标赛
In fact, the whole ground floor should play in the tournament.
我觉得那不是个好主意
Oh, I don't think that would be a good idea.
这是个很糟糕的主意
It's a terrible idea.
我都不知道你一开始为什么要提起这件事
I don't know why you brought it up in the first place.
你经历过那么多事后
After all you've been through,
我还以为你会想把私生活
I-I would think you'd want to keep your personal and --
和工作生活分开
a-and your work life separate.
这是双输的局面
It's a -- it's a lose/lose.
是啊 所以我们不该这样做
Yeah. Right. So we shouldn't do it.
不 这太迟了 我喜欢 这事定了
No. It's too late. I like it. It's done.
搞什么啊
Ow! What the hell?!
你应该脑筋转得快点
Should have been thinking fast.
-好啊 -你好
- Hey. - Hello.
我只是在等德里克
I'm just waiting for Derrick.
显然他有某种疯狂松饼
He apparently has some kind of crazy-ass muffin
他想要我尝尝
he wants me to try.
是啊 他跟我也说了这事
Yeah, he told me the same thing.
我敢肯定里面有蔓越莓干
I bet it's got craisins in it.
哈佛生和琳赛 我是来告诉你们
Harvard and Lindsay, I'm here to tell you
疯狂松饼俱乐部是个计策
that the crazy-ass muffin club is a ruse.
你俩正式约会了
You two are officially on a date.
每次都这样
Every time!
拜托 你俩超适合对方
Come on, now. You both are perfect for each other.
你们都容易上当 很聪明
You're gullible, smart,
你们都觉得哈佛生很可爱
and you both think Harvard's cute.
你们最好开始约会
Now, you better get your date on.
开始约会
Get your date on!
如果你愿意试试 我也愿意
I'm willing to give it a try if you are.
那会包括什么
What would it entail?
也许一些对话
Maybe some conversation.
比如说 我喜欢你的胡子
For example, I like your beard.
我 喜欢你的 红头发
I...like your... red hair.
我比较喜欢隐性基因
I sort have a thing for recessive genes.
我们家族每隔一代人的
Well, every other generation of my family
左脚上都有六根脚趾
has a sixth toe on their left foot.
你能脱掉你的鞋子 数到11吗
Can you take off your shoes and count to 11?
你得让我穿上凉鞋才能发现
You'll have to get me into sandals to find out.
我还喜欢科幻小说
I also like science fiction.
拜托 你会喜欢我的这本书的构思的
Hello! You are going to love my book idea.
讲的是一个星球 上面有并非一 二
It's about a planet with not one, not two,
十 而是八种不同的性别
not 10, but 8 different genders.
那听起来很棒
That sounds great.
-实际上我有次... -等等 等等
- I actually once had -- - Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.
别人在谈论自己的书时
It's really rude to interrupt someone
打断他们 这真的很不礼貌
when they're talking about their book.
好吧
Okay.
有268章
There are 268 chapters.
第一章 女性天才的黎明
Chapter one -- dawn of the vag-enis.
瞧瞧我
Check me out!
篮球队最有价值球员
Basketball team M.V.P.
该死 如果我没伤着我的膝盖 我可能成为
Damn, if I hadn't hurt my knee, I could have been, like,
著名美国女子篮球联盟球员啊
a famous WNBA player, you know?
我可能成为家喻户晓的人 就像是...
I could have been, like, a household name like...
你想不到任何一个著名的美国女子篮球联盟球员对吧
You can't think of one famous WNBA player, can you?
我想说是丽莎·洛普[摇滚小猫女] 但那不对
I want to say Lisa Loeb, but I -- that's not right.
宝贝 你跟曼斯菲尔德谈过了吗
Hey, babe. So, did you talk to Mansfield?
我能参加锦标赛吗啊
Can I play in the tournament?
是的 我的确跟曼斯菲尔德谈过了
Yes, I did talk to Mansfield.
他觉得这是个糟糕的主意
And he thinks it's a terrible idea.
曼斯菲尔德拒绝了吗
Mansfield said no?
曼斯菲尔德说了不
Mansfield has said no.
你在对我用合理的推诿吗
Are you using plausible deniability on me?
这些技巧从来都不管用
These things never work out for me.
我才回去一天 好吗
Look, I've only been back up there a day, okay?
-我只是想把楼上的生活分开 -为什么
- I just want to keep my upstairs life separate. - Why?
因为我们底楼的人不够好
Because us downstairs people aren't good enough
没法参加你的篮球赛吗
to play in your game?
好吧 我们受够了
Okay, we are tired of being treated
被当做二等公民对待 对吧 德里克
like second-class citizens, right, Derrick?
我可不要掺和
I'm staying out of this.
你们不是二等公民
You're not second-class citizens.
你们是平等的 分开的 但是平等
You're equal -- you know, separate but equal.
现在我参与其中了
Okay, now I'm in it.
对抗开始了
It is on, okay?
楼下对楼上 正义对邪恶
Downstairs versus upstairs. Good versus evil.
我对你
Me versus you.
好吧 但是我提前警告
Fine -- but just as a warning,
当我们在球场上一决高低时 我不是你男朋友
when we square off on the court, I'm not your boyfriend.
我爱你 但我要做一个
I love you, but I'm gonna be the guy
脑筋转得很快的人
that's out there thinking fast,
包括在球场上 在我心里和一切事情
okay, on the floor, in my mind, everywhere.
你放马过来吧
You bring it on!
你不知道老娘有多么强大
You do not know who you are dealing with!
我可能会成为下一个莱斯利·尼尔森[喜剧男明星]
I could have been the next Leslie Nielsen!
那也不对
Yeah, that's not right, either.
我知道那不对 我知道
I know it's not right. I know.
约会真棒 我们聊了四个小时
What an amazing date. We talked for four hours.
现在我们一直发短♥信♥
And now we are texting nonstop.
你好坏
You are bad.
-你好坏 -她说了什么
- You're bad. - What did she say?
不 实际上是我说的
Oh. No, it's - it's actually something I said.
各位 我们得立马
Guys, we need to form
组织底楼篮球队
a ground-floor basketball team A.S.A.P.
德里克和我需要第三个球员
Derrick and I need a third.
哈佛生 你想不想
Harvard, how would you like
教训一下楼上的混♥蛋♥们
to stick it to those upstairs douches?
詹妮
Jenny!
用你粗俗的说法
I'm now in a relationship
我现在在跟
with one of those upstairs douches,
楼上的一个混♥蛋♥谈恋爱
as you so coarsely refer to them.
而且 谁想直接跟
Besides, who would want to directly compete
自己的对象直接竞争啊
with someone they are in a relationship with?
这是双输的局面
It's a lose/lose.
你可以直接拒绝的
You could just say "No."
琳赛 你收到了我的短♥信♥吗
Oh, hey, Lindsay. Did you, uh, get my text?
是啊 我下好了12页
Yes, I am 12 pages in,
它还在继续下载呢
and it's still downloading.
下半场更加出色
The second half is even better.
你怎么可能还有更多可以讲的啊
How could you possibly have anything more to say?
你一刻不停跟我说了四个小时
You talked at me nonstop for four hours.
你的书的确听起来很棒
Look, your book does sound incredible.
但这是个糟糕的主意 对不起
Uh, but this was a bad idea. I'm sorry.