爱情零距离（2013）

温先生 看着我
Mr. Wen, look at me.
我不撒谎
I don't lie.
是那样的吗 小花生
It's like that, peanut?
你怎么觉得
What do you think?
看起来像是一群蜜蜂来了
Looks like a swarm of bees came in
袭击了一条老火鸡腿
and attacked an old turkey leg.
-大家好 -好啊
- Hey, guys. - Hi!
-我们得谈谈 -怎么了
- Uh, we need to talk. - Oh, what's going on?
希望你不会觉得这太疯狂
I hope you don't think this is crazy,
但是 瞧瞧我纹了什么
but look what I got.
是你
It's you!
我好漂亮
I'm beautiful.
太棒了 真好
That's amazing. It's great.
德里克 你有没有看纹身
Derrick, did you get a chance to see the tattoo,
还是你觉得这太疯狂了
or do you think it's too crazy?
很高兴你们找到了彼此
I'm just happy you two found each other...
这样就不必坑别人了
so you don't find anyone else.
真高兴你喜欢
I'm so happy you like it.
我还担心我会把你吓跑呢
I was afraid I would scare you off.
我哪里都不去
I am not going anywhere,
不过现在
except for, right now,
我要跟德里克去办点事
I'm gonna run a quick errand with Derrick.
德里克 咱们走
Derrick, let's go!
第二次疼多了
It hurts so much more the second time!
我直接跟詹妮说
So I told Jenny straight up, I'm like,
咱们俩要再去看一次《邪恶坏女巫》
"You and I are going to 'Wicked' again."
哥们 真冷酷
Dude, harsh.
有时候你得做个男人
Sometimes, you just got to be a man.
或者我有个疯狂的主意
Or here's a crazy idea --
你可以允许她不喜欢《邪恶坏女巫》
You could just let her not like "Wicked."
重点不只是《邪恶坏女巫》
Look, it's not just about "Wicked."
如果我能改变她这个想法
If I can change her mind about this,
那我也能改变她对我喜欢的其他东西的想法
then I can change her mind about other things I like,
比如印度食物 终极格斗锦标赛或者婚姻
like Indian food or UFC fights or marriage.
婚姻
Marriage?
哥们 我现在没法策划另一场婚礼了
Dude, I cannot plan another wedding right now.
我被困在曼斯菲尔德和他妻子之间
I got stuck between Mansfield and his wife.
我不知道该怎么脱身
I can't figure out how to get out of it.
关系都很复杂
Relationships are complicated.
并非所有人都是
Well, not for all us.
我相信我破解了密♥码♥
I believe I have cracked the code.
你要死了吗
Are you dying?
我都不知道我在看什么
I don't even know what I'm looking at.
这叫感染
It's called an infection.
我感染上了爱
I'm infected with love.
哥们
Dude.
连续两天看同一场音乐剧古怪吗
Is it weird to see the same show two days in a row?
我觉得不古怪
I don't think it's weird.
你又来了啊
Oh, hey. You're back.
好吧
All right.
我买♥♥了最大杯的咖啡
I got the biggest coffee they sell,
开始吧
so let's do this.
-你在干什么 -没什么
- What are you doing? - Nothing.
你现在在玩《糖果粉碎》吗
Are you playing "Candy Crush" right now?
亲爱的 我在努力保持清醒
Honey, I'm trying to just stay awake.
-嘘 -不要嘘我女朋友
- Shh! - Hey, don't shush my girlfriend.
-你能小声点吗 -我吗 你该跟她讲
- Could you please quite down? - Me? You should tell her.
你要怎么做 稻草人
Huh. What are you gonna do about it, scarecrow?
我才不要跟在脸上
Look, I'm not gonna have an argument
涂了绿油漆的女人争吵
with a woman who has green face paint.
-你不知道那是油漆 -好吧 走吧
- You don't know it's paint. - Okay, let's go. Let's go.
-稍等 -你俩都走 都走
- One second. - Both of you. Both of you.
不
No!
不 为什么我得留在这里
No! Why do I have to stay here?
你喜欢吗
Do you like this?
三连冠 怎么了
Threepeat, what happened?
我还以为我们要跟酒吧调酒员见面呢
I thought we were meeting the mixologist.
我没法去
Yeah, I-I couldn't make it.
是你说的
Well, you were the one who said
如果我们没有招牌鸡尾酒
if we didn't have a signature cocktail,
还不如供应从流浪汉袜子里倒出来的温啤酒呢
we might as well serve warm beer out of a hobo's sock.
曼斯菲尔德太太 我很乐意帮助你
Look, Mrs. Mansfield, I'd love to help you.
只是我真的忙得不可开交
It's just that I'm really swamped with work.
我说了 我真的忙得不可开交
Said, "I'm really swamped with work!"
这些是需要服务的账户
Here are the accounts that need to be serviced.
天啊 三连冠 你真是忙得不可开交
Boy, Threepeat, you sure are swamped with work.
你绝对没时间进行户外活动
You certainly don't have time for any outside activities.
真的吗 这就是你的最好演技吗
Seriously? That's the best you could do?
是啊 我跟你不一样 我真的在忙工作
Yes. Unlike you, I have real work to do.
如果你来排练 这就不会发生
This wouldn't have happened if you'd come to rehearsal.
外面怎么回事
What the hell's going on out here?!
他演了拙劣的一场戏
He's putting on some kind of terrible play.
你到底想不想帮忙策划婚礼
Do you want to help plan this wedding or not?
我当然想啦
Of course I do.
只是我知道
It's just that I know that
雷米-小花生-明顿·曼斯菲尔德想念你
Remmie-peanut-ington Mansfield misses you...
我只是努力想让你们在一起
...and I was just trying to get you two kids back together.
温先生 如果我需要你帮忙挽回我妻子
Mr. Wen, if I ever needed your help with my wife,
你知道我会说什么吗
do you know what I would say?
什么也不会说 因为我不会需要你的帮助
Nothing, because I'm never gonna need your help.
我做了草率的决定
You see, I made a rash decision,
我会承担后果
and I'll pay the consequences.
我就是这样
That's what I do.
我28年来都是这样做的
That's what I've been doing for 28 years.
我的做法是
And what I do
任他闯荡 直到他意识到自己搞砸了
is let him dangle until he realizes he screwed up,
然后我告诉他我有多么需要他
and then I tell him how badly I need him.
亲爱的
Honey...
我搞砸了
I screwed up.
人家好需要你
I really need you.
这就是28年来都保持成为一对幸福的夫妻的秘诀
And that's how you stay a happy couple for 28 years.
走吧
Come on.
我们回家在壁球场上做♥爱♥
Let's go home and make love on the squash court.
亲爱的 那本书关闭过吗
Sweetheart, does that book ever close?
我做到了
I did it.
那节目真不错
Whoo! That was a good show.
瞧瞧 我就知道你会喜欢
See? I knew you'd love it.
-回来得有点早啊 -是啊
- Wow, that was over early. - Oh, yeah.
女巫生病了
The wizard got sick,
所以他们让我们先走了
so they gave us the rest of the show off.
你甚至没有留下来 对吧
You didn't even stay, did you?
亲爱的 我受不了了 他们一直在唱歌♥
Baby, I couldn't take it. There was so much singing.
我想我知道原因
I think I know why that is.
因为那是一部音乐剧
Because it's a freakin' musical!
但是他们没必要干什么都唱歌♥啊
But they don't have to sing every little thing!
他们简直是 *我要走到门边*
They're like -- *I'm going to the door*
*我要靠在这把椅子上*
*I'm leaning on this chair*
*这就是我的感受
*This is how is feel*
你至少能听听原声带吧
Will you at least listen to the soundtrack?
我下到你手♥机♥里了
I put it on your phone.
你知道那首唱好转的歌♥曲吧
You know the song about changing for the better?
那会改变你 让你变得更好
It'll change you -- for the better.
亲爱的 这对你为何这么重要
Babe, why is this so important to you?
因为虽然你不喜欢音乐剧
Because even though you don't like musicals
也从来不打算喜欢音乐剧
and you never planned on liking musicals,
我希望如果你遇见了真命天子
I was hoping, if you met the right guy,
也许你会改变 对他说"愿意"
maybe you'd change and say "Yes" to him.
愿意去看音乐剧
About musicals.
亲爱的
Honey...
我爱你 但我不是那样的姑娘
I love you, but I'm not that girl.