消消气（2000）

- Yeah, I don't care.
- Okay. Well, drop dead.
Hey, then we can have a real funeral.
死了就能办真正的丧礼，对吧？
- A real one, okay?
- Okay.
大家就会疯狂地褒美我
And people will say all these
wonderful things about me.
Yes, let's keep our fingers crossed.
－太好了，虔诚祈祷吧
－又来了
Maybe I'll die
and it'll be a real one
也许我会挂点，举办真的丧礼
- and then you'll see the difference.
- You through?
－届时就会看见差异
－说完了吗？
- Yeah, I guess.
- Okay. How's Lucy Liu?
－大概吧
－好了
刘玉玲还好吗？
Not good. Something's off.
不好，有点不对劲
- Something is very off.
- Yeah.
－感觉非常不对劲
－是
我在她眼中好像不性感了
I'm telling you. She doesn't look
at me as a sexual being anymore.
Yes, because you walked into a door.
当然，因为你撞上一道门
Big deal. She could've walked
into a glass door.
那又怎样，她也有可能会撞到啊
但她没有，而你撞上了
Well, she didn't and you did,
and that's what the Three Stooges did
简直像＂三个臭皮匠＂
and they didn't
get laid either, so...
他们也没有女人缘
没错，裡面那个胖子
You're right, man.
That little fat motherf**ker
who rolled on the floor,
in circles going, "Whoo-whoo-whoo..."
会在地上打滚还呜呜叫的
- that motherf**ker never got no ass.
- He never got laid. No.
那傢伙绝对没戏唱，我敢打包票
I guarantee you.
Once they see you in that way,
like a cripple?
女人一旦看见你那样
像个废人一样
There's no sex anymore.
就别想上♥床♥了
You know, it throws them off.
慾火全消
Well, I mean, you don't know
what to do. Do you take care of 'em?
你不知道怎麽办吗？
你会照顾她们吗？
I thought they like
taking care of you.
我以为她们喜欢照顾人
女人都爱照顾男人
- Women love taking care of men.
- Nah. That's not her.
－她不是那种人
－我有异议
No, I disagree.
There's a Munchausen thing
女人心中都有幻想
that they have where they want you
sick in bed
希望你躺在病床，无法社交
and you can't do anything
with anybody.
They don't want you to have fun
with anybody else.
她们不要你和别人出去玩
And this is... and now you're trapped
in the bed and they love that.
她们就爱卧病在床的人
That's your concept of women?
那是你对女性的观念？
- Yes. Yeah.
- Okay.
－对啊‥
－好吧
正常的女人不想要照顾你
Well, the normal woman
doesn't wanna take care of you.
She wants to feel you can...
you know.
她要觉得你能‥
你懂的
Hey, lady wants you to tap that ass,
you know what I mean?
女人要你拍她屁♥股♥，懂吗？
我会拍，我能拍，给我个机会拍
Oh, I'll tap. I can tap.
Give me a chance to tap.
You tapped the door.
You're never gonna tap her.
结果脸拍到门上了
你不可能得到她了
Okay, get out. Get out.
够了，你走吧
Please come.
Don't worry about the movies.
欢迎你来，别在意电影的事
Although if you wanna see Concussion
that one is on Amazon Prime.
不过若你想看＂震盪效应＂
－他在裡面饰演医生
－这部片在亚马逊上面有
- Okay, coolio.
- Yeah, Concussion.
好，没问题
对，叫＂震盪效应＂
- You got a delivery or something.
- Oh, yeah.
好像有封邮件寄来
对耶
Hey, wear a tie.
那天繫条领带
Okay.
好
What is this?
这是什麽？
Shit.
该死
Santa Monica Municipal Code,
fencing regulations.
＂圣摩尼加自治法规＂
＂围篱规范＂
Every swimming pool shall completely
surround such body of water
＂每座游泳池都该用篱笆
完全围住该水体或地♥产♥＂
or property with a fence,
five feet above the adjacent grade
＂且须高于各处邻近坡面五呎＂
at all places. Let's talk.
＂当面谈吧＂
Holy shit.
不会吧
Yeah, I know what the f**k that is.
Someone's tryin' to come up.
我知道这是什麽鬼
有人想接近你，趁机赚一笔
Someone's tryin' to get paid.
It's extortion.
这是敲诈
＂骆马塔可店＂
- Larry David.
- At your service.
赖瑞大卫
正是在下
I'm Marcos. This is my taqueria.
Want a taco?
我叫马可仕，这是我开的店
想吃塔可吗？
Anyways, let's get down to business.
先不管了，来谈正事吧
对，来谈吧
Yes. Let's.
You know, you seem like a nice guy.
感觉你是个好人
I'm "a living doll,"
as my mother would say.
我母亲都说我是乖宝宝
My brother was a nice guy too.
But now he's dead.
我弟也是个好人
可惜他死了
Yeah, sorry.
我很遗憾
It's not your fault
that he drowned in your pool.
他溺死在你的泳池裡并非你的错
I mean, I know that. You know that.
你我都知道
But do the courts know that?
但法官知道吗？
And I start thinking
about all the fees and litigation
这还牵涉到后续的费用，诉讼
and attorneys and possible jail time.
That's a lot to handle.
聘用律师，也可能入狱
有很多麻烦事
But you know, you lucked out.
You scored a friend.
但你走运了，交到一个朋友
- Lucky me.
- Yeah.
－我真好运
－是啊
But looking down that tunnel
诉讼的隧♥道♥裡，啥都没有
it's like nothing but money
emptying out of your pockets.
只是不断烧钱而已
- Unless...
- Unless what?
除非‥
除非什麽？
My daughter.
She wants to be an actress.
我的女儿
－她想当演员
－真的吗？
- Oh, does she?
- She's great. Maria Sofia.
她很棒‥玛莉亚苏菲
Ah, there she is. Hi, baby.
She'd be perfect for your new show.
就是她‥乖宝贝
她很适合演出你的新戏
What? Her?
什麽，她吗？
Larry David,
Pilot In Dev at Netflix. Right?
＂赖瑞大卫的网飞新剧
前导内容发展中＂
Look, there's nothing
for her in the show.
听我说，她没办法演出
There's no part for her.
没有适合她的角色
Casting the role of Marsha Lifshitz.
让她演玛夏李弗希兹
That's for a Jewish girl
from Brooklyn
那个角色是布鲁克林的犹太女孩
who's an aspiring ballerina.
梦想成为芭蕾名伶
Maria. Maria Sofia, come here.
－玛莉亚‥过来
－做什麽？
你一定得看看她
You gotta meet her.
- Hi, baby.
- Hi.
－亲爱的
－爸
This is Larry David.
这位是赖瑞大卫
- Hi, Larry David.
- How you doin'?
－赖瑞大卫你好
－你好
Tell him