人生第二春

Carol's Second Act S01E05

Part 2 Nov. 19, 2019, 9:36 p.m.

There's a low chance we'll ever go out again
还不小心回顾了电影《龙兄鼠弟》
and accidentally reboot the movie Twins.
德维托[电影男主]DeVito.
对我们也不太可能
Yeah, there's also a low chance
再次感受女性的抚摸了
we'll ever feel the touch of a woman again.
我最近单身
I'm recently single.
抱歉伙计根据我们的安排表
Sorry, dude. And with our schedules,
我们怕是一辈子再也不能和人上♥床♥了
we probably won't get laid again forever?
等等你们在说什么
Wait, what are you guys talking about?
用个软件就好
Just use an app.
听着我能帮忙我是征友简介的专家
Here, I can help, I'm a pro at dating profiles.
行不通我被所有主流约会软件封♥杀♥了
That's a no-go. I've been kicked off of every major dating app
因为我装作是中情局的人力
for pretending to be a CIA recruiter.
我已经透露太多
Oof. I've already said too much.
我有个未决诉讼
There's a pending lawsuit.
好吧丹尼尔呢
Okay. Daniel?
我不需要帮助
Oh, I don't need help.
我有这张脸
I've got this.
好吧凯勒布把你的手♥机♥给我
Okay. Uh, Caleb, give me your phone.
我的上帝
Oh, my God.
等等你的信鸽撞到飞机扇叶了吗
Wait, did your messenger pigeon fly into a fan?
听着
Listen.
你知道智能手♥机♥对环境造成的伤害吗
Do you know the environmental toll of a smartphone?
多数电子回收站都难以为继
Most e-recyclers don't have the capacity
去回收锂电池
to recycle lithium batteries,
-随着我们... -好吧真棒
- as we-- ? ‭- Okay, great.
看起来今晚大家得单打独斗了
Looks like we're gonna meet people in person tonight.
但首先你们喝什么
Oh, but first, what are y'all drinking?
-伏特加苏打水加片柠檬 -伏特加苏打水加片柠檬
- Mm. Vodka soda with a twist. - Vodka soda with a twist.
德维托
DeVito.
洛约拉纪念医院
好你的胸腔穿刺做完了好样的墨菲先生
Okay. Your pleural tap is done. Great job, Mr. Murphy.
干得漂亮肯尼医生
Excellent work, Dr. Kenney.
你用针的精确度堪比亚莎·海菲兹[美籍立陶宛小提琴家]You handle a needle with the precision of Jascha Heifetz
弹奏柴可夫斯基的小提琴协奏曲
playing a Tchaikovsky violin concerto.
谢谢你
Oh, well, thank you.
老实说
I can honestly say
还没人把我比作...你说的那个
no one has ever compared me to that before.
不过时不时
I do get
有人会把我比作年轻版斯托卡德·钱宁[著名影星]"a young Stockard Channing" from time to time.
感谢你协助我弗洛斯特医生
Thank you for joining me, Dr. Frost.
荣幸之至
Oh, it's my pleasure.
如果你不介意我还想在这多待一会
Uh, if it's all right with you, I might stick around a bit.
-问我介不介意简直太棒了 -好极了
- All right with me? Uh, that would be great. - Wonderful.
我知道今晚的夜班最需要什么
I know exactly what this night float needs.
是秘密握手方法吗
Is it a secret handshake?
因为我最近一直在研究
Because I've been working on one.
你好丹尼斯
Hello, Dennis.
猜猜谁在胸膜穿刺时候大杀四方
Guess who killed it on the pleural tap.
你用穿刺针杀了人
You killed someone with a pleural tap?
什么
What?
不我做得很成功
No. I-I was great.
我们在医院上班
We work in a hospital.
说话前动动脑子女人
Think before you speak, woman.
听着
Look,
关键是有人在她第一次值夜班时
the point is, someone is doing a pretty good job
行事游刃有余
on her first night float.
他们弃我于深渊丹尼斯而我在往上游
They threw me in the deep end, Dennis, and I am swimming.
哼什么
"Mm-hmm" what?
我只是觉得这个某人得到了一点
I just think someone is floating with a little help
弗洛斯特医生的帮助
from Dr. Frost.
我才是做胸膜穿刺的人
I'm the one that did the pleural tap.
也算作弊
Still cheating.
我这辈子从没作过弊[亦有偷♥情♥之意]I have never cheated on anything in my life,
哪怕是那次
including when I was chaperoning
领八年级学生去萨克拉曼多
the eighth grade trip to Sacramento,
乔恩·邦·乔维[摇滚明星]在酒店大堂里和我眉目传情
and Jon Bon Jovi made eyes at me in the hotel lobby.
你不可能和乔恩·邦·乔维搞上
You weren't gonna hook up with JBJ.
你是没看到他那双眼
You didn't see the eyes.
而且我没有打给雅各布医生
And besides, I-I didn't call Dr. Jacobs.
严格来说你的确没打电♥话♥寻求帮助
Well, technically you didn't call for help,
但帮助已经在这了
but help is here.
一人当值才是真正的夜班
It's not floating till you float alone.
但你做你的姑娘我不评头论足
But you do you, girl. I ain't judging.
好吧我就是在评头论足
Okay, I am judging.
你去搭话的那个女孩怎么样了
What happened with the girl you were talking to?
本来还不错直到我发觉她旁边的人
It was going great until I realized the guy next to her
是她老公而她钱包上的披巾
was her husband, and that the shawl over her purse
其实是她孩子的襁褓
was actually a blankie over her baby.
-宝妈让他三振出局了吗 -你知道
- Did he strike out with the baby mama? - You knew?
你是不是勾搭两个褐发女郎都吃了瘪
And did you strike out with both brunettes
因为她们已经和对方结婚了
because they're married to each other?
-你知道 -我太精于酒吧了
- You knew? - I am so good at bars.
我爱酒吧
I love bars.
照这样下去我们永远不会找到对象
At this rate, we're never gonna find anyone.
我就不该毕业后和贝琪分手
I should never have broken up with Becky after college.
我是说信邪教又怎么样讲真
I mean, how bad is a cult, really?
你只是得提高效率
You just need to be more efficient.
而且你们很擅长这个
And you guys are good at that.
你们每天要看一百个病人
You see, like, a hundred patients a day.
没错是这样
Yeah. That's it.
伙计们我们查房♥吧
Guys, let's just do rounds.
我担当总住院医师
I'll be chief resident,
珍妮做主治医师莱克茜
Jenny will be the attending. Lexie,
指个你喜欢的姑娘
point to a girl that you like.
好吧
Fine.
那个
That one.
好的
Okay.
女性三十出头
Female, early 30s,
没看见戒指或伴侣目测单身
no visible ring or partner, presents as single.
看来我可以给她开点
Well, I guess I should go write her a prescription
"莱克茜"
for some Lexie-Pro.
她呈现出一些复杂因素
Well, she's exhibiting some complicating factors.
化了的睫毛膏和空酒杯
Her smudged mascara and her empty drinks indicate
暗示她最近情感不顺
a recent history of romantic failure.
我的诊断不值得姐们
My diagnosis: not worth it, dude.
我同意库彻医生
I concur, Dr. Kutcher.
患者需要时刻关注下一个
Subject would require intensive care. Let's move on.
好了到我了
All right, my turn.
那个女生
That girl.
二十几岁女性
20-something female,
目测单身穿金戴银
presents as single, exhibits multiple expensive brands.
我的诊断对用翻盖手♥机♥的男人不感兴趣
My diagnosis: subject would not be cool with a guy whose phone flips.
给高级主治医师一个展现的机会
Okay, okay. Make some room for the senior attending.
我给你指个姑娘凯勒布
I've got a girl for you, Caleb.
穿蓝衣服那个
That girl in the blue.
她很性感
She presents as hot.
复杂因素那桌有四个女人
Complicating factor: there are four women at that table,
但只有三个包
but only three purses.
有人偷了包
So someone stole a purse?
不不不
No, no, no, no, no.
经过我多年的经验我总结了一套
I've been collecting data for years, and I've developed
莱克茜女同包包理论
what I call Lexie's Lesbian Purse Theory.
有意思
Mm, intriguing.
我们给你做同行评审吧
Let us serve as your peer review.
如果一个女人背包
Mm, you see, if a woman carries a purse,
她可能是直的可能是弯的
she may be straight, she may be gay.
但如果一个女的不背包
However, if a woman does not carry a purse,
有99.9%的可能她是弯的
99.9% of the time, she's a lesbian.
根据我的研究
So, based on my research,
如果那桌有四个女人但只有三个包
if that table has four women and only three purses,
可以得出什么结论呢
what might we deduce?
四人中有一人时女同
Between one and four of those women are lesbians.