背锅船长（2023）

‎（欢迎来到塞浦路斯）
‎（入境大厅）
‎（匿名旅行先生）
‎斯蒂尔探员 很高兴见到你！
Agent Steel. So good to see you!
‎贝克 你这老家伙
Becker, you old bastard.
‎进来吧
Come in! Come in.
‎来杯威士忌吗？
Whiskey? -Eh… Y…
‎好呢 正合我意 威士忌 好极了
Yes, that is exactly what I want. Whiskey. Perfect.
‎-干杯！‎-干杯！
Cheers! -Cheers!
‎好酒 真解渴
Good stuff. Real quenching.
‎很高兴收到你的消息
It was good to hear from you.
‎-咱俩多久没见了？有15年了吧？‎-20年了
It must be what, 15 years? -Twenty.
‎什么？时间过得真快‎你这次来有什么事情吗？
What? Time flies. What are you up to this time?
‎我在执行任务 非官方的任务
Well, I'm on a mission. An off-the-books kind of mission.
‎非常机密 只有我一个人知道
So secret, I'm only one who knows about it.
Oh!
‎那确实非常机密 跟我来吧
That is very secret. Come with me.
‎我有一批新玩具要给你看看
I've got some new toys for you to play with.
‎太好了 我什么装备都没带‎所以我真得靠你了 贝克
Well, good. I didn't manage to bring any equipment,
so I'm really counting on you here, Becker.
‎首先 我要把这件东西送你
First I have this for you.
‎忘记那台老式打字机吧
Forget the old typewriter.
‎现在有这种好东西了 全部依靠电力
With this beauty, everything is powered with electricity.
‎只有7公斤 内置扬声器 音量可调
Only 16 pounds, built-in speaker, adjustable volume.
‎音量可调吗？
Uh… Adjustable?
‎那就不用忍♥受‎声音太大或太小了？真好啊
So you're not stuck on real loud or real low? Uh, good.
‎想不想省却
And you want to make a call without the hassle of finding a phone booth?
‎打电♥话♥时到处找电♥话♥亭的麻烦？
‎好了 看好了
Well, watch carefully.
‎真实用 同时省却了带零钱的麻烦
Practical. Also eliminates the need for pocket change.
‎没错 非常简洁
Exactly. Pretty neat.
‎现在请集中注意力
Now, do pay attention please.
‎想知道这小家伙能做什么吗？
Want to know what this little baby can do?
‎拍照 这是照相机
Takes photos. It's a camera.
‎不错嘛 斯蒂尔 那这支钢笔呢？
Not bad, Steel. How about this pen?
‎-看起来很普通吧？‎-是的
Seems regular to you. Right? -Sure does.
‎你觉得这只是一支普通的钢笔吗？
Would you say it looks like an everyday pen?
‎指哪里都行 你来指一次吧
Ask me to point at something. Anything in here. Take your pick.
‎-那就地板吧‎-好呢！看激光在动呢
Uh… The floor. -There! Look at it go!
‎很简洁吧？
Pretty neat, eh?
‎是的 没错 非常简洁
Yeah. Very, actually. Very neat.
‎现在来看点有趣的吧
Now, over to the fun stuff.
‎这里有你执行任务所需的一切
Here's everything you'll ever need for your mission.
‎随便挑吧
Pick and choose.
‎贝克 我全指望你了‎这次任务我什么装备都没带
Ah, Becker, I was countin' on you here. I didn't bring anything on this mission.
‎我连苹果手♥机♥都没有‎天啊 这套西装啊
I don't even have my iPhone. Jesus Christ, and that suit.
‎我穿上看着会像夏洛克福尔摩斯吧‎你今年多大了 贝克？
I'm going to look like Sherlock Holmes. How old are you now, Becker?
‎15岁 但下个月‎我就16岁了 在我的成人派对上
Fifteen, but I'll be 16 next month, and on my sweet 16,
‎我要尝试偷亲阿德莱德辛普森小姐
I'm going to try and steal a kiss from Miss Adelaide Simpson.
‎如果她妈妈不反对的话
Oh, if her mother doesn't object.
‎片名：背锅船长
‎（单身游轮）
‎（欢迎单身人士）
‎终于有一趟值得期待的出航了
Finally, a cruise to look forward to.
‎是啊 是时候发泄一下了
Yeah, time to blow off some steam.
‎我说的发泄 是指性发泄
And by steam, I mean semen.
‎-是吗？‎-是的
Oh yeah? -Yeah.
‎我要把精♥子♥射到女乘客体内
I'm going to spray sperm into female passengers,
‎或是女乘客体内的避孕套里
or into the condom that's inside the females.
‎摸♥胸♥ 用手插 或是用舌头舔 对吧？
Mm. -And touch breasts and fingerbang.
And maybe lick a little, you know?
‎会很棒的 一场真正的淫乱庆典
It's going to be great. A real fornication festival, eh?
‎-会的 对吧？‎-是的 一向如此
It will, right? -Yeah, always is.
‎去年我在那么短的时间内
I got so much meat last year in such a short amount of time,
‎就睡到那么多小鲜肉‎以至我不得不服用三倍剂量的避孕药
I had to triple the dose of Plan B pills.
‎搞得我都消化不良了
Really fucked up my digestion.
‎去年的最后几天
The last couple of days last year,
‎我的老二又麻又肿
my penis was all numb and swollen,
‎但我还在坚持做♥爱♥ 绝不放弃
but I just kept going and going, never giving in.
‎勇攀高峰
Pushing it to the max.
‎哇 太厉害了
Wow, that's so cool. So cool.
‎好了 我们开始吧
Okay, let's get to it.
‎等一下 这位小姐‎你确定没上错游轮吗？
Hey, hey, hey. Hold it, hold it, señorita. Are you on the right cruise?
‎非常确定
Pretty sure I am.
‎不 不可能吧
No, no, no, no. That can't be right.
‎像你这么漂亮的姑娘‎怎么可能还是单身呢？别闹了
Why on earth would a beautiful girl like you be single? Come on.
‎等一下 这位先生
Hold on, sir.
‎你确定没上错游轮吗？
Are you on the right cruise?
‎是的 没上错
Oui. I am.
‎不可能吧 像你这么帅的男人‎怎么可能还是单身呢？
No, that can't be right. Why on earth would a gorgeous guy like you be single?
‎你确定没上错游轮吗？
Are you sure you're on the right cruise?
‎好好享用饮料吧 女士们！
Enjoy your beverages, ladies!
‎贡特！你在这里啊
Günther! There you are.
‎你好 船长 你想来点什么？‎我推荐龙舌兰鸡尾酒
Hallo, Captain. Can I get you anything? I can recommend the Tequila Slammer.
‎不用了 谢谢 我想知道
Oh, uh… I would… No, thanks. I wondered if you had time
‎你今晚有没有时间‎帮我安排一顿烛光晚餐？
to set up a candlelight dinner for me tonight?
‎没问题 船长先生‎我会搞定的 别担心
Oh, absolutely, sir. I will fix that, no worries.
‎我想要那种《小姐与流浪汉》的氛围‎你懂我意思吧？
‎当然 我超喜欢那部电影的‎非常浪漫 不错的选择哦
Mm, of course, I love that movie. Very romantic. Nice choice.
‎太好了 对
Oh, great. Yeah.
‎我曾经喜欢电影里那位小姐很多年
I was in love with, uh, Lady for quite a few years there.
‎真不明白 她看上那流浪汉哪一点了
Never understood what she saw in the Tramp.
‎话说 我能问你‎一个私人问题吗 船长？
Anyway, may I ask you a personal question, sir?
‎当然 说吧
Sure. Shoot.
‎哦 当然 我超爱笑的
Oh, of course. I love to laugh, ha-ha-ha.
‎谁会不喜欢呢？
Who doesn't? -Oh, great!
‎很好 因为事实上
Because Hans actually has a very great stand-up routine
‎汉斯有一段非常棒的脱口秀故事‎我一直想告诉你的
I've been meaning to tell you about.
‎在你享用浪漫晚餐时‎可以让他来说一段
He could perform it while you have your romantic dinner.
Oh…
‎嗯 这个嘛
Yeah, well, um…
‎我想让这顿晚餐更私密一点
I think I just wanna make this a more intimate thing.
‎完全理解 是的 当然
Oh, absolutely understood. Yes, of course.
‎但你知道吗 其实幽默可以
Eh… Uh… But humor can actually, you know,
‎以一种浪漫的方式‎拉进人与人之间的距离
tie people closer together in a romantic way
‎因为你会释放出内啡肽‎让你放松下来
because you release endorphins that… uh… relax you.
‎是的 当然 我…
Yes, uh… for sure. I… Hmm.
‎你知道吗 我们还是‎另找一晚说脱口秀吧 好吗？
You know, let… let… let's just try to find, uh, another night for that, okay?
‎当然 你是船长你做主
Of course. You are the captain.
‎是的
Yes.
‎好的 谢了 贡特
Okay, thanks, Günther.
‎船长？只是因为你没听过他的段子
Captain? Captain? Eh, it's just that, well, you haven't heard his material,
‎所以才会不愿意 这很正常
so it's only natural that you are reluctant,
‎我完全理解
and I understand that 100%.
‎很好！
Good! -Um…
‎但你懂的 当你看到一部好看的电影
But you… But you know when you see a great movie,
‎然后你推荐其他人去看
and you tell people that they should go see it maybe,
‎而他们却说：“好吧 也许改天吧…”
and they're like, "Yeah, perhaps at a later time…"
‎是的
Yes.
‎等到他们真去看了 他们就会说
And when they do eventually see it, they are like,
‎“真希望我当时听推荐人的话
"Oh, I wish I would have listened to the person recommending it
‎立刻去看了‎因为这真是一部好电影 我超爱呢”
and seen it right away because it was a great movie that I thoroughly enjoyed."
‎现在的情况就是如此
This is a situation just like that.
‎-一模一样‎-好吧
It's identical. -Okay.
‎但我们晚点再谈吧？‎我真的想让这次约会完美无憾
I… I really wanna make this date perfect.
But, um, can we just talk about this later?
‎好呢 当然 我们晚点再谈这件事吧‎可以制订一个计划
Sure. Yes, let's just circle back to that later and come up with a plan
‎在餐厅或别的什么地方举办一场活动
for an event here in the restaurant or something.
‎好呢 当然
Yeah, sure.
‎太好了 非常感谢 船长先生
P… Perfect. Thank you so much, sir.
‎耶！
Ja!
‎这张门卡♥通♥往的‎就是我们所谓的“打炮舱”
Uh, this is the key to what we call the "fuckabin"
‎因为我们把“打炮”和“船舱”‎这两个词连在一起了
because we put the two words "fuck" and "cabin" together.
‎-就像一个笑话‎-是的 她懂的 谢了 尼科
It's like a joke. -Yeah, she gets it. Thanks, Nico.
‎-哇 谢谢你‎-再带上你漂亮的朋友吧
Wow, thank you. -And bring your beautiful friend as well.
‎我们会去的
We'll be there.
‎尼科 你不用解释这笑话的‎那样就不酷了