背锅船长（2023）

Ha, yes, that's it, isn't it, Jonathan?
‎这并不丢人 人们经常混淆词语的
No shame in that. People mix up words all the time.
‎-当然‎-他就是一个白♥痴♥
Of course. -He's an idiot.
Hmm.
‎好吧 帮帮我 让我搞搞清楚
Okay, so, back up. Let me get this straight.
‎这是《风月俏佳人》的剧情 是吧？
This is a Pretty Woman thing, right?
‎-他花钱雇你的？‎-不是
You're an escort? -No.
‎我去 坦纳‎对不起 我说脏话了 抱歉
Dog garn it, Tanner. I'm sorry for swearing. I'm sorry.
‎我跟你们说过无数遍了‎丽莎是我的女友
I… I told you guys a hundred times now. Liza is my girlfriend.
‎为什么如此难以接受？
Why is that so hard to process?
‎-当然了 亲爱的 我们明白的‎-是啊
Of course, sweetie. We understand. -Yeah.
‎-我们懂的‎-我们懂的
We get it. -We get it.
‎我们很潮的
We are hip.
‎我们知道 现在的男女约会
We know the dating scene is completely different
‎跟我们年轻时完全不同了
from when we were young.
‎是的 现在都是用交友软件‎发送老二的照片
Yes. Now it's all about apps, and sending penis pics,
‎在商场后面用电♥话♥卡交换性♥爱♥什么的
and trading phone cards for sex behind the mall and all that.
‎-我觉得不是这样的‎-是的
Mm, not really, I think. -It is.
‎天知道 你父亲也经历过这种阶段
God knows your father has gone through a phase
‎就像你现在经历的一样
just like you're experiencing right now.
‎还记得那次‎你救下那个妓♥女♥吗 布莱克？
Oh! Remember that time you were "saving" that prostitute, Blake?
‎-啊？记得吗？‎-是啊
Oh, remember that? Ha! -Yeah.
‎太好笑了
That was priceless.
‎是啊 花了我一大笔钱‎结果她还是更喜欢以前的生活
Yeah. Cost me a fortune, and in the end, she preferred her old life.
‎她还在高速公路下面卖♥♥身呢
She's actually still turning tricks under the freeway.
‎但是回首往事
But when I look back at it,
‎我们的关系从一开始就注定了
what we had was doomed from the beginning.
‎我的第一个错误‎就是相信了她的皮条客
My first mistake was trusting her pimp.
‎太可恶了 他们当然是相爱关系了
Ah, so mischievous. Of course they were in love.
‎我拼命想重新赢得她的好感
I tried like hell to get back into her good graces,
‎但这是一段被毁掉的美好爱情故事
but it was a beautiful love story that was ruined.
‎我被整件事弄得心灰意冷‎到现在还很生气
I was gutted by the whole goddamn thing, and I'm still pretty pissed off about it.
‎-天啊 太伤心了‎-你又在自言自语了 布莱克
For Christ's sake. It's heartbreaking. -Now you're rambling, Blake.
‎但你的观点是成立的‎有其父必有其子
But the point stands. Like father, like son.
‎好了 各位 我要打断你们了
Okay, guys, I am going to stop you right there.
‎我不是乔纳森想要拯救的妓♥女♥
I am not a prostitute that Jonathan is trying to save.
‎-当然了！无意冒犯 丽莎‎-没有的
No, of course! No offense, Liza. -No.
‎我只是提醒我儿子！‎一朝被蛇咬 十年怕井绳 你懂吗？
I'm just looking out for my son! But once bitten, twice shy, you know?
‎我是加勒比海女王号♥的船员
I am an officer on the Caribbean Queen,
‎我非常爱你们的儿子
and I am very much in love with your son.
‎他是我见过的最可爱的人
He is the sweetest person I've ever met.
‎是人工智能吧？一定是的
AI. It's AI, right? Mm? It has to be.
‎你不是真人‎你就像一个高级版的真人娃娃
You are not a real person. You're like an advanced RealDoll
‎因为说实话…我能说吗？
because, honestly… Can I say it?
‎乔纳森很讨人厌 人人都知道
Jonathan is unlovable, and everyone knows that.
‎闭嘴 坦纳！‎并不是人人都知道的 快别说了！
Stop it, Tanner! Not everyone knows that. Shoo now!
‎-回你的小屋吧！‎-坦纳！快走！
Go to your hut! Away! -Tanner! Go!
‎-快走吧！‎-去！走吧！
Now go on! Get! -Shoo! Go!
‎听你妈妈的话！蠢货！
Listen to your mother! Get!
‎谢谢你 康苏拉 看起来非常清爽
Thank you, Consuela. It looks fantastically refreshing.
‎干杯！
Cheers!
‎你父亲和我感到非常骄傲
Your father and I are so proud of you.
Mm.
‎-真的吗？但我们刚吃过午饭‎-别太在意细节
Really? But we just had lunch.
Don't get too caught up in the details, Jonathan.
‎好啊！听起来不错 你要去吗 丽莎？
Okay! That sounds great. You up for that, Liza?
‎我在这里收拾行李‎休息一下吧 你们玩得开心点
I think I'll just unpack and relax here, and you guys, you go have a great time.
Oh, um…
‎我不需要你说的空间
I… I don't need that, uh… space you were talking about or… or anything.
‎其实恰恰相反
Quite the opposite.
‎不了 你们去吧
No, no. You just go ahead.
‎请带乔纳森的可爱女性朋友去客房♥
Please show Jonathan's lovely female friend to the guest room.
‎好吧 我去梳洗一下 换身衣服
Okay, maybe I'll just freshen up and get changed.
‎-不‎-不
No, no, no. -No.
‎穿着制♥服♥吧 你带工作证了吗？
Wear that uniform. Do you have an ID with you?
‎是的
Uh… Yes.
‎很好 一定也要带上
Great! Great. Be sure to bring that as well.
‎如果你有盖章的劳动合同‎也记得一定带上
And if you have a stamped labor contract, be sure to bring that along too.
‎说得好 宝贝
Good call, sweetheart.
‎好棒呀 真正的家庭旅行 这是第一次
Wow, this is so nice. A real family trip. That's a… a first.
‎别傻了 乔纳森 宝贝
Don't be foolish, Jonathan, baby.
‎我们经常去家庭旅行呢
We've been on tons of family trips.
‎大峡谷 阿斯蓬 夏威夷 哥斯达黎加
Oh, Grand Canyon, Aspen, Hawaii, Costa Rica,
‎印度 泰国 各处都去过
India, Thailand. Well, all over.
‎是带坦纳去的‎我从没去过 是你们仨一起去的
Yeah, with Tanner. I never went. It was the three of you.
‎你不记得了吗？
Oh, but don't you remember?
‎有太多行李了‎车里没法同时坐下你们俩人
We didn't have room for both of you in the car with luggage and everything.
‎但你们都是坐飞机去的
But… But you… You flew to all those places.
‎是啊 但你听说过‎一家人走着去机场吗？
Yes, but have you ever heard of families walking to the airport, son?
‎没有 但这是我的第一次家庭旅行‎我就是这意思
No, no. But this is my first family trip. That… That was my point.
‎-这不是重点啦‎-一点也不重要
And that's not really a point. -Not a point.
‎因为你在精神上一直与我们同在
Because you were always with us in spirit.
‎这才是最重要的 亲情最重要
Mm-hmm. -And that is what's important.
It is the thought that counts.
‎对
Yeah.
Oh.
‎你吓到我了 有什么事吗？
You scared me. Can I help you?
‎也许吧
Maybe. Maybe.
‎天啊 你真是经典的美女
God. You are such a classic beauty.
‎以你的长相 可以轻松登上色情杂♥志♥
With your looks, you could easily be in a porn mag.
‎好吧
Okay.
‎也许是《私体》杂♥志♥‎你可以做私体女郎
Mmm… Private magazine probably. You could be a Private girl.
‎谢谢哦 你到底有什么事？
Thank you, I guess, um, but what do you want?
‎我无法离开‎你就像是磁铁吸引着我的象鼻
Well, I couldn't stay away. You're like a magnet for my trunk.
‎你的象鼻？
Your trunk? -Mm-hmm.
‎我把我的老二叫做“象鼻”‎因为大象的鼻子又粗又长
I call my penis "the trunk" because elephants have trunks,
‎这是一种类比或隐喻
so it's an analogy or a metaphor.
‎好吧 所以你的老二有象鼻的形状？
Oh. Oh, okay. So your cock has the shape of an elephant's trunk?
‎你能用它抓住树枝或捡起花生吗？
You can clutch branches and pick up peanuts with it?
‎厉害了
Well, good for you.
‎不行 做不到 我指的是尺寸
No, no, no. I can't do that. I'm referring to the size.
‎看起来不像‎我没看到下面有一条1.8米的老二
Mm, doesn't look like it. I don't see a six-foot penis under there.
‎你不想来看看吗？
Oh, wouldn't you like to find out?
‎你看起来像是一个能听直话的小妞
because you look like a chick that can handle it.
‎-好吧‎-别误会
Okay. -Don't take this the wrong way.
‎乔纳森是好人‎我也盼着他能幸福 真的
Jonathan is a nice guy and all that, and I want the best for him. I really do.
‎但是呢？
But?
‎但是你应该马上甩掉他‎赶紧跟我搞在一起
But you should ditch him right away, and we should hook up immediately.
‎长痛不如短痛 把他踢一边
Just rip off the Band-Aid and kick him to the curb.
‎-为什么？‎-看着我 宝贝
And why is that? -Just look at me, babe.
‎我讨厌自己说这些 但我很性感
I hate that I have to say this myself, but I'm hot as fuck!
‎我能给你的远比他多
And I have so much more to offer you than he has.
‎多得多
So much more.
‎真的吗？比如什么呢 坦纳？
Really? Like what, Tanner?
‎好吧 首先是超过平均水平的老二
Okay, uh, well, for starters, um… a cock that's on the north end of average.
‎超过平均水平？
It's above average?
‎是啊 也许吧 只要用正确的测量方法
Yeah, probably, with the right measuring technique,
‎而且我的老二非常光滑漂亮
and it's real smooth and beautiful too.
‎好吧
‎在乔纳森回家之前
And what I would like to do before Jonathan comes home
‎我想做的是给你演示一下…
is give you a sample of…
-Whoa!
‎（大坦纳）
‎很好 你醒了
Good. You're awake.
‎我想告诉你‎我刚收到乔纳森发来的短♥信♥
I just wanted to let you know that I just got a text from Jonathan,
‎他大概两小时后回来
and he'll be back in approximately two hours.
‎我觉得时间足够我把你肢解
I think that gives me enough time to have you parted, wrapped up,
‎打包好 把你的四肢装进手提箱
and get all your limbs into this suitcase,
‎还有足够的时间洗个澡 嘿？
and still have enough time for a shower. Hey?
‎你知道吗？用这根钻头
Do you know that with this bit,
‎我可以钻穿你的眼窝 直达顶叶
I can drill through your eye socket and into the parietal lobe?
‎一直钻到你的后脑勺
All the way in the top back of your brain.
Mmm.
‎但既然你对乔纳森还有点价值
But since you may have some value to Jonathan,
‎我就给你一个选择
I'll give you a choice.
‎也许可以让你逃过这一切 坦纳