背锅船长（2023）

‎-你跟我在一起呢 傻瓜‎-什么？
You're here with me, silly. -What?
‎不是吧 你可能有点癫痫发作了
Oh no. I wonder if you maybe had a little seizure.
‎可能是因为太阳什么的吧
Probably because of the sun or something.
‎天啊 我好累啊 我这是怎么了？
Oh God. Ooh, I'm tired. What's happening to me?
‎我的嘴巴好干 我需要喝点水
My mouth is so dry. I need some water.
‎小可怜 你只是脱水了
Poor sweetheart. You're just dehydrated.
‎在海上一定要记得喝够水 好吗？
You must remember to drink enough water when you're at sea, hey?
‎是啊 应该喝够水 我真是一个傻瓜
Yeah. Yeah. I should, shouldn't I? That's… Oh, I am such a goofball.
‎是我自作自受了
Brought this on myself. -Yeah. You sure did.
‎是啊 是呢
‎对不起
I'm so sorry. -Aw.
‎看起来你需要一个拥抱‎你还是很迷糊呢 过来吧
Looks like you could use a little hug. You still look so confused. Come here.
‎好吧 哇哦 好家伙
Okay. Whoa. Holy mackerel.
‎你想跟我一起吃宵夜吗？
You, um, wanna grab an evening snack with me?
‎当然 我好饿‎感觉就像好几天没吃东西了
Sure. Yeah, of course. I'm so, so hungry.
Feels like I haven't eaten in days.
‎乔尔穆恩
Joel Moon. Hmm.
‎死因呢？
Cause of death?
‎异常勃起 导致大脑‎和其他重要器官严重供血不足
Abnormal erection that has drained the brain and other vital organs of blood
‎以及全身供氧不足
and shutting off the oxygen supply in the body.
‎这死法真有趣
What a way to go.
‎是昨晚送来的‎他的妻子在车♥库♥发现了他
Came in last night. His wife found him in the garage.
‎其他人呢？
‎我们发现老虎的DNA‎以及各种有机物的混合物
We found traces of tiger DNA mixed with all sorts of organic material
‎这些人身上都有
in all of these.
‎很有可能是黑市上
Most likely it's some new extremely potent black-market erectile drug.
‎某种新兴的强效壮♥阳♥药♥
‎我从没见过如此坚挺的勃起
I have never seen rock-hard erections like these before.
‎从来没有‎从医学的角度来看 这很惊人
Never. It's truly magnificent, from a medical point of view of course.
‎当然
Of course.
‎我打算把这些勃起案例‎写进我的博士论文
I'm actually planning on writing my PhD on these erections.
‎-这真的很有趣‎-好的 知道了
They're really interesting. -Okay. Noted.
‎我要逐一制♥作♥模型 以便近距离研究
I'm making molds of each of these so I can study them up close.
‎-可以从中学习到很多‎-你说了算
You can actually learn a lot from these. -If you say so.
‎嘿 斯蒂尔 我们该走了吧？
Uh, hey, Steel, um… should we, um, head out?
‎很多 你可以从中学到很多
A lot. You can learn a whole lot.
‎好了 谢谢你‎如果有其他消息 请通知我们
Okay. Well, thank you, and let us know if anything else comes in.
‎嘿
Hey.
‎好多妓♥女♥啊
So many prostitutes.
‎话说 我们来这里做什么？
Hey, wh… what are we doing here anyway? -Wait and see. Wait and see.
‎等着瞧吧
‎嘿 我不知道你是什么情况‎但我已经结婚了
Hey, I don't know what your deal is, but I am a married man.
‎这枚戒指对我来说很重要
This ring on my finger is really important to me.
‎过来啊 亲爱的
Over here, honey.
‎斯蒂尔 我不会跟妓♥女♥上♥床♥的‎不可能的 别想了
Steel, I am not fucking a hooker. No way. Forget it. Mm-mm.
‎不行 不可能的 这样做太卑鄙下流了
No, no, come on. It's just plain wrong and despicable.
‎收到
Uh-huh. Roger that.
‎找到了 我就是来找她的
Bingo. Just what I've been looking for.
‎哇！真漂亮呀
Wow! Oh, such a beauty.
‎好吧 我的新基本原则是‎可以上♥床♥ 但得戴套
Okay, my new ground rule is no penetration without condom.
‎生殖器的皮肤接触是万万不可的
Genital skin contact is just plain wrong.
‎我有我的道德指南‎如果跑偏 那就完蛋了
I got my moral compass, and damned if I'm strayin'.
‎不 斯蒂尔 我不会的
No, sir, not me.
‎糖糖！等一下
Candy! Hold on.
‎你来找我做什么‎斯蒂尔？我什么也没做过
What do you want from me, Steel? I haven't done jack shit.
‎你对市面上‎卖♥♥的这种新壮♥阳♥药♥了解多少？
that's just hit the streets?
‎-一无所知‎-是吗？
Nothing. -No?
‎不知道 你为什么要问我？
No, no clue. Why are you asking me?
‎直觉而已
Just a hunch.
‎你知道吗？去死吧 斯蒂尔‎你把我的顾客都吓跑了
You know what? Screw you, Steel. You're scaring my customers.
‎也许这东西能帮上忙
Maybe this'll help.
‎天啊
Oh God.
‎好吧 去城外的药房♥看看吧
Yeah, pay a visit to the, uh… pharmacy outside town.
‎有位留着长胡子的中国老头？‎他在卖♥♥那东西
The old Chinese man with the long beard? He's pushing that stuff.
‎漂亮 搜捕时间到
Bingo. It's bust time.
‎兄弟们
Fellas!
‎你要上车吗？
You comin'?
‎稍等 斯蒂尔 让我更新一下脸书
One second, Steel. Just updating Facebook.
‎天啊 我看起来好酷
Damn, I look cool.
‎队长 我从没想过‎你会加入我们的行动
Hey, Chief, I just gotta say, I never thought you'd wanna join us on this one.
‎我喜欢偶尔亲自上阵
Oh, I like to get my hands dirty every now and then.
‎再说了 参加这种简单的搜捕‎我才好邀功啊
Plus, I like to take the credit for easy busts like these, you know?
‎这对我的履历很有益
Really helps on my resume.
‎当然 这名中国人可能只是一枚棋子
Uh, sure. Well, this Chinese guy is probably just a pawn,
‎但我跟你说‎我觉得他能带着我们找到幕后主谋
but I'm telling you, I think he could lead us all the way to the top.
‎背后可能存在犯罪组织
There's probably a criminal organization behind this or something.
‎你又在说疯话了‎叨逼叨的斯蒂尔 大家说是吧？
Now you're talking that crazy talk again. It's Steel on repeat, right, guys?
‎是呢 队长 看啊 我们到了 就在前面
Right on, Chief. Oh, look, there it is. Right up ahead.
‎靠边停车 我想确认一些事
Pull over to the side. I just wanna check something.
‎35分钟内有35个点赞
Thirty-five likes in 35 minutes.
‎耶 不错嘛
Yeah! Not bad.
‎平均值是多少？每分钟一个 真不错
This is an average of what? Uh, one like per minute. Oh yeah.
‎我的…
Oh my…
‎我的天啊！
Oh my God!
‎搞什么鬼？
Whoa! What the hell?
‎药房♥爆♥炸♥了
It exploded.
Wow.
‎就这样吧 我们也无能为力
That was that. Nothing more we can do.
‎这名中国人可能参与某些垄断业务了
The Chinese guy might or might not have been involved
‎也可能没有
in some kind of cartel business,
‎但现在他意外身亡了‎我们就不得而知了
but now he died in a terrible accident, so we'll never know for sure.
‎-你怎么知道这是意外呢？‎-直觉而已
How do you know it was an accident? -Oh, just a hunch.
‎或者可以说是经验 煤气泄漏
Or experience, if you like. Gas leak.
‎他去打开炉子 砰 震动房♥间
He went to turn on the stove and boom, boom, shake the room.
‎新鲜王子 有人懂吗？
Fresh Prince, anyone?
‎大火熄灭后 我们得搜查废墟
Okay, we have to go through the rubble when the fire dies down.
‎召集鉴证科和其他所有相关人员
Call in forensics and… and… the whole shebang.
‎我能问问原因吗？
Uh, why, if I may ask?
‎去寻找线索和证据
Uh…
To look for clues, evidence.
‎你见过被火烧过的东西吗？
Have you ever seen things that burn in a fire?
‎我见过啊 是的
I've seen that happen, yes.
‎那你就应该知道‎被火烧过就彻底完蛋了
Then you'll know that they get totally destroyed.
‎如果你不介意的话 我想查查看
I would like to take a look, if you don't mind.
‎马屁探员来报到了 是吧？
Oh, Agent von Ass-Licker reporting for duty, huh?
‎-什么马屁？‎-我随便说说的
Von what? -I'm just saying.
‎文书先生又重新掌权了
Mr. Paperwork-maker is back in the saddle again,
‎想制♥造♥额外的工作
trying to create extra work.
‎你就不能消停一次吗？
Can't you give it a rest for once?
‎你们不觉得奇怪吗？
Doesn't it seem strange?
‎我们刚停车‎他们的藏身处就爆♥炸♥了？
Their stash house explodes just as we pull up?
‎就像有人给他通风报信了
It's like somebody tipped him off.
‎还有谁知道我们要来这里吗？
Who else besides the four of us knew that we were going here?
‎先别急着酝酿阴谋论 斯蒂尔
Whoa, whoa!
Hold your horses there with the conspiracy theories, Steel.
‎不要轻易怀疑我们中的任何一个人
I would be very careful suspecting any of us
‎或是我们在脸书上的粉丝
or any of our Facebook followers for that matter.
‎等等 你把这件事发到脸书上了？‎说我们要突击搜捕药房♥？
Wh… Wait, you put it on Facebook? That we were raiding the pharmacy?
‎是啊 当然了
Uh, doy, of course.
‎特警队必须出现在社交媒体上
The Special Unit has to be present on social media.
‎向社区展示我们很时髦‎这对我们的品牌知名度很重要
It shows the community that we are hip, and it is crucial for our brand awareness.
‎哇 真是难以置信
Wow, that is unbelievable.
‎天啊 你真是一个‎社交媒体白♥痴♥ 斯蒂尔
Oh my God, you really are a social-media ignoramus, Steel.
‎你难道不明白‎我们需要跟线上社区建立联♥系♥吗？
Don't you understand that we need to connect with the online community?
‎社交媒体很重要
Social media is important
‎因为我们能以此接触和培养‎我们的目标受众 与他们互动
because it allows us to reach, nurture, and engage with our target audience!
‎你真这样做了
You actually did it.
‎当然 我们走吧 各位
I sure did. Let's roll, people.
‎（特警队）
‎啧啧啧 小猫咪
Well, well, well. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
‎（虎鞭研磨机）