背锅船长（2023）

‎变成了一片湿漉漉的泥潭
into the sloppiest quagmire.
‎再见啦！
Peace out!
‎喂！
Hey! Hey!
‎（弗尔船长停车位）
‎（残疾人停车位）
‎女士优先
Ladies first.
‎不不 你先上吧 船长
No, no, no, you go right ahead, Captain.
‎还是你先吧
I insist.
‎好吧
Okay…
‎天啊 好紧致的屁♥股♥ 就像鼓皮一样
Damn. Now, that's a tight ass. Like a drumskin.
‎向你致敬 你赢得了我的尊重
Kudos to you. You have earned my respect.
‎（右舷）
‎你好 巴雷尔女士！快看啊
Oh, hi there, Ms. Barell! Check this out.
‎驾驶室所有人都会记得
Now everyone on the bridge will remember the difference
‎左舷和右舷的区别了
between port and starboard side.
‎好呢 真是太好了
Oh. Okay, that's great.
‎是的 由于船员们记错了
Yes, there have been some unfortunate incidents
‎发生过一些不幸的事故‎导致出现危险事件
when crew members've misremembered, which has led to hazardous episodes
‎对船员、乘客、码头和船舶‎都造成了伤害
and some injuries both to crew, passengers, docks, and the ship.
‎我曾经也亲历过这类事故
And I have been involved in a number of them.
‎实不相瞒 我并不完美
I'm not gonna lie, so, you know, I'm not perfect by any means.
‎不 但你这样做很聪明 会帮助到大家
No, no, but that is smart anyway. It will help everyone.
‎-需要我也来帮忙吗？‎-当然
Do you want some assistance with that? -Sure.
‎-很好‎-谢谢
Great. -Thank you.
‎要知道 船长‎你给我的印象是一个心地善良的人
You know, captain, you strike me as a person with a big heart.
‎-你喜欢帮助别人‎-是的 只要有机会 我就会帮助别人
You know, you like to help people. -Yes, whenever I get the chance.
‎你知道的 船员们在谈论‎想要帮助那些不幸的人
So, you see, the crew was talking about wanting to help the less fortunate.
‎你也会对此感兴趣吗？
Is that something you would be interested in too?
‎-当然‎-太好了！
Of course. -Great!
‎-是的‎-很好
Yes. -Great!
‎反正我们现在有一些空位
Because we have some free capacity now,
‎我们可以举办一次慈善游轮之旅‎邀请一个从未被关注过的群体
so maybe we could do a charitable cruise for a group that never gets attention?
‎当然可以
Uh, definitely.
‎会邀请哪个群体呢？
Um… And… And who might that be?
‎白化病患者
The albinos.
‎白化病患者？
The… albinos?
‎是的 就是那些皮肤特别白的人
Yeah. You know, the extra-white-skinned people.
‎哦 他们啊
Oh, them. Uh…
‎好的 为什么呢？
Yes. Uh, wh… why?
‎什么？为什么呢？
Excuse me? Why?
‎为什么不呢？
Why not?
‎为什么我们要根据肤色‎来给人分等级呢？
I mean, why should we rank people based on the color of their skin?
‎这是最纯粹的种族主义 船长
That's racism in its purest form, Captain,
‎我希望你不是这样的人
and I hope that's not what you are all about.
‎不是的 这主意太棒了 是的
No, that's a great idea. Yes.
‎很好 我们现在要做的‎就是制♥作♥个人视频邀请函
Great, and what we're going to do is make to personal video invitations
‎并发送给‎从世界各地选出的白化病患者
and send it to selected albinos all over the world.
‎很好 我超喜欢
Great. Great. I love that.
‎是的 我会全力参与的
Yes. I… I am all in.
‎好了 安静‎大家早上好 好了 大家听好了
Okay, calm down. Good morning, people. All right, listen up, everyone.
‎集♥合♥ 我们将迎来‎重要的一天 有很多事要做
Gather round. We have a big day ahead of us. Lots to do.
‎但在我开始做晨间简报前
But before I start the morning brief,
‎我想借此机会给大家讲一个小故事
I would like to use the opportunity to tell a little story.
‎昨晚在我身上发生了一些特别的事
Something special happened to me last night.
‎我参加了一场派对‎高端上档次的派对
So I'm at this party. Real classy, real upscale.
‎但那是一场很疯狂的派对‎在场的所有人都是裸体
But it's pretty wild, and everyone there is naked.
‎我是唯一的男人‎其他都是小妞 而且个个都超极正点
I'm the only guy. The rest are chicks, and they are fucking beautiful.
‎身材无敌棒 好吗？‎巨♥乳♥让人神魂颠倒
Amazing bodies, right? Tits to die for.
‎总之 我开始打桩 好吗？
Anyway, I start penetrating, right?
‎一个接一个的女孩‎让我不断抽♥插♥ 狂干这些小妞
One girl after another, pumping away.
Really jackhammering these chicks.
‎突然间 她们同时达到高♥潮♥了
And all of a sudden, they all climax at the exact same time.
‎真是太疯狂了
It was insane.
‎至少有15个女孩尖叫着
At least 15 chicks screaming
‎潮♥吹♥喷到地板上 喷得到处都是…
and… and… and fountain orgasming all over.
-Just floors, flooded with squirt--
‎好了 船长 故事很棒‎很有趣 但是时候出发了
Okay, Captain. Great story. That is amusing, but it is time to go.
‎我们要晚了
We're running late. -I'm… Okay, Greg, wow.
‎好了 格雷格 我正讲到一半呢 伙计
All right. I was in the middle of a story.
‎抱歉 船长
Sorry, Captain.
‎只是如果我们现在还不出发‎就会延误原定行程了
It's… It's just that we will be behind schedule if we don't leave now.
‎好吧 格雷格 晚就晚了‎我的梦总不能只听一半吧
Well, then, Greg, we're gonna be late, okay?
No point of hearing half my dream, right?
‎这是梦吗？不是真事吗？
It's a dream? It's not even a real story?
‎我也希望呢 不是 就是梦啦
I wish. No, it was totally a dream,
‎但在我的脑海里‎是如此真实 如此生动 如此享受
but it was so real in my mind, so vivid and sensual.
‎-我觉得不分享出来就是玩忽职守‎-不会的
I thought it'd be negligent not to share. -It wouldn't.
‎不好意思 贝琳达 保持住
Excuse me, Belinda, one second.
‎-这翘臀 好棒啊！‎-不
Oh! That ass. Oh yeah! Oh yeah! -No…
Oh! Oh! Oh!
‎搞什么啊 船长？
What the hell, Captain?
‎这只是一个玩笑啦‎一个优雅又有品味的性暗示
It's only a joke. A classy and tasteful sexual innuendo.
‎你的行为太不专业了
That's just so unprofessional.
‎是啊 就是说吧？
Yeah. I know, right?
‎我们玩得很开心
Oh, we have fun.
‎好了 不要再胡闹了‎来吧 大家都回到工作岗位上吧
Okay. Enough horsing around here, people. Come on, let's get back to work.
‎是啊 或许可以试着表现得更真诚
Yeah, and maybe try one with even more sincerity.
‎说得认真一些 不用太过 一点点就好
Like, just say it like you mean it. Not… Not too much, just a tad.
‎就快好了 再稍作微调就行
You know? You're almost there. It's just a minimal adjustment.
‎你对电影制♥作♥了解多少 尼科？
What do you know about film production, Nico?
‎既然你问起来 我拍过不少电台广♥告♥
Uh, well, since you ask, I've done quite a few radio commercials,
‎我以前还曾出演过电视剧
and I had a part in a TV series back in the day.
‎-真的吗？‎-是的
Really? -Yeah.
‎我当的是临时演员‎但我出镜时间还挺长的
Or I was an extra, but I got quite a good amount of screen time,
‎所以请让我做我擅长的事吧
so, uh, please just let me do my thing.
‎-这家伙很在行呢‎-当然 尼科
The man know his things. -Sure, Nico.
‎船长？再来一次吧 请再真诚一点
Oh, Captain? Uh, one more take, please. Just a tiny bit more sincere.
‎是的 但要更真诚一点‎而不是做作 好吗？
Yeah, but more sincere, but not noticeably, okay?
‎开拍！
‎亲爱的白化病友
Dear albino friend.
‎我是乔纳森弗尔船长‎我很荣幸能亲自邀请你们
I, Captain Johnathan Fall, have distinct the honor
‎参加人生中最难忘的游轮之旅
of personally inviting you to the cruise of your lifetime.
‎我唯一想要的回报‎就是你们要替我们保守秘密
The only thing I want from you in return is that you keep this our secret.
‎不能让任何人知道‎我们在用如此奢华的旅行款待你们
No one can know that we are treating you to this fantastic luxury,
‎因为这会激起周围人的疯狂嫉妒
as it will stir up so much jealousy all around.
-Oh.
‎这听起来像是‎专门为我们准备的 亲爱的
This sounds like something for us, honey.
‎-是什么啊？‎-有人邀请我们参加免费游轮之旅
What is it? -We are invited to a free cruise.
‎仅限白化病患者
Albinos only.
‎免费游轮之旅？‎这不是典型的骗局吗？
Free cruise? Isn't that like a classic scam?
‎不不 这位弗尔船长似乎很真诚
No, no, no, no, no. That Captain Fall seems so sincere.
‎他们支付了机票和所有费用
And they have booked and paid for plane tickets and everything.
‎但无论如何 这都是不可能的
But it's not possible anyway.
‎我们无法在可怕的烈日下尽情享受
How are we supposed to enjoy ourselves in the horrible scorching sun?
‎他说主甲板上有遮阳网
He says the main deck is covered in shade nets.
‎还有免费的防晒霜和帽子
There's complimentary sunblock and hats.
‎他们甚至有训练有素的‎专门处理晒伤的人员
They even have trained personnel with extra expertise in sunburn wounds.
‎这位弗尔船长 他什么都考虑到了
He's thought of everything, that Captain Fall.
‎那还等什么 我们快出发吧
That's it. We're fucking going.
‎我们是时候‎在残疾人的行列中提升一级了
It's about time we move up in the disabled ranks.
‎是的 我同意 但我们就好好享受吧‎不要搞得像是重大的政♥治♥问题
Yes, I agree, but let's just enjoy this and not make it a big political issue.
‎为什么不呢？几个世纪以来‎我们一直被忽视 被边缘化
Why not? We've been overlooked and marginalized for centuries.
‎如果你是聋哑人或盲人什么的
If you're blind or deaf or something,
‎社会就会对你百般关照
society carries you around on a goddamn pedestal.
‎但如果你缺少黑色素
But if you don't have any pigment,
‎那你就只能‎像吸血鬼一样活在阴影里了
you are left to live your life in the shadows like a fucking vampire.
‎亲爱的 宝贝 我们就要去非洲了‎好好享受旅行吧 好吗？
Honey, babe, we are going to see Africa. Let's just enjoy that, okay?
‎是的 当然 终于轮到我们‎闪亮登场了 让他们都见鬼去吧
Yes, of course. It's our turn to shine, so to hell with all of them.
‎这次游轮之旅一定会很棒的！
This cruise is going to be great!
‎真正的胜利游♥行♥
A real victory march.
‎伙计们 今晚乘客离开后
So, fellas, who wants to throw down a few shots and get crazy
‎有人想喝几杯 然后疯狂一下吗？
as soon as the passengers have left tonight, huh?
‎我有水疗区的钥匙
I have the key to the spa area.
‎是的 当然 听起来不错
Yes, sure. Yeah. Sounds great.
‎酷啊！你们不会后悔的