背锅船长（2023）

‎（霍恩斯切米尔 1854年）
‎巴雷尔小姐
Miss Barell.
‎你好 船长 我不能再逃避了
Hello, Captain. I can't stay away any longer.
‎我已经压抑自己很久了‎但我实在无法抗拒你
I've tried to restrain myself for so long, but I don't have the power to resist you.
Oh?
‎我知道 这样是不对的‎因为你是我的上司
I know, I know, this is wrong in so many ways,
with you being my superior and everything, but to hell with it.
‎但去他的对错吧
To hell with what's right or wrong. Let's just succumb to our emotions.
‎让我们屈服于自己的情感吧
‎我的天啊
Oh my God.
‎太粗壮了 我完全没想到 船长
So… mighty. I had no idea, Captain.
‎是啊 确实太粗壮了‎但我就是如此天赋异禀
but, uh… that's just how nature equipped me.
Yeah, it's almost too sizable,
‎我没想拿来炫耀的
It's not something I like to brag about or anything.
‎过来吧
Come here.
‎操♥我♥吧 船长 快点操♥我♥吧
Cock me, Captain. Cock me right now.
‎我已经硬如磐石 信心满满‎所以我很愿意这样做
I am rock hard and full of confidence,
so I am, uh, up for that task.
‎太好了 快点把阴♥茎♥插入我的阴♥道♥吧
Great. Now, insert the penis into my vagina.
‎我要直接插♥进♥去…
I'll put it straight… in…
Ah.
‎感觉好极了 性♥爱♥真美好
Oh, that feels wonderful. Oh, sex is great.
‎我完全同意 我舒服得上天了
Mm. I agree. 100%. I'm in pleasure heaven.
‎你就要高♥潮♥了吗？
Uh, are you… reaching climax soon?
‎是的 随时都会‎但我要你先在我的身体里小便
Mm, yep, yep. Any second now, but first I want you to pee inside of me.
‎什么？
What?
‎让你的巨根先软下去‎然后给我送上金色的祝福吧
De-erect that power tool of yours, and give me some of that golden bliss.
‎真的吗？
R… Really?
‎是的 这很时髦‎大家都在这样做 来吧
Yeah, yeah, it's hip. Everyone's doing it. Come on.
‎好吧
Uh… Oh… Okay. Um…
‎好的 来了
Yeah, here it goes.
-Uh…
‎好棒 好样的
Oh yes. Way to go.
‎不要有所保留‎我想要你每一滴珍贵的尿液
Don't hold back now. I want every last drop of your precious yellow.
‎这种感觉太棒了
Oh. That feels great.
‎很高兴你要求我这样做‎因为我真想小便了
I'm so glad you asked because I… I really had to go.
‎太释放了
So relieving.
‎不
No, no, no, no, no.
‎可恶
Hog darn it.
‎（脏衣篓）
‎（只限员工进入）
‎真是滥杀无辜
What a waste of life.
‎好好的动物
Such fine animals.
‎为什么要做成烟灰缸？‎现在都没人抽烟了
And why ashtrays? No one even smokes anymore.
‎是啊 真是太残忍♥了
Recht, recht. It's just cruel.
‎让我不禁质疑我做爪牙的原因了
Makes me question this whole henchman business.
‎是否值得 你懂吗？
Is it worth it, you know?
‎经历所有这些精神创伤‎只为取悦邪恶的主谋
All these traumatic experiences just to please some evil mastermind
‎而我们甚至都不认识他
who we don't even know.
‎有时候 我会考虑找一份正常的工作
Sometimes I consider getting a regular job.
‎是啊 我也是
Yeah. Same here.
‎我一直想当一名邮差‎但随着电子邮件的出现
I always wanted to be a mailman, but with email and everything,
‎没人知道邮差这行还能坚持多久
you never know how long the mailman adventure will last.
‎是啊 该死的电子邮件 伙计！
Yeah. Fuck email, man!
‎谁会想在愚蠢的电脑上读信呢？
Who wants to read letters on some stupid computer anyway?
‎或者读明信片呢？
Or, like, postcards?
‎快看我 我现在是一名度假的游客
Mm. Check me out. Now I am a tourist on holiday.
‎好吧 很有趣 然后呢？
Okay, interesting. Yes?
‎先生 你能帮我‎扫描一下这些明信片吗？
Sir, could you please scan these postcards for me?
‎我要发电子邮件给我的朋友和家人
I am going to email them to my friends and family
‎这样他们就可以在电脑上阅读了
so they can read them on a computer.
‎是啊！真是太搞笑了
Yeah! Oh! That is very humoristic
‎因为包含扫描页的电子邮件‎永远无法取代实体卡片
because an email with scanned pages could never replace a physical card.
‎两者寄托的情感价值不一样
It just doesn't have the same emotional value.
‎是的 没错
Ja. Exactly.
‎汉斯 你是我见过的最有趣的人
Hans, you are the funniest person I have ever met.
‎你应该去当喜剧演员
You should become a comedian.
‎-你真这样想吗？‎-什么？当然啦
You think so? -What? Definitely.
‎你注定就是干这行的 我能感觉到
It is your destiny. I can feel it.
‎我认识一个在慕尼黑开夜♥总♥会♥的人
I know a guy in München who runs a nightclub.
‎我可以推荐你‎在他们的脱口秀之夜登台演出
I could probably get you onstage one of their stand-up nights.
‎你搞得我有点紧张了‎让我登台演出吗？
Now you're making me a bit nervous. Me onstage?
‎汉斯 别紧张 你肯定能成功的
Oh, Hans, no, you would kill it.
‎你可以用这段绝佳的明信片笑话开场‎太好笑了 真的
You can begin with your wonderful postcard joke. So funny. Yeah.
‎弗尔船长在零区‎重复一遍 弗尔船长在零区
Captain Fall in Sector Zero. I repeat, Captain Fall in Sector Zero.
‎汉斯？贡特？
Hans? Günther?
-Oh! Oh! -Ja.
‎真♥他♥妈♥该死
God fucking damn it.
‎是啊！
Ja!
Even just you saying that, very…
‎当然也有经济方面的原因
There is, of course, the economic aspect to it also.
‎现在我还要依赖当爪牙的薪水过活
Right now I am dependent on the henchman salary.
‎做爪牙这行是一把双刃剑
That's the double-edged sword in henchman business.
‎薪水很丰厚 所以你压抑了‎自己真正的兴趣和才能
The pay is great, so you kind of suppress your real interests and talents.
‎-我懂的‎-如果你愿意 我来当你的经纪人吧
I get it. -I'll manage you if you like.
‎伙计 不在世人面前
to keep your energies and magic from the world!
‎展现你的活力和魅力 这是一种罪过
‎你们的耳机呢？
Where are your earpieces?
‎我们…决定不戴耳机是因为…
We… decided not to wear them because,
‎老实说 这些耳机搞得耳朵不太舒服
ah, and I've got to be honest here,
they are not very comfortable to the ear.
‎不太舒服？
Not very comfortable?
‎这是一个典型的例子‎管理层试图在错误的地方
It's a classic example of management trying to save money
‎节省资金和削减开支
and cut expenses in the wrong places,
‎而底层员工不得不受苦受难
and the lower-level employees having to suffer.
‎是啊 不是我们的错‎完全是管理层的责任
Ja. Not our fault. This lands solely on management.
‎你为什么把那只猩猩的手握成拳状？
Why do you make a fist with that hand?
-Ah! Ach!
‎他是黑暗中的一丝光明
A glimmer of light in all of the darkness!
‎（大猩猩手烟灰缸）
‎下次请服从管理 好吗？
Please obey management next time. Okay?
‎好的 那是肯定的
Ja. That is affirmative.
‎肯定的
Affirmative.
‎片名：背锅船长
-Ah! Ah!
‎-他这样子多久了？‎-一整天了
How long has he been like this? -The whole day.
‎-他上次被注射镇定剂是什么时候？‎-我不知道 大概20小时前吧？
When was the last time he was sedated? -Mm, I don't know, maybe 20 hours ago?
‎我不得不用对付动物的飞镖‎就是用来对付“大猫”的那种
‎什么？我不想再卷入这件事了
What? I don't wanna be involved in this anymore.
‎这违背了我的《希波克拉底誓言》
Okay? It goes against my Hippocratic Oath.
‎很抱歉让你感到困扰了 医生
Well, I am so sorry for your inconvenience, Doctor,
‎除非你已经想出‎偿还泰伦特先生欠款的方法了
Unless you've come up with a payment plan for what you owe Mr. Tyrant.
‎我想你并没有
Huh. Didn't think so.
‎看着我 我们是你的债主‎所以不要抱怨 快去治好他吧
Look at me. We own you.
So suck it up, and get to work on him.
‎我需要他振作起来‎准备执行下一项任务
I need him up and running for the next mission.
‎抱歉 但那是不可能的
Sorry, but that's not happening.
‎他现在一团糟
He's a mess.
‎有点创意
Be creative.
‎想想办法
Find a way.
‎死丫头
Wench.
‎我遗漏什么了？
What am I missing here? What am I missing?
‎（壮阳）
‎你为什么不拍张照片呢？那会更持久
Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer.
‎-抱歉 你说什么？‎-你是有多喜欢这面墙啊？
I'm sorry. What was that? -In love with the wall much?
‎你已经盯着它足足25秒了
You've been staring at it for a good 25 seconds now.
‎不是 我只是想看看‎我能否查清这起案件的真♥相♥
Yeah, no, I'm just trying to see if I can get to the bottom of this case.
Hah.
‎总觉得自己比我们都强
Always thinking you're better than the rest of us.
‎思考不同的关联、场景和可能性吧
Thinking of different links, scenarios, and possibilities.
‎是啊
Pah, uh… Well, yeah.
‎我来给你一些免费的提示吧
Let me give you some clues here, free of charge.
‎这名中国人自行制♥造♥并贩卖♥♥壮♥阳♥药♥
That Chinese fella made that cock medicine himself,
‎然后他把自己关在里面 引爆了大楼
sold it, and then bombed the building with himself inside.
‎-他为什么要这样做？‎-出于内疚呗
And why would he do that? -Out of guilt.
‎他看到有人死于‎他的劣质产品时 就失去理智了
When he saw that people died from his foul creation, he just lost it.
‎听起来很合理
Sounds solid enough.
‎是啊 但这还不够 你必须深入调查
Yeah, but no, you have to dig deeper.
‎再次给其他人制♥造♥各种额外的工作
Create all sorts of extra work for the rest of us. Again.
‎我只是在尽自己的职责 弗兰克探员
I'm just doing my job, Agent Frank.
‎所以你的职责就是制♥造♥加班吗？
Oh? So your job description is to create overtime?