地狱天使（2016）

但是如果我看到你将要踏上
But if I see you're about to go down
一条危险的道路 我要做什么
a dangerous path, what am I gonna do,
不闻不问吗
stick my head up my ass?
你说什么 危险的道路
What are you talking about, ax80x9cdangerous pathax80x9d?
跟我来
Follow me.
我咋不知道他们今晚要一块儿吃饭
I didn't know they were having dinner tonight.
伊文说他要忙工作
Evan said he was working.
他是在忙着和你的好朋友瞎搞
He's working on boning your best friend.
他们以前也搞上过一次
They've hooked up once before.
些许轻柔的爱抚...细节我就不多说了
Some light petting... I won't go into details.
- 二垒 - 啥
- Second base. - What?!
胸啊 伙计
Boobs, dude.
还隔着衣服一起摩擦摩擦 拜托了
And some dry humping, but please, I just,
我不想再多说细节了
I don't want to get into the details.
你说什么 伊文在和
I'm sorry, Evan is cheating
吉尔偷腥吗
With Jill?
孩子 抱歉
Kid, I'm so sorry.
亲爱的
Oh, honey.
如果你知道这有
Would it cheer you up to know that there is
一个墨西哥春卷
a taquito...
在你耳后你会高兴点吗
behind your ear?
还意外的嘎嘣脆
These are surprisingly crunchy.
嘿 你俩
Hey, guys.
- 嘿 宝贝 - 嗨
- Oh. Hey, babe. - Hi.
你在这干嘛呢 我以为你要加班呢
Wha... What are you doing here? I thought you were working late.
我只是
Oh, I just...
你知道的
you know...
你又在这干嘛
What are you doing here?
我猜我俩的事被你发现了
I guess you caught us.
简直不敢相信
I can't believe this.
你怎么能这样
How could you?
我怎么了
How could I what?
吉尔 你在勾搭我的男朋友吗
And, Jill, you're hooking up with my boyfriend?
艾里逊 你 你在说什么呢
Allison, wh...what are you talking about?
我俩没鬼混
We didn't hook up.
那这又算怎么一回事
Oh, then what the hell is this?
还有这些咖啡和蛋糕
With the coffee and the cakes?
宝贝 那只是一块蛋糕
Babe, there's just one cake.
听着
Look...
我本不打算告诉你
I wasn't going to tell you,
可我在为明晚的派对
but I'm-I'm making a video
做一个视频
for the party tomorrow night,
总括了你生命中每一个值得纪念的时光
of all the big moments in your life.
因为同居
Because moving in together
是我生命中的最大的事
is the biggest moment in my life.
- 是吗 - 吉尔只是在帮我的忙而已
- Yeah? - And Jill was just helping me out.
她只是给我带了照片
She just brought over pics
好让我扫描
that I can scan.
这是我们在毕业舞会上
This is us at prom.
这是我们在希腊的时候
This was when we were in Greece.
还有一张我们在红龙虾海鲜店的
Oh, and one of us at Red Lobster.
你有一张那天我们的照片确实有点儿奇怪
It's a little weird you have a picture from that day.
那可是件大事儿
It was a big moment.
真是太贴心了
It's really sweet.
我的天 我的小伙伴 非常抱歉
Oh, my God, you guys. I'm so sorry.
我只是完全惊呆了
I just totally freaked out.
我们能不能既往不咎呢
Can we please just forget I said anything?
- 行啊 - 非常抱歉
- Um, yeah. - I'm so sorry.
宝贝 你怎么会这么想呢
Babe, why would you even think that?
- 我不知道 对不起 - 来抱一个
- I don't know. I'm sorry. - Ah, come here.
他在扯谎 我知道他俩勾搭上了
He's lying. I know they were hooking up.
- 怎么知道的 - 天使就是知道
- How? - An angel knows.
- 我还黑进了他的邮箱 - 什么
- And I hacked into his e-mails. - What?!
我就跟你说了我是个电脑奇才嘛
I told you I'm a wiz at the computer.
拜托了 别走 站住 求你了
Oh, please, no, stop. Please.
容我解释
Let me explain.
- 你在哭吗 - 没有
- Are you crying? - No.
那个塔其头里面有辣椒
There's habanero pepper in this taquito
我简直就是在消化岩浆
and I'm literally digesting lava.
我想让你离开我的生活
I want you out of my life.
讲真 我会拿一个禁令
Seriously. I will get a restraining order.
我叔叔是个律师
My uncle's a lawyer.
你叔叔是个牙医
Your uncle's a dentist.
你怎么什么屁事都知道
Why do you know everything?
我现在要回去
I am going back inside to have dinner
和我那 "没有出轨的男友" 和我闺蜜一起吃晚饭了
with my "non-cheating boyfriend" and my best friend.
你这个疯女人别一起来
Crazy ladies not invited.
好吧 可我不是在跟着你
Well, I'm not following you,
我只是得去一趟洗手间
but I got to go to the bathroom.
我处在核爆♥炸♥边缘而且还没任何办法
I've got a nuclear situation here and it ain't a drill.
嗨
Hi.
你看起来美爆了
You look gorgeous.
见到你真高兴
So good to see you.
你好 嘿 小妞
Hello. Hey, you.
嗨 布莱德
Hi, Brad.
排毒疗程怎么样了
How's the cleanse going?
我上礼拜就停了
Oh, I stopped it last week.
我没跟你说吗
Didn't I tell you?
并没有
You did not.
该是因为忙得疯了
Spacey actress.
话说回来 你用得怎样
Anyway, how is it going for you?
对我挺有用的 我 我爱死了
Uh, good for me. I'm-I'm-I'm loving it. Yeah.
我有点头晕还大汗淋漓
I've had some vertigo and full body sweats,
可除此之外
but other than...
事实上还有一点虚弱 不过挺好的
and I am a little weak, actually, but good.
- 不错 - 那
- Cool. - So, um...
是啊 我爱上了绿化生活
Yeah, I'm loving the clean living.
它现在也变成我的爱好了
It's going to be my thing now.
你想一醉方休吗
Do you want to get drunk?
- 那还用说嘛 - 走吧
- Absolutely. - Come on.
老天 我不能再插一脚了
Man, I got to stop intervening.
你是在跟我说话吗
Are you talking to me?
伊文背着艾里逊偷腥了
Evan's cheating on Allison,
我只是想那到儿去
and I just want to go in there
抓个现行 但是我不能这么做
and bust him, but I can't.
我在试着更守纪一点
I'm trying to be more disciplined.
好吧 可你说的人我一个都不认识
Okay, I don't know any of the people you're talking about.
啥 切 这邻居有够差
What? Boo. Bad neighbor.
- 好吧 - 快走开
- All right. - Get out of here.
- 不不不不不 - 嘿 别让它
- No, no, no, no, no. - Hey, don't let him
在我的二轮战车旁边晃悠
take a whizz on my chariot.
那是我醉酒后唯一能用的交通工具
It's my only mode of transport post DWI.
DWI：酒醉后开车
说到这 你认识好的律师吗
Speaking of which, do you know a good attorney?
像是 一个我负担的起的
Like, an affordable guy,
不会问你一大堆问题的那种吗
someone who's not going to ask a lot of questions?
晚安
Have a nice night.
你也是 小伙伴
You, too, pal.
嘿 介绍你给艾里逊认识哦
Hey, and introduce yourself to Allison!
她是最棒的
She's the best!
欢迎大家 来我们的第一场派对
Welcome, everybody, to our first party.
长话短说
I'll keep it short. Um...
我就想说我感到真真切切的幸运
I just want to say how truly lucky I feel
能遇到这个男人
to have met this man.
他让我感到
He makes me feel
安全和宠爱
safe and loved
我为我们能同居而感到无比的高兴
and I'm so happy we're living together.
不 拥有你是最幸运的事
No, I'm the lucky one to have you.
听听 听听
Hear, hear!
- 我确实很棒 - 是 你确实是
- I'm pretty great. - Yes, you are.
- 啤酒喝光了 - 啤酒喝光了