地狱天使（2016）

Well, I don't see the cork, so I will plug it up
把它塞起来
with a...
用胡萝卜不错吧
Carrot cool?
- 好玩吧 - 完全同意
- Oh, this is fun, right? - Totally.
感觉我们是90年代的口香糖广♥告♥偷跑出来的
I feel like we escaped a 90's gum commercial.
这是我们的桌子
Here's our table.
我很高兴你根本不在乎你看起来多蠢
I love that you just don't care how stupid you look.
这里看起来蠢的人只有一个
The only person here looking stupid
就是没穿护具的那个
is the one not wearing pads.
没错
Ah, yes.
你知道你独处的这段时间最重要的是什么吗
You know what's great about this time on your own
就是你要真正释放自己
is you're really gonna free yourself up
解决你的烦恼
to work on your issues.
你会吸取很多经验教训
You're gonna learn so many great lessons.
不是每件事都得是教训
Not everything has to be a lesson.
这也是一个教训
And that's one of the lessons.
你并不像戴着头盔显得那么蠢
You're not as dumb as you look in that helmet.
要不还是戴着吧
Uh, maybe keep it on.
不 你知道吗 我不在乎
No, you know what, I don't care.
我没打算打动任何人
I'm not trying to impress anybody.
我爱死单身有趣的艾里逊了
I am loving single fun Allison.
但你还是带个发圈吧
But maybe you have a scrunchie?
怎么啦
Ooh, what's going on there?
枕头大战
Pillow fight!
- 我们走 - 好吧 听起来蛮主动的
- Let's go. - Well, that sounds spontaneous,
这也是过去几个月我一直在教给你的
and spontaneity is a lesson I've been working on for months.
我们去狠狠打掉那些90后脸上
Let's go knock those ironic mustaches
讽刺的大胡子吧
off those millennial faces.
你拿钢丝钳了吗
You got wire cutter?
马上
Mm-hmm, coming in hot.
- 手电筒 - 扔过来
- Flashlight. - Flipping.
再来一个
Hey, one more now.
当心
Look out.
富勒男子汉 回归啦
Fuller men, back at it.
我们最后一次做的工程是什么来着
What was the last project we did?
给詹妮姑妈的公♥寓♥改建泳池
We did the re-mod on the p-deck outside Aunty J's c-do.
用了太多缩略语了
Yeah, that's too many abbreviations.
抱歉 是给詹妮姑妈的公♥寓♥
Yeah, sorry, it was the remodel on the pool deck
- 改造游泳池 - 没错
- at Aunt Jenny's condominium. - Yeah.
她一辈子里总算有些稳定而稳固的东西了
Finally something in that woman's life that was stable.
对吧
What?
你真棒
You're bad.
这是什么
Whoa, what do we have here?
这是布莱德的第一个工具箱吗
Is this Brad's first toolbox?
爸爸 别动
Uh, Dad, don't touch that.
好吧 现在我感觉到你不想
Okay, now I'm sensing there's a reason
让我打开工具箱的理由了
you don't want me to open this.
不 我 不是 我只是想让你
Uh, no, I d... I... No, I just want you
帮我扶住这个梯子 好让它别砸到你的车
to help me with this ladder so it doesn't hit your car.
怎么了 里面有双截棍
What, do you got nunchucks?
还是烟火
Maybe some cherry bombs?
难道有 小黄书
Oh, nudie magazines.
爸爸 千万不要打开
Dad, do not open that.
别紧张 这不是我第一次看见
Relax, it's not the first time I've seen
小伙子私藏的 纸拉花
a fella's private stash of paper flowers.
我明白了
Uh. I got it.
你往后拉花瓣来展现
You pull back one of the petals to reveal
这些其实是用花♥花♥公♥子♥做的
that these are actually made out of Playboy magazines.
不不 这只是纸拉花
No, no, it's just a paper flower.
我在大二的美术课上做的
I made them sophomore year in art class.
放松
Relax.
只不过和我期待的不一样
Just wasn't what I was expecting.
我有一大堆小黄书 爸爸
I have tons of porn, Dad...
就藏在阁楼上
It's hidden up in the attic.
我现在就可以带你去
I can take you up there right now.
好吧 我真的不是
That's okay, I really don't...
我愿意 而且不只是花♥花♥公♥子♥
I will, and it's not just Playboy,
就像真的 来
it's like the real... here.
拿好 我去拿小黄书
Take this, I'm getting the porn.
你收拾这个戴羊毛围巾的
Hey, you take the guy in the wool scarf.
我去搞定那个戴毡帽的
I'll take the guy in the wool hat.
伙计们 现在摄氏三十度啊
It's 80 degrees, people!
不
No!
哎呦 为什么这么疼
Ow! Why does that hurt so much?
因为这是记忆绵枕
Because it's Memory Foam,
这样你就永远 不会 忘记了
so you don't... ever... forget!
天哪 真不好意思
Oh. Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.
没关系 没关系
That's all right, that's all right.
都是枕头大战会有的情况
All part of a pillow fight!
没错 我需要我的眼镜
Yeah, I need my glasses.
在这儿
Yeah, uh... there they are.
你好啊
Hey.
你好
Hey.
警♥察♥
Five-O.
我平时不这么讲话
That's not how I talk.
有警♥察♥来了
The police are here.
我们撤吧 我平时也不这么讲话
Well, let's bounce. Also not how I talk.
我们就快往这个方向走吧
Let's just walk quickly in this direction.
艾里逊
Allison!
我把我的人搞丢了
Oh, my God, I lost my human.
或者说我的朋友 一般人们会这么说
Or my friend, as people would say.
我有前科
Uh-oh, I got priors.
下午好 警官
Uh, good afternoon, officers.
我是艾美·卡斯侦探 这是我的犯罪现场
Uh, Detective Amy Cass, this is my crime scene now.
我需要封锁30英尺范围
I'm gonna need 30 feet,
一杯黑咖啡 现在
a cup of coffee, black, now!
爸爸 给我一个水平仪
Dad, hit me with the level.
好吧 你看起来有点分心
Okay, you seem distracted.
你还在想那些花 是不是
You're still thinking about the flowers, aren't you?
你无法解释的秘密花♥园♥吗
Your unexplained secret garden?
不是 有点 时不时地
No. Little bit. Constantly.
怎么啦
What was up with that?
你记得吉恩先生吧
You remember Mr. Gene,
我高中的美术老师
my high school art teacher, right?
我只是想说 记得
I'm just gonna say sure.
我曾经是个易怒的小孩
I was an angry kid.
吉恩先生教我怎样通过折纸艺术
And Mr. Gene taught me how to express my feelings
来表达我的感受
through the paper arts.
你高中还练摔跤
You wrestled in high school.
这两样并不矛盾 爸爸
Those two aren't mutually exclusive, Dad.
我情商很高
I have a rich emotional IQ.
根据我在朋友圈上做的测试
According to one BuzzFeed quiz.
我和十八世纪的意大利画家一样情感丰富
I can feel at the level of an 18th-century Italian painter.
我真想嘲笑你一番 不过我想让你知道
I so want to mock you, but I also want you to feel
这种事你可以和我商量
like you can come to me with this stuff.
- 艾里逊哪去了 - 她没和你在一起么
- Where's Allison? - I thought she was with you.
我们刚才在公园里 然后她从我身边逃走了
We were at the park, and then she ran away from me.
这似乎是一种合情合理的行为
Seems like dangerously logical behavior.
马文 我们有的是时间互相损
Marv, there is a time for our hysterical banter.
现在真不是时候
It is not now.
噢 伙计们 这太糟糕了
Oh, you guys, this is bad.
她常去的地方我都找过了
I checked all the usual places.
咖啡厅 办公室 容器零售店
The coffee shop, the office, the container store,
她的单车课程 她的后备单车课程
her spin class, her backup spin class.
瞧瞧你 可伦坡夫人
Look at you, Mrs. Columbo.
可伦坡夫人 : 神探可伦坡里的主角
你们好 我家里怎么这么多人
Hello, surprising number of people in my house.
马文 走开
Marv, move!
该死 你听不懂吗
God, you're not getting it!
我很高兴你回来了 不过下次
Well, I'm glad you're back, but next time,
你要走的时候能不能先通知我一声
give me an advanced warning if you're gonna be spontaneous.