地狱天使（2016）

嘿 变魔术的那个
Hey! Magician lady!
你又把我的水果变走了吗
Did you disappear my fruit again?
没有啊 史蒂夫
Huh? Uh, no, Steve, it's probably
大概是塞了在你屁♥眼♥里吧 就塞在大棒棒旁边
up your ass, next to that giant stick, huh?
天啊 这女人 不敢相信
I can't believe this woman.
嘿 我可没说过我的演出是老幼皆宜的
Hey, never said my show was rated G, people.
我可没说过
Never said it.
这个 是你的吗
Does this... belong to you?
你是怎么做到的
How'd you do that?
这是魔法 兄弟 如果你翻一下
It's magic, dude. Now, if you'll look
你的卫衣口袋里 应该有些东西是我的
in the pocket of your hoodie, I think you got something for me.
嗒哒 我的小酒
Ta-da! My booze!
这太酷了
That's so cool!
为什么不去找你♥爸♥爸要五块钱
Why don't you get a five-spot from your dad
- 然后放到我的帽子里呢 好吗 - 好
- and put it in the hat, okay? - Okay.
好的 要点这个
Okay. One of these.
一个聚会而已 这么多萝卜够了吧
Are these enough radishes for a party?
不知道 这在于你邀请了多少只兔子
I don't know, how many rabbits did you invite?
哈哈 萝卜是为了拌生菜的
Ha! It's for the crudites.
- 好了 我们迎合一下吧 - 你懒够了啊
- Come on, let's just cater it. - Oh, lazy much?
自从我们搬到一起住以后
It is our first party
这可是我们举办的第一个派对
since we moved in together...
我们一定要把开胃菜做好
We can make the appetizers.
好吧
Fine.
我喜欢这个
Oh, I love this.
这是拉美洲的棉花做的吗
Is this Latin American cotton?
去年我去了萨尔瓦多
I went to El Salvador last year
真是一次荒唐的冲浪之旅
on this ridiculous surf trip.
- 酷 - 超棒的
- Cool. - So good.
又一条围巾 我当初可没同意
Another scarf? I didn't agree
和史蒂文·泰勒的麦克风架同居喔
to move in with Steven Tyler's mike stand.
史蒂文·泰勒 : 摇滚歌♥手 麦克风架上常挂着一堆围巾
小伙伴们 我现在要去
Guys, I think I'm gonna hit up
上我的瑜伽早课了
an earlier yoga class.
- 在那种地方 小心细菌啊 - 知道了
- Oh, at that place? MRSA alert. - I know,
但我待会儿有一个广♥告♥试镜
but I've got a commercial audition later,
弄得我很紧张 所以我需要放松一下
and I need to clear my head... I'm nervous.
好的 待会儿给我发短♥信♥ 告诉我进展
All right, text me later, let me know how it goes.
好的 "老妈"
Yes, "Mom".
好了 我们走吧
Okay, let's go.
好吧
All right.
真是不好意思
I'm so sorry!
看看这个笨拙的魔术师做了什么
Look what the clumsy magician lady did.
嗯 不用担心 意外常常都有
Oh, no worries. Accidents happen.
嗯 你能这么说真是太好了
Well, that's a very sweet thing to say.
我猜你肯定是个非常亲切的人 艾里逊医生
I'll bet you're a very sweet person, Dr. Allison.
你怎么知道我的名字的 还知道我是个医生
How did you know my name? And that I'm a doctor.
- 我们见过吗 - 像见过一样 不是吗
- Have we met? - It feels like it, doesn't it?
就好像我们已经认识了对方一生一样
It's like we've known each other all our lives.
就好像我们有一种心灵 精神上的接触似的
Like we have a psychic, spiritual connection.
到底是怎么回事
What is happening here?
哈哈 我只是在逗你玩呢
Ha-ha! I'm just messing with you.
看 我拿着你的幸运手链呢
Look. I palmed your charm bracelet.
这上面刻着一个艾里逊 一个医生
There's an Allison charm, a doctor charm...
我还以为你会通灵呢
I thought you had ESP.
我本来还想让你猜我的工作是什么呢
I was gonna make you guess what my job was.
你是个失业的屌♥丝
You're unemployed.
其实我正在开♥发♥一个手♥机♥软件
actually I'm developing an app.
那你有拿到报酬了吗
You get paid for that?
我正在和一些投资者商讨
I'm talking to some investors.
那你就是无业的嘛
Yeah, you're unemployed.
艾里逊医生 见到你很荣幸
Dr. Allison, it has been a pleasure.
别多想 扎克伯格
Take it sleazy, Zuckerberg.
Zuckerberg : Facebook开♥发♥者
这胡子太搞笑了
Beard is ridiculous.
为啥呢
Why?
搞什么鬼...
What the...?
那个女人刚刚打了我
Uh... that woman just hit me.
吉尔会去你的派对吗
Ooh. Is Jill coming to your party?
当然了 她可是我最好的朋友
Well, she's my best friend, so yeah.
- 酷 那我就不携眷出席了 - 因为你觉得
- Cool. I won't bring a date. - 'Cause you think
- 她会跟你回家么 - 这绝对有可能
- you're going home with her? - Totally possible.
我已经有些进展了 我们都一起搞什么排毒疗程了
I'm making headway... We're doing a cleanse together.
你申请了做她的好基友是吗
Oh. Are you applying for the job of her gay best friend?
没有 我是要申请做她的爱人 别再打击我了
No. I'm applying for the job of her lover, thank you very much,
还有我的简历还是很不错的
and my resume's tight.
简历 嗯哼
Resume? Hmm.
艾里逊的哥哥
Allison's brother:
爱好包括 对女性的疯狂迷恋
x80x9chobbies include obsessive crushes
还在去看猛犸象的路上拉肚子在我的裤子里
and pooping my pants on the way to Mammoth.
当时那杯奶昔真的有问题嘛
Ooh. There was something wrong with those date shakes.
听着 如果能和你约会的话吉尔是很幸运的
Look, Jill would be lucky to go out with you,
- 我知道 - 但我不认为她对你是那种喜欢
- I know. - but I don't think she sees you that way,
而我认为你该让她成为过去了
and I think you should probably move on.
- 才不 - 我好担心你的
- Never. - I just worry about you,
刚刚离婚的这些破事
being newly divorced and all.
你能为我想这些我很感激
And that's very sweet of you and I appreciate that,
- 但我还不错 - 闭嘴吧 艾里逊医生
- but I'm fine. - Shut the front door! Dr. Allison!
是我啊 艾美啊 在农贸市场碰上的
It's me, Amy, from the farmers' market.
是有多巧呀 又碰见你了
How random is this, running into you?
是挺巧的
It's really random.
- 这位小甜心是谁 - 嗨 你好
- Who's this Bit-O-Honey? - Hi. What's up?
我是布莱德 我是她哥哥
I'm Brad. I'm the brother.
我想给你看一些东西
Hey, I want to show you something.
我肩膀上长了一个东西 可能是一个痣
I got this thing on my shoulder, might be a mole.
也可能是
Could be a...
在性♥爱♥角色扮演时被蜡给烧到吧
wax burn from some degrading role play.
你懂得我在说什么吧 懂吗
You know what I'm talking about, don't you?
嗯哼 我知道
Yeah, I do.
总之 你帮我仔细看看 给我一个大概的诊断
So anyway, you give it an eyeball, maybe ballpark diagnosis?
或者你可以直接来我的办公室
Why don't you just come into my office?
- 你跟我预约个时间就行 - 太棒了
- Just make an appointment. - Oh. Okay. That's cool.
呃 我目前还没有医疗保险
Um, I am currently in between insurance carriers,
所以我可以和你以物易物吗
so what's your barter policy?
我逗你玩呢
Just messing with you!
我会付你现金的 不过只能付你一块一块的零钱
I'll pay cash. It'll probably be all ones.
人们会把一块又一块的美元塞进脱衣舞娘的衣服里
还有 我不是个脱衣舞娘 布莱德
And no, I'm not a stripper, Brad.
该死
Damn it.
所以 艾里逊医生
So, Dr. Allison,
我猜我们过段时间又要见面了喔
I guess I'll be seeing you soon, huh?
还有你
And, you...
我跟你还没完事儿呢
I'm not done with you yet.
很好 如果你需要我 我在我妹妹的车♥库♥里住
Good. If you need me, I live above my sister's garage.
你是个很棒棒的人嘛 是吧
Ooh, you're a project, aren't you?
对我施展混身解数吧
Get your tool set ready.
我为什么要和那个女人调情啊
Why was I flirting with that woman?
我也不知道啊
I have no idea.
她只是个农贸市场里碰上的疯子
She's some kook from the farmers' market.
她把我吸引住了 然后话题就迅速的变得色情
It's like she drew me in... it got very sexual, very quickly.
- 是啊 我知道 太奇怪了 - 好了
- Yeah, I know. It was weird. - All right.
嗒哒
Ta-da!
- 我告诉过你我们马上就会见面的 - 好吧
- I told you I'd see you soon. - Okay, uh,
你总是在我身边出现
you keep showing up everywhere,
- 这样太奇怪了 - 当然了
- and it's freaking me out. - Absolutely.
这太奇怪了 要喝薄荷甜酒吗
It is weird. Creme de menthe?
我正要回我的办公室呢
I'm actually on my way back to the office.
现在可是礼拜二 下午两点呢
'Cause it's 2:00 p.m., on a Tuesday.
今天都星期二啦 天啊 时间过得真快
Wow, it's Tuesday already? Man, space and time!
听着 我能问你一些私人问题吗
Listen, can I ask you something personal?
我都不认识你呢
I don't really know you.
你相信吗 世上有种力量