一如既往（2018）

Don't you tell me to hydrate, you jackass!
别叫我喝水 你这混♥蛋♥
Steven, are you okay?
史蒂芬 你还好吗
Fuck no!
他妈的不
We find the defendant, Charlotte Wells,
我们判被告 夏洛特·威尔斯
guilty of criminal assault and battery.
犯有侵犯和殴打罪
If you complete community service,
如果你完成了社区服务
anger management classes and probation,
愤怒管理课程和缓刑
the felony charge will be expunged.
重罪指控将被撤销
Sentence is 30 days in jail.
监禁30天
Don't tell me how to live my life.
别告诉我怎么过我的生活
Yes sir, motherfucker.
是的 先生 混♥蛋♥
Goddamn fucking shit.
该死的
I gotta do me, fuck all y'all if you can't appreciate!
我要做我自己 操你们所有人 如果你们不能欣赏就滚
Step off!
滚
Who do you think you are, Princess Elsa?
你以为你是谁 埃尔莎公主
It's not goddamn Arendelle.
这里不是他妈的阿伦德尔
Skinny ass bitch!
瘦婊♥子♥
Ash?
阿什
Ashley?
阿什利
Oh, yeah
爽啊
Give it baby
来啊宝贝
That's what I'm talking about, baby
就是这样 宝贝
Ow, ow, hot, hot, hot.
哦 哦 烫 烫 烫
I'm on fire.
我欲♥火♥焚身了
Oh, yeah.
哦 就是这样
Somebody's earning their lunch money.
有人在赚午餐钱
Oh, yeah.
哦 是的
Jesus, Brandon, what can I say?
天哪 布兰登 我能说什么
She's a treacherous whore, you're better off without her.
她是个奸诈的妓♥女♥ 没有她你会过得更好
You're gonna give yourself a heart attack.
你会让自己心脏病发作的
What've you gone,
你跑多少了
a mile and a half?
一英里半
Shit, you're in terrible shape.
你的身体很糟糕
I bought this bike so that I could get fit
我买♥♥这辆跑步机是为了去卢旺达
and do the Rwanda ride.
而健身
You ever seen me on it?
你见我用过吗
No.
不
The whore's right, Dan.
那个婊♥子♥是对的 丹
I can't commit to anything, especially women.
我什么都不能承诺 尤其是对女人
Which explains why I've had 50 girlfriends
这就解释了为什么在过去的10年里
in the past 10 years.
我有过50个女朋友
I can get 'em but I can't keep 'em.
我能找到 但我留不住她们
I want a lasting love, Dan.
我想要一份永恒的爱 丹
I wanna be married.
我想结婚
You have had a run of lousy luck with women.
你在女人方面运气不好
Luck has nothing to do with it, it's me.
与运气无关 是我
It has to be me.
一定是我
I have to change, Dan.
我得改变了 丹
Come on champ, you stink, let's go get a shower.
来吧 小子 你好臭 我们去洗个澡吧
Welcome home, girl.
欢迎回家 姑娘
Oh my god!
哦 我的上帝
Ow!
噢
Oh, my god. Ow, ow, ow, ow ow ow!
哦 天哪 啊 啊 啊 啊 啊
I'm so sorry.
我很抱歉
Carly, I'm so sorry, it's my prison reflexes.
卡莉 对不起 这是我的监狱反射
Fuck that hurt!
去他妈的 好痛
Oh my god, you are so strong.
哦 天哪 你好大力
Is it sick that I envy you?
我嫉妒你是不是很有病
You're an ass kicker now.
你现在踢人一绝了
You look great, you've lost weight.
你看起来很棒 你减肥了
Man, I wanna go to jail.
伙计 我也想进监狱
Oh yeah, everybody should, and it's so simple.
哦 是的 每个人都应该这样 这很简单
All you have to do is spend half your life
你所要做的就是将你的半生
in a disastrous relationship and commit a felony.
投入到一场灾难性的关系中并犯下重罪
Okay, none of which was your fault.
好吧 这都不是你的错
It was all my fault.
都是我的错
Look, okay, I read online that the average woman
听着 好吧 我在网上看到普通女人
will have four serious relationship before she gets
在她结婚之前会有四段严肃的关系
married. So, at the rate you're going,
所以 以你的速度
you're not gonna get married till like you're 84.
你84岁才能结婚
You need to get right back on the horse.
你得马上整装待发
How?
怎样呢
I have nothing to offer.
我没有什么可以提供的
Men just want some spontaneous,
男人只是想要一些自发的
unpredictable sexual deviant.
不可预知的性变♥态♥
Girl, you're giving men too much credit.
女孩 你给男人的评价太高了
They're simple beasts.
他们是简单的野兽
All's they crave is sex, sports, beer, food
他们只渴望性 运动 啤酒和食物
and sometimes a little anal.
有时还有点肛♥门♥
Really?
真的吗
Really.
真的
Really?
真的吗
Really.
真的
Okay, if that's what men want,
好吧 如果这是男人想要的
then that is what I'm gonna give them.
那就是我要给他们的
Except that last part, not gonna happen.
除了最后一部分 不会发生
SCHWEITZER POLIZEI FRAU: Yeah, yeah,
施韦策·波利泽夫人：是的 是的
we've all seen the makeover sequence
我们都看过美容改造的顺序
so I won't bore you with it.
所以我就懒得给你啰嗦一遍了
Kapernick, Manning, Brees, cradle the balls!
卡佩尼克 曼宁 布里 把球放在支架里
Work the shaft!
操作杆子
Yes!
对
You are now an expert on men.
你现在是男人方面的专家了
All right, this is all the shit that he gave you
好了 这都是在过去的14年里
over the last 14 years.
他给你的那些狗屎玩意儿
Throw away, sell online and,
扔掉 或在网上卖♥♥掉
whatever the fuck this is.
而且 不管这是什么
Yeah, he got it at an Infectious Diseases Conference
这个 是他在传染病会议上得到的
in Shanghai.
在上海
I kinda like it.
我有点喜欢
It's going.
扔掉
Yeah, this is disgusting.
是的 这太恶心了
Hmm.
嗯哼
Wow, so you're a graphic designer,
哇 你是个平面设计师
you must be really artistic.
你一定很有艺术性
Well, I have been called the Vermeer of napkin art.
嗯 我被称为餐巾纸艺术的维米尔
Wait, what are you watching?
等等 你在看什么
Oh, it's this, this silly show
哦 就是个愚蠢的节目
about this Swiss police woman who is...
关于一个瑞士女警♥察♥…
Schweizer Polizei Frau?
施维泽·波利泽夫人
You know it?
你知道吗
Ja!
是啊
I binge-watched all seven seasons in like six days.
我六天之内疯狂地看完了整整七季
Yeah, I'm on season four.
是的 我在看第四季
Oh, there's great ones coming up.
哦 后面剧情很棒的
We talked last night for four hours.
我们昨晚谈了四个小时
I think he's a really nice guy.
我觉得他是个很好的人
Oh.
哦
Do you think I should tell him about Steven?
你认为我应该告诉他关于史蒂芬的事吗
If you never wanna hear from him again.
如果你再也不想和他说话的话
Dating one guy your whole life might come off a little...
你的一生只和一个男人约会可能会有点…
Sad? Freakish.
悲伤 怪胎
Like you were raised on a polygamist compound.
搞得好像你是在一个一夫多妻制的环境里长大的
Don't show him the woman you were,
别让他看到你曾经是什么样的女人
show him the woman you're going to be.
向他展示你要成为的女人
You mean lie?
你是说谎言
Hell yes, lie.
见鬼 是的 你要撒谎
Don't tell her you have 56K in student loans.
别告诉她你还有五万六的学生贷款要还
Tell her you have a 10 inch schlong
告诉她你有10英寸长的屌♥
and you're the heir to Walmart fortune.
你是沃尔玛财富的继承人