一如既往（2018）

I'm so sorry, this is the story of Charlotte and Brandon,
对不起 这是夏洛特和布兰登的故事
they love my TV show.
他们喜欢我的电视节目
Oatmeal, exercise, well, sort of.
燕麦粥 运动 嗯 差不多
They both hate sleeping alone.
他们都不喜欢单独睡觉
Beer and hairy nipples.
啤酒还有毛茸茸的乳♥头♥
The good news is they are a perfect match.
好消息是 他们天生一对
The bad news is, they have never met.
坏消息是 他们素昧谋面
And Charlotte is with Steven while Brandon is with Ashley.
夏洛特和史蒂芬在一起的时候 布兰登和阿什利在一起
Well, I can't marry you
我不能嫁给你
because I'm marrying someone else in May.
因为我五月份要和别人结婚
You don't even have a boyfriend.
你甚至没有男朋友
Well, actually I do.
好吧 事实上我有
We've been together since high school, for 14 years.
我们从高中开始就在一起了 14年了
It's just that he's been living very far away
只是他一直住在很远的地方
and now, he's moving back so we can be together.
现在 他要搬回来了 这样我们就可以在一起了
14 years?
14年
Sounds like commitment issues.
听起来像是出于承诺的一段关系
No, it's just that he was waiting
不 只是他想等到
until we were both ready.
我们都准备好的时候
Why am I defending myself to a first grader?
为什么我要向一个一年级的学生澄清
Well, when it all falls apart, you know where to find me.
好吧 等事情崩溃的时候 你知道在哪里能找到我
Look, Lance, we've done all the graphics
听着 兰斯 我们已经以非常合理的价格
for your packaging and prints ads at very reasonable rates.
完成了所有的包装和印刷广♥告♥的图
We've created the signature look for Be Yourself Cosmetics.
我们已经创造了"做自己化妆品"的品牌形象
Now, it's great that your nephew's a whiz at Photoshop
你侄子是个使用PS的高手是件好事
but believe me, there's just so much...
但相信我 还有很多…
Screw you, Lance!
去你的 兰斯
And your oxymoronically named product
去你的矛盾命名产品
and your muttonheaded fucktard nephew!
还有你那笨头笨脑的侄子
Christ, are you off your meds?
天哪 你没有吃药吗
That's our biggest account!
这是我们最大的客户
He's an asshole, Brandon, asshole.
他是个混♥蛋♥ 布兰登 混♥蛋♥
Bro, I went to RISD with Seth MacFarlane,
兄弟 我和赛斯·麦克法兰从罗德岛设计学院毕业的
I don't need that shit!
我不需要那狗屎客户
That asshole was paying off my student loans.
但那狗屎客户可以帮我偿还我的助学贷款
Yeah, and our bills.
是的 还有我们的账单
Shit!
该死
You think you can get him back on the phone?
你觉得你能让他回个电♥话♥吗
I'm still here you broke bitches.
我还在这儿你个婊♥子♥养♥的♥
For you.
给你的
Thank you.
谢谢您
My pleasure.
我的荣幸
You're a pretty decent drawer.
你可真是个不错的画家
Thank you.
谢谢您
You know, I've been called the Vermeer of napkin art.
你知道 我被称为餐巾纸艺术的维米尔
Who?
谁
Did I leave my amethyst necklace at your place?
我把我的紫水晶项链放在你家了吗
Yeah, yeah, think I saw it in the bathroom.
是的 是的 我想我在浴室里看到了
Okay, remind me to get that from you.
好的 提醒我从你那里拿回来
So, my boss gave us free tickets
对了 我老板给了我们免费的票
to the Charger's game Sunday.
去看星期天的球赛
Wanna go?
想去吗
The 405 on a Sunday?
星期天的四点多
Okay, I'll drive.
行啦 我来开车
Yeah, you know I'm not really into drunk crowds
不过 你知道我不太喜欢喝醉酒的人群
and football, or people.
还有足球 人群什么的
Of course.
当然
What's that mean?
那是什么意思
You know, I have dated guys with commitment issues.
我以前也和一些害怕承诺的人交往过
Lot's of them.
很多个
Pretty standard stuff, but you,
很正常 但是你
I can't even get you to commit to a football game.
我甚至不能得到你肯去看足球比赛的承诺
Well, I don't like football.
我不喜欢足球
It's not that, it's everything.
不只是那件事 其他的事都是这样
You won't go to Coachella.
你不愿意去科切拉音乐节
You won't move in together
你不愿意一起搬进来
because that would be moving too fast.
因为那样的进展太快了
You won't even book that cruise next summer
你甚至连明年夏天的邮轮都不订
because a lot can happen in six months!
因为你说"六个月内可能会发生很多事情"
Those tickets are non-refundable.
这些票是不能退的
And you're a cheapskate!
而且 你是个小气鬼
Which is why I thought you'd like the free tickets
所以我觉得你的首要考虑
in the first place!
是免费的票
I'm not cheap, my money's tied up.
我不是小气 我的钱被套牢了
And I can't go to the game
我不能去看比赛
because I wanna start training for that Rwanda charity ride.
因为我想开始为卢旺达慈善之旅训练
You know, where people are dying.
你知道的 那个给濒死之人举办的
Yeah, like that's gonna happen.
是的 就这样吧
Ashley, Ashley.
阿什利 阿什利
Okay, you're right.
好吧 你说得对
I'm sorry.
我很抱歉
Let's do it Ashley, you and me, Coachella next year.
让我们去吧 阿什利 你和我 明年去科切拉
Ugh!
啊
Oh, my god.
哦 天哪
You have to see this house.
你得看看这房♥子
It has an entertainment room that would be so perfect
它有一个非常完美的娱乐室
for you to have your buddies over
可以让你的朋友过来玩
so you can watch your football matches, and then...
所以你可以看足球比塞 然后…
It's games, it's not matches.
是比赛 不是比塞
Uhm, anyway, there's a chef's kitchen,
嗯 不管怎样 还有一个给大厨配的厨房♥
newly remodeled bathrooms,
新改建的浴室
there's a study that would make a perfect nursery.
还有一个书房♥ 很适合做婴儿房♥
I think maybe we should hold off on the house.
我想我们应该暂缓买♥♥♥房♥♥子的事
Why?
为什么
I just got here, you know, starting a new job.
我刚到这里 你知道 开始一份新工作
There's a lot to figure out.
有很多问题要解决
You don't have to figure us out, right?
那我们的未来现在不用多虑了 对吧
You do?
你觉得要
Now, Charlotte, just wait a minute.
夏洛特 等一下
No, no, no no, no, I am not waiting.
不 不 不 不 不 我不想等
I waited through college, through med school
我等读大学 等读完医学院 已经很久了
and through your residency.
又等你的居留权
That was the plan.
这就是计划
I know, I know, and you've been so great
我知道 我知道 你一直都很好
through all of that.
等了所有这些
Is there someone else?
你喜欢上其他人了吗
Is it that Nurse Newcombe?
是纽康姆护士吗
No, no way.
不 不可能
Well, then what is it?
那是什么
It's just, you,
只是 你
so predictable.
太循规蹈矩
Wha, wha, wha, what the heck does that mean?
什么 什么 什么 这到底是什么意思
Up every morning at 6:00 a.m., the same Honey Nut Oatmeal,
每天早上6点起床 同样的蜂蜜坚果燕麦粥
you're off to work, back home, then in bed at 10 o'clock.
你下班了 回家了 然后10点钟在床上
You don't follow sports.
你不喜欢运动
Sex, missionary position with the lights off.
做♥爱♥也是 传教士的姿势 还要关灯
There's no surprises.
没有什么惊喜
I'm bored out of my mind.
我无聊透了
Well, I didn't know it was so horrible for you.
好吧 我不知道这对你来说这么可怕
Well that explains the engagement ring,
这就解释了订婚戒指
the promise ring and the pre-promise ring.
承诺戒指和预承诺戒指
14 years, Steven!
14年了 史蒂芬
In hindsight, I probably should have done this sooner.
事后看来 我应该早点做这件事
Did you bring me up here so I wouldn't make a scene?
你把我带到这里来是为了不让我大闹一场吗
Because I am gonna make a scene.
因为我要大闹一场的
I'm gonna tell everybody in town.
我要告诉镇上的每个人
I'm gonna announce it in church...
我要在教堂宣布…
Charlotte,
夏洛特
would you please just... I'm gonna put posters up...
请你… 我要贴海报…
Hey, calm down and hydrate, please.
嘿 请冷静点 喝点水