尴尬时刻（2014）

Oh,my God,I love your shoes.
天啊 我好喜欢你的鞋子
Thank you. That's so sweet.
谢谢 你真好
That should've been me. This is my friend,Daniel.
如果我能跟她一样就好了 这是我朋友丹尼尔
Hi.
嗨
Hi.
嘿
Nice to meet you.
很高兴见到你
Nice to meet you.
很高兴见到你
Okay.
好吧
Okay.
好吧
What. .. The fuck was that?
干嘛 搞什么啊？
Seriously. That was god-awful.
说真的 刚刚真是糟透了
That was horrendous.
真是骇人听闻
I got nothing... I don't know.
我不想 我不知道
Are you serious right now? You just dropped the ball. Seriously.
你认真的吗？你刚刚放弃了多好的一个机会啊
You just dropped the ball big time.
你放弃了一个很棒的机会
I'm having an off night. I don't know.
我不知道 我今晚没感觉
Having an off night?
今晚没感觉？
Even Jordan has off nights.
乔丹也有没感觉的时候吧
Very ambitious.
你真是雄心壮志
What? What's wrong?
怎么了？
That teddy bear.
你的毛绒熊
Mr. Wiggles?
威格尔斯先生？
Fuck,Mr. Wiggles. Yeah,Mr. Wiggles.
对 就是该死的威格尔斯先生
Because,I know,
因为我知道
your ex-boyfriend gave you that teddy bear.
这个熊是你前男友送你的
And I said he was a pussy,which he was.
然后我说他是个娘炮 因为他就是
And then you broke up with him.
然后你跟他分手了
But I was thinking about you guys together.
但是我忍♥不住想象你俩在一起的样子
And him having sex with you. And then I thought about him naked.
想象你们上♥床♥ 想象他裸体的样子
And you know. And all that stuff. Oh,really? Yeah.
你知道的 什么都想 真的吗？
And my bonerjust started to wilt like warm lettuce.
然后我的鸡鸡就像一片热生菜一样萎了
I'm gonna get rid of the teddy bear! Thank you.
那好 我把熊拿走 谢谢
Creeped me out. Yeah.
真吓人呢还 是
Chelsea,I just really want you to know something.
切尔西 我想告诉你
And I wanted to be very clear.
很清楚地告诉你
You're not looking for anything serious right now?
你不想认真谈恋爱吗？
Look,Daniel,this thing doesn't have to be a thing.
听着 丹尼尔 我们没必要认真的
And if you want to go back to being friends,we can go back to being friends.
如果你想做普通朋友的话 我们可以做回普通朋友
I don't want to go back to anything.
我不是想做回朋友
That's what I was going to tell you.
我想告诉你的就是这个
I really like being here.
我喜欢跟你在一起
That's what I was going to say.
我想说的就是这个
You working this weekend?
你周末工作吗？
You should come by the hospital.
你应该来医院找我
Again. Yeah. Again.
又去？ 没错
You'd like that,wouldn't you?
你喜欢那样 不是吗？
Yeah,I would.
没错 我喜欢
Come by again and again and again.
一次又一次
Check this one out.
看看这个
That's impressive. Very impressive.
真是过目难忘啊 是啊
Something for the two of you?
你们两个找什么呢？
What's up,man?
怎么了？
Something for the two of you?
你们两个想找什么东西？
Oh,no,no,no. We're not gay,man.
哦 不要误会 我们不是同性恋
And we're just... We just need a giant strapon dildo.
我们想找 我们想找一根长长的捆绑的假鸡鸡
Which I know sounds a little gay. But it's for a costume.
我知道这听起来挺基的 不过只是为了一套装扮而已
It's right here. Right in front of you.
就在那边 你前面就是
Wait. I have a serious question for you. Yeah.
等等 我有个很严肃的问题问你 说吧
Think.
好好想
If you were gay,would you date me?
如果你是同性恋 你会约我吗？
Definitely not.
绝对不会
What? What?
什么？ 怎么了？
I would not date you,Jason.
我不会约你的 杰森
Why? Because you're not my type.
为什么？ 你不是我的菜
What the fuck does that mean?
你♥他♥妈♥什么意思？
What? Are you offended?
你还不爽了？
I'm completely offended.
当然不爽了
Deal with it.
那就不爽去吧
You'd gay date me. You know you would.
你绝对会约我的 你绝对会
Honestly,if were to have sex with you,Jason,
说实话 既然你这么热情 杰森
which apparently you really want,
如果我跟你上♥床♥的话
you would probably be like top three hottest chicks
你绝对会在我所有上过的姑娘里面
I've ever had sex with.
排名前三
That's actually true.
这倒不假
Man,how much are these?
兄弟 这个多少钱？
For you? $75.
你买♥♥吗？75块
For me? 'Cause we're such good friends?
这么贵？都是好朋友便宜点吧
These are all dishwasher safe.
这都是消过毒 很安全的
I don't think you should go to this party,man.
我觉得你不应该去这个爬梯的
Dude,I can go to the party. It's gonna be fun.
我就是去玩一玩而已 会很有趣的
$65.
65块可以吗
Dude,who the fuck are you negotiating with right now?
哥们 你跟谁讲价？
$60.
60快
Okay. Look. I'm telling you,man. This party is a road to a relationship.
好吧 我跟你说 这个爬梯就是 通往恋爱道路上的一站
And that road is paved with responsibility and lack of selfishness.
在这条路上铺满了责任与无私
And what the fuck am I holding right now? What is this?
我现在手上拿的这他妈的是什么玩意？
I have no idea.
我不知道
Clever.
好智慧啊
It comes with an extra balloon.
买♥♥的话另送一个气球
Why would I need an extra balloon?
为什么还要另送一个？
In case it pops. Why would it pop?
以防这个气球爆掉 为什么会爆掉？
If you try too hard.
如果你太用劲了
What?
啥？
Sick cock,bro.
鸡鸡很帅嘛 兄弟
Thanks.
谢谢
What's up?
你好吗？
Hey. Yeah.
嘿 嗯
happy birthday!
生日快乐
Jason? What are you wearing?
杰森？你穿的是什么？
Rock out with my cock out.
鸡鸡吊在外面的 摇滚巨星
It's not my real cock,though.
这鸡鸡不是我真的鸡鸡哦
Clearly. Yeah.
那当然 嗯
So it's a different kind of dress-up party?
原来你说的打扮不是这意思
Yeah.
对
This is a classic case of miscommunication.
经典的误会啊
It's really... It's just a classic. Yeah.
真是经典 是的
These are my parents.
这是我的父母
My mom,Jodie,and my dad,Bill.
我妈妈朱迪 我爸爸比尔
Holy shit.
妈的啊
This is Jason.
这是杰森
I'm sorry. Hi.
真抱歉 你们好
I'm just gonna pretend that this isn't happening. Hi.
我就假装这一切没发生吧
Hello. Hi. I'm Jason.
你们好 嘿 我是杰森
Hi.
嘿
Bill. Jason. Nice to meet you.
我是比尔 我是杰森 很高兴见到你
Oh,goodness. That should not have happened.
哦 上帝啊 这太不应该了
That shouldn't have happened.
太不应该了
Yeah.
是啊
It's a cocktail.
反正也是鸡尾酒嘛
Shouldn't have said that.
又说错话了
I'm just gonna go and check the...
我要去看看那啥
You know what? Just excuse me one sec.
等等 我失陪一下
Cheers!
干杯
No. I got to hand it to you,man.
我跟你说
I'm impressed by the way you hung in there.
我对你还有勇气呆在这里 真是十分钦佩
I should have left. I definitely should have left.
我应该离开的
I guess I'm a sucker for abuse.
只不过我想 我比较习惯逆来顺受
You must be.
肯定的
You know the hardest part about this costume?
你知道我这套装扮最难过的是哪儿吗？
It was seeing this thing next to my actual dick.
看着这个假鸡鸡 再比一比我的真鸡鸡