尴尬时刻（2014）

What,a vodka soda? No,no,no.
一杯伏特加汽水 不行吗？ 不要了
My man. No.
我叫人 不需要了
Come on. It's just a drink. Oh,no. I'm good. Thank you.
来嘛 就喝一杯 哦 不用了 谢谢
I need a drink,too. I'll get you a drink.
反正我也要喝 给你来一杯吧
Honestly,what if I enjoy the drink? What happens then?
实话说 如果我喜欢你给我的酒呢？接下来会发生什么？
I'd love to hear what you think happens then.
我倒想听听你觉得会发生什么
I'll tell you what happens.
我告诉你吧
We go play beer pong with your two roommates
我们会跟你的两个室友玩啤酒杯乒乓球
until I end up back at yours in Murray Hill?
然后跟你回到你在莫里山的住所？
Yeah,that's right. How did you know that?
说的没错 你怎么知道的？
And then we'll have to listen to your roommate have sex with Hilary
然后我们睡觉的时候就得听着你的两个室友
or Emily or whatever the girl's name is until we fall asleep.
跟希拉里还是艾米丽之类的姑娘上♥床♥的声音
And then a year later,we're still playing beer pong
一年后 我们还是会在同样的酒吧
in the same bars with your friends.
跟你的朋友玩着啤酒杯乒乓球
Except now you feel pressure to get married and have kids
不过到那时 你又多了一份对婚姻和做父亲的恐惧
'cause you think that's what I want.
因为你知道我想要结婚和孩子
Then in the summers,drive up to the Hamptons to meet his parents,
夏天的时候到汉普顿去跟他的父母度假
wondering the whole ride if they're going to think you're pretty enough.
在整条路上都会担心他的父母会不会 认为你不够漂亮
Smart. Wondering the whole ride,
还有聪明 整条路上都会担心
if they're going to think you're smart enough.
他们会不会认为你不够聪明
Because no one is. And then we have to drink shitty chardonnay.
没人能达到标准 之后我们还留下来喝垃圾香槟
At a shitty garden party.
参加不入流的花♥园♥聚会
And have shitty conversations. About shitty people.
说些自己都不懂的屁话 跟周围不认识的人
With his shitty mother.
还有他糟糕的老妈
Who,let's face it,doesn't think you're smart enough.
看看吧 她居然还觉得你不够聪明
Pretty.
那漂亮呢
Who,let's face it,doesn't think you're pretty enough.
对 还觉得你不够漂亮
Because no one is.
没人能达到她的标准
No one ever will be.
永远没人
What was all that shit? Look,I'm just talking about a drink.
你们两个在搞我？我只是搭个讪买♥♥个酒
Yeah,but it wasn'tjust a drink,though,was it?
你想的不只是买♥♥个酒吧？
It was a marriage proposal.
这算是求婚了吧
Marriage. No,I was...
婚姻？我没有
Just a vodka soda.
伏特加汽水而已
Fuck you guys. I'm...
去你♥妈♥的♥吧 我走了
Drink? Yeah.
喝一杯？ 好啊
You're amazing.
你太棒了
Let's get out of here.
我们走吧
You like that?
你喜欢吗？
You're sitting on my coat.
你坐在我的外套上了
I have to use your bathroom.
我用下你的厕所
Fuck. Pick up.
妈的 快接电♥话♥啊
Pick up. Pick up your phone!
快接电♥话♥啊
Dude,I have a serious problem.
哥们 我遇上大♥麻♥烦了
You got a problem. I got a problem. I gotta take a leak right now.
你有麻烦？我也有麻烦了 我现在得尿尿
And my boner looks like that thing on The Price ls Right.
但我的鸡鸡硬的就像价格竞猜节目 里面那东西一样
Bob Barker?
鲍勃·巴克？
Yeah,my dick looks like Bob Barker.
你个混♥蛋♥ 你♥他♥妈♥说啥
No,you asshole,that thing that stops the wheel.
我是说硬的像停止转盘的那个棍棍
What? I think I took too much Viagra.
什么？ 伟哥吃太多啦
I just really got to take a leak.
我现在好想尿尿
You have to just get horizontal.
你就平着尿
Get horizontal? What the...
什么叫平着尿
You need to be horizontal.
就 平着尿
Me or the boner? Both.
我平着还是鸡鸡平着？ 都平着
I can't. My boner is perpendicular to my body.
我不行了 我的鸡鸡跟我的身体都成直角了
Just try it,man.
你就试一试嘛
This is the stupidest idea I've ever heard of. What the...
真♥他♥妈♥的是我听过的最瞎的主意了 什么啊
This isn't...
根本就不
Wait,bro,it's actually working.
等等 兄弟 还真行哦
Of course it is,but,dude,listen to me.
当然行了 不过听我说 哥们
I think the girl that I just had sex with is a hooker.
我觉得我无意中上了一个鸡
What? That's awesome.
什么？挺不错啊
No! It's not awesome,man. What if she makes me pay?
一点都不是 万一她让我付钱怎么办？
I don't have hooker money.
我付不起啊
You definitely don't have hooker money. Dude.
对哦 你没那么多钱 哥们
I don't know what to do,man. You gotta help me.
怎么办啊 帮帮我
Okay,well,you know what? If she asks for cash,
这样吧 如果她问你要现金
you could pretend that you're a hooker,too,
你就假装说自己也是干男妓这一行的
and maybe the rates would balance out.
然后你俩之间的价格正好抵消了
You are so fucking useless. Do you know that?
你知道吗 你真♥他♥妈♥的太没用了
Is your dick touching the water?
你的鸡鸡碰到水了吗？
Fuck you.
去你的
Which one of you divas uses self-tanner?
你们两个 哪个美女用过美黑霜？
L do. Why?
我用过 怎么了？
Because I beat off with it last night.
昨天晚上我以为它是润滑油来着
Why... Why didn't you even read the bottle?
你怎么不读说明啊？
I was a little drunk.
我有点喝高了
What? What?
怎么了？ 怎么了？
My shit is orange.
我鸡鸡变成橘黄色了
Look at this! Oh,my God.
看啊 哦 天啊
Oh,no.
好可怕
Who knew that could even happen to you?
谁知道这种事竟会发生在你身上呢
I didn't know you could change colors.
我不知道你还会变色嘿
Stop. Your dick looks like a yam.
别笑了 你的鸡鸡就像条甘薯一样
Your dick looks like a traffic cone. Just stop.
你的鸡鸡好像交通锥标 别笑啦
Your dick looks like a can of cheddar Pringles.
你的鸡鸡好像一桶奶酪味的品客薯片
That's fucked up.
你俩还没完了是吧
You dick looks like Spike Lee at a Knicks game.
你的鸡鸡好像斯派克·李看尼克斯的球赛一样
If your dick was jumping over the river,it would be the General Lee.
如果你的鸡鸡跳到河里 就跟李将军一样的
All right! All right! What happened to you two idiots last night?
行了 行了 你们两个蠢货昨天晚上干了些什么？
I freaked out and left. I didn't know what to do.
我吓坏了 赶紧跑了 手足无措啊
It's her bread and butter. It's how she keeps the lights on.
那可是她的伙食来源啊 她就靠那点钱活着
You basically robbed a hooker.
你简直就是抢劫了一个鸡啊
I didn't rob her.
我没有抢劫她
Yes,you did. You robbed this hooker,man.
你有 你抢劫了一个鸡
You're like the opposite of Robin Hood. I didn't rob her.
你简直就是反过来的罗宾汉 我没有抢劫她
And that's the thing. I mean,everything else about her was perfect.
我是说 她这个人对我来说简直完美
I mean,she was smart. She was funny.
聪明 有趣
She was the kind of girl I would date.
我想约的就是这样的姑娘
If she didn't,you know,happen to fuck random guys for money.
如果她没有随便卖♥♥身的话
Yeah. That's really the only thing
对 这就是你们俩发展爱情
that's getting in the way of that relationship.
的唯一阻碍了
Fuck you guys-
去你们的吧
Did you friend that girl yet,Mikey? The glasses girl?
米奇 你有没有在脸书上加那个姑娘？昨晚遇到的眼镜妹子？
No. I mean,can you even do that that fast?
没呢 我觉得太快了吧
Dude! You've gotta make her laugh. Get a rapport going.
拜托 你得逗她笑啊 先把友好关系建立起来再说
Yeah,man. Give me your phone real quick.
对啊 快把你手♥机♥给我
Give him your phone. We live in an extremely efficient world.
把手♥机♥给他 现在这个社会讲究高效
Somebody else could be sealing the deal right now.
你不动别人就上手了
Listen,last night was amazing. Okay? I had a great time.
听着 昨晚我过的很不错
You guys were awesome. Thank you.
你们俩真是太好了 谢谢哦
All right? But I'm gonna call Vera. We've got things that we need to work on.
知道吗？但是我现在得给维拉打电♥话♥ 我们还有事要谈清楚
No. That's a bad move. Come on.
别这样吧 不太好 拜托
You don't wanna do that. Horrible move.
你不会想这么做的 实在不太好
We had so much fun last night. Yeah.
昨晚多快乐啊 对啊
Wow.
哇
What?
怎么了？
She...
她
She changed it.
她换了
What? What?
什么？ 什么？
What are you talking about?
你说什么？
Vera.
维拉
It used to say,"married," and now it says...
她脸书的感情状态 原来她写的是"已婚"
It says nothing.
现在是空白
All right,I married a smart girl. I married the right girl. Right?
我娶了个聪明的好姑娘 对吧？
I went to med school right after college.
大学毕业我直接就去了医学院
I did what I was supposed to do.
什么都没做错
I checked the boxes.
该选的选项框我都选了啊
But maybe what you did didn't check hers.
但可能你没有选中她的框啊