纽约客@上海（2012）

但我想说的是…
But my point is this...
我刚才为正义而战。
I stood up for justice back there.
啊。你是超级英雄。
Ah. You're a super hero.
什么?
What?
我只是想弄清楚哪个才是真正的你。
I'm just trying to figure out which is the real you.
那个让我女儿觉得
The nice guy who made my daughter feel
完全放心,
completely at ease,
或者是那个自以为帮了别人的冒险家。
or the carpetbagger who honestly thinks he just helped someone.
我只是帮了一个人。
I did just help someone.
这就确定了。啊哈。
And that clinches it. Uh-huh.
嘿!
Hey!
嘿!
Hey!
让开!
Out of the way!
通过! !
Coming through!!
刹车。刹车。刹车!
Brakes. Brakes. Brakes!
刹车! !刹车! !
Brakes!! Brakes!!
刹车! !
Brakes!!!
原谅我。该死的。
Excuse me. Damn it.
穿过。穿过。
Coming through. Coming through.
动!动!动!
Move! Move! Move!
这到底是怎么回事?
What the hell is going on here?
你是怎么发现我骑那辆破自行车的?
How did you catch me with that piece of rubbish bicycle?
一周上三次动感单车课，贱♥人♥。
Spinning class three times a week, bitch.
你为什么会出现在jfc的广♥告♥里?
Why the hell were you in that jfc commercial?
你到底是不是律师?
Are you a lawyer or not?
是的。我当然是个律师。
Yes. Of course I'm a lawyer.
别再对我撒谎了。你到底是谁?
Stop lying to me. Who the hell are you?
我是个演员，好吗?
I'm an actor, okay?
男演员吗?
Actor?
你什么意思，跟林的会面是假的?
What do you mean, this whole meeting with Lin was fake?
是的。
Yes.
他只是想让你别再烦他。
He just wanted to get you off his back.
小心，有人在偷你的公文包!
Look out, someone's stealing your briefcase!
假律师的把戏?
The fake lawyer trick?
我好多年都没见过这个了。
I haven't seen that one in years.
林这个人一定很老派。
This guy Lin must be old school.
听起来雄鹿终于愿意听了
Sounds like the young buck's finally ready to listen
听从一位老人的忠告。
to an old man's advice.
嘿,你。
Hey, you.
嘿。
Hey.
最近为正义打过什么好仗吗?
Fought any good battles for justice recently?
你没听说吗?我只为自己着想。
Uh, haven't you heard? I'm only out for myself.
哦。
Oh.
要去参加派对?
Heading to a party?
呃，更像是约会。
Eh, more like a date.
哇。
Wow.
让你和他约会的天使。
Some kind of angel for you to go out with him.
我不知道。这是一次相亲。
I wouldn't know. It's a blind date.
娜塔莉给我介绍的一个法国银行家。不要问。
Some french banker Natalie set me up with. Don't ask.
你还想知道我对凯蒂说了什么吗?
You still want to know what I said to Katie?
律师-当事人保密特权是怎么回事
What happened to attorney-client privilege?
她是个糟糕的客户。从不付账单。
She's a horrible client. Never pays her bills.
——嗯。
- Mm-hmm.
你到底想不想知道?
You want to know or not?
是的。你说什么?
Yes. What did you say?
这是我唯一会用中文说的词
That the only word I know how to say in chinese
放屁。
is fang pi. Fart.
是的,没有。我得到了它。
Yeah, no. I got it.
是的。
Yeah.
好吧。那么这是怎么。
Okay. So how did that...
让她知道她不是这里唯一的怪人。
By letting her know she's not the only weirdo around.
在一个地方长大可不容易
It's not easy growing up in a place
没有人长得像你。
where nobody looks like you.
啊哈。
Uh-huh.
而孩子们，他们只是想融入。
And kids, they just want to fit in.
而其他的孩子，他们只会说中文。
And all of the other kids, they only speak chinese.
所以…
So...
你以为我怎么会只会说英语?
How do you think I wound up speaking only english?
你为什么不早点告诉我?
Why didn't you tell me that earlier?
因为这很明显。噢。
Because it was obvious. Ow.
走了。
Walk it off.
你到底要去哪里?
So where are you headed, anyway?
我呃……
I'm uh...
去见传奇的了不起的王。
Heading to meet the legendary awesome wang.
我以为你已经想清楚了。
I thought you had that all figured out.
我想我也是。
I thought I did, too.
但好像每次我一转身，
But it just seems like every time I turn around,
我脚下的地毯总是被扯开。
the rug just keeps getting pulled out from under me.
感觉好像每个人都想抓我。
And it feels like everyone is out to get me.
你真不该这么说你的人。
You really shouldn't talk about your people that way.
听着，就像，我…
Look, it's like, I am...
完全不适合我。
Totally out of my element here.
昨天那个律师?不是一个律师。
That lawyer from yesterday? Not a lawyer.
出租车司机根本听不懂我在说什么。
Taxi drivers don't understand a word I'm saying.
对了，我刚知道名片的事。
Oh, and I just found out about the business card thing.
我去参加一个会议，我应该分发我的名片，
I go to a meeting, I'm supposed to hand out my business card,
显然，你应该用两只手
apparently, you're supposed to use two hands
同时鞠躬。我知道这是件小事，
and bow at the same time. And I know it's a little thing,
但我习惯了按自己的方式做事，我不得不考虑一下，
but I'm used to doing things my way, and I had to think about it,
如果我要考虑每一件小事
and if I have to think about every single little thing,
呃…
it's uh...
听起来好像有人要移居国外了。
Sounds like somebody's going expat crazy.
至少你知道你父母的感受。
At least you know how your parents felt.
他们是移♥民♥，对吧?
They were immigrants, right?
好吧，在某个时刻，他们爬了起来
Ok, well, at some point they up and moved
去国外找更好的工作和生活。
to a foreign country for better jobs and a better life.
他们算出来了。
And they figured it out.
我们美国人喜欢称自己为外籍人士，
We Americans like to call ourselves expats,
但事实是，我们是移♥民♥。
but the fact of the matter is we're immigrants.
我到站了。
This is my stop.
祝你好运。
Good luck.
谢谢。也祝你好运。
Thanks. Good luck to you too.
嗨。你一定是了不起的。我是山姆。
Hi. You must be awesome. I'm Sam.
山姆?
Sam?
所以…你是…了不起的王。
So...You're...Awesome wang.
告诉我你需要什么帮助。
Tell me what you need help with.
唐纳德说你很擅长找人。
Donald said that you're great at finding people.
有一个制♥造♥商，他叫林…
So, there's this manufacturer, his name is Lin...
他违反了我客户的产品许可协议。
He, he's violating my client's product license agreement.
于是我去见了林
So I met with Lin,
他——
and he--
所以我去见林和他的律师
so I meet with Lin and his lawyer,
但他的律师是个演员。
but his lawyer turns out to be some actor.
他原来是个英国演员。
He--he turns out to be a british actor.
他的名字叫简森。
His name is Jensen.
现在我到处都找不到林了。
And now I can't-- now I can't find Lin anywhere.
打扰一下，我们能去个地方吗
Hey, excuse me, can we go someplace
更私密一点?我觉得隐私是个问题。
a little more private? I feel like privacy's an issue.
有人知道这个人吗?
Anybody here understand this guy?
我觉得你没事。
I think you are okay.
总之，我到处都找不到林，
So anyway, I can't find Lin anywhere,
我有珍我有简森的电♥话♥号♥码
and I have jen-- I have Jensen's phone number.
他上过jfc的广♥告♥，所以唐纳德帮我弄到了这个。
He was in a jfc ad, so Donald helped me get this.
我本来想给他打电♥话♥的，但是…
I was gonna give him a call, but...
我的女儿。她2岁。
My daughter. She is two.
她是可爱的。
She's adorable.
很高兴见到你。
It was very nice to meet you.
很高兴见到大家。
Nice to meet all of you.
发现了简森。
Found Jensen.
这是什么地方?
What is this place?