纽约客@上海（2012）

你喜欢中国女孩，对吧?
You're into chinese girls, right?
我不知道，伙计。我从来没和女人约会过。
I don't know, man. I've never dated one.
你真是一团糟，兄弟。
You are all messed up, bro.
是时候接触你的文化了。
It's time you got in touch with your culture.
和它做♥爱♥。
By having sex with it.
啊哈。
Uh-huh.
老兄，你在中国。现在喝点白酒吧。
Dude, you're in China. Now have some baijiu.
Ganbei !
Ganbei!
你知道，中国建成后会是个很棒的地方。
You know, China's gonna be a great place once it's finished.
你为什么在这里?
Why are you here?
你昨晚在酒吧昏倒了，
You passed out at the bar last night,
所以我不得不把你拖回家
so I had to drag your ass back home.
我本打算在你的沙发上睡一觉，
I was gonna crash on your sofa,
但你的床看起来很舒服。
but your bed just looked so comfortable.
你想吃早餐吗?
You want some breakfast?
我知道附近有一家很不错的馒头店。
I know a great steamed bun place near here.
嗯。嗯!
Mmm. Mmm!
嗯!妈的，这包子真好吃。
Mmm! Goddamn, that's a delicious baozi.
这是什么肉来着?
What kind of meat is this again?
蛇。
Snake.
啊哈。明白了。这是猪肉。这是猪肉。
Aha. Gotcha. It's pork. It's pork.
说真的，你也该试试蛇。很好。
Seriously, you gotta try snake sometime. It's good.
我绝对不会那么做的。
I'll be sure to never do that.
伙计，谢谢你确定
Hey, man, thanks for making sure
我昨晚安然无恙地回来了。
I got back in one piece last night.
没有问题。
No problem.
我再去拿些包子。
I'm gonna get some more baozi.
——好的。——嗯。
- Ok. - Mm-hmm.
喂?
Hello?
山姆?马库斯·格罗夫。
Sam? Marcus Groff.
嘿,马库斯。其实我现在还没到办公室
Hey, Marcus. I'm actually not in the office just yet--
是的,是的,是的。我们有麻烦了。
yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got a problem.
郁百杨，发明者?
Yu baiyang, the inventor?
他几天前签了我的许可协议。
He signed my license agreement a few days ago.
然后他又签了一份许可协议
And then he signed another license agreement
和当地的一些制♥造♥商。
with some local manufacturer.
喔，喔，喔，马库斯。放松。他不能那样做。
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Marcus. Relax. He can't do that.
不可能，他为什么要
There's no possible way, why would he even--
-我怎么知道?
- how should I know?
他可能知道你给了他一个多么不公平的交易。
He probably figured out what a raw deal you gave him.
现在有人在帮我做手♥机♥了。
Now somebody else is making my phones.
马库斯?
Marcus?
这应该是安全的，山姆!
This was supposed to be safe, Sam!
马库斯,冷静下来。听我的。这是完全安全的。
Marcus, calm down. Listen to me. This is totally safe.
他绝对不可能给那些电♥话♥授权
There is absolutely no way that he can license those phones
到另一个制♥造♥商。
to another manufacturer.
但如果他是想这么做，
But if that's what he's trying to do,
我们还有足够的时间来阻止任何交易
we still have plenty of time to stop whatever deal--
这是一款触摸屏手♥机♥，你可以感觉到按键。
it's a touch-screen phone you can actually feel the keys on.
我在这东西上打字真快。
I can type so fast on this thing.
看到了吗?我刚打字，我在这东西上打字真快
See that? I just typed, I can type so fast on this thing
跟我说的一样快
as fast as I said it.
-马库斯，我再打给你。-我刚刚又打了一遍!
- Marcus, I'll call you back. - I just typed it again!
你从哪儿弄来的?
Where did you get that?
在街角的一家大手♥机♥店。
Uh, at a big cell phone store on the corner.
但看起来他们也在这里卖♥♥。
But it looks like they're selling them here, too.
你从哪儿弄来的?
Where did you get this?
这款手♥机♥。你从哪儿弄来的这个电♥话♥?
This phone. Where did you get this phone?
啊，我知道，我知道。
Ah, ah, I know, I know.
哇。我们跑步吗?我们需要跑吗?
Whoa. Are we running? Do we need to run?
不,不。我都买♥♥了。把剩下的拿去。出租车!
No, no. I bought them all. Just grab the rest. Taxi!
快，快，快!
Come on, come on, come on!
您的行李箱，请打开您的行李箱!谢谢你！
Your trunk, pop your trunk, please! Thank you.
你真的很喜欢这个手♥机♥，是吧?
You really love this phone, huh?
不,布莱德。这是我客户的手♥机♥。
No, Brad. This is my client's phone.
有人在做。
Somebody else is making them.
他们是怎么这么快就闯进这些商店的?
How the hell did they get into these stores so fast?
你没听说吗?
Uh, haven't you heard?
中国人真的很擅长制♥造♥业，伙计。
The chinese are really good at manufacturing, dude.
布莱德，我得尽快把这些手♥机♥弄走。
Brad, I need to get these phones off the street asap.
我要你去所有卖♥♥这种手♥机♥的商店
I need you to go to every store that is selling these phones
然后全部买♥♥下。这是我的公♥司♥名片。
and buy them up. Here I'll give you my corporate card.
我要教英语课。
I've got an english class to teach.
该死的。好吧。我打电♥话♥给我的助手。
Damn it. All right. I'll call my assistant.
等等，等等。
Whoa, hang on, hang on.
我可以被说服翘英语课，
I could be persuaded to skip my english class,
如果动机是正确的。
if the right motivation was there.
你想让我贿赂你?
You want me to bribe you?
很好。我将雇用你作为公♥司♥的当地顾问。
Fine. I will hire you as a local consultant for the firm.
这是怎么回事?
How is that?
交易。我马上就去做。
Deal. I'll get right on it.
-拿着牌。-你打算怎么办?
- Take the card. - What are you gonna do?
你怎么能让这种事发生?
How the hell could you let this happen?
这不是我的错，先生。
This is not my fault, sir.
格罗夫打算把那个触屏
Groff was planning to put that touch screen
他生产的每一部手♥机♥，笔记本电脑和平板电脑。
into every phone, laptop, and tablet he makes.
现在有人要抢在他前面了
Now someone else is going to beat him to it
因为你对合同太挑剔了。
because you got fancy with the contracts.
-我没有-如果他告我们玩忽职守
- I didn't-- - if he sues us for negligence,
我们面临着数十亿美元的损失。数十亿美元。
we're looking at billions in damages. Billions.
解决这个问题,山姆。你解决这个问题,
Fix this, Sam. You fix this,
否则我就让这臭味跟着你
or I will make sure this stink follows you
在你那可悲的职业生涯中。
for the rest of your sorry career.
我讲明白了吗?
Do I make myself clear?
当然，先生，我向你保证，我们会处理好的。
Absolutely, sir. I assure you, this will be taken care of.
非常快。
Very quickly.
我说的是闪电般的速度。
I'm talking lightning speed here.
这是——已经解决了。- - -
This is--it's fixed. It--
喂?喂?
Hello? Hello?
好地方。
Nice place.
谢谢。
Thanks.
那是沃伦·巴菲特吗?
Is that Warren buffett?
的确是。
It sure is.
95年我带他四处转转。
I showed him around back in '95.
真希望我能在场。
Wish I could've been there.
我是说，那时候我还在上小学。
I mean, I was just in grade school at the time.
伊舍尔 吴，攀爬马达。我…
Esther Wu, climb motors. I'm...
和我竞选美国商会主席。
Running against me for amcham presidency.
谢谢你的志愿活动。
Thanks for volunteering.
你知道，选举委员会的日子总是不好过
You know, the election committee always has a hard time
找个人和我竞争
finding someone to run against me.
是这样吗?
Is that so?
我应该早点来上海的。
I should've come to Shanghai a little sooner then.
上海不再是一个被社会遗弃的人的艰难岗位了。
Shanghai isn't a hardship post for outcasts anymore.
这是你简历上的一颗金星，
It's a gold star on your resume,
如今，它正吸引着最优秀、最聪明的人才。
and it's attracting the best and brightest these days.
罗兹学者,mba……
Rhodes scholars, mbas...
他们是外籍人士社区的新面孔。
They're the new face of the expat community.
他们想要一个美国商会主席
And they want an amcham president
有相同背景的人
who shares their background.
而不是……
Instead of one who...
拿了一个奄奄一息的美国品牌
Took a dying American brand
把它打造成中国最大的连锁餐厅?
and turned it into the biggest restaurant chain in China?
山姆的律师。业务怎么样?
Sam the lawyer. How's business?
想好怎么对付手♥机♥制♥造♥商了吗?
Figured out what to do about that phone manufacturer yet?
你听说了吗?
You heard about that?
我听到一切。
I hear everything.
毕竟……我是市长。
After all... I am the mayor.
现在让我们来处理你的小麻烦。
Now let's deal with your little mess.
称这个小伙子。他是个解决问题的人。
Call this fella. He's a problem solver.