电影43（2013）

You said that you were gonna call me.
等下 我没打吗?
Wait a minute. Did I not?
我拨了号♥的 我没按接通吗?
I know I dialed a number... Did I not hit "send"?
你说过无论怎样你都会对我不离不弃的
You said that you were gonna stick by me no matter what happened.
然后你的小蝙蝠避孕套破了 你就消失了
And then your little Bat-condom breaks, and then you just disappear!
你明白作为一个神奇女侠要独自去搞
Do you know what it's like going to Planned Parenthood by yourself,
计划生育是什么感受吗?
when you're Wonder Woman?
好吧 谈话主题不是那么浪漫
Okay. Not very romantic talk.
罗伊诉韦德案: 美国堕胎法案
相了次亲竟扯出堕胎法案
Roe v. Wade here at a speed dating situation.
听着 我那时正在打击犯罪行为
Uh, look, I was fighting crime!
问罗宾 罗宾快为我担♥保♥
Ask Robin. Robin, vouch for me.
滚完床单他就会哭 你知道吗?
He cries after sex. Do you know that?
我♥干♥嘛要知道?
Why would I know that?
哭的跟个小孩 在滚完床单 你说什么来着?
Like a baby. After sex, what do you say?
"噢 我的灵魂真是黑暗" 就因为你小时候
"Oh, my soul's so dark." Because you saw some bats...
看见些变♥态♥(蝙蝠)? 你个娘炮!
when you were little? You pussy!
看这啦 忙着把妹拉郎的诸位
Attention, Gotham City speed daters:
他妈的他是怎么过去的?
How the fuck did he get over there?
我这办法真是高明 我不是来相亲的
It was all a clever ruse. I'm not speed dating.
某些人应该记得 我婚后生活美满
Some of you should remember I'm happily married.
- 对哦 - 我婚礼你们都有去
- That's right! - You were all there at the wedding.
这炸♥弹♥还在我胸上捆着呢
Okay, bomb strapped to my chest.
对哦 无论怎样
Oh, yes. In any case,
你们得给我一大笔钱
you all have to give me some unimaginable sum of money...
否则我就炸死这女超人
or else I'm going to blow up Supergirl with this bomb.
想不到吧! 引爆装置在这伞里
Dat dat dat dat! The detonator is in this umbrella.
- 去搞定它 - 不 你去搞定
- Cool it. - No, you cool it.
我的好眼睛! 你人呢?
My non-monocled eye! Where are you?
解除!
Disarm!
赞!
Yes!
- 你还好吗? - 是的
- Are you okay? - I think so.
是你救了我!
You saved my life!
我只是做我应做的
Just-Just doing my job.
吻她
Kiss. Kiss her.
撬开她的嘴 舌吻
Open her mouth and touch tongues.
把你的舌头伸进她的嘴里
Put your tongue inside her mouth...
然后慢慢引诱她的舌头进入你的嘴里
and that'll coax her tongue to go into your mouth!
对! 摸咪♥咪♥
Yeah! You, uh, squeeze her boobies.
对的 摸屁♥股♥
Yeah, and touch her butt.
- 这很有爱吧? - 好有爱啊
- Doesn't that look nice? - It looks so nice.
等下 不要这么快!
Oh, yeah. Hold on! Not so fast!
噢 天啊!
Oh, God!
- 谜妖! - 谜妖!
- Riddler! - Riddler!
没错!就是谜妖!
That is right! The Riddler!
这计划就恶毒在借口拆除炸♥弹♥
In a diabolical scheme to get Robin and me
让我跟罗宾来这里参加相亲
to this speed date to stop a bomb,
其实只是想把引诱罗宾到某个破仓库里
only to lure Robin away to some seedy warehouse...
然后你想把他挂在一个填满图钉的大桶上
where you're gonna hang him above a vat filled with thumbtacks...
或者装满蜥蜴什么的操蛋玩意儿!
or lizards or some fucking bullshit!
你不会得逞的 小瘪三!
Well it didn't work, muchacho!
太厉害了 你怎么做到的?
That was amazing. How did you do that?
你怎么看出来她是假扮的?
I mean, how'd you know that she was a fake?
那种阴毛尺寸只便于做一件事
Bush that size is only good for one thing,
就是藏好他的老二! 你懂我的意思吗?
and that one thing is hidin' the wang! You know what I'm saying?
等一下 先让我搞清楚情况
Wait. Let me get this straight.
所以你早就知道了吗?
So you knew all the way back then?
你早就知道她是个男的?
You knew that she was a dude?
我一直都知道
Whole time.
为... 为什么你还让我亲她?
Wh... Why'd you make me kiss her?
...他 这档子事
...Him. This.
我不知道
I don't know.
我猜是今早的床气爆棚吧
I guess I woke up this morning with a little case of the fuck-arounds.
我就是在找乐子 兄弟! 嗷!
You know I'm just having fun. My buddy! Woo!
还记得这样的场景吗?
Remember this?
很讨人厌是吗?
Ugly isn't it?
请想想他们的感受
But think how they feel.
为了让你生活得更好 不图回报地工作
Working without thanks to make your life better.
孤独 没人关爱 常受伤害
Lonely, unloved, hurt.
承受着身体 言语 情感上的虐待...
Physical, verbal, emotional abuse...
去完成你想做的事
to get what we want done.
你难道不明白他们已经尽力了吗?
Can't you see they're doing their best?
他们不想占领你的世界
They're not trying to take over your world.
他们只希望在你心里能有一席之地
They're just trying to find a little place in your hearts.
请谨记 机器中住满了孩子
Remember, machines, they're full of kids.
伙计 点那个按钮
Dude, click the button.
不要点那个按钮
Do not click the button.
- 你♥他♥妈♥是谁啊? - 我是牛头怪
- Who the fuck are you? - I am the Minotaur.
你们正在我的迷宫里
You are in my maze.
你知道在哪能找到电影四十三吗?
Do you know where we can find Movie 43?
电影四十三? 电影四十三?
Movie 43? Movie 43?
你做好脑袋被剁成小碎块的准备了吗?
Are you prepared to have your brains butchered into tiny pieces?
你做好被饥饿的老鼠啃掉眼珠
Are you prepared to have a starving rat nibble out your eyeballs,
还要被愤怒的发♥情♥公狼干的准备了吗?
and then have the holes fucked by angry, thick-dicked wolves?
哥们儿 冷静点
Dude, calm down.
我觉得... 你只是误会了
I think you're... I think you're just confused.
我们是在讲电影四十三 你都没听说过吧
We're... we're talking about Movie 43. You've never heard of that.
噢耶 找到她啦
Oh, yeah. She's here.
我觉得我们真是有缘
I think we have a connection.
据我们所知
It is the one movie
这是一部可以使社会文明完全崩塌的电影
that can bring down society as we know it.
不 哥们儿 它不是这样的 我保证
No, dude. That's something different. I guarantee it.
我已立誓阻止任何人观看这部电影
I have taken a vow to keep anybody from viewing this film.
哥们儿 哥们儿
Dude, dude.
这家伙说的是真的 他用的防火墙我从没见过
This guy's for real. He's protected by firewalls I've never even seen.
我们要按这个按钮
We gotta click this button.
不要按下去
Do not click the button.
不要按...
Do not click the...
去死吧!
Suck it!
泰勒·迪·萨托 十五岁
Tyler De Soto. Fifteen.
住在弗罗里达圣露茜港
Port St. Lucie, Florida.
他只失去了一根手指
He only lost a finger.
太可怕了
It's horrific.
可我还是不清楚有什么问题
I'm still not seeing what the problem is, though.
布莱恩?
Brian?
爱宝搭载了最先进的3.2Ghz处理器
The iBabe has an advanced 3.2 gigahertz processor.
上面预留有散热口 其中配置了一台高效
We left an opening for a vent and then we placed a highly-efficient,
大马力的微型风扇
super powerful micro-fan in the opening.
- 然后呢? - 散热口就在她的
- And? - The vent is in her,
下腹部
Lower quadrant.
私处
Vagi-port.
- 阴♥道♥ - 私处
- Vagina. - Vagi-port.
散热口就在阴♥道♥部位
The vent is in the vagina.
相当一部分的年轻买♥♥家
A certain percentage of our younger demographic...
把那什么... 你知道的 插到散热口里
are sticking their you-know-what in the vent.
我不知道
No, I don't know what.
孩子们把阴♥茎♥插到了散热口里
Kids are sticking their penises in the vent.
然后风扇就会把阴♥茎♥割碎
The fan then mangles their penises.
真恶心!
Disgusting!
先生 爱宝是一台...
Sir, the iBabe is a...
高保真音乐播放器
High fidelity music player.
没错 但它在视觉上和触觉上都像极了裸女
Yes, it also looks and feels exactly like a naked woman.
生理上讲 青少年会不由地被裸女吸引
Teenage boys are physically attracted to naked women.
我们的调研结果并非如此 先生
Our research doesn't support that, sir.
至少 我们要在包装盒上贴个警告标识
Look, at the very least, we need to put a warning sticker on the box.
其他Mp3都没有
Other MP3 players don't have a warning
"不准和它做♥爱♥"的警告 是吧?
not to have sex with it. Right?
薯片包装上不会贴着这样的警告
A bag of potato chips doesn't have a warning,
"请不要操薯片"
Please don't fuck these potato chips.
我是疯了吗?
Am I crazy here?
真想不到会有人这样做
None of us could have seen this one coming.