电影43（2013）

好的 你开始录了吗?
Good. Are you on?
电影四十三
是的 开始了
Yeah, we're ready.
我是卡尔文·卡特勒
My name is Calvin Cutler.
诸位将见证史上最恶搞
What you're about to witness is the most badass,
最奇葩的一幕
fucked-up thing you'll ever see.
我们称之为"正中靶心"
We call this the "Bull's Eye."
噢 对了 千万别自己在家尝试
Oh, yeah. Don't try this at home.
你准备好了吗? 好的 预备
You're good? You ready, buddy? All right. Right, ready?
一... 二... 三!
One... two... three!
告诉我成功了
Tell me we got it. Just...
成功了吗? 不 不可能 我们成功了!
Did we? No! No way, we got it!
怎么可能 伙计!
No fucking way, dude!
- 我们成功了! 成功了! - 天啊!
- We got it! We got it! We got... - Oh, shit!
看哪! 看啊! 伙计 正中靶心 兄弟!
Look at that! Look at that! Dude. Bull's eye, bro!
太棒了!
Awesome!
我们要把它传到网上去! 快去!
We're putting it on YouTube! Let's go! Yeah!
伙计 有一个人浏览了!
Dude, we got a view!
伙计 那是我们自己上传时留下的
Yeah, buddy, that was us when we uploaded it.
那就再上传一遍 能有涨到两次浏览
Well, then upload it again so we can have two views.
我... 我觉得这样做没用
I... I don't think that's how it works.
- 点"刷新" 伙计 - 好的
- Hit "refresh," dude. - Oh, yeah.
- 不会吧 - 不可能吧
- No way. - That can't be right.
- 再点一下 - 我点刷新了
- Do me a favor. - I just refreshed it.
看看是不是有涨
Let's see if it pulls up.
天哪 两万五千次浏览 伙计!
No way. Twenty-five thousand views, man!
五十万!
Five hundred thousand!
- 一百万? 帅! - 点击率爆棚了!
- One million? Yes! - You're too money!
我就说我们会出名的
I told you we're gonna be famous.
我们出名了...
We're gonna be famous and...
愚人节快乐 蠢货们!
April fools, suckers!
我擅自仿制了视频网 虚报视频浏览量
I took the liberty of cloning YouTube and hyper-inflating your views.
你... 你这小混♥蛋♥!
...You... You little shit!
你刚刚想通过电脑屏幕打我?
Did you just try to hit me through your computer screen?
是的 没错
Yeah, I did!
你为什么不过来直接让我揍 娘炮!
Why don't you come in here so I can hit you like a real man, pussy!
我还有科学项目要做 你们慢慢欣赏点击率吧
Working on my science project. Enjoy your page views.
天哪 他真是个熊孩子!
God, he's such a little spaz!
- 我们要报仇 - 是的
- We need revenge. - We do.
- 我们得用恶作剧整他 - 没错
- We need to April fools prank him. - Yeah!
- 痛击他的要害 - 好好调♥教♥他
- Hit him where it hurts. - Square in his balls.
不! 我们得更狠一点
No! We gotta do something better.
我们去偷他的电脑 把它装满病毒
We steal his computer and load it full of viruses.
等等 去哪找病毒?
Wait, where do we get viruses?
二货! 上黄网啊
Uh, duh! Porn sites.
你也不想想我电脑为什么这么慢?
Why do you think my computer's so slow?
还不都是因为病毒太多
It's full of 'em.
好吧 电脑在他的房♥间 我们怎么搞到手?
Oh, okay, but how-how do we get his laptop if it's in his room?
我们不能直接闯进去把电脑偷出来
We can't just-just kick in the door and steal it.
你该怎么引蛇出洞?
How do you lure a dragon out of a lion's den?
我不知道
I don't know.
- 给他个挑战 - 挑战?
- You present him with a challenge. - Challenge?
挑战 看我眼色行事
A challenge. Jus... Follow my lead.
巴克斯特! 巴克斯特 伙计!
Baxter! Baxter, my man!
什么事?
What?
我和J.J.有个电脑方面的问题
Uh, me and J.J., we have this computer problem.
网上有一部电影我们找不到
There's this movie on the Internet and we can't find it.
你能来帮我们吗?
Can you help us?
你想为了刚才那事整我 是吗?
You're trying to get back at me for that prank, right?
- 不! 这事过去了! - 过去了
- No! Truce! - Truce.
说真的 我们...
Seriously, we just, uh...
我们想在联邦调查局封♥杀♥之前找到它
we need to find it, uh, before the FBI takes it down.
你说联邦调查局?
You said the FBI?
该死的联邦调查局 中情局
Fucking FBI, the CIA...
犯罪现场调查科 海军罪案调查处...
The CSI, NCIS...
我的意思是 这部电影是非法的
I mean, this video is so illegal,
全世界每个国家都把它列为禁片
it has been banned by every country in the world.
阿姆斯特丹也不例外
Including Amsterdam.
就那个警♥察♥被人猥亵欺辱后
Where you could slap a cop in the face with your penis,
都要说"谢谢"的地方
and they'd say, "danka."
阿姆斯特丹不是个国家!
Amsterdam is not a country!
阿姆斯特丹不是个国家?
Amsterdam's not a country?
什么时候的事?
Since when?
这电影在那里总归是个禁片 伙计
The shit's still banned there, dude.
是的 你想想 它...它就像...
Yeah. Think about it. They... it's... it's like it's the... the... the fucking...
世界上最危险的电影
It's the most dangerous film in the world.
- 是的 - 这电影叫什么?
- It is. - What's it called?
其实 你知道吗 巴克斯特? 你是对的
Actually, you know what, Baxter? You're right.
这确实是愚人节恶作剧
It was an April Fool's prank.
很抱歉耍了你
I'm sorry we brought you into this.
你还是...
You know, you should probably just...
该干嘛干嘛去 别再想这事 求你了
go on with your life and never think about this again. Please.
等等
Wait.
这电影为什么这么危险?
What's so bad about it?
你不会想知道的
You don't wanna know.
为什么这么危险?
What's so bad about it?
嘿 兄弟! 这电影为什么这么危险?
Hey, slim! What's so bad about it?
- 能害死你 - 怎么害死我?
- It can kill you. - How?
能吓得你屎尿横流
It can make you shit out your intestines.
还能让你七窍流血
It can make you bleed out of your eyes.
有个人看了之后
You know, one guy saw it,
就跑进一座教堂猥亵那里的修女
and he ran into a church, and he just started humping the nuns.
几年前 这可是桩大事
That was a huge story a few years back.
这电影能让人恨不得自残
It can make you pull off your own dick.
好吧 如果它会让人自残
Okay, why would you want to watch it...
你们为什么还要看?
if it can make you pull off your own dick?
那是因为...
Because...
如果你从头到尾看完整部电影
If you can watch it all the way through from the beginning to end,
你就会得到意想不到的奖赏
you're rewarded beyond your wildest dreams.
金钱 性 女人
With money. And sex. And women.
就像午夜凶铃那个电影 但会有个好的结局
It's like that movie The Ring, but with a good ending.
- 是 还有美胸 - 各种波涛胸涌
- Yeah. And boobs. - Lots of boobs.
那这电影叫什么?
So what's this movie called?
电影
Movie.
- 四十三 - 电影四十三
- Forty-three. - Movie forty-three.
祖歌♥上搜不到
It's not on Zwoogle.
是啊 祖歌♥当然搜不到 它被禁了!
Yeah, of course it's not on Zwoogle. It's banned!
好吧 那我猜我们得深入挖掘了
Okay. Then I guess we'll need to dig deeper.
访问一些互联网上的阴暗角落
Visit some dark corners of the Internet.
恩 是的 阴暗角落 伙计
Mm, yeah, the dark corners, dude.
是的 深入挖掘 我们得找到它
Yeah, get in there. We gotta find this thing.
我找到一个有很多禁片的隐藏服务器
I found a cloaked server that houses banned videos.
先试试列表的第四十三个电影 怎么样?
Start out with the forty-third one on the list. Sound good?
好的 你们继续找
Yes! Yeah, you guys keep working on this.
我去望风 看看有没有联邦调查局
I'm gonna go guard the door for the uh, FBI,
中情局 老妈什么的
the CIA, and Mom.
看这个 我们看看
Look at this. Check it out.
噢! 你真美
Hey. Ooh! You look good.
但愿你快准备好了 他随时都有可能到
Hope you're almost ready. He's gonna be here any second.
我不知道我为什么要这么做 帕姆
I don't know why I'm doing this, Pam.
我不相信朱莉
I don't trust Julie.
如果这家伙是个废物怎么办?
I mean, what if this guy's a loser?
他不是废物
He's not a loser.
他二十八岁的时候
He made senior partner at his law firm by the time he was,
就成了他律师事务所的高级合伙人
like, twenty-eight.
所以他只在乎他的工作和钱
So all he cares about is his career and money.
朱莉可没这么说 他是特奥会的志愿者
Mm, not according to Julie. He's a volunteer with the Special Olympics,
他是纽约爱乐乐团的董事会成员
he's on the board of the New York Philharmonic...
他和德瑞克·基特合伙开了一家新的餐厅
He's opening a new restaurant with Derek Jeter!
但他可能长着一副令人尴尬的呆板脸
But he's probably got one of those awkward character faces...
就是你有几分偏爱的那种 是吗?