哥们营地搞笑之旅（2019）

well, I'm sorry, I am, but I love this man.
-我也爱你-现在别这样 宝贝
- I love you too, Ther. - Not now, babe.
我爱他 我想等着和你们一起讨论
I love him and I wanted to wait to discuss it with you boys
直到我看到这很严重
until I saw that it was serious.
我无法想象我为什么这么紧张
I can't imagine why I was so nervous,
因为你们显然也有能力
because you also clearly have the ability
像成年人一样处理事情
to handle things like mature adults.
如果我听到你再用这种语言和我说话
And if I hear you talk to me in that language again,
我要用漂白剂洗你的嘴吧
I'm going to wash your mouth out with bleach,
- 你明白了吗 -我是个成年人了
- do you understand- I'm a grown ass man.
天哪 妈妈 妈妈
God, okay, Mom, Mom!
好的 老兄
Okay, jeez.
那么 这就是你一直想要的吗
So, this is what you wanted all along?
你以前被爸爸困住了吗
You just got stuck with Dad?
你怎么敢这么说话
How dare you!
我们第一晚总是会吃点烤棉花糖 不是吗
We always have s'mores the first night, is that not?
喂 兄弟
Hey, brother.
你要我推你吗
You need a push?
我靠 你知道多久了 凯文
Judas! How long have you known about this, Kevin?
八个月半
phew, eight months and a half.
也许九个月
Maybe nine.
九个月 他们在做吗
Nine monthsAre they doing it?
做什么
Doing what?
那个 性♥交♥
It, sex, intercourse!
我不能肯定地说 但是 应该吧
I couldn't say for sure, but, yes, definitely.
你这可恶的人
You piece of human shit.
你为什么不告诉我们这是怎么回事
Why didn't you tell us this was going on?
因为妈妈看起来很幸福
Because Mom seemed happy.
我的意思是 这是自从这一切发生之后
I mean, the happiest I've ever seen her.
我见到她最开心的时候
You know, since everything happened.
而且我知道你们可能会没法接受 所以
And I knew you guys would just lose your minds, so.
-你不知道 老兄 -我知道 我知道
- You don't know that, dude. - I do, I do know that!
弗林神父 你在他身上植入毒品 因为你觉得
Father Flynn, you planted drugs on him because you thought
他在圣诞节前夜拥抱妈妈太久了
he hugged Mom for too long at Christmas Eve service.
他从没抱过我那么久
He's never hugged me that long.
艾伦是 他还不错
And Alan is, he's not that bad.
虽然他不会打棒球或修理卡车
You know, he can't play baseball or fix a truck,
或像爸爸一样玩恶作剧
or play pranks as good as Dad could,
但是你应该知道 他对我真的很好
but you know, he's been really nice to me.
是的 他可能没有爸爸那么有幽默感 对吗
Yeah, he probably doesn't have Dad's sense of humor, does he?
那么他可能心理上会有些脆弱 是吗
He's probably a little more emotionally fragile, yeah?
嗯 你知道 他确实向
Uh, well, you know, he did submit
《读者文摘》投稿了个园艺计划
this really thoughtful gardening plan to Reader's Digest.
凯文 上卡车
Kevin, get in the truck.
我们需要些补给
We're going to need supplies.
我很高兴 现在就是我对这个地方的最可怕的回忆
I am so glad that this is now my top memory of this place.
真的 我惊到了
Really, I'm thrilled about it.
天知道这里还发生了什么
God knows what else has been going on up here.
是的 亚当 我就是...
Right, Adam, and I'm just the town...
什么
What?
-自行车 -自行车
- Bicycle. - Bicycle?
每个人都骑我
Everyone goes for a ride on me.
哦 天哪 妈妈
Oh, gosh, Mom.
亲爱的 别这样
Sweetie, don't say that.
我给你泡了些洋甘菊 可以让你平静下来
I made you some chamomile to calm you down.
我也给你带一个
I'll get you one.
听着 妈妈
Listen, Mom.
我并不是说你是那么...放荡 好吗
I'm not saying that you're some kind of... whore, okay?
我只是 你必须了解这对我们来说很难
I'm just, you have to understand this is hard for us.
这个家伙可能是
This guy could be anybody for all we know.
他 他 他可能是连环杀手
He, he, he could be a serial killer.
他可能是一个强♥奸♥犯 他可能是性罪犯
He could be a rapist. He could be a registered sex offender.
-小心 很烫 -谢谢 但是我很确定我在
- Careful, it's hot. - Thanks, but I'm pretty sure I saw a guy
《猎捕恋童癖》中看到个家伙很像他
that looked a lot like him on To Catch a Predator.
我还有事情要做
I've got folding to do.
这些人还真就有
These people are out there.
-太烫了 - 告诉过你了
- Oh, that's hot. - Told you!
艾伦不是恋童癖 别傻了
Alan is not a predator, don't be silly!
对不起
You know, I am sorry.
妈妈 我不想让你后悔
I don't want you to be sorry, Mom.
我希望你能在意下我们的感受
I want you to act like you give a shit what we think.
嘿 嘿 先生 说话注意点 你妈妈已经提到过了
Hey, mister. Watch the language. Your mother already mentioned that.
哦 哦 好吧
Oh, oh, okay,
所以我不能在我爸的小屋里说“他妈的”
so I can't come to my Dad's cabin and say "shit",
但是你凭什么
but you're fully welcome to come here
可以在这不♥穿♥裤子 说着什么
with no freaking pants on and take care of quote,
“有没有木头需要我来劈 ”
"A log that needs splitting."
我都不知道那意味着什么 伙计
I don't even know what that means, man.
那就是种撩人的话啦
That was a flirtatious expression...
-我妈妈不是什么木头 -亲爱的 不要这样
- My mom is not a log! - Honey, please!
我知道这对你很难
I know this is hard on you.
你为什么认为我们一开始就不敢告诉你们
Why do you think we were afraid to tell you guys in the first place?
看看你们现在表现如何
Look how you boys are acting!
就像在这个房♥间里有两个你们父亲的克隆一样
It's like having two clones of your father in this room.
妈妈我们还是一家人
We're still a family, Mom.
即使爸爸走了
Even if Dad's gone.
是的 我们是
Yes, we are.
我还是一个有生命的人
And I'm still a person with a life,
我可以与他人分享
and I deserve to have someone to share it with.
我倾尽全力想要留住你的父亲
I'd give anything to have your father back.
但是这是不可能了
But that's not going to happen.
是时候让你们明白了
It's time you boys understood that.
我出去透透气
I need some air.
感谢你把我丢在这 我很感激
Thanks for sticking around to back me up. I appreciate it.
不用担心 一切都在控制之中
Don't worry about it, everything's under control.
不 不是 伙计 我受不了这个家伙了 他得走了
No, it's not, dude. I can't stand this guy, he needs to go.
我早就这觉得了 哥们
Way ahead of you, pal.
我可以帮你吗
Can I help you?
不 不 我能行
No, no, I've got it.
这该是我做的
This is kind of my thing.
妈妈 对不起
I'm so sorry, Mom.
- 你确定 -是的
- You are- Yeah.
你知道我 我总是太过分了
You know me, I always go overboard.
我的意思是 总是不太稳定
I mean, it's like zero to 60 in two shakes of a lamb's tail.
我爱你
I love you.
蒂米 你在搞什么鬼
What are you up to, Timmy?
我看起不像么
Am I upset?
是的 但这意味着我不希望你感到幸福
Yes, but does that mean that I don't want you to be happy
或者在你的生活中找到真爱么
and find some love in your life?
我是说 拜托
I mean, come on.
我又不是怪物
I'm not a monster.
让我们来弥补你
Let us make it up to you.
没关系 艾伦和我要走了
It's all right. Alan and I are going to go.
祝你们度过了一个愉快的周末
You guys have a great weekend
我们可以下次再谈
and we can talk about this another time.
现在没有时间了 好吗
There's no time like the present, okay?
现在 我们有个好主意
Now, the boys and I have a proposition,
而且我认为你也会觉得不错的
and I think you'll find it very appealing.
什么
What?
你周末回家 好吗
Well, you go home for the weekend, okay?
和你的女朋友一起出去玩 画个脚趾甲
Hang out with your girlfriends, paint your toenails,
看一些吉利女孩
watch a little Gilly Girls.
而且 嗯 艾伦和我们 我们男生就留在这
And, uh, we'll hang up here with Alan, just the boys.
好么 这真的是个好机会
Okay, just really get a real chance
我们可以真正了解下艾伦 男子汉营地加一
to really get to know the real Alan, Man Camp plus one.
真的
Really?
是的 是的
Yes, yes, yep.
完美 所以我们都同意
Perfect, so we're all in agreement.
-嗯 我不这么认为 - 什么
- Uh, I, I don't think so. - What?
-你的眼神不对劲 -什么眼神
- You have that look in your eye. - What look?
那种在烧掉邻居的棚子之前