我们的父亲一定比你们的厉害
Our dad could have beat the shit out of your dad.
我没吹牛 这就是事实
I'm not bragging, it's just a fact.
你可能听说过人头重超过11磅
You may have heard that the human head weighs 11 pounds
脖子就会支撑不住
and the neck shouldn't be able to support it.
但是我爸的胡子就有12磅重
Our dad's mustache alone weighed 12,
而且他的脖子屁事没有 因为那就像他的第三块二头肌一样
his neck didn't give a shit, because it was basically a third bicep.
他开着辆福特350
He drove an '89 350.
一加仑才跑十英里
Got ten miles to the gallon,
但是他通过种花让我妈每天都能收获一束鲜花
but he offset his carbon footprint by growing our mom
而且也抵消了自己制♥造♥的二氧化碳
a fresh bouquet of flowers every single day.
那辆车我现在都还在开
I still drive it.
他和我妈有三个男孩
Him and our mom had three boys.
亚当 也就是我 还有蒂姆和凯文
Adam, that's me, Tim, and Kevin.
我们三个人一起
With our powers combined,
都没有把他打倒
we never once got him to the ground,
蒂姆高中还得过州冠军摔跤手
and Tim was a high school state champion wrestler in junior high.
每年夏天 我们都会去他自己赤手空拳建造的小屋
Every summer, we'd go to the cabin he built with his bare hands,
懦夫才要使用工具
because tools are for cowards,
他教育我们
and he showed us everything there was to know
如何成为一个男人
about being a man.
如何生火 如何砍树 如何制♥服♥熊
Building fires, chopping down trees, subduing bears.
你知道 这些都是基础
You know, the basics.
他称这个为“男子汉营地”
He called it "Man Camp",
然而我16岁的时候
and then when I was 16 years old,
他碰到了一件他无法战胜的难题
he ran into the one thing that he couldn't take down
就算他扔斧头技术世界一流
with his world class ax throwing abilities.
他得了癌症
He got cancer.
在几个月内
And within months,
行走星球的最伟大的人走了
the greatest man to walk the planet was gone.
现在 你父亲可能还活着
Now, your dad might still be alive,
但是如果他们也去了天堂
but if they ever do throw down in Heaven,
我不知道这些如何运作
or you know, I don't how all that's going to work,
但是如果是这样的话
but if they do,
我们的父亲绝对会比你们的父亲厉害
our dad will absolutely beat the shit out of your dad.
杰夫 大卫·曼恩 追悼会
12年后
一位被深爱着的 丈夫 父亲 2006年
我们今天能不这样做吗
Can we not do this today?
别舔了 吃掉
Stop licking it, eat it.
如果你喜欢这个味道 那就喂到嘴里
If you like the taste, then put it all the way in.
如果你喜欢它的味道 就吃到肚肚里面去
If you like the way it tastes, then put it in your belly.
看着我 你现在把那燕麦粥吃了
Look at me, you eat that oatmeal right now.
放进嘴里 然后吞下去
You put it in your mouth and you swallow it
不然我就拿走你的毛毯
or I will take your blankie
我会像冯·特拉普上尉燃烧纳粹旗帜一样烧掉它
and I will burn it like Captain von Trapp burning the Nazi flag.
你听得懂这个吗 小心我把你丢掉 小家伙
Do you understandI can get rid of you in a second, bud.
转角处可就有孤儿院
They got orphanages on every corner.
我还以为早餐大战早结束了
I thought the breakfast battle would be over by now.
嘿 这家伙是亲生的么 因为我不这么认为
Hey, is this thing ours, because I'm not,
我对此不太确定
I'm not feeling super sure about it.
你看到他从我身上出来的
You saw him come out of me, so.
确实 我确实看到了 健身怎么样
Indeed, indeed I did. How was the gym?
啊 我碰到了克里斯汀 你知道
Ugh, Kristen, you know,
就那个让我只吃三个星期的益生菌
the one who is only eating raw bacteria
说是平衡我的阴♥道♥菌群
for three weeks to reset my vagina?
又缠着我说她的金字塔计划(庞氏骗局)
Cornered me about her pyramid scheme again.
-你进了金字塔 宝贝 -不 宝贝 我没有
- Did you get in the pyramid, babe- No, I did not, babe.
宝贝 你真的有机会进入金字塔
Babe, you got a chance to get in a pyramid,
那你一定要去 哪里可有无尽的宝藏 宝贝
you get in there, you get that forbidden treasure, babe.
哦 你个笨蛋
Oh, you're dumb.
-你开始为旅行打包了吗 -是的
- Did you start packing for your trip yet- Yeah.
是啊
Yeah, yeah?
你怎么了 这可是男子汉营地周啊
What is the matter with youIt's Man Camp Week!
通常大家都像 “哦 把这肉煮了
Usually you're all like, "Oh, cook up this meat!
拿杯啤酒给我 挠一下我的蛋
Grab me a beer, scratch my balls.
是的 ”
Yeah."
-哇 -哇 我就是这样的吗
- Whoa! - Wow, that's what I'm like?
是的 当你和你的兄弟在一起时 是的
Yeah, when you're with the your brothers, yes.
好吧 我有点厌倦了
Well, I'm just a little tired of being
当家里唯一的成年人
the only adult in the family, you know?
最近几年 我就像保姆一样
It's been like babysitting the last few years.
没事没叫你 Artiz 我就是举个例子
Not now, Artiz, I'm trying to make a point.
真的么
Really?
听着 你能不能
Listen, can't you just,
就像 你来做那个恶人 给他们说 我不能去吗
like, crack the whip and tell me I can't go?
-当那个恶...人 -是的
- Crack... the whip- Yeah.
-你知道 -哦 嗯
- You know, the whip. - Oh, ugh, mm.
好多妻子都这么做
Lots of wives do it.
你真恶心 不
You're disgusting and no,
我不会终结你们12年来
I'm not going to let you end your 12 year tradition
在小屋里纪念你父亲的传统的 好吗
of celebrating your dad's life at the cabin, okay?
现在 我要去洗个澡
Now, I'm going to go shower.
我早上挺累的了 好吗 清理一下这些吧
I've had a morning, okayClean this up, please.
- 谢谢 - 好的 再见
- Thank you. - Okay, bye.
- 再见 我爱你 - 爱你
- Bye, I love you. - Love you.
哦 宝贝呃 我们得烧掉马克斯的毯子
Oh, hey, babeUh, we got to burn Max's blankie.
我再不拿出点威严他会不听我的话的
I can't afford to make another idle threat.
- 玩得开心 再见 -再见
- Have fun. Bye. - Bye.
别喝太醉了
Don't get too drunk.
- 我会的 - 好的
- I will! - Okay.
去吧...走吧
There... there you go.
你到底想要什么 老兄这才早上10:00
What the hell do you want, manIt's like 10:00 in the morning.
是的 伙计 这不算早 蒂姆在吗
Yeah, man, that's not early, so is Tim around?
-蒂姆 居民蒂姆 -是的
- Tim, resident Tim- Yeah.
是的 没有人来找过蒂姆
Yeah, nobody comes in just to see Tim.
不是没有人 是从来没有
Not nobody, not no how.
是的 老兄 我是他的哥哥
Yeah, man, I'm his older brother, so.
哦 兄弟 你为什么不早说 进来
Oh, bro, why didn't you say soCome on in.
这是蒂姆总统的海报上的那个家伙
This guy from the President Tim poster.
嘿 老兄 我看到了你妻子的照片
Hey, man, I saw a picture of your wife.
- 是么 -是的 就在那
- Did you- Yeah, it's right there.
关于蒂姆的五件事 我不喜欢邋遢 我体脂率为0 男孩们都想成为我N女孩们都想和我约会 我的嫂子非常好看
这实际上是你和你妻子的照片
It's actually a picture of you and your wife.
没有一天 我不后悔
Not a day goes by that I don't regret
让那个小家伙离开我
letting that little one off the hook.
我 我不知道你的意思 什么
I, I don't know what you mean, what?
我和凯蒂
Me and Katie,
我们...有过一段
we were a... a thing.
好吧 那这个呢
All right, what about this?
让我们开始吧
Let's get the starty parted!
埃里克·布林克霍夫
Eric Brinkerhoff?
正是在下
In the flesh.
凯蒂·贝克嫁给了我
Katie Baker is married... to me.
-蒂姆 - 亚当
- Tim. - Adam!
-兄弟 -兄弟
- Bro! - Broski.
-贤弟 -大锅
- Broski- Brocahontas.
-熊弟 -熏弟
- Brocapontas. - Brontosaurus.
-雄...弟儿 -兄兄兄弟儿
- Brohannesburg. - Bone browth.
-兄那个弟 -亲爱的兄弟儿
- Saxobrone. - Dearly bebrothed.
-小兄弟 -大胸弟
- Broner. - Potato potahbro.
-兄那个巴子的弟 -熊弟儿
- Bronze Julius. - Broreos and milk.
兄弟 兄弟 兄弟
Brone, brone, brone, brone
兄弟 兄弟 兄弟
Brone, brone, brone
兄弟 兄弟
Brone, Brone
兄弟 兄弟 兄弟
Brone, Brone, Brone
-怎么了 伙计 -昨晚你没参加聚会吗
- What's up, dude- Did you skip the party last night?
嗯 我并没有很生气的
Uh, I wasn't really in the mood to rage,
但是我看到这里的那些女士们
but I saw the ladies in here and wowza,
我装了有12包垃圾 然后闲逛了一下
so I kept it to a 12-pack and hung around for a bit
履行下我的总统职责
to fulfill my presidential duties,
来照顾这些小伙子
look after these fine lads.
我去卡车里等你
I'm going to go wait in the truck.
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