8块披萨（2020）

嘿 你们还好吗
Hey, what's goin' on?
保镖
Mazel tov.
前几天有人来了餐厅
So, somebody comes in the restaurant the other day
他们要我切一个奇数的披萨
and they want me to cut a pie in odd numbers.
- 什么 - 是的
- What? - Yeah.
他们想要七片而不是八片
They wanted it in seven slices instead of eight.
有人遇到过这种情况吗
Has anybody had that happen yet?
没有 但前几天有人问我有没有
No, but someone asked me if I had
减肥水提供
diet water the other day.
- 天啊 - 是的
- Oh my god. - Yeah.
这里的每个人都是乡巴佬 可悲的失败者
Everybody here is just a redneck, pathetic loser,
这是大写的瓜 实话实说
and that is a capital T, truth.
有人会因为我拿等级开玩笑而生气吗
What are people gonna get mad at me for class shamin' now?
你永远也不会离开这个鬼地方
You're still gonna be poor, and you'll never, ever leave.
一个女权主义者
A feminist!
让我给你们说些...
Let me mansplain something to you real...
嘿
Hey!
嘿
Hey.
你看起来很漂亮
You look nice.
你一小时前才见过我
You saw me like an hour ago.
谢谢你
Thank you.
- 篝火 - 是的
- Bonfire. - Yes.
- 在海滩上 - 是的
- On the beach. - Yes.
我想我要修完那门调酒课了
I think I'm gonna finish that bartending course,
这次是真的
you know, for real this time?
嗯
Mhm.
我可能会回到游轮上
I'll probably go back to the cruise ship, you know?
微观管理富人的幸福等等
Micromanaging rich people's happiness and what not.
有时我想 当我看着我的车道
Sometimes I think, when I'm looking down my driveway,
我最后一次离开的时候
about what it would actually be like
它会是什么样子
to leave for the last time,
但总是有同样的事情拖我的后腿
but it's always the same thing holding me back.
比如谁来照顾妈妈
Like who would take care of mama?
或尼采
Or Knee Cha?
- 嗨 - 你们好啊
- Hey. - What's up guys?
你们都去哪儿了
Where y'all been at?
噢
Ooh.
好温暖
It's so warm.
约翰 到目前为止你觉得怎么样
So what do you think about it so far, John?
- 守护神吗 - 嗯
- Patronies? - Yeah.
挺有趣
It's cool.
就像安在文章里写的一样
It's uh, it's exactly like Ann wrote about in the article.
- 等等… - 什么
- Wait, wait... - What?
什么文章
What article?
你在说什么
What are you talking about?
我花了蛮久才意识到 但是
Well it took me a minute, but,
当我意识到她是个作家时
when I realized she was a writer,
我就推断出来了
I put two and two together.
等一下 我们的安
Wait, our Ann?
我写了一篇关于守护神的小文章
I wrote a small article on Patronies
它火了
and it got passed around.
我用了笔名写的
I wrote it under that pseudonym.
我们都有笔名
We all have our pseudonyms.
- 安 太棒了 - 是篇小文章
- Ann, that's amazing. - It was a small article.
- 还是很厉害啊 - 你在哪看到的?
- Still. - Where'd you read it?
Reddit服务行业十大最独特的工作场所
Reddit's Top 10 Most Unique Places to Work in the Service Industry.
- 等等 我们是几号♥ - 8
- Wait, what number are we? - Eight.
- 哦 - 哇
- Oh. - Wow.
- 这很好啊 - 太厉害了
- That's good. - That is amazing.
你是个有作品的作家了
You're a published writer.
Reddit又不算
I don't think Reddit counts.
嘿 安 你为什么不告诉我们那篇文章
Hey Ann, why didn't you tell us about the article?
那我还忘了告诉你
I guess I also forgot to tell you
我今天吃了烤奶酪呢
I had a grilled cheese today,
我对草莓过敏 有时醒来
I'm allergic to strawberries, and sometimes I wake up
左侧颈部会有点痛
with a small neck pain on the left side.
不是 但你跟大家说了巡回售书的事
No, but you told everyone about the book tour.
那你为什么不告诉我们这篇文章呢
Now why wouldn't you tell us about the article?
安 我还以为我们是朋友
Ann, I thought we were friends.
如果我们这么受欢迎的话
How could we still be going under
我们怎么会要倒闭了呢
if we're so popular?
十大最适合工作的地方 不表示最好吃的地方
Top 10 places to work, not eat.
我知道
I know how.
- 不 - 你…
- Don't. - Are you...
- 别这样 - 我知道 因为我们
- Don't do it. - I know, because our
卫生纸是单层的
toilet paper's single ply!
- 别这样 - 杰克 给我坐下
- No. - Jack, sit your behind down.
好吧 好吧 你们这些讨厌的家伙
All right, all right, all right, ya pain bodies.
如果我们不能拯救餐馆的话
If we can't save the restaurant,
我们能不能至少为奥斯卡做点什么
then I don't know, can we do something for Oscar?
他为我们大家做了这么多
He's done so much for all of us.
守护神是我们自己死亡的映像 孩子
Patronies is a reflection of our own mortality, kid.
一切都结束了
It's over.
他们知道的
They know.
他在跟谁说话
Who's he talking to?
别担心 宝贝
Oh don't worry, baby.
他和我们有点不一样
He's just a little different.
等等 你在干什么
Wait, what are you doin'?
我在寻找那个我经常干的
I am looking for the optimist
乐观主义者
that I normally go to bed with.
哦
Oh, yeah.
我只是 我想多做点事
I just, I wanna do more than
不只是卖♥♥披萨会员卡
sell pizza memberships, you know?
我不知道 我也不明白
Yeah, I don't know, I just don't get it.
你们想要用你们的自♥由♥时间
You guys wanna spend your free time
试图去拯救别人的餐厅
trying to save someone else's restaurant?
这是我们的
It's all of ours.
是的 但是 你们都为他工作啊
Yeah, but, you work for him, all of you.
嘿 约翰
Hey John?
你拍的那些照片是干什么的
What do you do with all those photos you've been taking?
公布真♥相♥
Publish the truth.
人们有这样的想法
People have this idea.
他们认为他们知道生活是什么样子的 但是
They think they know what life is really like, but,
其实不是那么回事
it's usually quite different.
所以我告诉他们真♥相♥
So I show 'em the truth.
我十岁的时候就开始想成为一名记者
I've wanted to be a journalist since
但没有人雇佣我
I was like 10 years old and nobody ever hired me
所以我只能自己做我能做的
so I just kind of do what I can on my own.
- 嗯 - 挺好的 约翰
- Yeah. - That's pretty cool, John.
- 是的 - 谢谢
- Yeah, it is. - Thanks.
你要写我们的事 还有餐厅
So you're gonna be writing about us, and the restaurant?
也许吧
Yeah, maybe.
也许你和安可以合作
Maybe you and Ann could team up
- 写点什么… - 我一个人写
- and write something... - I write alone.
但我主要做视频
Yeah, and I do mostly video.
等等 等等 伙计 伙计
Wait, wait, wait, dude, dude, dude,
我可以带你去一个超棒的地方
I'll take you to the perfect place
非常适合给你拍照报导
for some photojournalism magic.
你明天上班前有空吗
You free tomorrow before work?
那太好了
Yeah, yeah that'd be great.
我们现在可以看看你的照片吗
Could we see some of your photos now?
啊 我还没想好我的故事
Uh, I haven't quite got my story yet.
我觉得这很酷
Well I think that's cool.
它就像我生活的档案
It'd be like an archive of my life
介绍我的十年
for the past 10 years.
嘿 我也
Hey, mine too.
你才来了三年
You've only been here for three years.
不过我还是觉得那样挺好的
No, but still, I think it'd be really nice
就像一个小相册
to have like a little album, you know?
你当时也就只有10岁
And you'd be like 10 years old.