8块披萨（2020）

自♥拍♥真酷呢
Cool selfie, bro.
你干嘛还要按
Why do you do that?
我就在这里
I'm right here.
我喜欢你 你知道吗
I like you man, you know that?
知道了知道了
Yeah, yeah.
你们的厕纸是两层的吗
You guys got two ply in your bathroom?
什么
What?
卫生纸是不是变薄了
Is the toilet paper gettin' thinner?
你难道不觉得北卡罗来纳州的
Don't you think North Carolina's
"厕所问题"已经够多了吗
had enough bathroom trouble?
我现在太需要小睡一会儿了
I need a nap now more than ever.
累了吗
Tired?
是的
Well yeah.
昨晚有人一直干扰我学习希伯来语
Someone kept interfering with my Hebrew studies last night.
谁会做这么糟糕的事啊
And who would do such a horrible thing?
你不是应该在洗盘子吗
Aren't you supposed to be washin' dishes?
不 尼采在干了
Nah, Knee Cha took ever.
受诫礼是为13岁的孩子准备的
And Bat Mitzvahs are for 13 year olds.
我爱你
I love you.
好的
Fine.
好的 我明天寄过去
Fine, I will send it tomorrow.
给你
There you go.
把你的手指放在这儿 用力
Put your finger here, and squeeze.
谢谢你
Thank you.
我们应该能预料到的
Guess we should have seen it coming.
预料什么
Seen what coming?
杰克跟我说了厕纸的事
Jack told me about the toilet paper.
那又有什么关系
What does that have to do with anything?
开瓶器在哪里
Where's the bottle opener?
- 在驼鹿头后面 - 在驼鹿头后面
- Behind the moose head. - Behind the moose head.
你的简历更新了吗
You updated your resume yet?
我就没有简历这玩意儿
I never had one.
你呢
You?
约翰这是最后一轮了 我们要关门了
Hey John, that's it, we're closed, man.
遵命
Yes, sir.
我又找到了一份打扫房♥子的工作
I got a job lined up cleaning houses again.
你的写作怎么样
What about your writing?
我所有的激♥情♥项目都会让我破产
All my passions projects are gonna make me broke.
你觉得人的生命有什么价值啊
What do you think the human life's worth?
难道它没有价值吗
Aint it the worth of something,
不管别人愿意付多少钱
whatever someone else is willing to pay for it?
所以我们都是人♥民♥的奴隶
So we're all just slaves for the people
给那些有时间有金钱的人干活
with time and money?
今晚 你值125
Well, tonight, you are worth 125.
啊 我还有这个
Uh, got these too.
哦 嘿 不错
Oh, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 再见 - 再见
- Bye. - Bye.
轮到我了
My turn!
女士们 先生们 欢迎你们
Hello, ladies and gentlemen and welcome
我的新角色研究 约翰·高尔特
to my new character study, John Galt.
自从有了90万追随者
Since attaining 900,000 followers,
总浏览量接近3亿
and almost 300 million total views on my channel,
我就知道我必须做一个卧底节目
I thought it was imperative that I go undercover.
看看
Check it out.
我甚至要睡在我的车里
I'm even sleepin' in my car.
方法演技演员
Method actor, sort of.
好吧 好吧
Okay, okay.
我得告诉你们
I gotta get started and tell you guys about
这个地方 小餐馆 竟然 竟然
this place, little restaurant, that somehow, somehow,
被评选为了Reddit网站的十大最佳工作场所之一
made it on Reddit's top 10 best places to work.
我一直在研究这个老板
Okay, so, I've been doing a little research on this boss
他做什么事都失败了
who's basically failed at everything he's tried to do.
他没有通过烹饪艺术的学士学位考试
He flunked out of a bachelor's degree in culinary arts.
烹饪艺术
Culinary arts.
真的有这种玩意儿吗
How do you even do that?
天啊 你知道我常说什么吗
Oh my, you know what I always say:
有能力的 做大事
Those who can, do.
没能力的 就去教书
Those who can't, teach.
兄弟们 那老板连这个都做不到
And bro, boss man can't even do that.
不过呢 这个老板值得佩服
Come on, man, I gotta give it to him.
他开这家餐厅已经18年了
He's had this restaurant for 18 years,
可悲的是 这已经是他第四次失败了
and here's the sad part, this is his fourth failed business.
没错 伙计们 这地方要垮了
That's right, folks, the place is going under.
排名前十的是什么地方啊
What kind of top 10 place is that?
去跟爸爸说
Go talk to daddy,
嘿 爸爸 能给我点钱再开一家店吗
hey daddy, can I get some more money to open another one?
婴儿潮一代 啊
Baby boomers, ugh.
不仅仅是餐厅 整个小镇都是这样
And it's not just the restaurant, it's like this whole town
得病了
has a disease.
这里的每个人都是乡巴佬 可悲的失败者
Everybody here is just a redneck, pathetic loser,
这是大写的瓜 实话实说
and that is the capital T, truth folks.
有人会因为我拿等级开玩笑而生气吗
What, are people gonna get mad at me for class shamin' now?
你猜怎么着 让我这样告诉你
Guess what, let me put it to you like this:
不管你读了多少书
it doesn't matter how many books you read,
你还是会很穷 而且
you're still gonna be poor, and you're still
你的口音还是会很难听
gonna have that terrible accent.
你永远也不会离开这个鬼地方
And you'll never, ever, leave this dump of a place.
哦 哦 哦 甚至有一个女权主义者在那里工作
Oh, oh, oh, and there's even a feminist who works there.
一个女权主义者
A feminist.
让我快速地向你解释一下
Let me mansplain something to you real quick.
女权主义这个词
The word feminism?
它来自一个男人
It came from a man!
查尔斯·傅里叶 他是一个乌托邦社♥会♥主♥义♥者
Charles Fourier, he was a Utopian Socialist.
我们都知道乌托邦是怎么完蛋的
Oh, and we all know how utopias end.
对那些回复了我上个视频的人
For all you peeps who responded to my last video,
"胖子找的借口"
the excuses that fat people make,
我想谢谢你们的鼓励
I wanted to thank you for your encouraging comments
还有你们的死亡威胁
and your death threats,
都是这一切给我提供了这个平台
all of which allow me the platform
让你今天可以在这里看到我
you get to see me on here today.
我觉得你们不懂的是
You know, what I think that some of you don't get
我这是在为你们服务
is that I offer you a service.
我想我应该得到一点认可
I think I deserve a little bit of recognition.
我不是刻薄
I'm not being mean.
我只是一个碰巧很有趣的记者
I'm just a journalist who happens to be funny.
我是个诚实人 我这样做是为了你们 为了你们
I'm a truth teller and I'm doing it for you guys, for you.
这是我揭穿"十大"系列的第一个项目
This is my first subject in my debunking top 10 series.
如果你喜欢这个视频 请点赞并订阅
If you like this video, please go like and subscribe.
还有 爱我的恨我的人们
Also, for my die hard search and destroyer fans out there,
如果你找到我 我会把你加进我的视频里
if you find me, I will feature you in my video.
让你感受一下成为我的感觉
Give you a little taste of what it's like to be me.
我是不是在吹牛呢
Am I bragging?
我在评论栏里留下了一点提示
I also left a little clue in the comment box
告诉你们可以在哪里找到这座桥
where you can come find the bridge
找到我的位置
and find where I'm at.
相信我 这里没有别的了
Trust me, there's nothing else here.
如果你们不介意的话 我得去参加一些
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go attend some
很酷的乡村篝火活动
really cool redneck bonfire.
好了 孩子们 下次见
All right kids, until next time.
再见 狗子们
Peace up, bash down.
好了 很好
All right, all right, good.
不错 不错
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
挺好的
That was good, that was good, that was good.
我明天再编辑
Yeah, just uh, I'll just edit that tomorrow.
不 披萨是在布鲁克林发明的
No, pizza was invented in Brooklyn.
我知道那是事实
I know that for a fact.
披萨是在那不勒斯发明的
Pizza was invented in Naples,
为了翁贝托国王和玛格丽特王后做的
for King Umberto and Queen Margherita.
兔子 兔子
Bunny, bunny.
- 嗨 - 你好吗
- Hey. - How you doin'?