麦克斯卡罗琳姐妹情深义笃

Max, we're back.
麦克斯 我们回来啦
Aw, that sucks.
真扫兴
This place didn't burn down while we were gone,
这里没跟我希望中那样 在我们不在时
like I had hoped.
被一把火烧掉
The night is young, and I have a Roman candle in my pocket.
今夜才开始 而且我口袋里有罗马蜡烛烟火筒
Hi, welcome to the Williamsburg diner.
你们好 欢迎来到威廉斯堡餐厅
Table for two?
两个人吗
Don't be silly, Earl.
别闹了 厄尔
It's us, Max and Caroline.
是我们啊 麦克斯跟卡洛琳
And I'm Earl. smoking or nonsmoking?
我叫厄尔 你们抽烟还是不抽烟
Glad to have you back.
你们回来就好啦
Max and Caroline!
麦克斯 卡洛琳
You're back from your road trip.
你们公路旅行回来啦
And right on time for yesterday's shift.
正正好错过昨天的班呢
We're also not working today.
我们今天也不工作
Tomorrow's not great either.
明天也不太有空
Ugh, thank God you're back.
幸好你们回来了
Besides Han, there hasn't been a girl in here in days, and...
除了阿憨之外 店里好久没有小妞了 而且...
she's not my type.
她不是我的型
What is your type?
你的是那种型
Hepatitis A, B, or C?
甲型 乙型 还是丙型肝炎啊
So what did you bring us?
所以你们给我们带了什么礼物
Uh, you guys don't understand.
你们得理解我们的遭遇
We got kicked off a riverboat,
我们坐船被从船上踢下来
almost crashed a plane,
坐飞机差点坠机
and lost everything we own.
行李和钱都全丢了
Honestly, it's a miracle we're alive.
讲真 我们没死已经是奇迹了
So...no gifts?
所以... 没礼物吗
Let's get to the dessert bar
我们去甜品酒吧
so we can see the work they did.
看看他们装修得怎么样了
Also so people don't think we're customers here.
而且也能避免被误认是这里的客人
I'm excited to see it too,
我也很等不及去看看
and now that Randy and I are really over,
现在我跟兰迪真的彻底玩完了
I promise to give the dessert bar my full 5%.
我答应对甜品酒吧付出我5%的心力
Make it 6%.
凑个6%吧
I mean, what else am I gonna do, hmm?
不然我也没别的事做啊
Stop.
留步
Oleg, stop blocking the door.
奥列格 别挡着门了
We're not on a date with you.
我们又不是在跟你约会
We want to see the dessert bar.
我们想去看看甜品酒吧
Eh, sure,
行啊
but before you go in there,
但在你们去之前
do you want to see a cute picture
想不想看一张超有爱的
of me, Sophie, and baby Barbara?
我跟苏菲还有芭芭拉宝宝全家福
Sure.
好啊
You didn't say it was in the bathtub.
你没说是在浴缸里啊
Well, now that you're annoyed
现在你们不爽
and hopefully a little impressed...
希望你们还有一点赞叹...
I can tell you
我能跟你们坦白
I had to fire your contractor.
我当时不得不炒了你们的承包商
What?
什么
I thought I could do a better job.
我以为我能比他做得更好
What?
什么
I couldn't.
结果我不行
I can't believe Oleg!
我真是信了奥列格的邪
How the hell could he let a complete stranger...
他怎么可以让一个陌生人...
Do such an amazing job?
做出这么赞的活儿
Wait, we're still killing Oleg, though, right?
等等 我们还是要去杀奥列格的吧
Cause the wheels are already in motion.
因为老娘的箭已经在弦上了'
Oh, my God, look at the doors.
天啊 你看那些门
And the molding?
那些装饰线板
And the sconces?
还有那些壁灯
I don't remember what an orgasm is like,
我已经不记得高♥潮是什么感觉
but I think I might be having one.
但我觉得我高♥潮来了
Hey, girls.
姑娘们
Welcome home.
欢迎回家
Baby Barbara thought you were dead.
芭芭拉宝宝以为你们死了呢
Isn't that funny?
是不是很好笑啊
Not "Vince Vaughn doing drama" funny, but what is?
没有"文斯·沃恩演戏剧"这么可笑 但啥比得过呢
该演员主要出演的都是喜剧为主
Wow, Barbara got so big while we were gone.
我们不在这段期间 芭芭拉长大许多啊
You got to give her a break, 'cause she got
你得让她休息休息 她遗传到了
her Uncle Fatso's genes.
她肥索舅舅的基因
By the way, Sophie, thank you for watching our horse
对了 苏菲 谢谢你在我们不在时
while we were gone.
帮忙照顾我们的马
He's my favorite roommate.
他是我最爱的室友了
Aww, well, you know what,
太客气了啦
that's what friends are for.
朋友间本该互相照应
And I'm sure you would do the same for me
我也相信轮到我有需要时
if I needed a favor.
你也会帮忙我
Of course we would. Good, 'cause I need a favor.
当然会啦 太好了 因为我需要帮忙
Yeah, see,
是这样的
I joined this mommy support group, you know,
我加入了一个了妈妈帮
to make sure that I'm holding the baby up right,
就是比如确保我有正确把宝宝朝上抱
or you know,
又或者是
that I don't get too jealous
让自己不会在别人
when people compliment her.
夸奖她的时候太嫉妒
The standard mom stuff.
就是正常妈妈该懂的事情
So what's the favor?
所以需要帮忙什么呢
I'll do anything up to a Class B felony.
我最多能帮到B级重罪的忙
I still have one strike left.
我还有一次才会被三振出局
B级重罪仅比A级低 属于较严重罪刑 三振出
局法是对超次的重罪累犯加重量刑
Well, I'm hosting,
我要办派对
and there are gonna be a lot of sloppy babies there,
而到时候肯定会有很多乱拉屎撒尿的宝宝
so I'm looking for a real dump.
所以我想找个垃♥圾堆做场地
Can I use your place?
我能借用你们家吗
Sophie, I don't think
苏菲 我觉得不太...
Thank you, girls.
太谢谢你们了
Yeah, you're the best,
你们最好了
no matter what baby Barbara tells her friends.
无论芭芭拉怎么跟朋友说你们坏话都不会改变
I thought Barbara liked me.
我还以为芭芭拉喜欢我呢
I'm gonna text her.
我要发短信跟她谈谈
Oh, hey. I'm Bobby.
你好 我叫鲍比
I did the work on your bar.
你们酒吧是我装修的
You must be Max and Caroline.
想必你们就是麦克斯与卡洛琳吧
I'm Maroline, and this is Cax.
我是麦洛琳 她是卡克斯
I mean Yeah, let's just move past it.
我是说 直接说下去吧
Uh, we're who you said.
我们就是你说的人
Well, I hope you like it.
希望你们喜欢
The only guidance I got was from your friend Oleg,
我唯一得到的指导 来自你们朋友奥列格
who just kept saying "Sluttier."
他一直不停地说"再骚浪贱一点"
And then he showed me a picture of him in the bathtub.
然后他就给我看了一张他在浴缸里的照片
You did an amazing job.
你装修得超赞
I mean, what you did with those knobs.
你弄的那些门把[龟♥头]什么的
Polished brass.
抛光铜色
Looks like you want to polish his brass.
感觉你很想抛光他的"铜头"啊
And how do you like the satin on the sconces?
你喜欢壁灯的雾面罩子吗
Oh, my God.
天啊
My knees are wiggling.
我膝盖都发软 合不拢腿了
You like that?
你喜欢吗
And the finish on the molding? Oh, love it!
还有这装饰线板的做工 爱死了
I think she's about to finish on the molding.
她爱到都要跟装饰线板"做"了吧
You're the only man who knew what I wanted
你是唯一一个懂我想要什么
without me having to tell him three times
而且不需要我反复说三遍后
and then give up.
干脆放弃了的男人
Hey, great.
那就好
I'll tell the boss you liked it.
我会告诉老板你很喜欢
Bobby, you did it again."
"鲍比 你又成功啦""
In case you missed it, I'm the boss.
怕你没懂我的笑点 我就是老板
See, 'cause he's the boss,
你懂了吗 因为他扮老板
so he was telling himself.
所以他是在对自己说
It's too many levels for her.
笑点太深她不懂
Hey, um, listen, I should probably get going,
听我说 我也差不多该走了
but if you need anything else,
但如果你有任何需要
you can call me.
记得打给我
Or my boss. Anytime.
或打给我老板 任何时候都行
Well, I might just have to call you both.
那我可能就两个都打就行了
Ciao!
炒[再见]
Ciao"?
还"炒"呢"
Unless you're gonna say "mein" after that,
除非你后面是要接"面"
I don't know what you're talking about.
不然我真不知道你是在说什么鬼
He's really cute.
他好可爱啊
Oh, you think so?
你是这么觉得吗
You were playing it pretty cool, Maroline.
你真是"超冷静完全看不出来"呢 麦洛琳
Oh, don't worry,
没关系
you can ruin everything in here.
这里的东西你全都可以毁
I don't care.
我不在乎
I do.
我在乎
I just scrubbed the couch.
我才刚清理过那张沙发
How much longer do we have to stay in here?
我们还得待在里面多久啊
Caroline's talking about a third grade field trip.
卡洛琳开始聊她三年级时的校外教学了
I got lost in Toronto.
我在多伦多走丢了呢
Girls, ignore them.
姐妹们 忽略她们
Society does.
社会就忽略她们了
Uh, so where are your babies?
你们的宝宝呢
Out parking the car?
在外面停车吗
See, I don't let Barbara drive yet.
我就不让芭芭拉开车
Should I?
我该让她开吗
We don't bring 'em to the meetings.
我们聚会时从不带宝宝
They ruin everything.
他们只会破坏一切
Starting with our vaginas.
一出生就破坏了我们的"小洞洞"
Oh, yeah,
对啊
my husband ruined mine on my first date.
我老公在我们第一次约会就玩坏我的了
Seewell, see, I thought
是 是这样的 我本以为
that a mother's group, you know, you
妈妈帮聚会是...
you talk about your babies.
聊聊宝宝的事情
Wouldn't they love that?
宝宝们巴不得我们聊吧
No, this is for us to
不是的 这是我们用来
to trade pills and get trashed
交换"药物" 喝个大醉
and fantasize about Gone Girling our husbands.
以及幻想跟我们老公玩一把《消失的爱人》
著名惊悚悬疑小说与电影 讲一个控制与坑害老
公的故事
Oh, my God, I'm doing everything wrong.
天啊 那我真是满盘皆错
Yeah, just like the ' Olympics all over again.
我又想起我在年奥♥运的不堪回忆了
What's up, sluts?
婊姐妹们 大家好啊
Ugh, there's a baby here?
这里有个婴儿啊
If I weren't already stoned,
要不是我大♥麻抽晕乎了
I'd drive somewhere else.
我现在就开车去别处
My bad.
我的错
Yeah, see,
是这样的
I thought we were gonna compare notes on bedtimes
我以为是要交流孩子就寝时间的经验
and how asleep a baby has to be
以及孩子到底要睡多熟
to have sex in front of it.
才可以在他们面前做♥爱
You have sex with your trainer too?
你也跟你的健身教练上床吗
Should I?
我该吗
Seeing what you girls did to the dessert bar
看到你们俩给甜品酒吧做的改变
inspired me to make some improvements around here.
激发了我改善餐厅的念头
Don't tell me you found a way
别告诉我你找到
to unstick the menus from the tables.
把桌面上黏住的菜单抠起来的方法
Whoa, one step at a time.
一步一步来好吗
I did give this place more of a facelift
但我的确给这里"整容"了许多
than Brad Pitt in preparation for the movie Allied.
比布拉德·皮特为电影《间谍同盟》拉的皮还多
Yeah, Han, this place looks exactly the same.
阿憨 这里看起来一点都没变
My suicide note is still scrawled on the wall.
我乱写在墙上的自杀遗书都还在呢
Yeah, it looks like the same old post office to me.
看起来还是同一间邮局啊
It's not a freakin' post office!
这里他妈不是邮局
Max, we should really get over to the dessert bar.
麦克斯 我们真的得过去甜品酒吧了
Bobby's on his way to look at those gorgeous sconces
鲍比正在过来看我很不满意的
I am very unhappy with.
超美壁灯的路上
Why do you have to use the dessert bar
为什么你要用甜品酒吧
as an excuse to see him?
来当你再见他的借口啊
If you like him, why don't you just say,
如果你喜欢他 你何不直接说
Hey, you're cute. Want to see my horse?"
"你好可爱啊 想看我的马吗""
Because a lady waits for a gentleman
因为淑女都会等绅士
to ask to see her horse.
主动请求看她的马
I don't know what ladies you're hanging out with.
我真不知道你都是跟哪些淑女混
Apparently none.
貌似完全没有
Bobby's at the dessert bar.
鲍比到甜品酒吧了
Let me just change into something
让我先换成
a little more comfortable.
比较舒适的穿着
Why are you making this so complicated?
你为什么要把这事搞这么复杂
Why don't you just say, "Let's get drinks
你为什么不直接说"咱们来喝酒
to make the sex less awkward?"
喝完打炮比较不尴尬"
Or you could do that.
或者你也可以这样
Oh, hi, Bobby, I forgot you were stopping by.
你好啊 鲍比 我忘了你会来
She thought she was hosting Wheel of Fortune in here.
她以为她要在这里主持《幸运之轮》呢
美国游戏节目 女主持梵娜·怀特穿着就如此
玩的游戏比如有猜字母填空游戏
I'd buy a vowel from her.
我愿意跟她买个母音
AWell, it would be two As.
场上亮起了两个
oh, uh, what did you want to show me?
你想给我看什么来着
Apparently a little side boob.
貌似是一点侧乳
This sconce.
壁灯
I noticed that if I put
我发现如果我用
all the force of my body against it,
全身力气推它
it moves a little.
它就会有点移位
See?
你看
Ugh, I
我...
I must have jammed it into place
可能被我推进正确位置了
while I was testing its virility.
当时我在测试它生殖力
I mean, stability.
不对 是稳定力
See? Told you it was loose.
你看 我就说有点松
I guess I have stick around as long as it takes
看来我得一直在这里待着
until it's fixed.
直到它修好为止
Oh, good, because I wouldn't feel safe
那就好 因为在你弄好之前
pulling aggressively on anything until you do.
我都不敢太用力拔任何东西
Caroline!
卡洛琳
We got to get to the hospital.
我们得赶去医院
Oh, no, I'm fine.
不用 我没事
Bobby caught me.
鲍比接住我了
Not for you, Vanna Very White.
不是你有事 梵娜·超白特
I just got a call saying Randy was in an accident in Manhattan.
我接到一通电话说兰迪在曼哈顿出意外了
He must have been coming to see me.
他肯定是为了来见我
Just when I thought it was over,
在我以为一切没戏之时
he ropes me back in with a lifethreatening emergency.
他又用危及生命的紧急事故把我拐回去
How bad is he?
多严重啊
Because these sconces
因为这些壁灯
won't be able to wear this dress again tomorrow.
明天就没办法再穿这件裙子了
All I know is that it's serious, and they called me
我只知道很严重 他们打给我
cause I'm the emergency contact on his phone.
是因为我是他手机里的紧急联络人'
Okay. I'll be back as fast as I can.
好吧 我会尽快回来
I'll work as slow as I can.
那我会尽慢干活
I won't tell your boss... 'cause he's the
我不会告诉你老板 因为他就是...
I get it. Let's go.
我懂那个哏 快走
Oh, he's still alive.
他还活着
Oh, thank God his face isn't hurt.
谢天谢地他脸蛋没受伤
Andone, two, three, four, five, six.
还有 一二三四五六
Yep, they're all there.
统统都还在
Why is his shirt always off?
他为什么总是不♥穿上衣啊
He's like Kirsten Dunst in a dramatic role.
就像某女演员一样总露胸
Well, I had to take his shirt off, because
我不得不脱掉他上衣嘛 因为他...
well, 'cause you know, he broke his leg.
你们懂 他腿断了嘛
This is a private room.
这里是私人病房
You ladies can't be in here.
你们俩不能待在这里
I'm his emergency contact, Max.
我是他的紧急联络人 麦克斯
I'll take the rest of his clothing off from here.
剩下的衣服交给我脱吧
And can you get me a straw
你能帮我拿根吸管来吗
so we can share this morphine drip mai tai style?
这样我们能像喝鸡尾酒般共享这吗♥啡点滴
You girls have two minutes,
给你们两分钟时间
and remember, this is a hospital,
切记 这里是医院
so no messing around.
所以不许"瞎搞"
Ooh, that's my coconut oil.
哎呀 差点忘了我的椰子油
Coconut oil?
椰子油
Great, now he's edible.
太棒了 他现在可以吃了
Oh, my God, Max.
天啊 麦克斯
This is very An Affair to Remember.
这活脱就是《难忘情事》里的情节啊
又名《金玉盟》 美国经♥典爱情电影
I'm more of a Quickie to Forget kind of girl.
我更像是"炮完就忘"的那种妹子
No, that Randy came all the way to New York to see you
不 兰迪大老远跑来纽约见你
and then got into a tragic accident
结果惨遭不幸 出了意外
and now here you are at his bedside.
而此刻你在这里 守在他的病床边
Max, I don't want to get ahead of myself,
麦克斯 我不想把话说太早
but we might both have boyfriends.
但咱俩可能都要有男朋友啦
Double date dance?
来段庆祝四人约会舞吗
Max?
麦克斯
What are you doing here?
你怎么会在这里
Where's my shirt?
我的上衣呢
When did Caroline start hosting Wheel of Fortune?
卡洛琳什么时候开始主持《幸运之轮》了
Ah, that's what I said!
我也是这么评价她这身衣服
Um, I got the call that you were hurt,
我接到电话说你受伤了
so I came right over,
所以我就过来了
and as for your shirt,
至于你的上衣嘛
I think the nurses are making a pillow husband out of it.
我想那群护士应该拿去做一个抱枕老公了
Hi, Randy, sorry you broke your leg,
兰迪 很难过你的腿伤了
but great news.
但我有好消息
I like someone.
我喜欢上某人了
Oh, that's right.
我想起来了
You're still my emergency contact.
你还是我的紧急联络人
I'm sorry.
抱歉
I never switched it back to my trainer.
我忘了把它改回我的健身教练了
What happened? Was it a runaway hot dog cart?
怎么回事 是被躲城管的热狗车撞了吗
Because that is my worst nightmare...
因为那是我最可怕的恶梦
besides having my credit card declined at Kohl's.
还有就是我的信用卡被百货公司拒刷
But I lived through it.
但我还是挺过来了
I got hit by a cab on my way to JFK.
我去机场的路上被一辆出租车撞了
You mean you got hit by a cab
你是说从机场来的路上
on your way from JFK.
被出租车撞了吧
You were in New York to see me, right?
你是来纽约见我的 对吗
Track me down, beg me to take you back,
跟踪我 求我跟你复合
pull my hair a little?
还激动到扯我的头发
No, I wasI was leaving.
不 我的确是要离开
Leaving? But you hadn't
离开 可你还没...
Do you know what?
我知道啦
The accident must have given him that "Toandfromlexia."
这次意外肯定让他得了"来去颠倒症"
I think Whoopi Goldberg has it.
我觉得乌比·戈德堡就有这病
好莱坞著名黑人女星 曾主演《修女也疯狂》系
列电影
Time's up, ladies. Patient needs a sponge bath.
时间到 姑娘们 病人需要海棉擦浴了
He's got coconut oil all over him.
他现在浑身都是椰子油
Hey, Max, wait.
麦克斯 等等
She just got here. Didn't she?
她才刚到 对吧
Told ya. He's got that "Comeandgoheimers."
我就说吧 他得了"来去健忘症"
Whoopi writes all about it in her book.
乌比出的那本书里面就有写
It's very hard to follow.
非常难懂
Max, these are like pajamas
麦克斯 这衣服就像
for couples who don't care anymore.
已不在乎自己形象的老夫老妻才会穿的睡衣
Speak for yourself.
你说你自己吧
These puppies care a lot.
这上面的狗狗可在乎形象啦
Oh, good, they're all gone.
太好了 她们都走了
They left me zero room to sign his cast.
她们都把石膏写满了 完全不给我留地儿
I want to get back to the dessert bar
我想回甜品酒吧
while Bobby's still there
趁鲍比还没走
and possibly working up a little sweat.
没准因为干活还出了点汗
Go ahead. I'll punch you out.
快去吧 我会帮你打卡
But if you keep leaving early,
但如果你一直早退
they're gonna make you work Christmas.
医院会让你圣诞节也上班
Nurse, we need all hands on deck.
护士 我们需要所有人过来帮忙
We've got a in here,
有个状况代号的病人
and he's a squirter.
他会乱喷哦
Youyou're up, girl. I had the last one.
你去吧 妹子 我刚忙完上一个
Dear Randy, Nice ass.
"亲爱的兰迪 屁♥股棒棒哒"
Nurse Barb."
护士芭布"
Well, that is good.
那的确很棒
Max.
麦克斯
I didn't wake you, did I?
我没吵醒你吧
But now that you're up, why are you in New York?
不过既然你现在醒了 你为什么来纽约
You said you were on your way to the airport
你说你是在去机场的路上
when you got hurt?
出意外受伤的
I was.
是的
So you weren't here to see me.
所以你不是来见我的
No, I was trying not to see you.
不是 我是试着不去见你
I'm leaving.
我要走了
Max.
麦克斯
You broke up with me.
是你跟我分手的
That time over the phone?
用电话分手那次吗
You took that seriously? That's insane.
你还当真了吗 太扯了吧
The "This is a cry for attention" was implied.
我那是暗示"你要哄我"啊
What I heard was, "This isn't enough for me,"
而我听到的是"我不能满足于此"
and since we can't make it work, it justit's
既然我们没办法在一起...
it's too hard for me to see you.
我很难再去面对你
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I heard what you said on the movie set.
是是是 我在片场听到你怎么说的了
In Texas?
在德州吗
How'd you hear what I said on set?
你怎么能听到我在片场说的话呢
I was a zombie extra.
我跑去当僵尸临演啊
Grow up.
长大长点脑好吗
That was you.
果然是你
Everyone said I was crazy because I thought
每个人都说我疯了 因为我当时就觉得
I saw you and Caroline on set.
我在片场看见你和卡洛琳了
My therapist put me on antidepressants.
我的治疗师还给我开了抗抑郁的药
Yeah, well, joke's on them,
你没错 是他们搞错了
cause it really was me hanging there.
因为吊在那里的真的是我'
Max, that's crazy.
麦克斯 那太疯狂了
Why didn't you say something when you saw me?
那你看见我时 为什么不跟我说话
Because you said you were in a good place
因为你说你现在处境很好
and you want to move on, blah, blah, blah.
你想重新开始 诸如此类的屁话
And I don't want to hurt you anymore.
我不想再伤害你了
But now I want to break your other leg.
可现在我想打断你另一条腿
Max, look at us.
麦克斯 你看咱俩
I ran to the airport and got hit by a cab
我跑去机场结果被车撞
trying to get out of here
是为了赶紧离开这里
because I was tempted to see you.
因为我忍不住想去见你
And you broke into a hospital not to steal drugs.
而你闯进医院却不是为了偷药
Maybe this relationship is bad for us.
或许这段感情对我们来说有害无益
There's just so much squirt!
这喷得太多了吧
Definitely for Caroline.
对卡洛琳绝对有害
I miss you.
我想你
I miss you too.
我也想你
Then let's stop being crazy.
那我们不要再相互折磨了
Move to LA.
你搬来洛城吧
You know, six years ago,
如果是六年前
I would've done that in a heartbeat.
我会毫不犹豫答应你
I would've thrown my bubblegum cigs
我会扔掉我的泡泡糖香烟
and my nunchucks in a Safeway bag
扔掉我超市袋子里装的双节棍
and been your lady.
心甘情愿做你的女人
But it's different now. I'm different.
但今时不同往日 我不再是过去的我
I care about something,
我有值得在乎的事物
and I have people who count on me.
有人需要我依赖我
I've built a life here.
我在这里建立了自己的生活
Damn it.
真是作死
Max, you know I can't leave my firm in LA.
麦克斯 你知道我不能丢下我在洛城的事务所
So what happens now?
所以现在是怎样
I think we kiss goodbye.
我们唯有吻别了
Hmm, I think that might set us back.
不行 干柴烈火一吻就着
I mean, you're already in a bed,
你已经躺在床上
and these pants come off real easy.
而且这裤子超容易脱
I think you know that.
你应该知道这一点啊
Oh, yeah. I forgot.
是啊 我刚忘了
How about a hug?
那抱一个怎么样
You really trust yourself against the girls?
你真的相信自己能抵挡住咪♥咪的诱惑吗
Not even remotely.
远程视频时都抵挡不住
How about a handshake?
那握个手怎么样
There's nothing less sexual.
这完全不会勾起任何性♥欲
Okay, but two pumps and we're out.
好吧 来两发就松手哦
I can't not make it sexual.
我没有办法不联想到性
You smell nice.
你闻起来香香的
I've got a lot of jerky in my pocket.
我口袋里有很多牛肉干
Good news is,
好消息是
I saved a man's life.
我刚救了一个男人的命
Bad news is,
坏消息是
I left a ring inside him.
我把一枚戒指落他身体里了
Here's your flantini
你的果冻马天尼
and a side of a bottle of tequila.
还有一份一瓶量的龙舌兰酒
Why are you so sad, Caroline?
你干嘛哭丧着脸 卡洛琳
I mean, she doesn't have kids.
我是说 她又没有孩子
Well, I did like this guy Bobby,
我挺喜欢那个叫鲍比的
but then I had to go with Max to see Randy,
可我又不得不陪麦克斯去看兰迪
and I got squirted on,
然后我被人喷了一身
and I didn't get back in time to see him
没有办法及时赶回来见他
and possibly missed a chance at a lifetime of happiness.
很可能就此错过幸福一生的机会
Too much talking from the waitress.
这个服务员话也太多了吧
Uh, ladies,
女士们
are all of the daddies still in the picture?
你们跟孩子的爹都离婚了吗
Cause I can't shimmy down a fire escape
因为要是被抓奸 我可爬不动防火梯'
like I used to.
没当年那么麻溜了
That's so funny.
你真搞笑
If my doorman drops out of the rotation,
如果我的门卫不"干"了
I'll give you a call.
我会给你打电话
Uh, let me give you my beeper number.
那我先把我的BB机号码给你
Yep!
没错
I'm really having a blast with my mom friends.
我跟我的妈妈帮玩得很开心
Do you have an aspirin, or a sledgehammer?
你们有止痛药或大锤子吗
Why do you want to hang out with these ladies?
为什么你会想跟这些女人玩
They're mean.
她们太毒了
One of them tried to trip me.
她们刚才有人想绊倒我
Yeah, that was me.
对 那是我
Yeah, II was trying to impress them.
我是为了博取她们的好感
Sophie, I wished my mom cared enough about me
苏菲 我希望我妈当时能多关心我
to curl my baby eyelashes
帮我夹夹我的小睫毛
like you do for Barbara.
就像你帮芭芭拉那样
Or just to intervene
或是出手阻止
when a neighborhood dog took me away.
邻居家的恶狗把我叼走
Sophie,
苏菲
your text wasn't clear.
你的短信没说清
Should Barbara wear the leopard onesie with the jean hat
芭芭拉是该穿豹纹连体衣配牛仔帽
or the jean onesie with the leopard hat?
还是牛仔连体衣配豹纹帽
Also, I can't find any of her toe rings.
对了 她的趾环我全找不到啊
Sophie, are you secretly caring for your baby
苏菲 你是在跟我们妈妈帮聚会的时候
while we're having mom's group?
偷偷关心自己的宝宝吗
You know what? Fine.
算了 是啦
Fine, I love my kid.
我爱我的孩子
Well, why don't you marry her?
那你干脆娶了她得了
Should I?
我该吗
No.
不可以
No, 'cause I'm a good mom,
不行 因为我是个好妈妈
and a good mom doesn't marry her baby!
好妈妈才不会娶自己的孩子
At least not in this country.
至少不会在这个国家娶
Let's go, baby.
走吧 宝贝
Well, Meghan's dog walker gave her some cat
帮梅根遛狗的人给了她点猫的镇静剂
tranquilizers.
Why don't we go try those in the Target parking lot?
不如我们去商场的停车场试试"药劲"
Ugh, I can't wait to be a mom
我真是迫不及待相当妈
so I can get the good cat tranqs.
这样我就能搞到上好的猫镇静剂
You know they didn't pay, right?
你知道她们没付钱 对吧
Hey, uh...sorry to barge in,
抱歉闯进来
but I can't stop thinking about
但我忍不住想...
Her bootay?
她的小翘臀吗
Uh, well, that table is really unsteady.
那张桌子超级不稳
If my boss knew,
如果我老板知道了
I'd be furious.
我肯定会气死的
I know, right?
就是说嘛
I thought it was just me,
我以为只有我这么觉得呢
but I mean, look at it, I
但我是说 你自己看嘛
Yeah. Yeah.
对啊 没错
I mean...
我是说
Rock steady.
稳如泰山
Perfect, actually.
完美到不行
Damn it.
他妈的
You can't think of anything else that needs to be fixed?
你想不到其他什么东西需要修理吗
No, and it's really annoying.
想不到 这真的很烦
You know what else is annoying?
你们知道还有什么很烦吗
You two not jammin'.
你们俩还没搞上
You like each other. What's the problem?
你们俩相互喜欢 还有什么问题吗
So you like me? Yeah.
你喜欢我吗 对
Okay, so I should call Yes.
好 那我应该打给... 对
Good, 'cause I was this close to calling my cousins
那好 我差点就打给我家亲戚
to come in and tear this place apart.
让他们来把这地方砸了
I'm gonna call you. Ciao mein.
我会打给你的 再会 炒面
What? Nothing.
什么 没事
Wow, look at you.
瞧瞧你
I'm gonna have to put the brakes on that
看来电影《岁的老处♥男》续集
YearOldVirgin sequel.
《岁的老处女》得先暂停了
I'm sorry I'm happy when you're not happy.
很抱歉我在你不开心时开心
I am happy...
我开心啊
for you.
为你开心
I know you said you didn't want to talk about it,
我知道你说过你不想说这事
but why don't you just go to LA to be with Randy?
但为什么你不去洛城跟兰迪在一起呢
I can't go to LA.
我不能去洛城
I mean, there's too much stuff here
这里有很多东西
they don't have there, like...
那里没有 比如说
the Statue of Liberty.
自由女神像
You know she's my girl.
你知道她是我马子
You never want to go.
你从来都不想去好吗
And she invited us when she said,
而且人家还邀请过咱们 她说
Bring us your poor."
"带贫穷过来""
Give me your tired, your poor"
源自自由女神像下刻的一首诗原句是"
Plus, where would I find weed in California?
再说了 我在加州去哪里找大♥麻呀
加州已通过大♥麻合法化投票
I mean, the list goes on and on.
反正理由说都说不完
I wouldn't leave you either.
我也不会丢下你