餐厅同仁齐为新生命洗礼

So it's a tequila shot on top of Devil's food cake.
这是恶魔巧克力蛋糕上加一杯龙舌兰
We can call it Satan's nipple.
我们可以取名为 撒旦的奶头
Okay, but I think the menu's already a little nipple heavy.
不是不行 但是我们菜单上奶头比例有点大
As am I.
小女子也是
Girls, two questions
姑娘们 有两个问题
No. And no.
不要 绝对不要
I was coming to see how baby Barbara's baptism was coming.
我是来看芭芭拉宝宝的洗礼仪式筹备如何
Also, what drink goes best with a heavy muscle relaxer?
还有 什么酒最适合配强效迷♥奸药
I'd try the nippletini or the pina conipple.
我建议奶头丁尼或奶头飘香
Oleg, are you okay?
奥列格 你没事吧
I haven't seen you this wound up since California
上一次看你这么心烦意乱
passed that law to make porn actors wear condoms.
是加州通过法律 要求拍黄♥片必须戴套套
It ruins the visuals.
画面美感全被破坏了
You're the godparents, and my mama is coming
你们俩是承办的干妈 而我老娘
all the way from the Ukraine for this baptism,
大老远从乌克兰飞过来参加洗礼仪式
so it's got to be balls to the walls perfect.
绝对得尽全力[蛋蛋在墙上]达到完美
Not that balls on walls isn't a fun theme,
不是说蛋蛋在墙上这派对主题不好
but I'm thinking of going another way with the baptism party,
但我想办的是另一种风格的洗礼派对
what with there being a child involved.
毕竟可是有儿童在场啊
Now, if you don't mind,
如果你不介意
we're not supposed to be at the diner for minutes,
我们俩应该是十分钟后到餐厅上班
so we'll see you there in like an hour.
所以我们大概一小时后餐厅见吧
What's this? Eh, doesn't matter.
这杯是什么 无所谓了
Whatever it is, put that on the menu.
无论这是什么 加进菜单里
Caroline, did you get my RSVP to the baptism?
卡洛琳 你有收到我答应出席洗礼的回函吗
Sure did, two seconds after I sent the evite.
当然 我电邮邀请发出两秒你就回了
Sorry about the lag time.
抱歉我隔了这么久才回
I thought I was being punked again.
我一开始以为又是整人信
But, I'm happy to help on an official level.
我很乐意在仪式上提供协助
I've been involved in many baptisms at my church.
毕竟我也参与过我教会很多洗礼仪式
The Church of Latter Day smurfs?
蓝精灵后期圣徒教会吗
For your information,
我告诉你
I've achieved a position of some stature.
我在教会有一定的地位
Papa smurf?
蓝爸爸级别的吗
It's not a smurf church!
不是蓝精灵教会
I want to be the altar boy.
我想当祭坛侍者
Okay, but no Communion wine for you.
行吧 但你不许喝圣餐的葡萄酒
You get slutty when you drink.
你一喝酒就变小骚货
Oh, look, Oleg's mom's here.
看啊 奥列格的妈妈来了
More cleanshaven than I expected.
大胡子比我想象中剃得整洁
Really, girls? Mom jokes?
真的要这样吗 开老妈玩笑
Oleg.
奥列格
Mama!
妈妈
My gorgeous, beautiful, sexy baby boy.
我可爱帅气又性感的宝贝儿子
He didn't tell us she was blind.
他没说过他妈妈眼瞎啊
Should we stop this before Oleg becomes his own stepfather?
该不该在奥列格变成自己继父前阻止他们
To think I made this.
我竟生出如此杰作
You win some, you lose some.
人生潮起之后一定有潮落啊
I look fantastic, eh?
老娘状态也很赞吧
I've been doing Pilatskis.
我有在练普拉斯基
Like Pilates, only instead of rubber bands
类似普拉提 不过不是用橡皮带练
you do it with big airplane tires.
是用大飞机的轮胎来练
Oh, mama, you're back to your shotputting weight.
妈妈 你又回到你当年丢铅球的体态了
Feel my thigh, eh?
摸摸我大腿
Squeeze it.
用力捏
Harder.
大力点
Harder!
使点劲儿
All right, now punch it.
好了 现在打一拳
Like mother/son fight club.
好像母子版的电影《搏击俱乐部》
Hi, I'm Caroline Channing.
您好 我叫卡洛琳·钱宁
They're making a movie about me,
最近有人在拍我的人生故事电影
but I'm just a regular person.
但我只是一介平凡小女子
That they're making a movie about.
被人翻拍成电影的小女子
I'm Max Black I'm sure you've heard about me from Oleg
我是麦克斯·布莱克 想必奥列格跟您提过我
or Channel Scam Busters.
或者在抓诈骗犯节目里见过我
Oh, and this is Earl. He runs the register,
这位是厄尔 他是收银员
and he's the reason we know our defibrillator works.
是他让我们知道店里心脏电击器还能用
Yeah, thanks for bringing me back from heaven, girls.
谢谢你们把我从天堂拉回来啊 姑娘们
If you need a place to crash,
如果你需要地方暂住
my roommate is out of town for the weekend.
我的室友周末出门不在家
Mm, well, I do like Black Russians,
我的确喜欢俄罗斯黑人
so we're halfway there.
你也算满足一半条件了
Sorry, Earl, she's spoken for.
抱歉 厄尔 她名花有主
She's dating my Uncle Oleg.
她跟我奥列格叔叔好着呢
Well, if you two ever decide to tie the knot,
如果哪天你们决定要办婚事
I am a Universal Life Minister.
我是宇宙生活教会的证婚人
该教会愿意给予任何有兴趣的人牧师资格 通常用作帮人证婚
Did I mention my roommate's out of town for the weekend?
我提了我室友这周末会不在家吗
I'm only asking 'cause I forgot.
我问单纯是因为我忘了
Mrs. Golishevsky,
高列彻夫斯基太太
Han Lee, your son's boss.
李憨 你儿子的老板
He's a great
他是个很棒的...
A good
不错的...
We haven't had to Welcome!
我们还没... 欢迎你来
Max and I are the godparents, Mrs. Golishevsky.
我跟麦克斯是干妈 高列彻夫斯基女士
I know what you're thinking:
我知道您在想什么
I look too young to have a godbaby.
我看起来太年轻 完全不像当干妈的人
Don't tell me what I'm thinking.
我在想什么不用你说
Two godmommies? Really?
两个干妈 真要这样咩
All right, no, I get it. I'm very hip.
没事 我能理解 我很潮
Who among us has not kissed a woman?
毕竟在座各位谁没亲过女人啊
Han.
阿憨
It was a pleasure to
很荣幸能...
You seem
您看起来...
I'm so happy we
我很高兴我们能...
Catch you later.
稍后再聊
Hey, everybody.
大家安安
I would've gotten here sooner,
我本来想早点过来的
but Teresa Giudice was on Hoda & Kathie Lee,
但真人秀爆火女正在上谈话节目
and Barbara wanted to watch.
而芭芭拉想看
It's okay she's strapped in.
没事的 她有绑安全带
This is my beautiful wife
这是我美丽的老婆
and my beautiful baby mama, mama.
以及我可爱女儿的妈妈 妈妈
It's a pleasure, I know.
你幸会我 我知道
How can you listen to that accent all day long?
你从早到晚听她那口音不恶心吗
Yikes.
要死
Yikes?
要死吗
It means...she yikes it.
是指... 她"要"爱"死"你了
Oh, there she is.
我的小孙女
Little baby Bairbra.
恶心巴拉小宝宝
You know, I would have named her Bohuslava.
要是我 就给她取名叫波赫斯拉娃
Isn't that a prettier name, Oleg?
这名字是不是更美啊 奥列格
No, we like Barbara, don't we, Oleg?
没 我们就喜欢叫芭芭拉 对吧 奥列格
Anybody gonna put in an order around here?
这里没人要点个菜什么的吗
Wow, haven't been to a church in, uh...
不知道有多久没来过教堂啦
Have I ever been to a church?
我有来过教堂吗
If I burst into flames, you can have all my possessions.
如果我遭天谴被火烧成渣 我的财产都给你
Great, I'm really looking forward to owning
太好啦 我可是"超期待"成为
two bongs and a treasure map.
俩大♥麻烟斗加一张藏宝图的主人
Oh, that's just a place mat from Bubba Gump's.
不是藏宝图 只是连锁虾子餐厅的餐垫
Learned that the hard way.
我也是吃了亏才知道的
Hi, Mrs. Golishevsky.
你好啊 高列彻夫斯基太太
You look so nice.
你气色真不错
I don't look nice. I look fantastic.
老娘不是气色不错 是美得惊天动地
This is Father Kozac.
这是科扎克神父
He will be performing the baptism.
他将会为孩子施洗礼
Yes, and I also perform in an R&B group.
没错 我也是节奏布鲁斯表演团体的成员
You may have heard of us: Altar Boys to Men?
你可能有听说过我们 圣坛老男孩
You two have to wear this on your heads,
你们俩得在头上戴这个
to show respect for God.
以对上帝表示敬意
And also because most Ukrainian women are bald.
也因为大多数乌克兰女性都秃头
Hands up! Give me the baby!
举起双手 把孩子给我
All rightsky, should we get started?
好了夫斯基 我们要开始了吗
Em, here you go, Max.
来 麦克斯 给
What, like a hotpotato situation?
是类似扔出烫手山芋那样吗
Before the baptism, the father will question you about
洗礼仪式开始之前 神父会问你有关
guiding the spiritual life of the child.
未来指引孩子精神生活的问题
You know, taking her to church,
比如带她上教堂
making sure she only wears pants to drive the tractor.
确保她只有在开拖拉机的时候才穿裤子
Yeah, then I will say a prayer,
然后我会说一段祷文
you hand me the baby...
你们再把孩子传给我
And I will baptize her
然后我为她施洗礼
like so.
比如这样
So basically we're just waterboarding a baby.
所以基本上我们就是水刑刑求这宝宝
Excuse me, do you know what a baptism is?
抱歉 你知道洗礼是什么吗
No, she knows, she's just shy.
她知道的 只是有点害羞
So, Max, do you pray?
麦克斯 那你祷告吗
Oh, she prays all the time, right, Max?
她整天都在祷告啊 对吧 麦克斯
I'm always hearing her in her bedroom say,
我整天听到她卧室里传来
Oh God, oh God, oh God"
"我的天啊 我的上帝啊 我的神啊""
One of those times was because an owl got in there.
其中一次是因为有猫头鹰飞进我房间
So do you have a good relationship with the Father?
所以你有跟父保持良好关系吗
Uh, well, he took off before I was born, so,
我还没出生之前他就跑了
all I know about him is he makes really great decisions.
所以我对他唯一的了解 就是他懂得做明智决定
No, no, now, that is not the father I mean.
不不 不是这个父
I mean that one.
我说的是那位
Oh, Santa Claus?
圣诞老公公吗
I want to, but every house in one night?
我也想啊 可一夜之间窜遍每家每户
Come on.
怎么可能真存在
She got hit in the head with a softball recently.
她最近脑子刚被垒球砸到过
No, not Santa Claus!
不 不是圣诞老公公
What do you think, this is some kind of joke?
你是怎么样 觉得这是一场笑话吗
You are not fit to be my granddaughter's godmommies,
你们不配当我孙女的干妈
I don't care how much I hate her name.
哪怕我有多讨厌她那名字
Kaputzki.
什么烂东西
God, oh God, oh God.
天啊 上帝啊 神啊
What? Did an owl get in here?
怎么了 有猫头鹰飞进来了吗
I can't believe we got fired as godmothers.
真不敢相信我们干妈的职位都被炒了
I've never been fired before.
我这辈子从未被炒过呢
And don't bring up that Habitat for Humanity thing.
别提我跟慈善组织仁人家园的事
We mutually parted ways.
我们是理念不同 各奔东西
Yeah, and then you guys never finished my house.
然后你们帮我这穷人盖房子的事也告吹了
Hey, girls.
姑娘们
Hey, look at this new machine.
看看这台新机器
It's like a radio that monitors the baby.
就像是个监视孩子的无线电
Live from upstairs, it's WBABY!
来自楼上的直播 我们是宝宝新闻台
It's a great thing if you're not home,
这东西特别适合你不在家
or you just don't trust your baby.
或不信任你家宝宝时使用
I'm assuming you haven't talked to Mrs. Golishevsky
我猜高列彻夫斯基太太还没跟你们说
since you're not screamcrying at us.
因为你们还没冲我们大吼大叫
I am now!
老娘现在就要叫
What happened at the rehearsal?
排练的时候发生什么事了
Um, everything's fine, but Mrs. Golishevsky
本来一切都很顺利 但是高列彻夫斯基太太
fired us as godparents.
炒了我们干妈的身份
She really did not like Caroline.
她真的很不喜欢卡洛琳
I am not the one she put a thousand year curse on.
她下千年诅咒的人又不是我
I got it down to .
我杀价到年呢
Oh, she can't just come up here
她没资格大摇大摆来到这
and fire my godparents and drink my beer
炒了我孩子的干妈 还喝我的啤酒
and talk over American Ninja Warrior.
还大聊特聊参加《美国极限体能王》
Sophie, she's only here for another week,
苏菲 她再过一周就回去了
and then everything will go back to normal.
然后一切就会恢复正常
We'll have the bed to ourselves again.
我们就不用再三个人挤一张床了
Oleg, if she thinks she can fire my godparents
奥列格 要是她觉得她有资格炒了干妈
and use my kettle bells,
乱用我的举重壶铃
then I'm calling off the baptism.
那我要取消洗礼
We need to go upstairs and set your mother straight.
我们得上楼把你妈摆平
And if you think that you are gonna have sex
如果你觉得在接下来三小时内
in the next three hours, oh, well,
你有得"干"
you've got another thing coming!
那你还得先干另一件事
Three hours? What about hand stuff?
要等三小时吗 用手"干"的呢
Oh, we'll see.
再说吧
I didn't want to bring this up when she was upset,
刚才她不爽时 我没好意思提
but those are my kettle bells.
但那是我的举重壶铃
I'm upset too.
我也不爽啊
That was the only party I was invited to this year.
这是今年唯一一个邀请我的派对啊
Girls, I wanted to show you
姑娘们 帮我看看
the two robes I'm considering for the baptism.
这两件长袍 哪件适合洗礼穿
And, FYI, your doorbell is electrocuting people.
对了 你们的门铃漏电会电人
Definitely the white. The baptism's off.
肯定是白色 另外 洗礼取消了
Bye.
再见啦
Max, Han just made me realize something,
麦克斯 阿憨让我意识到一件事
and not just that he would look really cute in a dress.
除了他穿裙子会特别可爱之外
Between him, the baby,
有他 有宝宝
and Earl being a minister,
有厄尔当牧师
we have almost everything we need for a baptism.
我们几乎有了洗礼所需的一切事物
We did do that exorcism here,
我们的确在这办过驱魔
which clearly didn't work because that s lady
显然不管用 因为来自世纪那个女的
was watching me sleep again last night.
昨晚又来偷看我睡觉
Anyway, where is it written that a baptism has to be in a church,
总之哪儿白纸黑字写明 洗礼非得在教堂啊
other than the Bible?
除了圣经就没了吧
I mean, all we need is holy water.
我们现在就缺圣水
Ask the s lady. She's always carrying a bucket.
问问世纪那个女的啊 她老是拎着个小桶
Why not steal holy water from a church?
为什么不能从教堂偷圣水
God's already mad at me.
反正上帝已经不爽我了
I woke up with a zit behind my ear.
我早上起来发现我耳朵后面长了颗痘
Wow, that's all I can look at now.
我现在注意力都移不开那里了
Leave it! That's my Saturday night.
别挤 这是我周六夜的娱乐
Okay, I'm more nimble, so you distract Father Kozac
好了 我更机灵 所以你去分散神父注意
while I grab the holy water.
我去偷圣水
Nice jug.
奶壶不错
Max, I've been waiting six years for you to say that.
麦克斯 我等了六年终于等到你夸我[奶]了
Now go tell Father Kozac you need to confess.
现在去跟神父说你要忏悔
Okay, but then I'll get kicked out of the crypts.
好吧 可这样我会被地狱扫地出门
Max and Caroline,
麦克斯 卡洛琳
Sophie said the baptism's canceled,
苏菲说洗礼仪式取消了
as is Altar Boys to Men's next gig.
就像圣坛老男孩的下一场演出
It's been a tough day.
今天真是糟糕的一天
Actually, Max is here to confess.
其实麦克斯是来忏悔的
I'm traditionally more of a victim.
而我就是传统意义上的受害者
All right, let's do this.
好吧 开始吧
Where's your little shame box thing?
你们的羞耻小黑屋在哪儿
Our confessional is under construction,
我们的忏悔室正在施工中
although it's taking Sergei forever.
虽然感觉已经修了一辈子了
We can do it right here.
我们可以在这里进行
Oh, hmm, suddenly I can't think of much to confess.
突然也想不到太多需要忏悔的
Pretty sure someone Men in Black'd me in .
肯定年时 有人像《黑衣人》那样消洗掉我记忆
Aha, well, start by kneeling.
我们可以先从下跪开始
Okay.
好吧
Oh, some stuff's starting to come back to me.
这动作触发了我的记忆
Just to summarize, uh, fires, fires, knife fights,
总结一下 就是火光 火影 刀光剑影
robberies, robberies, knife robberies,
抢劫 盗窃 持刀抢盗
but third grade is where the real sinning began.
但真正的犯罪是从三年级才开始
Oh, just give me a second. I'm on a real roll here.
给我点时间 我现在回忆如泉涌
For an illegitimate, blasphemous,
对于一个非法 亵渎上帝
backalley baptism,
难登大雅之堂的洗礼会
I think it looks pretty.
我觉得这布置很棒了
Hey, when are we gonna get started, girls?
我们打算什么时候开始 姑娘们
I'm performing a conscious uncoupling at :.
我点还要主持一场理性分手会
Ooh, this is cute.
布置得好有爱
Much nicer than the church/slaughterhouse
比我之前洗礼的那地儿好多了
I was baptized in.
说是教堂其实是屠宰场
Sophie, you look beautiful.
苏菲 你看起来美美哒
Oleg, I'm glad you didn't wear your vagina tie.
奥列格 很高兴你没系你那条阴♥道领带
It's dirty.
因为"脏"
Hey, thanks for stealing the holy water
姑娘们 谢谢你们偷来了圣水
and going to hell for baby Barbara, girls.
为了芭芭拉宝宝不惜下地狱
I'm just glad I look good in red.
我只庆幸我穿地狱红特好看
Max, you're gonna have so many friends there,
麦克斯 你在下面有那么多朋友
and I'm not gonna know anyone.
而我一个认识的人都没有
Let's get ready to baptize.
我们准备开始洗礼吧
I sent my mother to Curves.
我把我妈送去健身了
It's a bi's and tri's day for her.
今天是她努力练二头与三头肌日
Speaking of bi's who try.
一说到"努力"变"双"[二]
I told you, I thought Grindr was a kitchenware app.
我都说了 我以为是"磨基"是一款厨具软件
美国同性恋社交应用软件
Found out the hard way that "Melon baller" has two meanings.
"硬"是到后来才知道 掏"球"器有两个意思
Hey, before we start, can I get a hit off of this thing?
在开始前 我能吸两口这玩意吗
It's an incense boat, Earl, not wackytobacky.
这是香炉 厄尔 不是大♥麻烟
We ain't picky.
我们又不挑
Puff, puff, pass, sister act.
吸两口就给我 疯狂小修女
I'd be insulted if that wasn't my
要不是《修女也疯狂》是我第三爱的电影
third favorite movie.
我会觉得被羞辱了
Sophie, oh, Barbara's dress is beautiful.
苏菲 芭芭拉的裙子好美
Hi.
你好呀
Oh, I love her makeup.
我好喜欢她的妆容
Who did the smokey eye?
这烟熏妆谁画的
All right, let's huddle up.
好了 大家都过来吧
Ugh, this reminds me of my time
这让我想起我曾经
singing doowop over a trash fire.
围着垃圾桶之火唱和声
Okay, let's begin.
好了 开始吧
Ashes to ashes, dust to
尘归尘 土归土...
oops, wrong page.
不好意思 念错了
Max and Caroline, yeah, as Barbara's godparents,
麦克斯 卡洛琳 作为芭芭拉的干妈
do you agree to look out for her welfare
你们愿意守护她的幸福安康
and to be honest if she puts on a few pounds?
在她胖了的时候如实告诉她吗
I mean, you know, not now, but in a couple of months?
当然不是现在 但几个月之后呢
Hey, I like baby who can fill out a diaper.
我喜欢能拉满一张尿布的宝宝
I think she just filled one out.
我觉得她刚拉满了一张
Hi, Barbara.
你好呀 芭芭拉
It's my fault you're having
都怪我
your baptism in a bar instead of a church,
害你不能去教堂 只能在酒吧接受洗礼
but that's just how we roll.
但我们就是这么有个性
You're family now, and I promise,
你现在是我的家人 我保证
no matter what happens, we will always have your back.
无论发生什么事 我们都会支持你
Yeah, you can talk to me about boys, or girls,
对啊 你可以跟我聊男生 女生
or whatever they have by the time you're a teenager.
或任何你长大后市面上有的对象类别
You can call me Uncle Han, the Hanster.
你可以叫我阿憨叔叔 或者憨叔[鼠]
You know what? Han's fine.
算了 叫阿憨就挺好
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost,
以上帝 圣子及圣灵的名义
I baptize this child Barbara Kuchenski Golishevsky.
我正式洗礼芭芭拉·科臣斯基·高列彻夫斯基
Yay!
好棒
We did it, Sophie.
我们做到了 苏菲
We baptized little Bohusbarbara.
我们洗礼了小波赫斯... 芭芭拉
Aww, she's smiling.
她笑了
Hey, oh, yeah, you know what?
你知道吗
She can tell that she avoided an eternal hell fire.
她知道洗礼后 自己躲过了永恒的地狱之火
What is going on here?
你们在这里搞什么
Mama, you're back so soon.
妈妈 你这么快就回来啦
Damn you, Curves.
该死的女子健身馆
I forgot it's an hour workout packed into minutes.
我忘了那是一小时变半小时的加速健身班
The gym is garbage.
那健身馆就是垃圾
They don't even have nunchucks.
连双截棍都没有
What, you're not having this baptism without me,
什么 你们不是想趁我不在给宝宝洗礼吧
are you?
Go ahead, Oleg.
说啊 奥列格
Tell her the truth,
跟她说实话
or you're sleeping in the middle tonight.
不然你今晚就睡中间吧
Mama, here's the truth,
妈妈 实话就是
whether you like it or not:
不管你乐不乐意
My friends and I like to dress up
我和我的朋友喜欢盛装打扮
and put on pretend baptisms.
举行假洗礼仪式玩
Come on, I know you have balls.
不是吧 我知道你有种[蛋]
They were hanging out of my nightgown this morning.
今早你穿我睡袍时 它们俩还在底下荡阿荡呢
Mama, we just baptized Barbara without you.
妈妈 我们刚趁你不在给芭芭拉洗礼了
Sophie wants Max and Caroline as the godparents,
苏菲希望麦克斯和卡洛琳当孩子的干妈
and so do I.
我也是
So you're siding with these people against your mama?
所以你跟这群人合伙 反抗你亲妈吗
Yes, mama.
是的 妈妈
Oh, there's those big, beautiful balls.
这才是我那对名副其实的"硬"蛋
Are they out?
真放出来了吗
I don't know, but I can't see them again today.
我不知道 但我今天不能再看第二次了
Oleg, you sound just like your sister, Oleg.
奥列格 你的语气跟你姐姐一样
Are you gonna spank me in here,
你要在这里打我屁屁
or can we go in another room?
还是我们可以去别的地方
Because I don't love, love, love the underwear I'm wearing.
因为我非常非常不喜欢 我现在穿的内♥裤
To stand up to me,
敢反抗我
you must really love these people.
你肯定很爱这些人
No, Oleg, I am not going to spank you.
奥列格 我不会打你屁屁
That is your wife's job now.
现在这是你妻子的工作了
I will send you my paddle.
我会把我的刑桨寄给你
Aw, yeah, that would be great, Mrs. Golishevsky,
那真是太好了 高列彻夫斯基夫人
cause I shattered the last one.
因为我那个打烂了'
Call me mama.
叫我妈妈
Aww, okay, mama.
好的 妈妈
No, that doesn't work.
算了 还是听了恶心
So I'm just gonna put the holy water back where I got it,
我去把圣水倒回原处
and it'll be like I never stole it at all.
就像我从来没偷过一样
I can't risk the wrath of God.
我不能冒险惹神大怒
Or have I already suffered it?
还是我已经在接受惩罚了
It's so hard to tell.
人生悲催 孰能分清
Would you stop overreacting? Our walls bled once.
你能不能别反应过激 我们的墙就渗出过一次血
Here comes the priest.
神父来了
Max, did you come back to finish confession?
麦克斯 你是回来做完你的忏悔吗
I want to hear what happened when you were living
我想听听你跟男演员杰克·尼科尔森
with Jack Nicholson.
同住的那段故事
Did I get all the way up to fifth grade?
我都说到五年级了吗
So you're just here to bring back the holy water?
所以你只是来还圣水的吗
You knew about that?
你知道这事啊
God sees everything.
什么事都瞒不过上帝
Really?
是咩
Yes, but so do our security cameras.
是啊 也瞒不过我们的监控
And I thought you weren't really a believer.
我还以为你没有信仰呢
Uh, I don't know, I mean, I never met my dad,
我也不知道 我从未见过我生父
but sometimes I think maybe he's out there
但有时我相信或许他在某处
hoping I'm gonna be okay.
希望我一切安好吧
Plus, if there's no God,
再说了 如果没有上帝
how do you explain America's Funniest Home Videos?
那怎么解释《全美家庭滑稽录像》呢
Right? Why would you have a pie
是吧 谁会在弹床旁边
cooling next to a trampoline?
放凉一块派呢
Hi, Father.
你好 神父
We were just in the neighborhood
我们来这附近
doing good deeds for old people.
帮帮老人 做做善事
He knows.
他知道了
What do the kids say?
现在的孩子们怎么说
Busted?
"被抓包"吗
So lying to a priest?
对神父撒谎
What's that gonna get me,
会让我有什么下场呢
five more years in our apartment?
在咱们公寓多蹲五年吗
Come on, it's not that bad.
拜托 没那么糟啦
You, me,
我和你
and the wet s lady make a great team.
还有世纪那个女的 就是欢乐三人行啊
She said it herself through the hole in her throat.
她自己说的 用喉咙的那个洞
Weird,
奇怪了
cause she told me that your snoring drives her crazy.
她明明跟我说 你的呼噜声烦死她了'