餐厅众人陪麦克斯去和生父见面

Oh, my God, the customers are nakey.
天啊 顾客全都裸体
Thank God you're seeing it too.
幸好你也看得到
I thought my Xray vision was back.
我还以为我的透视眼能力又回来了呢
God bless the annual naked bike ride.
感谢每年一度的裸体单车骑行日
And where's Oleg?
奥列格人呢
This is the first lunch rush in years.
这么多年来首次迎来午餐高峰期
Uh, the guy at table three needs some water
第三桌的那男的想要杯水
and has an ass mole that should really get looked at,
他屁♥股上还有颗很需要人看的痣
but not by me.
可不该我看 该让医生看
Oleg, you're doing the naked bike ride too?
奥列格 你也参加裸体单车骑行了吗
The naked what?
你说裸体啥来着
Okay, gang.
好了 各位
Let's hit the road.
继续上路吧
I don't know where to look now.
我都不知道该看哪了
Nothing's good.
没有安全下眼的地方
Well, now we have to burn this place down.
这下这店真得烧掉消毒才行了
Don't try and stop me.
别想阻止我
I'll Mountain Dew it.
我绝对会"汽"[水]死你
You know I'm crazy when I'm all Coked up.
我就是个可乐[卡]因上脑的神经病
So I heard a lot of noise coming from your room last night.
我昨晚听到了你房里传来不少"声响"呢
And since I know that bat is dead,
我知道家里那只蝙蝠死了
because it had a heart attack on my pillow,
因为它是心脏病发死在我枕头上
I assume you had a gentleman caller?
所以我猜你昨晚带了一位绅士回家
He wasn't a gentleman,
他并不是一位绅士
but he did wear a monocle while we did it.
不过我们打炮时 他的确戴了个单片眼镜
Well, you had a much more exciting night than I did.
你昨晚可比我"性奋"多了啊
Both of my legs fell asleep on the toilet.
我的双腿在坐马桶上时"睡着"了
Then so did I.
然后我也睡着了
So you aren't gonna see him again?
所以你们不会再见面了吗
Well, we know every time Earl walks away,
每次厄尔从我们身旁离开
there's a chance of that.
都有可能是最后一面
I have an announcement.
我有件事宣布
Whoever keeps putting peanut butter in my desk,
那位老往我桌子涂花生酱的人
stop.
请住手
I'm allergic.
我对花生过敏
And I'm closing the diner Sunday.
还有就是 我们这周日关店
Well, we had a good run.
我们有过一段美好岁月
No, we didn't.
有你个大头鬼
Let's scavenge, people!
大家来分赃啦
Bye, y'all!
各位再见
Where do we keep the money at?
店里的钱都收哪来着
What?
干嘛
I don't want our meat order
我可不想店里的肉类订货单
to fall into the wrong hands.
落入不该落入的人手里
No, you pile of felons.
不是啦 你们这帮坏人
I'm closing the diner for Sunday only.
只是周日那一天不开门而已
Well, I'm keeping this stuff anyway.
反正这些东西我还是要据为己有
And I really hate it.
我好恨自己如此无下限
My new therapist, Gary, says that
我的新心理医生盖里说
I need to take a day off to focus on myself.
我需要空出一天时间关注自身
Did he give you a magnifying glass for that?
那他有给你个放大镜 让你先能看见自身吗
Max, Gary says you use your toxic, meanspirited jokes
麦克斯 盖里说你用毒舌吐槽
to keep people like me at a distance.
来保持与我这种小天使的距离
You know what else works?
你知道还能怎么跟你保持距离吗
Putting my hand on your forehead.
把我手抵在你脑门上就行
Max, Gary also says
麦克斯 盖里还说了
you have a fear of intimacy
你会如此恐惧与人亲近
stemming from your father abandoning you.
是源于小时候你爸爸抛弃你
To put it simply, you have daddy issues.
简单来说 就是你有恋父情节
The only daddy issues I have
我唯一有的老爸刊物[恋父情节]
are of Rod Magazine.
是汽车杂志
And there's no such thing as daddy issues.
而且世上才没有什么恋父情结
If there was, why would my daughter be married
如果有 那为什么我女儿会嫁给
to a forgetful older man named Burl?
一个名叫二尔的健忘老头
What did Gary say about me, Han?
阿憨 那盖里是怎么评价我
Were the words "Eliza Doolittle" used?
有提到我宛如"伊莱莎·杜立德"吗
戏剧《卖花女》中家境贫寒相貌清丽的女主角
曾被改编为电影版 由奥黛丽·赫本饰演
Well, you certainly do little,
你的确是不干活儿[杜立德]
but actually, you didn't come up.
不过其实并没有提到你
You don't come up to my knees.
你也"没有"到我膝盖
See? That's the kind of material you need
看到没 你得说出这样的东西
to get a shoutout.
才会被人提到
Hey, everybody!
大家安安
Barbara just smiled politely at her first ugly baby.
芭芭拉首次见到丑婴儿 并报以礼貌的微笑
Oh, I could learn some manners from her.
我可以从她身上学点礼貌
Sophie, it's really not nice to call a baby "Ugly."
苏菲 说一个婴儿丑不太好吧
Shut up!
闭上你狗嘴
Oh, I mean...
我是说...
Shut up!
闭嘴啦
Good news, Sophie.
苏菲 好消息
I don't have to work here or Bubzie's Hideaway this
这周日我不用在这里跟另一家店上班啦
Sunday.
We can get a babysitter
我们可以请个保姆看孩子
and spend the whole day together.
就能过一天二人世界了
Well, if you're suggesting
如果你是在暗示
that we have sex at the dog track again,
我们要再去赛狗场打炮
then I'm gonna tell you what I said at the dog track.
那我的回答跟上次在赛狗场说的一样
Well, now we all need therapy.
这下所有人都该去看心理医生了
Oh, Bobby, I'm so sorry
鲍比 太遗憾了
you have to go to your great aunt's funeral on Sunday.
你这周日得去你大姨的丧礼
I really wanted to get lunch and some towels at Ikea.
我真的很想去宜家吃午饭买毛巾呢
Ooh, if you're going to Ikea,
如果你要去宜家
can you get me a snarsvatenwoggen?
能帮我买个"思娜尔斯瓦顿卧根"吗
宜家产品多数以瑞典文命名
I need a place to put my book light.
我需要个地方放我的读书灯
Okay, I understand.
好啦 我理解
I guess the real lesson is,
从这件事上我们学到
don't lie about your weight on a hotair balloon.
乘热气球时 千万别谎报体重
I am so, so sorry...
我真的超超感到遗憾
that I had to listen to that horrible phone conversation.
我得听到你们这如此糟糕的通话
You know, Max, it's actually a good thing
麦克斯 其实这是件好事
that Bobby's aunt died tragically.
鲍比阿姨如此悲剧死了
Now we can do inventory here
这样我们周日就有空点货
and get ahead on our books on Sunday.
还能多看几页手头的书
Only you could turn a death
只有你能把美好的死亡
into something depressing.
变成如此让人沮丧的事情
Speaking of something depressing.
说到令人沮丧的事物
I just came by to let you know
我就是过来跟你们说一声
you're late for the diner,
你们餐厅上班迟到了
and you know, Max,
而且呢 麦克斯
I had a working brunch with Gary,
我跟盖里共进了个工作早午餐
and he made a good point
他当时提出一个很棒的点
as he pretended to reach for the check.
就在他假装要买单时提的
He said it was unfair of me
他说我那么做不对
to bring up your problems
我不应该说出你的问题
without offering a solution.
却又不提供解决方法
You need to talk to your father.
你需要去跟你父亲谈谈
Han, you are really overstepping your boundaries,
阿憨 你这样真的太多管闲事了
which is really rude, because that's my job.
真是太没礼貌了 因为多管闲事是我的工作
Uh, it's fine.
没关系
Yeah, go ahead, Han.
阿憨 那你去吧
Try and find my father.
加油把我爸找出来
I don't know his name, where he lives,
我不知道他叫啥 住在哪
or where he gets dialysis, I'm assuming.
或在哪里做肾透析 我估计他会需要
So good luck with that.
想找他 我祝你好运
Here's his name and number.
这是他的名字跟电话
He lives in Rhode Island,
他住在罗德岛州
America's least exciting state.
全美最无聊的州
How did you find that?
你怎么查出来的
That is way over the line,
这也多管闲事过头了
and I really wish it was me who had done it.
我好希望是我做出这样的事啊
Unlike Max in high school,
这跟麦克斯读高中时不一样
it wasn't easy.
不是"随便"就行
I called the hospital for her birth certificate,
我打去医院问她出生证明
which led me to the hall of records,
医院让我去档案室
which then led me to some forced necking
结果在档案室 我被逼着和一位
with a clerk named Shelley.
名为谢莉的办事员耳鬓厮磨
Sadly, it was a dead end.
可惜 最后一无所获
So Gary got it for me.
所以最后是盖里帮我搞到的
His sister's a psychic for the police.
他妹妹是跟警察合作的灵媒
So are you gonna call your dad
所以你要打电话给你父亲吗
after all that hard work Han and I did to find his number.
看在我和阿憨如此辛苦地给你弄来他的号码
I don't know.
我也不知道
This is a huge decision,
这是一个重大决定
and I really want to think this through.
我想要好好考虑后再做决定
Max, I think that's a really smart and mature decis...
麦克斯 我觉得你这么做很聪明很成...
Thought about it.
考虑完了
Okay, we're missing two bottles of tequila,
我们少了两瓶龙舌兰酒
but I did find a bloody knife,
但我找到了一把带血的刀
so that's a wrap on inventory.
所以点货就到此为止吧
Oh, thank God.
谢天谢地
I've been killing myself with all this paperwork.
这种纸上工作真是让我想自杀
It took me minutes to make this hat.
我花了足足三十分钟折出这顶帽子呢
Max, I know what's really going on here.
麦克斯 我看出你在干嘛了
You're trying to hide it by doing origami,
你想通过折纸来掩饰自己
but you're really thinking about contacting your dad.
但其实你心里正想着要不要联♥系你爸爸
Uh, actually, I was thinking
其实我刚真正在想
about where I left my bloody knife,
我那把带血的刀放哪去了
but you solved that mystery.
不过你刚才已经为我解疑
So now I'm thinking about wrestling.
所以现在我在想着摔跤
Wrestling with your emotions?
跟你的内心情感摔跤搏斗吗
No, with Jeremy Piven.
不是 是跟演员杰瑞米·皮文
Short arms. I can take him.
他手臂短 我能打赢他
Well, in the offchance you do want to contact your father,
我怕你哪天好死不死你想打给你爸爸
I used my amazing jigsaw puzzle talents
所以我用我强大的拼图技巧
to put his number back together.
把号码拼回去了
I was runnerup in Jigsaw Palooza .
我可是年拼图大赛的亚军
Oh, thank God.
太谢谢你了
Thank you, Caroline...
感谢你 卡洛琳
for letting me rip this up again.
让我有机会再把它撕成渣
You know, I hate to say this,
你知道吗 我也不想这么说
but Han's not wrong.
但阿憨这次真的没错
How dare you?
你好大的狗胆
Let me finish.
先听我说完
Maybe you do have some intimacy issues.
或许你真的在与人亲近方面有问题
I mean, you haven't really dated anyone since Randy,
毕竟你跟兰迪分手后 就没再谈过恋爱
and I still don't have a key to our apartment.
而且你到现在还没有给我咱们家的钥匙
I gave you that screwdriver. It works.
我给了你一把螺丝刀 那个也能开啊
You're not even a little curious to meet him?
你难道就没有一点点想见他的好奇心吗
I guess maybe a little.
或许有一点吧
Maybe it'll explain some of the more
或许见完之后 我身上一些古怪的地方就能说得通了
disturbing things about me,
like how I prefer Cocoa Pebbles over Fruity Pebbles.
比如我喜欢巧克力早餐片多过水果早餐片
Yes! You can finally get those answers.
对啊 你终于能知道原因了
I say we go now, before you change your mind.
我觉得我们立刻出发 免得你又改变主意
Should we steal some snacks from the diner
我们该从餐厅偷点零食
before we steal Han's car?
再去偷阿憨的车吗
Earl, what are you doing here?
厄尔 你在这里干嘛
You know you're off today, right?
你知道今天不用上班的吧
Uh, I forgot my weed here.
我把我的大♥麻忘在这里了
Then I smoked it.
然后我抽掉了
And now it doesn't matter where I am.
所以现在我在哪已经无所谓了
I'm not working on my Garyprescribed day off.
我有照盖里吩咐的做 我不是来上班的
I just swung by to... to meet a friend...
我只是顺道来这里... 见个朋友
named Friendo.
他叫贾鹏友
He's Italian.
他是真的
What are you doing here?
你们来这里干嘛
We're going to meet Max's dad.
我们要去见麦克斯的父亲
Because of me.
是我说服了她
It's my thing now.
现在这是我的招牌了
So you're giving up your other thing?
所以你要放弃你其他招牌了吗
Complimenting yourself while the customers starve?
比如让客人在一旁饿肚子 而你忙着自吹自擂
Earl, why don't you come with?
厄尔 你要不要一起来
I want my real dad to meet my birth dad.
我想我的生父见我的养父
Sure. Which one am I again?
行啊 我是哪个身份来着
Can I come too?
我能一起来吗
Gary would love to hear about the man
盖里一定会很想了解
responsible for my misery.
造成我惨况的人
Isn't that the cartoonist who erased half your body?
造成你惨况的不是擦除你一半身躯的漫画家吗
Ugh, great.
这下好了
Other looters got here first.
让别的洗劫者抢先了
This is what happens when you stop for snacks
谁让你在去抢零食的路上
on your way to stop for more snacks.
还浪费时间去买零食啊
We're going for a romantic ride in the country.
我们要来一趟乡间浪漫自驾游
We're looking for a farm where we can do it.
我们想找一个能啪啪啪的农场
We were just gonna ask Han to drive us to Rhode Island,
我们准备叫阿憨开车载我们去罗德岛
but this is better.
不过这样更好
With your minivan,
坐你们的休旅车
we can sit much further from the driver.
我们就能坐得离驾驶员更远了
Rhode Island?
罗德岛吗
Are we gonna bury a dead body?
我们是要去埋尸体吗
No, but I am coming,
不是 但我会跟去
so don't get any ideas.
所以不许动歪脑筋
Well, I haven't been in a van with this many weirdos
我上一次跟一堆怪人同坐休旅车
since the second time I got kidnapped.
还是我第二次被绑架那会儿呢
All right, your dad just confirmed.
你父亲刚确认了
We're meeting him at : at the Rhode Island Diner.
他会点钟在罗德岛餐厅跟我们碰面
Max's reunion with her father is really humming along
麦克斯与父亲重逢的事 打从我接管过来后
since I took the reins from Han.
就开始拨云见日 水到渠成
Don't kid yourself.
你别自己骗自己了
I laid the groundwork.
是我搞定了良好基础
Don't kid yourself.
你才别自己骗自己了
You've never laid anything.
你这辈子啥都没"搞"过
Oleg, shouldn't we be getting off at the next exit?
奥列格 我们下个出口就该下了吧
B出口下吗 咪湿蒂Do you think we should exit at B, Misty?
你觉得我们该在
Ooh, that exit is closed for construction, naughty boy.
下个出口施工关闭了 小色魔
Since we're having a day off from Barbara,
由于今天芭芭拉不会在
I put the GPS on XXX.
我把导航设置为成人模式了
Can't a woman just talk to you?
女人就不能只是正常跟你说话吗
This is why we march.
这就是为什么女人要游♥行♥示♥威
How about a fun car game?
要不要来玩个有趣的汽车游戏
I spy with my little eye
猜猜我的间谍小眼睛
something that is black.
看到了什么黑色的东西
You better watch yourself, son.
臭小子 你♥他♥妈找死啊
No, I was referring to...
不是 刚才我的谜底是...
pass.
算了 过
Max, are you nervous?
麦克斯 你紧张吗
You have that nervous metallic smell you get
你脸上又浮现了跟当时你发现
when you find out Eleven's out of hot dogs.
便利店热狗卖完时一样的紧张僵硬笑容
No.
才没有
I keep a lot of nickels in these pants.
只是裤兜里放了很多硬币不舒服而已
Sophie, are you okay?
苏菲你还好吧
Yeah, that's just how I wake up.
还好啊 我起床都这样
Are you okay?
你才还好吧
Bear right at the next exit.
下个出口向右
Just like that.
就是那样
Don't stop!
不要停
Okay, Misty.
好的 咪湿蒂
I think I went to hair school with your GPS.
你导航的配音员好像是我美发学校同学
Object ahead.
前方有物体
Slow down, big boy.
慢点 大公鸡哥哥
Uhoh, I hit a squirrel
我撞到了只松鼠
or John Travolta's toupee.
或者是约翰·特拉沃尔塔的假发
该演员的假发十分浓厚
Either way, its legs are still moving.
无论是啥 它的脚还在动呢
Oh, gosh.
天啊
I must have fallen asleep again.
我刚才好像又睡着了
Hey, Han?
阿憨
How do you say "Hang in there" in squirrel?
松鼠语的"撑着点"怎么说
I learned it on Zoboomafoo.
我从儿童动物节目学的
Sophie, next time you scoop up
苏菲 下次你用甜甜圈盒
a wounded animal with a donut box,
捞起一只受伤动物时
make sure everyone's had one first.
能先确保大家都吃过了好吗
Aww, he's resting comfortably on a cruller.
他正舒服躺在一个油炸煎饼上
Living my dream, buddy.
过着我梦想中的生活啊 兄弟
He won't die, right?
他不会死吧
It's illegal to kill squirrels in the Ukraine.
在乌克兰杀松鼠是犯法的
Ever since Putin had them trained as spies.
因为普京把它们都训练成间谍了
There's an animal hospital nearby.
附近有一家宠物医院
Put the address in the sexy GPS lady.
把地址输入进性感导航吧
I don't care where we go,
我们去哪我不在意
I just want to hear what she does
我只想听当我们"到达目的"时
when we arrive at our destination.
她会作何"反应"
Not to be that person,
我不想当扫兴的人
but I'm in charge now,
但现在我才是管事的
and this trip is about Max meeting her dad,
而这趟旅程麦克斯跟爸爸重逢才是关键
not saving a squirrel's life.
不是拯救松鼠大作战
Squirrel hater!
仇松鼠者
Let's just take him with us.
就带着他跟我们一起去嘛
If this diner's anything like ours,
如果这家餐厅像我们那家
there'd be tons of other rodents for him to play with.
那里面就会有无数啮齿动物能陪他玩了
Your destination is in , inches.
距离目的地还有公分
I had her convert everything to inches.
我让她把距离换成公分
Makes our trip sound bigger, doesn't it?
现在旅途是不是听起来又大又长啊
We should plan a march.
我们应该计划游♥行♥抗♥议了
Table for, uh...
要一个...
for two.
二人桌
And the cast of American Horror Story: Minivan
然后"美国恐怖故事:面包车"的演员们
will be in a separate booth.
坐在另一桌
Ooh, do you mind?
不介意我吃一个吧
I'm pretty hungry.
我挺饿
My donut is covered in squirrel slobber.
我的甜甜圈上沾满了松鼠口水
You can't bring outside food in here.
本店不能带外食入内
It's not food.
这不是食物
It's a severely injured squirrel.
里面是一只严重受伤的松鼠
All right, well, sit wherever.
好吧 你们随便坐
Just don't let it out of the box.
别让他跑出盒外就行了
Do you see that, Earl?
你看到没 厄尔
He's firm but fair.
他立场坚定 讲道理
You look like a young Earl.
你看起来像年轻的厄尔
No, I'm Steve.
不是 我叫史蒂夫
That was young Earl's name!
那是厄尔年轻时的名字
Hey, everybody!
大家安安
Uh, I'm just going in.
我就这么弱气入场吧
I told your dad to look for a pretty blonde girl
我跟你父亲说找金发正妹就对了
whose hair is a little longer than a bob
头发比短发长
but shorter than shoulderlength.
但是又还没长过肩
Oh, I forgot to tell him what you look like.
我忘了告诉他你长什么样了
Well, I have no idea what he looks like.
我也不知道他长什么样啊
CK 但是又没他帅I always imagined Louis CK, but not as hot.
我一直想象他像路易斯
一名已经秃头的白人单口相声演员
Maybe you do have daddy issues.
或许你真有恋父情节
On the plus side, we will never like the same guy.
往好处看 至少我们永远不会爱上同个男人
Gary says when Max sees her dad,
盖里说当麦克斯看到她父亲
she's going to get very emotional.
她会变得非常情绪化
She could get happy,
有可能是大喜
then sad.
然后大悲
Basically, hide your forks.
反正就是藏好叉子之类的凶器
He peed again.
他又尿了
Oh, Lord,
天啊
am I peeing?
我又尿失禁了吗
But these are my best pants.
这条可是我最好的裤子了
He peed so much, he turned this donut box into a pool.
他尿这么多 甜甜圈盒都变成泳池了
He's really putting the "Ew" in cruller.
油炸煎饼被他弄成"哎油"煎饼
Max, if you want privacy when your dad gets here,
麦克斯 如果你父亲来了你需要保留隐私
I can go sit in that other booth.
我可以去坐在别桌
Can you do that now?
那你能现在就去吗
Look alive, everyone!
有精神点 各位
It's the moment we've always been waiting for.
我们期待许久的时刻终于到来了
At least since Tuesday, since Gary suggested it.
至少是从周二盖里建议过后开始期待
Then I took over.
然后我接手了
Max, make sure you look at me when you hug him.
麦克斯 抱他的时候记得看我这边
Oh, that guy? I hope not.
那个男的吗 希望不要啊
No daddy, no daddy, no daddy.
别是我爸 别是我爸 别是我爸
What was wrong with him?
他有哪里不好
Besides his jeans,
你是说除了他的牛仔裤
arms, legs, face, and overall vibe?
手臂 腿 脸 和气质吗
You know it would be bad if you were attracted to him, right?
你知道爱上自己老爸是坏事的吧
You know, I was a cashier when I was your age.
你知道吗 我在你这个年纪时也是收银员
Yeah? What do you do now?
是吗 那你现在做什么工作
Cashier.
收银员
But this is just temporary. Temporary.
这份工作只是暂时的 暂时的
No, I have actual dreams. Dreams.
我可是有梦想的 梦想的
No, seriously, man.
不是 我是认真的
I play saxophone. Saxophone.
我吹萨克斯风 萨克斯风
I quit.
我辞职
Attaboy.
真乖
You know, Han,
你知道吗 阿憨
you should get your chef to make flapjacks like this.
你应该让你店里的厨子也搞这种煎饼出来
He does enough flapping and jacking on his own.
他自己就做了够多"搞"与"奸"了
I think this squirrel's asleep.
我觉得松鼠好像睡着了
He's snoring and clutching his nuts.
他一边打呼 一边握着自己蛋蛋
Aww, just like you do.
就跟你睡觉时一样
Han, will you watch the squirrel
阿憨 你能帮忙照看松鼠
so we can just have one minute to ourselves?
让我跟苏菲有一会儿独处时间吗
No, I'm watching the door for Max's...
不行 我在顾着门 等着麦克斯的...
how do I put this nicely?
我该怎么说好听点呢
Monster who left her as a child."
"在她小时候就抛弃她的魔鬼""
He's gonna be here.
他会来的
Why am I so positive?
我为什么这么乐观啊
The only reason I know where my dad is
我唯一知道自己爹在哪里的原因
is 'cause he's in prison.
是因为他在坐牢
Ooh, live one coming in.
有个新鲜的进来啦
This guy looks like he's missed a few soccer games.
这家伙感觉就不是个顾家爱孩子的人
If that jabroni is him, tell him I'm not here.
如果那个废柴是我爸 就说我没来
Max, one of these losers
麦克斯 其中一个废柴
is gonna be your dad.
将会是你老爸
I mean, we're in Rhode Island.
毕竟这里可是罗德岛
I'm gonna get a quick refill.
我去续杯
I got it, hon. I'm in the industry.
没事的 姐妹 咱们是同行
Caroline, I'm starting to think he's not going to show.
卡洛琳 我开始觉得他不会来了
You really screwed the pooch this time.
你这次真是彻底搞砸了
Me?
我吗
Yeah, this is your thing now.
对啊 这事不是你接手了吗
You took the reins, remember?
你不是说从我那里接手过去了吗
You're Trevor Noah,
你就是特雷弗·诺亚
and I'm Jon Stewart.
而我是囧司徒
诺亚是囧司徒《每日秀》节目的继任者
I've got my Emmys.
我已经得了艾美奖
I'm done now.
我光荣退位了
Well, you started this.
是你起的头
And after I finally got her over Randy.
在我好不容易帮助她走出兰迪的事之后
The night terrors just stopped.
她好不容易才不再夜惊[魔王]呢
I was terrified of her at night.
我之前一到晚上可怕她了
You can sleep with a cheap Taser now.
你现在自己晚上带着便宜电击棒睡吧
I already do.
我已经是这样了啊
For the same reason!
也是因为怕她啊
Quiet!
安静
The squirrel is sleeping.
松鼠在睡觉
We just got him down.
我们好不容易把他哄睡
And we'd like to make out.
而且我们想开始亲热了
I spilled a lot of syrup on myself.
我洒了很多糖浆到自己身上
Let's just wake Earl up and get out of here.
咱们就叫醒厄尔然后走人吧
My dad's not coming.
我爸不会来的
Maybe your dad's still on his way.
或许你爸还在路上呢
I heard traffic's building up on all the expressways.
我听说高速公路上在堵车
Kind of an ironic name, wouldn't you say?
其实这还挺讽刺的对吧
Expressway"?
还"高速"公路呢"
More like "Slowway."
应该是"慢速"公路吧
This is Caroline's thing.
这事反正归卡洛琳管了
Let's just go.
走吧
I want to get back before Cinnabon gives
肉桂卷甜品店不留隔夜货 我想赶回去捡免♥费的
away their dayolds.
You know we own a dessert bar, right?
你知道我们现在是甜品店老板吧
Maybe he's still gonna come.
或许他还在来的路上呢
If I know one thing about the man I know nothing about,
我唯一知道这个我不认识的男人的一件事
he is not coming.
就是他不会来
Are you disappointed?
你失望了吗
No.
没有
A little.
有一点吧
But maybe it's for the best he didn't come.
但或许他不来更好吧
This is why I didn't want to meet him,
这就是我不想见他的原因
because whoever comes through that door
因为无论是谁从那门走进来
is just gonna disappoint me.
都只会让我感到失望
And this way, I get to imagine he's someone cool,
他没来 好歹我可以幻想他是个很♥屌的人
like Burt Reynolds
比如布特·雷诺茨
好莱坞老牌性格帅气男星
or Captain Crunch.
或者是脆脆上校
早餐燕麦片盒上的人物
So you're really okay?
所以你真的没事吗
Yeah.
对啊
We had a great day.
我们过了很开心的一天
Road trip, met a cool squirrel.
自驾游 见到一只很酷的松鼠
I don't need another loser in my life.
我的生命里不缺这么一个废柴
I have you guys.
我有你们就够了
Gary!
盖里
Max's father didn't show.
麦克斯的父亲没来
How does that make me feel?
我有什么感觉吗
Terrible!
很糟糕啊
I don't think Han's handling it as well as I am.
我感觉阿憨接受程度没我好啊
Honestly, if it were my thing,
说实话 这事要是归我管
I would want to kill myself right now.
我现在一定会超想自尽谢罪
She's hurt, and she's family to me.
她内心受伤了 她是我的家人
How does that make me feel?
这让我有啥感觉吗
Like I should have gone to an outofnetwork doctor!
我当时不应该找医保能报销的便宜医生
God, I made Han have a meltdown on my day off.
天啊 我在休息日也让阿憨崩溃了呢
You calm down, Gary!
你才冷静 盖里
I won't count to ten.
我才不要数到十
You count to ten, you bastard!
你♥他♥妈自己数到十 你个傻♥逼
Hey, welcome to the, uh...
欢迎光临...
hey, uh, what the hell is this place called, anyway?
这家店叫什么鬼来着
Oh, my God.
天啊
Dad!
老爸
Hold on, Gary.
等等 盖里
A vagrant that could very well be Max's father just walked in.
有个很可能是麦克斯父亲的游民走进来了
Pretend you're my dad, and I'll give you bucks.
假装你是我爸 我就给你块
Throw in a joint, and we have a deal.
再加一只大♥麻烟 咱们就成交
Maybe you are my dad.
或许你真是我爸
Oh, no, I don't have kids.
没有 我才没有孩子
Too much pot.
吸太多大♥麻了
Guys, this is my dad.
各位 这位是我爸
I'm the hot girl's dad.
我是这位辣妹的爸爸
Was anyone else expecting a cop?
有人跟我一样期待她爸是警察吗
I mean, you know, for the irony.
你们懂 显得更讽刺
I'm Caroline.
我叫卡洛琳
See, it's, like, not a bob,
你看 就像我说的 不是短发
but it's not shoulderlength.
但也还没长过肩
I'm responsible for this reunion.
这场父女重聚由我一手策划
Um, he's not really my dad.
其实他不是我爸
I'm doing this for Han.
我就是安慰一下阿憨
All right, everybody.
好啦 各位
Uh, my dad and I have had be Max's father just walked in.
我爸跟我进行了一场感天动地的重聚
and now he has to get to a secret mission.
现在他得去执行秘密任务了
In an exotic locale.
在异国的某处
Sure.
当然啦
But I can't leave the county.
我被规定不能离开这个郡
Sure. Local secret mission.
当然啦 当地秘密任务
Hey, you seem like a nice kid.
你感觉是个好孩子
Your father should be proud.
你的父亲应该以你为荣
Thanks.
谢谢
Sorry about the outburst, Gary.
盖里 抱歉我刚才一时爆发
You know it stems from my mother's expectations.
你也知道这问题起源于我妈对我期望过高
Thanks for doing this, Han.
谢谢你为我做的这些 阿憨
Anyone in the hug business?
有人想来大抱一个吗
I didn't even flinch.
我都没被吓到
We are making progress.
咱们真的有进步啊
You coming, Earl?
你跟来吗 厄尔
Sure am.
当然啦
Don't want to get stuck being a cashier my whole life.
我可不想一辈子都困在收银员这位置上
Oleg, you forgot the damn squirrel.
奥列格 你忘了那只松鼠啦
Come on, little guy.
走吧 小伙子
We don't abandon anybody.
我们不会丢下任何一个人