卡罗琳的新恋情未及开始就结束

All right, we're going from the condemned building where we work
我们要从我们工作的这罪恶楼房
to the condemned building where we live.
去我们居住的那罪恶楼房
Do you have a moment for I'm sorry,
请问您有空... 抱歉
I don't speak English.
我不会说英文
Max, there's a dogooder outside
麦克斯 外面有个善心人士
raising money for charity.
想要筹款做慈善
Probably something like OCD pandas
估计是要为强迫症熊猫
or owls that say "Whom."
或是语法狂魔猫头鹰筹款吧
Another one?
又来啦
I miss the days when you could just walk outside
我好怀念当年走在路上最大的担忧
and your biggest fear was getting stabbed in the neck.
不过就是脖子被人捅一刀的好时光
Okay, no one panic.
好的 大家不用恐慌
Remember, they can't come inside unless they're invited.
记住 除非受邀请 否则禁止入内
Oh, wait. That's vampires and me.
不对 那是限制吸血鬼与色情狂的我
I can't wait around, y'all.
我等不了啊 各位
I'm going on a bar crawl with Lionel Richie
我跟莱昂纳尔·里奇约了去酒吧玩呢
年出名的黑人大牌歌手
and Lionel, he's all about punctuality.
而他这个人 最在意准时了
Otherwise, hello? It's me he'll be looking for.
要是迟到呢 他可就得到处找我啦
Earl, no! Excuse me, sir,
厄尔 别去啊 不好意思 先生
do you have a minute for
能耽误您一分钟...
Rest in peace, Earl.
安息吧 厄尔
Taken seconds before his time.
最后影像是在死前所拍摄
Come on, let's go out through the kitchen.
来 我们从厨房开溜
There's another one out back!
后门还有一个
I threw a garbage can in front of her,
我把一个垃圾桶丢到她面前
but it only made her more cheerful!
结果她反而更欢脱了
Earl, what happened out there? Is she gone?
厄尔 外面情况如何 她走了吗
Don't worry. Everything's okay.
别担心 一切都安然无恙
Unless you are the North American honey bee.
但得了蜂群崩溃综合征的北美蜜蜂就不好了
Oh, no, they got to Earl!
惨了 厄尔也被洗脑了
for only $ a month
每个月只需块的善款...
Everybody run.
大家快跑
Or just walk at a moderately fast pace.
或者稍微加快脚步就行了
No, you see, the American honey bee
别这样 生态崩解的北美蜜蜂
needs a little sympathy
需要你们的同情...
Have a nice day.
祝您好人一生平安
Mmm, cookies and whiskey.
饼干加威士忌
My favorite afterschool snack.
我最爱的放学后点心
Loving that we turned your childhood trauma
真是爱死我们能把你儿时的创伤
into a thriving business.
变成蓬勃发展的生意
Now if we could just cash in on your years in juvie.
就差把你少管所的经历变成生钱工具了
It'll come to me.
我会想到办法的
Ooh, gotta get that.
这必需得接
It's either Randy
不是兰迪打来
iPad"功能or Han clicked "Find my iPad."
就是阿憨用了"寻找我的
Hey, Max. Wanted to call you
麦克斯 我想在
before you opened the dessert bar.
甜品酒吧营业前先打给你
You know, while you're still a little sober.
就是趁你意识还稍微清醒时
Hey, Randy! How was the gym?
兰迪 健身房如何啊
It was back and bi's, right?
今天是练背跟二头肌吧
Well, you should know, you set up my iCal.
你应该知道啊 是你帮我设的手机日历
Hey, Max, did you get my text about tonight?
麦克斯 有收到我发给你关于今晚的短信吗
No, we didn't get it, did we?
没 没收到啊 有吗
Um, I think he just sent it to my phone
他应该只发到了我手机上
since I'm the only one of us dating him.
毕竟咱俩中只有我在跟他交往
Let me look.
我看看
Abs, abs, pecs, penis
腹肌 腹肌 胸肌 鸡鸡
oh, here it is.
找到了
Yeah, I'd be down for a facetoFaceTime movie night.
我乐意跟你视频面对面看电影啊
Ooh, anyone in the mood for something Brendan Frasery?
有人有兴趣看布兰登·弗雷泽的电影吗
曾出演过《木乃伊》系列 《森林泰山》《地心历险记D》
Not even Brendan Fraser's parents.
连他爸妈都不会想看
Well, I'm not watching anything unless someone
我才不要看任何预告片中
gets kicked in the nuts in the trailer.
没有人蛋蛋被踢的片
It can be a woman, I'm open.
女人被踢也行的 我很开明
Well, I'm not.
我不开明
You know what? I have an idea.
这样吧 我有个主意
How about I set you up with someone?
我给你介绍个男人怎么样
I think I have the perfect guy for you.
我认识一个很适合你的完美男人
A gay guy who doesn't mind loud chewing?
不介意女友嚼东西声响大的基佬吗
Um, I'm sorry my teeth aren't as soft as yours.
不好意思啊 我的牙不像你的那么软
Tyler's an upandcoming associate at our New York office.
泰勒是我们纽约办公室合伙人中的新星
And I'm pretty sure he's my Secret Santa.
我也挺确定他是我的秘密圣诞老人
一群人中互相抽签决定谁送谁礼物\N收礼人并不知道送礼人是谁
Don't pity set me up.
别给我牵同情红线
I like to think I'm above that.
我想我不至于沦落到这地步
But I'm not! I'm in.
但我就是 这男人我要了
Hey, girls.
姑娘们
Raise your hand if you're super depressed today.
如果你今天超级不开心就举手
Don't engage.
别自投罗网
Just ignore him
无视他就行了
like he ignores the word "No."
就像他无视"不要"这个词那样
Did someone just say, "Yes"?
刚才有人说"要"了吗
Randy, I have to call you back.
兰迪 我之后再打给你
There's a sexual predator that needs my attention.
这里有个性侵犯需要我的关怀
Hey, Oleg.
你好啊 奥列格
What's up, RDog?
你好啊 兰哥
Can I talk to you mantoman about a pretty serious
我能跟你男人与男人间谈谈挺严重的...
Bye, guys!
大家再见
What? What?
怎么了 怎么了
Sophie wants me to get rid of my beloved Toyota Yaris.
苏菲想要把我亲爱的丰田小车弄走
That car is a part of me.
那台车是我生命的一部分
It is the yin to my wang.
我是鸡儿它是巴
What if we just cement the door to the diner closed?
我们把酒吧通餐厅的门用水泥封死如何
Oleg, Han is looking for you, man.
奥列格 阿憨在找你
And he's really mad because...
他现在超级火大 因为...
well, that's when I stopped listening.
他说到这里我就没仔细听了
Sorry, Earl, what'd you say?
厄尔 你刚说什么了
I stopped listening after you said "Han."
你一说到"阿憨"我就放空了
We would need a very strong cement.
我们需要很强大的水泥啊
Like, brick with cement over it.
用砖再用水泥覆盖
Oleg, did you really think you could pass this off as you?
奥列格 你真的觉得你能拿这玩意冒充自己吗
You don't wear glasses.
你都不戴眼镜
I thought there was something different about you.
我就觉得你看起来有哪里不一样呢
I've never seen people work so hard at not working.
我这辈子从没见过有人这么努力偷懒
Hey, everybody!
大家安安
Take a look at my sweet ride.
看看我的新座驾
It's a minivan.
是面包车呢
I've been test driving this bad boy
我载着这个小野马
with this other bad boy all day.
试驾这台小野马一整天了
For six hours.
六小时了
We went through every Wendy's drivethru in Queens.
我们去了皇后区每家温蒂快餐店的汽车取餐口
I wrote "Help me" on a napkin.
我在纸巾上写了"救我"
But nobody did.
但没人来救我
I wanted to see if all seven of the cup holders worked.
我想看看车上七个杯座是不是都好用嘛
And now we can drink Diet Coke as a family.
现在我们可以一家人一起饮用健怡可乐了
You want me to give up my sexy Yaris for a minivan?
你想让我卖了我的性感丰田小车来换面包车吗
Why don't I just drive around in a uterus with wheels?
那我何不干脆开一台加了轮子的子♥宫呢
I'm not asking you to buy a Prius.
我又没叫你去买普锐斯
很多人觉得混合动力的丰田普锐斯\N是基佬 娘娘腔才爱开的车款
Oleg, all we have to do now is sell the Yaris.
奥列格 我们现在把你丰田小车卖了就行了
Are you allowed to sell evidence?
犯罪证据可以随便卖吗
Okay, Jose, you can show me how it corners
好了 何塞 我们开回科尼岛的路上
从布鲁克林开过去约多公里
on the way back to Coney Island.
你可以演示一下它的转弯性能
Then can I please go home?
然后我就能回家了吗
This guy's hilarious.
这人太搞笑了
He's been saying that all day.
这句话他说一整天了
Tyler, hi. I'm so sorry we're late.
泰勒 你好 抱歉我们迟到了
Someone jumped in front of our subway car.
有人跳到我们地铁列车前挡路
I keep telling you to stop doing that.
我跟你说过多少次别那样了
There was a coupon for a free falafel on the track.
铁轨上有中东蔬菜球的免♥费券嘛
You must be Max.
你一定是麦克斯
Guilty as charged.
正是本罪人
But never convicted.
虽然从未被判刑
And you must be Caroline.
那你一定就是卡洛琳
Wow, you are even prettier than your Facebook pictures
你本人比你脸书上的照片还美
I definitely wasn't trolling through.
我绝对没有去挖坟
I do what I can with a shadeless lamp
我尽力用唯一有的无影灯
and an iPhone .
与iPhone 拍出最好照片了
You're waiting for one more?
还有一位没到吗
Uh, nope. My boyfriend's in my purse.
都到齐了 我男朋友在我包里
Well, my boyfriend's a poster of Tom Hardy,
我的男朋友是一张性格男星的海报
but this is sadder.
但你这个比我还可悲
Hey, Randy.
兰迪
You look nice tonight.
你今晚看起来挺帅啊
It's the "Hefe" filter.
我用了暖色滤镜
Are these prices? 'Cause they're all two numbers.
这些数字是价钱吗 怎么都是两位数字的啊
Don't worry, it's on me.
别担心 这顿我请客
Can we have a kids menu?
有儿童菜单吗
My girl may want noodles and butter.
我的姑娘可能会想点黄油炒面
Oh, does this guy know me or what?
这家伙真是太了解我了
I think you'll really enjoy the lobster quesadilla.
我觉得你会喜欢龙虾油炸玉米粉饼
Oh, I love tapas.
我可喜欢西班牙餐前小吃了
Well, have you ever been to Barcelona?
你去过西班牙巴塞罗那吗
On the way to Ibiza!
去地中海伊比沙岛有经过
Yeesh.
恶心
Remind me to never go to France.
提醒我永远别去法国
Hey, you mind if I put a puppy face on you
你介意我在这场约会进行过程中
while we do this?
往你脸上加个狗脸特效吗
You haven't yet? I assumed I had a snout.
你还没加吗 我本以为我脸上有个猪鼻呢
All right, let me see what I'm gonna have for dinner.
我看看今晚吃什么
Either Cookie Crisp or Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
饼干脆早餐片 或肉桂吐司早餐麦片
You have both? I love dating a rich guy.
你两种都有吗 我爱死跟大款约会了
Hey, Caroline.
卡洛琳
You know Tyler spends his weekends at the soup kitchen?
你知道泰勒周末都去慈善粥棚帮忙吗
That is so sweet.
你心地真善良
So do we.
我们也每周都去
Best hot dog beans in the city.
全市最好的热狗煮豆
We're holding hands.
来牵个手吧
Yeah, I'll just have a roll instead.
拉倒吧 我还是吃东西吧
My boyfriend is dying!
我的男朋友要死啦
Hi, um, he's at 3%.
你好 他生命力就剩3%了
Can I, uh, plug my date in anywhere?
我能把我男人插到哪里去补个生命力吗
There's an outlet on the wall right there.
那墙边有个插座
Huh. Heck yeah.
很好
Scusi.
不好意思
Hello.
你们好
Mind if I put my wine here while I charge my man?
不介意我给我男人充电时 把酒放这里吧
You guys are so much cooler than the last couple
你们比我们前一对
we were on a double date with.
四人约会的情侣酷多了
Speaking of which, looks like our third wheel
说到这个 貌似我们的电灯泡
found a guy to make out with.
找到亲热对象啦
Wow, people can be so inappropriate.
这年头的人可真是无下限啊
You guys didn't tell me there was fennel in these!
你们没告诉我这里面有茴香啊
I say we just call it a night.
要不我们今晚到此为止吧
Yeah. Ugh. This was a swing and a miss.
对啊 挥棒落空 毛都没捞着
Um, you know you're smiling.
你知道你在笑吗
This is about the time of day you start weeping
通常这时间应该是你开始在屋顶
and saying "Why me?" at the ceiling.
哭泣然后喊着"上天不公"啊
I am smiling, Max.
麦克斯 我的确是在笑啊
Kissing Tyler last night awoke something in my loins.
昨晚跟泰勒接吻 唤醒了我胯下的某物
Loins? That was out of loin.
胯下 你这话题"跨"过界限了
And now I need to be aloin.
现在我想"挎"着脸 自己静静
So do I. Tonight, I'm making Tyler
我也想 今晚我要给泰勒
a romantic dinner in our apartment.
在我们家做一顿浪漫晚餐
Also, do we have a second plate?
另外 我们家里有第二个盘子吗
Yes, I keep it in our limousine, Your Majesty.
有的 我收在我们的加长轿车里 女王陛下
And I'll tell you what I tell you any time
每次有男人对你笑
a guy smiles at you and you start planning your wedding.
你就开始准备婚礼时 我都对你说了这句话
I'll have the chicken and the fish.
婚礼我要吃鸡肉加鱼肉
You've made your order clear.
您的点单我记好了
But this isn't about that. This is about Stella
重点不是那个 重点是让斯黛拉
又称《当老牛碰上嫩草》 年浪漫喜剧\N讲中年女人碰到小鲜肉的爱情故事
getting her groove back.
重振雄风 再战情场
Maybe it should be about updating your references.
或许重点应该是你的哏该跟上时代了
Stella's now.
斯黛拉现在都要岁了吧
All she wants back is her mobility.
她唯一想要重振的是她的腿脚
Max, I haven't had sex in...
麦克斯 我没做♥爱的日子已经有...
You don't have to whisper, girl.
妹子 你不需要小声说
We all know it's coming up on two years.
我们都知道快要两年了
That you hear?
这时候你耳朵就好使了吗
I yelled "Help" into your face for an hour yesterday.
我昨天冲着你喊"救命"喊了足足一小时呢
Say what?
你说啥
Max, I don't want a relationship.
麦克斯 我不想要谈恋爱
I just wanna break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar.
我只是想给自己也掰一根奇巧"棒"
奇巧巧克力在年代末的广告语
You know, sexually.
我是指 床事那方面
Don't drag Kit Kats into this.
别把奇巧牵扯进这事里
Who got Kit Kat?
谁有奇巧
I hope Tyler knows "I'm making you dinner"
我希望泰勒懂"我给你做晚餐"
is code for "I'm DTML."
是"我愿跟爱"的意思
Down to make love.
我愿意跟你做♥爱
And I'm down to my last conversation with you
这是"我愿意跟你"聊的最后一段对话
for saying "making love."
因为你说了"做♥爱"两字
But I'm happy for you, girl.
好姐妹 但我还是为你高兴
I'm also happy for Earl, 'cause he had two years
我也为厄尔高兴 因为他困在
in the "Will Caroline Ever Have Sex Again?" pool.
"卡洛琳此生还能再滚床单吗"赌局里两年了
What did you have? I wasn't in the pool.
那你呢 我不在赌局里
Aw, thank you. I just ran it.
谢谢你相信我 我是开赌局的人
And I will say, seeing you and Tyler
我不得不说 看到你跟泰勒
make out in a public place was kind of a
在公共场合亲热 感觉有点...
Turn on? No.
性致盎然 不是
Erotic awakening? No,
唤醒兽♥欲 不是
it had nothing to do with you.
跟你一点关系都没有
It made me realize I haven't actually laid lips on Randy
是让我想到我们决定重新在一起后
since we decided to be in a relationship again.
我还没吻到过兰迪的唇
So tell him to fly here.
叫他飞过来啊
Maybe you can stay at a hotel.
这样或许你可以住酒店
Cause I may need your bed.
因为我可能要征用你的床'
If I put too much pressure on mine,
如果我在床上太使劲
it flips back into the wall.
我的床会弹回墙上
Yeah. I do miss him.
我的确很想他
iPad了And I'm kind of sick of licking my iPad.
我也有点腻味舔我的
Know what I mean?
懂我的意思吧
No. That's how long it's been.
不懂 知道我"寂寞"多久了吧
Hey, everybody!
大家安安
Ah. Baby Barbara loves that.
芭芭拉宝宝可喜欢这么玩啦
Oh, we got good news.
我有好消息要分享
And it's not just 'cause the guy selling the VHS
不光是因为外面买色情录像带的那个男人pornos outside
asked if we were sisters.
问我是不是芭芭拉的姐姐
I have some good news, too.
我也有好消息哟
I'm gonna have sex tonight.
我今晚要爱爱啦
If you know what I mean.
如果你懂我什么意思的话
Oh, no.
不是吧
I lost the pool.
老娘赌输了
Yeah, I said ten years.
我当时下注的是"十年无性"
And that's only 'cause "Never" was already taken.
那还只是因为"永远无性"已经被人抢先下注了
Sophie, I haven't been able to sell the Yaris.
苏菲 我没能卖掉那辆丰田小车
Looks like we're gonna have to keep it forever.
看来我们要永远留着它了
I tried, for only, like an hour.
我试过了 试着叫卖一小时呢
But I tried.
但至少我试过了
Oh, Oleg. Yeah, well, the good news is,
奥列格 没事 好消息是
you don't have to worry about selling it.
你不必担心卖车这件事了
Good, I didn't try.
太好了 我刚骗你的
Ah, 'cause I already sold it!
因为我已经把车卖掉了
What? Oh, no.
什么 不会吧
It's like you've just taken my manhood from me.
这相当于你剥夺掉了我的男性尊严
Okay, I can't hold this in any longer.
好吧 我憋不住了
Who had "Never"?
到底是谁下注"永远无性"
I did.
是我
Hey, Sophie, at least tell me
苏菲 至少告诉我
you sold it to a stud who will carry on my
你把车卖给一个种马 让他来继承我的风流座驾
sexual legacy.
Guess who's the owner of a Yaris?
猜猜谁买了一辆年的丰田小车
Oh, this is tougher to take
这比好朋友的成功
than the success of a close friend.
还难以让人接受
Luckily we have my sexcapades to lift everyone's spirits.
幸好有我的无性赌局来给大家提提神逗逗乐
I'm gonna go stick my Garfield to the back window.
我要把我的加菲猫粘到后车窗那
Oh, that car was magic.
老子的车可是神车
And now, the only tail my Yaris will ever see again
而现在 我的丰田小车唯一能看见的尾巴[阴♥部]
belongs to a lasagnaeating cat!
居然属于一只爱吃意面的肥猫
What did Randy say? Did you tell him
兰迪怎么说 你有没有告诉他
I'm gonna have a horizontal hoedown?
有人马上要耕耘我这块旱地了
He was on your email blast.
他在你群发名单里
He's coming tomorrow night.
他明晚会来
But don't worry, I'll get out of the apartment tonight.
但别担心 我今晚就不在公寓住
I'll find a pickup stick ball game or something.
我会随便找个棍子球游戏参一脚 或干别的
孩子们在街巷内玩的一种类似棒球的游戏
Okay, now who do I give my $ to for the pool?
好了 赌输这块钱该给谁
You know what? I think I'm gonna hold onto it
算了 我还是先别急着给了
till it actually happens.
等真的睡了再说
Ooh, fancy.
不错嘛
You got all the kinds of cheeses.
各种芝士 任君选择
White, yellow, orange.
白色 黄色 橙色的都有
Whatever he doesn't eat is our lunch for the week.
他不吃的就是我们这周的午餐
Well, I'll be back in a few hours.
我几个小时后回来
I'd say break a leg, but you're so out of practice,
我本来想祝你好运[断条腿] 但你太疏于练习
you just might.
没准还真会搞断腿
Thanks, Max. I really need this.
多谢 麦克斯 我真的很饥渴了
I'll try to text you when it's over.
结束后我会发消息给你
I'll know when it's over, right?
结束的时候 我会知道的 对吧
Yeah, he'll leave immediately.
当然 男人打完就跑啊
I believe that's my FedSex delivery.
我的联"棒"快递来了
Godspeed.
祝成功
And thank you for your service.
谢谢你的服务
That's enough small talk.
别寒暄了 来吧
Unbelievable!
太过分了
Randy just canceled!
兰迪不来了
He can't leave L.A. 'cause of "Work stuff."
他因为"工作的事"走不开
And now my phone died, so I can't Google ways to kill him.
我手机又没电 害我不能上网搜索如何杀男友
I'll have to do it from memory.
我只能凭着记忆里的杀人手法宰了他
Ugh, I need to charge this.
我得充下电
Oh, that is so rude of me.
我真是太失礼了
Do you guys need this outlet?
这个插座你们用吗
Olive? I'm allergic.
吃橄榄吗 我过敏
It's gone.
那不吃了
So, what's the main course?
主菜是什么呀
Me: the other white meat.
我 另一种白肉
That sounds great, but maybe some crackers first.
听起来不错 但或许该先吃点咸脆饼[白人]
Your text did say, "Come hungry."
你在短信上写明"饿着来哦"
And thirsty!
还有要口渴[饥渴]哦
Well, I'm always thirsty, 'cause I'm an alcoholic.
我向来容易口渴 因为我是酒鬼
酒精的挥发会加速身体水分流失 造成人容易口渴
That's so funny.
真好笑
I don't even care if you're not kidding.
我甚至不在乎你是不是在开玩笑
I'm just mad you're not coming.
我只是生气你不来看我
I'm not yelling!
我没有大声嚷
I am angrily whispering
我只是愤怒地低语
because my phone still isn't charged,
因为我的手机还是没电
and Caroline's in the other room
而卡洛琳在另一间房
trying to remember how to have sex.
努力回想该怎么做♥爱
She's kidding.
她说笑的啦
Nothing's changed, right?
就还是那一套 对吧
I think there's more choking now, but it's not my thing.
我想可能现在更多玩窒息 但我不玩这种
All right, my phone's at 23%.
好了 我的手机电量还有23%
I'm gonna go steal a car and finish charging it.
我要去偷辆车 继续充电了
Okay, see you in the morning, not before, bye.
好 早上之前不要见 快走不送
It's Randy. I'm not getting it.
是兰迪 我做不到接他电话
Hm, you and me both, sister.
咱俩一样 臣妾"做"不到啊
Okay, that should do it.
好 这样应该可以了
Goodbye, Randy.
再见 兰迪
It's Randy.
兰迪打给我了
Don't you dare get it.
你敢接试试
Max, please don't threaten my date.
麦克斯 拜托不要威胁我的约会对象
He's not a kid with a McFlurry.
他不是拿着麦旋风的小孩好吗
I kinda have to get this. He's sort of my boss.
我好像必须得接 他算是我的老板
And he doesn't know it yet, but he's my Secret Santa.
而且他还不知道 可他是我的圣诞送礼对象
I'm warning you, she's not having sex with you
我警告你 你要接了这个电话
if you answer that.
就别想跟她上床了
Uh, hello!
喂
Who are you trying to punish here?
你到底想惩罚谁啊
All right. The phone stopped ringing.
行了 电话也不响了
Everybody calm down.
大家都冷静
You did not vacuum your bed for nothing.
吸尘器没白用 你的床能派上用场
I mean, you can't be too mad at Randy,
你不能对兰迪发这么大火
given the situation between you two.
你也不想想你俩现在啥情况
What situation?
我俩现在啥情况
Oh, no. Is there a bathroom here?
糟糕 这里有厕所吗
This whole place is a bathroom. Start talking.
整个房子就是个厕所 少废话快说
You know, you choosing your business
你宁愿选择你的事业
over seeing where things could go with you two.
也不愿给你们的感情一个机会
Kinda.
算是吧
Am I still talking?
我还在说话吗
Max, please don't hit him in his sex parts,
麦克斯 拜托不要打他的性器官
which, if I remember correctly, is in his winkle.
如果我没记错的话 应该是他的小鸡鸡
Continue, Tyler.
继续说 泰勒
I'm just saying, what do you expect
我只是说 你对远距离恋爱
from a longdistance relationship?
还能有什么期待
If he's not moving here and you're not moving
如果他不搬来你这里 而你又不搬去他那里
there,
what's the point?
那还有什么意义
The point is that anything can happen.
意义就是 一切皆有可能
And maybe Randy will move here. And even if he doesn't,
或许兰迪会搬来我这里 就算他不来
we're gonna have jetpacks in, like, a year.
喷气飞行器马上面世了 再一年吧
Everybody knows that.
地球人都知道啊
It's Randy. I'm not getting it.
是兰迪 我做不到接他电话
Or anything else tonight.
今晚我啥都"做"不到
Gimme that phone. Max, no!
电话给我 麦克斯 不要
I wanna remember what it's like to be touched on the boob.
我想重温胸部被摸是什么感觉
And not by a guy at LensCrafters
而不是被眼镜店的男人揩油
who didn't even work there.
那人还不是员工 白被摸了
Hello, Randy.
你好呀 兰迪
It's the person that, uh, chose her business
我就是那个宁愿选择她的事业
over seeing where things what was that, Tyler?
也不愿给我们的感情...怎么说来着 泰勒
This is exactly how my parents got divorced.
我的父母就是这么离♥婚的
He wants to talk to you.
他想跟你说句话
Hey, buddy.
"好"兄弟
Hey, Randy, can't hear you.
兰迪 我听不清
I'm going through a tunnel.
我过隧道呢
I wish.
我的"隧道"欢迎你
Are you ever gonna move to New York?
你将来会搬到纽约吗
Are you ever gonna move to L.A.?
你将来会搬到洛杉矶吗
I asked you first.
我先问你的
Max, do you really wanna do this now?
麦克斯 你真的要现在闹这个吗
Yeah, now's not great for me.
对啊 现在对我来说不是好时机
Yeah, I do. If I'm not moving there,
我就要 如果我不搬去你那里
and you're not moving here, what's the point?
你又不搬来我这里 那还有什么意义
So, I guess this is it.
那...就这样吧
I want a boyfriend I'm not afraid of
我想要一个男朋友 不用害怕
dropping in the toilet.
会掉进马桶的那种
Yeah.
就这样吧
So this is goodbye.
所以要分手说再见了
I guess so. Goodbye.
我想是的 再见
Why?
上天不仁
Why me?
老天不公
Should I go? No, I will.
用我走吗 不用 我走
Max, you and Randy just broke up.
麦克斯 你和兰迪刚分手
You can't go.
你不能走
Unless you really, really want to.
除非你真的真的很想走
I need to be alone.
我想一个人待着
Maybe I'll go to a taping of Carson Daly.
或许我会去看卡森·达利录节目
Maybe we should have done this at my place.
或许我们该约在我家
I live with my ex, but she's a lesbian.
我跟我的前任住在一起 但她是个拉拉
Not because of anything I did.
她变拉拉绝不是因为我做了什么
I'm still talking!
我就是管不住自己的嘴
Let's let our bodies do it for us.
让我们用肢体语言沟通吧
See, she loves it.
瞧 她可喜欢啦
Ah, can you believe that Oleg still won't buy the minivan?
你能相信奥列格至今不愿意买那辆面包车吗
Sophie, I'm telling you.
苏菲 我都说了
A van with windows? What's the point?
有窗户的面包车 脱裤子放屁嘛
Never had such a hard time closing the deal.
从来没试过出货出得这么艰辛
Yeah, me neither.
是啊 我的"货"也出不去
Wow, you put out your lunch cheese.
哇 午餐芝士都舍得摆出来
I like this guy for you, Caroline.
这男的适合你 卡洛琳
You should have sex with him.
你们真应该来一发
Don't love his outfit,
不喜欢他的外套
but he's only gonna be wearing the belt, right?
但他等下身上就剩皮带了 对吧
Did you tell him how long it's been?
你有告诉他你多久没做♥爱了吗
I got five bucks riding on this.
我对你这事可是下注了块钱呢
Max, you're really upset about Randy.
麦克斯 兰迪真的让你很难过啊
Usually you highfive me when we pass
每次我们经过"只准后入[式]"标识
a "Rear Entry Only" Sign.
你都跟我击掌
After last night, I'm too upset
经过昨晚后 我太难过了
for sophisticated humor.
没心情欣赏有高深歧义的幽默
I feel like it's my fault.
感觉好像是我的错
If you hadn't set me up, none of this would've happened.
如果你们不帮我牵红线 这事就不会发生
It's not your fault, it's your date
不是你的错 是你的约会对象
I wanna say his name is Triscuit.
他的名字是 跟某饼干牌子一样吗
It was Tyler.
人家叫泰勒
Well, I'm sorry you didn't get in the bone zone with him.
抱歉你没有跟他滚成床单
It's okay. He was a talker.
没事 他话太多了
And if I'm saying that...
连我这个话唠都这么说...
And I'm surprised you're taking this so hard.
我很惊讶你这次居然这么难过
You and Randy are more on and off
你和兰迪的分分合合
than a jacket in early fall.
比早秋的天气还多变
I must be feeling a little better.
我现在肯定好点了
Heavy Load."
"重负载[一大泡屎]""
Hey, girls.
姑娘们
Guess who just hit a guy in her brand new minivan?
猜猜谁刚开着她的全新面包车撞了人
This thing is so smooth, we barely even felt it.
这玩意开起来太平稳了 撞了人都没啥感觉
Oleg, I thought you said you'd only get a minivan
奥列格 我还以为你说自己决不会买面包车
over your dead body.
除非等你死了
And no offense, but we all kind of got excited.
无意冒犯 但我们都对此挺兴奋的
Jose failed to mention that you could fit
何塞之前没有说后座可以放进
a fullsize mattress back there.
一块全尺寸的床垫
Not a great salesman.
这个销售员不称职啊
Let's park this thing so I can show you the inside.
把车停下 我给你们展示一下内部
What the hell, man?
搞什么啊 兄弟
We have lit candles in here.
我们这里面有点蜡烛呢
Han's with a girl?
阿憨居然跟一个妹子在一起
Oh, ho, that is one magic car.
老子的车果然是神车
You know what that means.
你知道那意味着什么吗
Even Han got sex before Caroline.
就连阿憨都比卡洛琳早"开张"
Who had years for Han in the pool?
谁下注说阿憨"年无性"的
Uh, I did.
是我
He heard that?
这他又能听见了吗
Hey, Han, can Caroline borrow that Yaris
阿憨 卡洛琳改天能借一下你的丰田小车吗
sometime?
Real soon?
改天就是马上