工作狂（2011）

Workaholics S06E10

Part 1 June 29, 2021, 9:02 a.m.

电影之夜我喜欢
Movie night, baby. I love it.
你坐的那是什么啊不错
Yeah, what are you sitting in? I'm not mad at it.
当然不错了 - 嗯哼
You can't be mad at this. - No.
现在更重要的问题是
The real question here
你有多喜欢这个啤酒杯
is how not mad are you at this beer mug?
太喜欢了这玩意儿太有意思了
Oh, very unmad. It's a lot of fun.
多谢夸奖 - 好了
Thank you. - Okay.
咱们开撸吧
Let's kick things off here with a foot job comp.
行啊 - 好吧来吧
All right. - Okay. Let's do it.
嗯
Hmm.
话说这片儿不是我的菜啊
You know, not my porno.
要不我们看右下角那个就那个
Why don't we go bottom right, right there?
感觉那个臀在向我抛媚眼啊
That butt-that butt's just winking at me.
嗯不行
Mmm, nope.
不是我的菜 - 她长得还不错
Not my porno. - She's cute.
有点像Amy Schumer
A little Amy Schumer looking.
他太猴急了也不是我的菜
No. He's rushing. Not my porno.
哥们儿别急啊
Pace yourself, bud.
老天 - 对啊
Geez. - You know?
嘿你们好
Hey! How are you?
你们好呀
Howdy.
他们应该看不透这张布吧
Can't see through the sheet, can they?
不他们应该能看透
No. I wouldn't think so. No.
我说我们这是干啥呢
I mean what are we doing?
现在的黄♥片♥都怎么了? - 我也在想这个
What happened to porno? - That's what I was thinking.
感觉现在都是千"片"一律的
I feel like it's lost all of its nuance.
没错现在的片儿都
That's right. Now, it's just...
都好像是在用钻头不停地钻充气娃娃一样
It's like a jackhammer just plugging away at a Realdoll,
我还真看过那样的片儿呢
which I've actually seen that video before,
跟这个比我还更喜欢娃娃那个 - 嗯
and I liked it more than this. - Yeah.
我还是更喜欢有演技的艳星
I'm sorry, I like my porn stars with acting chops.
没错艳星还应该有双会说话的眼睛
Yes, they should also have very expressive eyes
在那个啥的时候 - 说实话我挺怀念Dan Yella的
while they're kind of... - Honestly, I miss Dan Yella.
那才叫真正的成人片明星啊 - 没错
I mean what a porn star. - Yeah, absolutely.
出演过我敢说是史上
Dare I say starred in the greatest porno
最伟大的色情片
of all time,
<蛋蛋教授>
"The Nutting Professor."
原来你喜欢和你一样的
Oh, you're dating yourself.
对我是的
I am. I am a little bit.
Dan Yella 他的表演多么精彩啊
And Dan Yella, what a performance.
一人分饰七角开玩笑吗
Are you kidding me? Seven different roles.
还记得那个穿着增肥装的阿姨吗
Remember the aunt in the fat suit?
"哦快用力
"Oh, jerk it, please!
快用力" - 对就是那个
Jerk it, please!" - Yes. Thank you.
哦还有那个绕桌狂滚
Oh, the roll around the dinner table.
那身材简直了
And what a body.
我一点都不介意那么多毛
I didn't mind all the pubes.
弄得哪儿都是但是我一点都不在乎
I mean they were everywhere. I didn't care.
男人里我只愿意看他做♥爱♥
I mean there's literally no other man I'd rather watch do sex
嗯
Yeah.
要不这样
You know what?
敬Dan Yella先生我们的黄♥片♥老爹
To Mr. Dan Yella, our porno daddy.
敬Dan Yella - 敬他
To Dan Yella. - Mr. Dan Yella.
我翻遍了网络
Well, after scouring the Internet,
也没找到<蛋蛋教授>
I couldn't find "The Nutting Professor,"
我找了Brazzers
and I checked Brazzers,
Bangbros Mofos Rancho PornHub,
Bangbros, Mofos, Rancho , PornHub,
还有YouPorn - 我知道
and YouPorn. - I know.
我找了PornTube Fapdu Youjizz Jizzpros
And I tried PornTube, Fapdu, Youjizz, Jizzpros.
还找了Sublime Directory
I even tried Sublime Directory.
你刚是说"Sublime Directory"吗
Did you just say "Sublime Directory"?
对我找了 - 找到了噢耶
Uh, yes, I did. - Found it! Yup.
不在xHamster 8th St. Latinas上
And it wasn't on xHamster, 8th St. Latinas,
Captain Stabbin还有Mike in Brazil上也没有
Captain Stabbin, or Mike in Brazil.
我爱Mike in Brazil
I love Mike in Brazil,
因为他之前是在公♥寓♥里后来又去了巴西
'cause he was in an apartment, and then he went to Brazil.
用这种方式了解巴西
This is a cool way to see Brazil.
认识世界真炫酷
See the world, really.
猜我最后在哪找到的 - 哪儿
Guess where I did find it, though. - Where?
易趣没想到吧
EBay. Yeah.
两卷录影带
Two VHS copies,
现在我出价最高
and I'm currently the highest bidder.
太棒了
That is awesome.
哥们儿过来看这个
Yeah. Get on over here, dude.
我刚卷入一场竞价之战
Check it out. So I've just been in this bidding war
对手是NULEAF先生现在还有
with "MR.NULEAF," And there's, well,
还有30秒
there's 30 seconds left, so...
我刚想到一件有趣的事 - 什么
I just thought of something cool. - What?
要不我们立个约定吧
What if we make a pact to,
在拿到这部片子之前我们都不能自♥慰♥
like, not crank down until we get the movie?
好吧听起来像个
Yeah, okay. That sounds like a good...
坏主意一点都不有趣好吗
Bad idea. That's, like, not cool, right?
Anders 你这话我就不同意了
You know, I... and that's where I disagree with you, Anders.
我觉得这么做很有必要
I think it's necessary
因为我们要表示对Dan Yella的敬意对吧
because we must show respect for Dan Yella, right?
我不太清楚
I don't know. I don't know.
你有点奇怪啊 - 我有什么奇怪的
You're acting a little weird. - I'm not being weird.
还剩5秒 - 4
Five seconds. Five seconds. - Four
3,2 快点啊
Three, two. Hit it. Hit it.
点早了 - 你要
That was too early. - You gotta...
我赢了噢耶我们赢了我们赢了
I won! Yeah! We won! We won!
恭喜恭喜这可是个好东西
Congratulations. Good stuff, babe.
所以我们都不能自♥慰♥? - 对
So we won't crank down? - Yeah.
不自♥慰♥ - 好吧
No cranking down. - Okay.
就这么定了不错
That's official. That's fine.
我们不能自♥慰♥ 我都不知道该做什么了
I don't even know what to do since we can't jerk off.
要不吃点面包吧
I guess have some toast.
老兄
Man.
你们注意到DiDi屁♥股♥超美了吗
You guys ever notice DiDi got a real booty on her?
我从来没发现
I've never noticed that.
不是那个包裹快到了
No, I was waiting for that notification on my phone
我等快递短♥信♥呢
about the package getting home.
我们到家之后我要第一个看
When we get home, I call dibs on watching it first.
不不不不不让我第一个看
No, no, no, no, no. Let me get it.
Ders 你怎么了
Ders, what's going on?
出什么事了吗
Is something wrong?
好吧我说
Okay. I...
那天是2001年5月29号♥
It was May 29, 2001.
我正在和爸妈一起度假
I was on vaycay with my parents,
我们都待在一个房♥间
and we were staying in the same room,
所以我没法自♥慰♥
so I couldn't stroke my dog.
我想尽办法了
Believe me, I tried.
有一天我爸妈去骑马了
One day, they went horseback riding
留我一个人在房♥里看VH1的<明星音乐故事>
and dropped me off at a taping of VH1's "Storytellers."
你能快点把故事讲完么我都快无聊死了
Can you tell the story faster? 'Cause it's super boring.
不不不就这种速度
No, no, no. Keep this pace.
嗯嗯这刚好是我要的节奏
Mm-mmm. That's my tempo.
那天的嘉宾是Natalie Imbruglia
Anyway, the artist was Natalie Imbruglia,
她当时在唱
and she was singing her song, "Torn."
然后你就射在你童裤里了是吧
And then you ejacked in your little boy pants.
没有你想啥呢好吧我是射了
No. What are you... okay. Yes, I did.
但我射了很多
But it was a whole bunch.
我晕过去了还去看了医生
I fainted, and I had to go to the doctor.
所以从那之后我每天都得自♥慰♥
So I've jacked off every day since,
但我已经三天没做了所以我得第一个看
and it's been three days, so I think I need first dibs, okay?
那好吧 - 好吧
Okay. - Great.
那行你看就你看呗
Yeah. That's fine.
我也没那么想看 - 嗯
I care so little. - Yeah.
所以你可以不用跟我们讲这件事的
So you didn't even need to tell that stupid story.
他说得对那故事挺失败的
He's right. That story really fizzled.